Posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2020, at 23:23:34
In reply to Re: beware of spies, posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2020, at 23:02:49
sometimes i worry about 'spies'. because i see the... cognitions... shall we say... i see the 'cognitions' of the people who are supposedly the upstanding and honest ones with power. the ones who are responsible for making sensible decisions. about medical admissions and the like. the ones who are sensible to see that the calculus question picture completions of the australian test arent' really fair when you don' tmake it common knowledge that there will be vector sum questions in the picture completion section and that people should study up on tha tcontent if they want to do well int eh picture completion section....
and so the australian examination (it's hard to know what the aussies want you to say about ethics when you hear what their leader has to say about involutnary detention and global warming and coal and so on...) is replaced by the english one. and apparently the ethics section is better now... because ethics is something that we value...
we aren't screening OUT people with a moral sense... we aren't ONLY ALLOWING IN those who go 'mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm crispy fried tree elf is sooooooooooooooooo morally greyyyyyyyyyy 2+2=5 and I sooooooooooo want to heeeeeeeeeeeeelp people other than myself'...
i'm supposed to believe that there's genuine. good. kind. smart. people making good decisions for the right reasons.
only there's something a bit... stiff? conservative? it's hard to say quite what...
such that if they spied on me they would disapprove.
and i think: what is it that they value?
are they checking to see that prospective medical students are into snuff videos? is that what they want to see? lots of gang rape porn? a little 'how to sell methamphetamine' on the side? 'how to cheat examinations' reading material... what do they want to see? what are they spying for?
we get messages that they actively and actually value things like that. they want to see people being 'morally ambiguous' (otherwise the person is 'undesirably political' or 'undesirably opinionated' or whatever).
what do we believe?
what do we believe?what do they want to see?
oh pick me! pick me! pick me!
every indication that i can see says they will only pick me if i agree to bribe and to turn a blind eye to beheadings. if i agree to write, with the whole class, how we all were required to participate in unauthorised cervical examinations on women who had not consented. all of these things are what they require of me. for them to pick me and pass me and for me to be a medical doctor in new zealand.
and so...
if i am right... then i can't be a medical doctor in new zealand because we don't have any such thing. we have torturers and rapists and so on. i don't see medical doctors in that situation -- do you? i don't.
on the other hand... if i'm wrong... then many or most or all aspects of the above are some elaborate screening programme or whatever to identify the 'morally ambiguous' (mmmm crispy fried tree elf genocide smells like morally grey to me) so they can be tagged and id's as such. so that... well... we can insure. ensure. make sure. that these people are not allowed any where near good people. any where near good hospitals. acredited ones. etc. maybe it's just an elaborate hoax or set up to see how morally depraved they are / how widespread it is.
and now...
suppose it's murderers and rapists all the way up... there's nothing for me to be gained by my engaging in their kinds of activity or violations. because i don't find that kind of expression of power to be intrinsically rewarding or motivating. and i don't find the approval of people who engage in or enjoy those kinds of things to be something that i value. i simply have a moral sense, in other words. i care more about myself... self respect. than their opinion if that is what they are and how they choose to be.
well... call me autistic. or whatever...
but i don't care what murderers and rapists and the like think of me. i just don't. i have no desire to earn or achieve their approval. i don't care how many names or titles or whatever they have. how mjuch money. don't care.
so...
what is the intent of the people spying on me?
if they see my posts on babble, let's say...
what do they say about me?
they say i'm a genuinely, reliably, persistently, good person in manhy respects that matter really rather a lot. that i have a good sight on equity indeed. that i have self esteem adn self identity to hte point where i'm not easily swayed into committiting atrocities. i don't succumb to bullying.
that means i'm actually pretty trustworthy. i don' tneed to be in an environment where i'm on camera 24/7. i can be trusted off camera. i do right because I'm watching me. i do right because i'm accountable to me. i have higher standards for me than most other people do in the world right now. anyone with any value that i value would see those kinds of things in me.
if people choose to matyr me... that's their decision. i have not made myself into a matyr. i have not asked to be nailed to a cross. ihave not asked to be excluded. i have not asked for my work to be systematically passed over. i have not asked for any of the abuses i have suffered.
i have harmed others through ignorance. i am surely not blameless. i have particularly hurt good and decent people who genuinely cared for me. some of my early relationships. i did not see how much i was hurting them at the time. because of my hurt. it blinded me. but i see the hurt now. and i don't hurt people like that anymore. i don't do relationships any more. problem solved.
unless people just keep on keeping on trying ot force me... to go beyond or above or over things that i need. i say what i need. i kno wwhat i need. people need to listen to me.
i took things through appropriate channels. and NONE of the people at any point did any of the things they were supposed to do.
nothing.
nada.
zip. zilch. zero.
cry cry cry for medical supplied new zealand. countries won't give us the ingredients to make hand sanitiser soon... not like we used it anyway...
ffs.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1112958
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20200808/msgs/1113108.html