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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 43 to 67 of 95. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2013, at 14:32:23
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on August 11, 2013, at 10:08:56
To keep it psychological, I think I have at last convinced my therapist that "I'm glad it's you, not me" is not as therapeutic as he thinks - despite the validation in his pitying looks.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 11, 2013, at 18:50:04
In reply to Re: stuff going on, posted by Dinah on August 11, 2013, at 14:32:23
> To keep it psychological, I think I have at last convinced my therapist that "I'm glad it's you, not me" is not as therapeutic as he thinks - despite the validation in his pitying looks.
I'm sorry, but that deserves a "snort".
I know what it is like to see a train coming the tracks for years, and to be helpless as to the outcome or how it could be better. Do you feel you have looked into every avenue? Bearing in mind her abode might end up demolished, no matter what happens?
Hugs to you, Dinah.
PC
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 23:35:41
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on August 11, 2013, at 10:08:56
> It's sandwich generation problems that I've been dreading for many years, and coming to a head this month. I could use support, prayers, positive energy, whatever is offered. I feel responsibility without really having any power. And I haven't nearly enough will to deal with the situation.
Try not to feel responsible for things you don't have any power over. Hoping you learn ways to cope and find the energy to persevere,
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on August 12, 2013, at 0:53:04
In reply to Re: blocked for week » HomelyCygnet, posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 0:50:43
> > I've only been here since August 5 2013.
>
> Please don't post information that you know to be false.
>
> More information about posting policies is in the FAQ:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforce
>
> Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
>
> Thanks,
>
> BobI feel kinda uneasy about this one, too. It depends on how you view your posting name. For me... A new name was about an attempt at rebirth. At a new identity. I know we have to post to admin that we used to post... But aside from that... I thought we were entitled to (entitled to is not quite right) our personal views on identity around our posting names. And what that meant or signified to us.
Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 3:01:55
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on August 11, 2013, at 18:50:04
:)
I appreciated the sentiment he was aiming for, but the wording was unfortunate. He should never lead with "I'm glad it's you..." even if he was trying to point out that this time I wasn't catastrophizing. That what I was feeling was what your average person would feel in the situation.
I haven't looked into near enough avenues. It's difficult to plan with someone who doesn't want your help or input, but *will* be calling you for the inevitable emergencies (and probably quite a few non-emergencies as well.)
Responsibility with no power.
Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 3:02:26
In reply to Re: stuff going on, posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 23:35:41
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 12, 2013, at 7:48:37
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 3:01:55
> :)
>
> I appreciated the sentiment he was aiming for, but the wording was unfortunate. He should never lead with "I'm glad it's you..." even if he was trying to point out that this time I wasn't catastrophizing. That what I was feeling was what your average person would feel in the situation.
>That's what I took from his statement. Sigh.
> I haven't looked into near enough avenues. It's difficult to plan with someone who doesn't want your help or input, but *will* be calling you for the inevitable emergencies (and probably quite a few non-emergencies as well.)
>
> Responsibility with no power.
>
Yes indeed. Been through this in the last couple of years, and paid for it with my peace of mind, my relationship with my husband's family, and state of mental health. None of it was good, really.I cringe now when people tell me how "strong" I am.
PC
Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 12:07:08
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on August 12, 2013, at 7:48:37
> I cringe now when people tell me how "strong" I am.
> PC
>I hate that too. It's one of those things that makes me feel even more the exact opposite.
Are things getting any easier with time?
I'm still afraid of my mother. She's good at getting angry, and I've never dealt well with anger.
I'll never forget when I went to some sort of community service program about dealing with anger. Silly me thought it was for dealing with other people's anger, while in reality it was about people dealing with their own rage. And I was the one they were worried about!! I still can't figure that out. I grew up with two parents who could sometimes be angry and volatile. Anger that appears uncontrolled scares me.
I say "appears". My mother once proudly told me how she'd used anger to control a situation with someone else. She apparently didn't realize that I figured that if she did it with others, she would do it with me.
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 15, 2013, at 14:50:51
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 12:07:08
I have the same experience with anger. I handle my own - IRL - fairly well. On the Internet, I am a monster I don't recognize. But others' anger directed towards me personally IRL leaves me wanting to hide. For a long time. And not subject myself to the circumstances again, because it is so traumatizing.
Ah, childhood. So hard to leave behind some of those entrenched emotions and reactions.
(((Dinah)))
Posted by alexandra_k on August 15, 2013, at 22:52:13
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on August 15, 2013, at 14:50:51
I have been starting to wonder about whether Olympic Weightlifting is a good choice of physical exercise for me. I'm attracted to sports involving power - a sudden burst of explosive strength. But then... I'm not sure that it does my temperament much good. Reinforces... Strengthen... Condones... Encourages... the loose cannon aspect of my nature...
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 16, 2013, at 14:02:45
In reply to Re: stuff going on, posted by alexandra_k on August 15, 2013, at 22:52:13
I stay away from any competitive experience altogether. Don't even play board games, because of the horrific shouting I've endured from my ex.
I do yoga.
I look at the water.
I walk.
I am a total wimp.
That's OK, too.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 20, 2013, at 21:39:39
In reply to Re: stuff going on » alexandra_k, posted by Partlycloudy on August 16, 2013, at 14:02:45
It certainly isn't much fun playing with people who are sore losers. Yoga sounds like fun. I do it in group fitness, but have been having trouble finding a non-competitive instructor and the other people in the class tend to become competitive if the instructor is. I don't actually give a sh*t about how flexible other peoples hamstrings are... I don't even give much of a sh*t about hamstring flexibility more generally... I had a wonderful yoga teacher in Aussie though, learned a lot about my body from it... Made a lot of progress on my posture etc... I miss it a great deal.
I wonder what your passion might be... I suspect everyone has one... Somewhere. At least one... Probably the potential for lots of different ones...
Posted by Dinah on August 21, 2013, at 8:38:21
In reply to Re: stuff going on, posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 23:35:41
> Try not to feel responsible for things you don't have any power over. Hoping you learn ways to cope and find the energy to persevere,
>
> Bobhttp://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20130811/msgs/1049420.html
I started a new thread, because it didn't seem "Psychology" related. But I wanted to make sure that you saw I thanked you. What you said was one of those little things that niggle in the subconscious before clarifying a situation.
I realized that I can only change myself, and can only choose either to get involved, or to feel responsible, but not both. My mother doesn't want me to get involved, so I have clarified the limits of my responsibility under those circumstances. That's really all I had the power to do.
Thanks for your part in my Ah Hah! experience.
(Hmmm... Maybe it is "Psychological" since one of the ways my therapist tends to help me is by implanting those ideas. Not this time. He's overwhelmed by my mother too.)
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 22, 2013, at 0:12:14
In reply to Thank you » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on August 21, 2013, at 8:38:21
Posted by homelycygnet on August 22, 2013, at 8:19:21
In reply to Re: blocked for week, posted by alexandra_k on August 12, 2013, at 0:53:04
Thanks Alex. That was my understanding too.
>
> I feel kinda uneasy about this one, too. It depends on how you view your posting name. For me... A new name was about an attempt at rebirth. At a new identity. I know we have to post to admin that we used to post... But aside from that... I thought we were entitled to (entitled to is not quite right) our personal views on identity around our posting names. And what that meant or signified to us.
>
>
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 22, 2013, at 8:21:27
In reply to Re: blocked for week » HomelyCygnet, posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 0:50:43
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 23, 2013, at 11:28:53
In reply to The moon is made of green cheese (nm) » Dr. Bob, posted by HomelyCygnet on August 22, 2013, at 8:21:27
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 24, 2013, at 10:59:24
In reply to Re: lol (nm) » HomelyCygnet, posted by Dr. Bob on August 23, 2013, at 11:28:53
you'll need to remove the "reticent" from your signature ;)
Posted by antigua2013 on September 1, 2013, at 23:47:32
In reply to Re: lol?? If this unusual exuberance keeps up » Dr. Bob, posted by HomelyCygnet on August 24, 2013, at 10:59:24
I'm very late to this, but I'd be interested in some type of reunion. Would like to see how everyone is doing.
Posted by vwoolf on September 29, 2013, at 16:00:34
In reply to Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2013, at 10:03:35
It's been ages since I last came to this site - probably years and years. I think the last time I came was just after Bob visited Cape Town and came to meet me. Probably four or five years ago.
I remember I invited him to a strange awkward welcoming dinner at my home with friends of mine and friends of his, all psychiatrists and psychologists except me; I remember the next day we went for a long hike up Table Mountain and discussed psychobabble, and almost missed the last cable car down in the evening; I remember a green flash as the sun set over the Atlantic as we drove home; and a farewell dinner where he ordered chocolate steak.
I'm not sure why I stopped coming to psychobabble after that.
I was feeling sad and lonely this evening, and for some strange reason, out of the blue I googled psychobabble (I don't even have it bookmarked any more), and the first post I came across was Dinah's, talking about a reunion.
Dear Dinah, I hope you are well?
I suddenly felt a strong feeling of nostalgia and homesickness. Has the reunion already taken place? If it hasn't I would love to be part of it. I remember how I used to login here every day, often several times, and how I used to write to the Samaritans when Psychobabble wasn't enough, when I didn't want to frighten my friends here or my therapist with how bad things really were. At times they were really bad.
That all feels far away now. Things are better now in many ways. But sometimes I still feel lonely.
Please let me know about the reunion.
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 29, 2013, at 23:28:15
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by vwoolf on September 29, 2013, at 16:00:34
> I remember I invited him to a strange awkward welcoming dinner at my home with friends of mine and friends of his, all psychiatrists and psychologists except me; I remember the next day we went for a long hike up Table Mountain and discussed psychobabble, and almost missed the last cable car down in the evening; I remember a green flash as the sun set over the Atlantic as we drove home; and a farewell dinner where he ordered chocolate steak.
I also remember your warmth and hospitality and the enthusiasm we shared about the possibilities for Babble. What a pleasure to "see" you again.
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2013, at 3:45:08
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by vwoolf on September 29, 2013, at 16:00:34
I remember you. I remember you were from South Africa, because I have a friend from South Africa and I remember thinking of you speaking with her accent. And I've been thinking a lot about 'a room of ones own' which was... Virginia Wolf? And I remembered that we used to have someone with a similar name to that here...
I don't think the reunion has happened yet.
I feel sad. Because reunions are reminiscing about the past. But I guess I need to accept that that is what Babble is for a lot of people these days. And it is what it is. Maybe someone will follow up on setting a time / place / date soon...
Posted by Dinah on October 9, 2013, at 20:22:02
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by vwoolf on September 29, 2013, at 16:00:34
Hi vwoolf! It's nice to see you.
It's funny that your participation with Babble ended after you met with Bob. Do you think it made it more real and less anonymous?
Your therapist was psychoanalytic, right? Are you still in therapy?
I hope someone does pick up the ball and plan the reunion. But in the meantime, maybe this could be a reunion thread for anyone who wants to touch base?
Posted by Dinah on October 9, 2013, at 20:23:53
In reply to reunion, posted by antigua2013 on September 1, 2013, at 23:47:32
I'd like that too. How are you doing?
A few people have stopped by lately, which is nice.
Posted by vwoolf on October 11, 2013, at 12:21:38
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion » vwoolf, posted by Dinah on October 9, 2013, at 20:22:02
I'm not sure why I stopped at that point. Perhaps it wasn't a single reason but a combination of different things. My life got much busier and fuller at that point, with friends I could open up to about my inner world, and so I had less time and felt less need for Babble. I had come through what my therapist proudly referred to as a very successful therapy and in fact I terminated around that time, and so I suppose it was quite natural that Babble would hold less interest for me. Did it have anything to do with meeting Bob? Possibly, but not because it made him real, although of course it did that. I really enjoyed meeting him and it felt helpful to me to be treated as an equal. However I also felt slightly different from everyone else on Babble, as if I had been singled out and made special, and I remember being reluctant to talk about our meeting. I remember wanting not to talk about the fact that he had come to my house in particular. In part I suppose I was afraid that people would be envious, but another part of me felt ashamed, as if I had done something wrong. The legacy of incest again, you see. Sigh. Meeting Bob was great, but it triggered old feelings.
Do I regret meeting him? Not for a moment. I think he should continue to meet with Babblers whenever he can. I think there is something very healing in this kind of encounter. I remember we talked a lot about Babble and how helpful it had been for me. I actually think it saved my life, and I am very grateful to the babble community and Bob for this.
You are right, my therapy was psychoanalytic. After I terminated I took about six months break and then began again with a Jungian analyst. This analysis, unlike the previous therapy, feels very smooth, and is opening me up creatively in the most extraordinary way. My life for the most part has become rich and complex.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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