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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Janelle on March 20, 2002, at 18:41:41
I don't understand what's going on with me. I'll try to lay it out as best I can ... overall, I'm in a down cycle, feeling depressed and anxious, able to do very simple things, but managing to stay out of bed all day and keep occupied.
Then I get a day like today (and this is NOT the first time this has happened) where I woke up with a horrible feeling of anxiety, dragged myself out of bed for breakfast only to return to bed for the rest of the day till now (about 5:30 pm).
Is this cycling within a cycle?
Posted by fachad on March 20, 2002, at 20:05:25
In reply to Oh, HELP! Is this cycling within cycling or what?, posted by Janelle on March 20, 2002, at 18:41:41
Janelle,
I'm sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time. In no way to do I wish to discount or trivialize your suffering. What I would like to do is to suggest a less pathological, less frightening explanation.
It's a given that you, like many of us here are going through depression. But you said you have been "able to do very simple things, but managing to stay out of bed all day and keep occupied."
That's actually a good thing, to remain functional, even if at a reduced level in the face of crushing negative feelings. You should feel a little bit of self-congratulation that you are feeling crappy, but "doing it anyway", getting on with your life.
But suppose that the effort that you are putting forth to do this is putting a strain on your body. So today, your body just steered you back to bed to give you some time to heal and regroup.
Rather than focus on possible psychopathology and worry that something else is wrong, just enjoy the rest and be glad that your body has the wisdom to do this.
Your body has built-in safeguards against self-harm. Think about a child who tries to hold his breath forever. Either he gives up and starts breathing again, or he passes out and his body takes over and starts breathing again. You can't kill yourself from holding your breath, because at some point your body takes over, and does what it needs to survive.
Well, maybe all that happened today is that your body need rest and took over. One of Freud's most famous quotes was "Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar", by which he meant that psychoanalysis is great, but don't read too much into things.
I think a huge part of the strength of depression is that it feeds on itself. It tends to make you interpret things negatively, which causes more negative things to happen, on and on.
Conversely, a huge part of recovery from depression is forming the habit of interpreting things in a positive, or at least a neutral way. Like interpreting crawling back into bed as the body's natural need for rest, rather than a manifestation of further psychopathology.
And just so you don't feel so alone in this, I'll admit that after breakfast, and after my wife left for work this morning, I really didn’t feel like facing the day, so I went back to bed!
I did get up later and do some work, but I think that few extra hours in bed helped out quite a bit.
> I don't understand what's going on with me. I'll try to lay it out as best I can ... overall, I'm in a down cycle, feeling depressed and anxious, able to do very simple things, but managing to stay out of bed all day and keep occupied.
>
> Then I get a day like today (and this is NOT the first time this has happened) where I woke up with a horrible feeling of anxiety, dragged myself out of bed for breakfast only to return to bed for the rest of the day till now (about 5:30 pm).
>
> Is this cycling within a cycle?
Posted by Janelle on March 20, 2002, at 23:43:42
In reply to Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar » Janelle, posted by fachad on March 20, 2002, at 20:05:25
Fachad,
Words can't begin to express how much your response to my depression and cycling woes meant to me. What you said in your explanation makes so much sense (even though my depressed, barely functioning mind can't quite believe it) and gave me some relief.
I also appreciate your sharing with me that when you didn't feel like facing the day you went back to bed!
You said that you did get up later and did some work, so I'm just curious what kind of work (job)you do? Do you have a job out of the home or did you mean that you did some work around the house? Just curious.
-miserable and feeling useless Janelle
Posted by fachad on March 21, 2002, at 0:45:47
In reply to FACHAD: thanks SO MUCH! More: » fachad, posted by Janelle on March 20, 2002, at 23:43:42
I'm so glad my post was encouraging and helpful.
I could really sense your distress, and from the outside it was clear that some of it was self created, iterative distress. Like worrying about being anxious, or feeling sad about being depressed. That is a trick that depression uses to build strength.
And there really is something to the habitual way you interpret things. Depression puts sh*t colored glasses over all your perceptions, and then what you see tends to make you feel more depressed. That is probably partly why you said you thought that my theory made sense, but you had a hard time believing it.
As to my work, I am part owner / operator of a small Computer Consulting & Network Services Company. My company does not have a "brick and mortar" office - we are stricly "virtual office" - we all work from our homes, cell phones, laptops and pagers. Wherever I go, I am always in the office.
If I am in bed with the covers over my head, the voice mail on my cell phone picks up and takes the call. That also helps me get back on track quickly, because stuff is waiting for me to do it when I get brave enough to pull the covers off.
I'm sorry if I missed an earlier post, but are you working right now, or or you staying at home?
Posted by Janelle on March 21, 2002, at 1:05:07
In reply to Re: FACHAD: thanks SO MUCH! More: » Janelle, posted by fachad on March 21, 2002, at 0:45:47
Thank you again for that wonderful post and the follow up one as well. It means a lot to me that you picked right up on my distress, and I am so grateful that you pointed out that that some of it was self created.
Thanks also for explaining your work situation. From what I read on here, people seem to be able to juggle their health conditions with working so I get curious as to how they do it, what kind of work situation they have. Yours sounds ideal.
To answer your question, I am not working at present. I am a Librarian who moved to an area where full-time decent professional positions are few and far between, so I returned to school to study accounting and bookkeeping for a second career. Unfortunately, due to my health problems, I've had to take an Incomplete in my very LAST class. Argh.
This is the end of the thread.
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