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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by learningagain on April 8, 2002, at 13:41:28
my boy-friend is bipolar and on meds. He is having what I consider to be a "break-though" depressive episode. I have asked him to see his Dr. He is stalling, he says he can't untill certain records are transferred, etc, etc. I have a hard time believing it could take that long to get an appointment regardless of circumstance. The other night he said soemthing that scared the crap out of me. That he wasn't worried about ever leaving me, but rather about not being "here". As in alive. I don't know if he is having suicidal thoughts, I am afraid he wouldn't tell me if he was.
He is on Depakote and two other meds. He has attempted sucide on one other occasion following a rather horrid break-up. I am not going anywhere regardless of what happens and he knows that...but I don't want to puch him either. Please, any insight or advice would be very helpfull. I just don't know what to do or how to do it anymore. He is a father, they need him so much...and so do I. I just want to see him healthy.
Posted by mike21 on April 8, 2002, at 20:09:37
In reply to Please, some help is needed..., posted by learningagain on April 8, 2002, at 13:41:28
>I just don't know what to do or how to do it anymore. He is a father, they need him so much...and so do I. I just want to see him healthy.
All I can say is try telling him what you just said, if you haven't already. Knowing I have a couple people in my life that care about me and want me in their life makes a big difference when I am really down.
Mike
Posted by pharmer on April 8, 2002, at 20:34:46
In reply to Re: Please, some help is needed..., posted by mike21 on April 8, 2002, at 20:09:37
First of all, I would like to commend you for showing concern and support for you partner. At times, I too have made comments that may sound exremely upsetting or morbid to my wife while I was in a deppressive state. I can't imagine how upsetting statements such as these can be. I think when I talk in this way, it is my way of releasing inner anxiety. Some depressed people have these thoughts constantly {ruminations} and yet don't verbally express them.
In our eight years of marriage, there has been times when my wife has had concerns such as yours. She has on several occassions, personally phoned the doctors office, explained the situation, and booked the appointment for me. One can never be too cautious when it comes to helping a family member. Upon hearing of my booked appointment, I seemed to get a "kick in the pants" type feeling and would always attend. Hope this helps and all the best. Rick
Posted by ChrisK on April 10, 2002, at 5:07:09
In reply to Please, some help is needed..., posted by learningagain on April 8, 2002, at 13:41:28
Sorry I'm a little late to this conversation but I did want to add one thing. Four years ago I was the one who was so depressed that I tried to take my life twice. The biggest part of rationalizing doing that was that those I cared about would be "better off without me." Sure, they would suffer through some pain but in the long run they would get their lives back together and go on to better things.
Obviously this isn't a time of peak rational thinking. I agree that you need to call his doctor if he is denial that he HAS to get there NOW. Then take him to make sure he goes to the appointment. Don't be afraid to tell the doctor that it is an emergency and you think he is suicidal.
I think that my wife thought I would just break out of things on my own but that's just not the way a suicidal mind works. Instead of taking my medication I was hording it with thoughts of an overdose. It was just a downward spiral that landed me in a hospital.
Sometimes someone who is severely depressed needs to be led by the hand and you obviously care enough to do it. Accept a role as temporary caretaker and help him to find the right meds that keep him stable. Those meds are out there but sometimes they take a long time to find.
My best wishes and prayers are with you. I wish my wife understood what was going on when I was in that position.
Chris
Posted by IsoM on April 11, 2002, at 19:37:01
In reply to Re: Please, some help is needed... » learningagain, posted by ChrisK on April 10, 2002, at 5:07:09
I'd like to ask everyone not to jump on me with hob-nailed boots for this thought. My experience is not that common & definitely isn't the norm with depressed people. But I'm only posting this as a cautionary comment for others to be aware of this possibility.
My ex-husband definitely did/does have severe depression - he was never faking it, I know. It runs in his family too. But he often used to say things to me like that, of not being able to be here anymore, talked about suicide quite often over the years & it was only his responsibility to us that was preventing him. Talked lots of how he'd end his life if anything ever happened to me. When he'd be gone for hours at a time without saying where he was going & with no reason for leaving the house, I often wondered if he had done it & when he'd finally return, I'd be in tears. I lived in a state of constant turmoil & stress.
A number of years ago, he decided he didn't want to be married any more (the burden was too much for him with his depression, but there was lots more best left unsaid) & left. My sons were 14, 20 & 21 and stayed with me for a while - we were all in turmoil, it was a VERY rough year with two sons suicidal too. But they were adults now & had seen first hand the whole family scenerio played out daily for them. It was them who informed me that even though Dad was really depressed, he was also using it as a tool, in their opinion. It's when I first learned about passive aggression.
I think initially, my ex-husband never meant to use it that way, but it just naturally evolved over the years - perhaps an adaptive process fed by my concern. love, & responses. I wonder if it had been brought to his & my attention, & if he'd had therapy (he rejected any attempts), where things would be today.
If anyone thinks this may be a pattern that a loved one is developing, I'd urge you to intervene thoughtfully to prevent them from making their life, & others that love them, a hell.
Posted by jazzdog on April 12, 2002, at 13:11:49
In reply to Re: Please, an idea for above posters....., posted by IsoM on April 11, 2002, at 19:37:01
I agree with Iso that suicide threats are often manipulative - I had a mother with borderline personality disorder who used to drive me nuts that way. But it could also be suicidal depression, in which case I can only offer that 250 mg of lamictal seems to have pretty much wiped out my suicidal thoughts. I'm still somewhat depressed, but the bottom isn't nearly as deep.
good luck - Jane
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