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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 31. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 0:11:01
I don't know but I know a few posters who must complain about someone else's posts or posting habits at last weekly maybe bi weekly and have on more than one occasion made the posters..myself included feel uncomfortable in BABBLE ...and posting. At some point doesn't one have to look at one's self and say..I complain a lot and trigger a lot and share THAT issue without trying to change the original poster? I am half out the door
Posted by fayeroe on April 6, 2004, at 9:17:50
In reply to Some posters are being habitually overly sensitive, posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 0:11:01
This has always gone on here....I self-block when I can't stand it any longer...there are people that I think dwell on the negative regardless....makes others very uncomfortable....sort of loses the "support" feeling.
Posted by fayeroe on April 6, 2004, at 9:20:35
In reply to Some posters are being habitually overly sensitive, posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 0:11:01
I'll try again. There are those who search and alert Bob when they something doesn't suit them. Some people look for the negative here. It's frustrating and I self block when it becomes unbearable.
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 10:27:26
In reply to Re: Some posters are being habitually overly sensitive, posted by fayeroe on April 6, 2004, at 9:20:35
Hi to me in the time it takes for me to complain about another..unless it is a VERY harmful thread,,I can take the time and use it better to open and read a post by someone who I may be able to help instead OR look at me own ISSUES and work on them. Running to Bob weekely seems to ME to maybe be a control issue...and sadly runs people off. I do not know how to self block . How do you do that? I am not sure I would use it because if I see a thread I THINK may upset me I just move on and don't open all the other follow up threads to it. With complex PTSD I can be triggered and complain hourly if I allow it....but then I have to say..hey man, its NOT THEM IT'S my response to it so what is going on with ME ...I dont know but all in all it ruins the site and keeps fresh blood out. Sometimes a breath of fresh air is needed to wake up all up
Posted by karen_kay on April 6, 2004, at 11:59:59
In reply to Re: Some posters are being habitually overly sensitive » fayeroe, posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 10:27:26
this just shows that you are further past your own issues than others dear. take it as a good sign about yourself (not necessarily negative about others) and don't allow others to run you from a place where you belong. we all notice things we don't like about places. it's what you do (or don't do) about it that says who you are, you know?
also, could you teach me a bit abot self-control? alas, i have none :(
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 12:55:41
In reply to Re: Some posters are being habitually overly sensitive, posted by karen_kay on April 6, 2004, at 11:59:59
Thank you Karen and yes I do know what you mean but alas I am human and sometimes I wanna scream :)
On self control....I bet you have more than you think but maybe not as much as you wish. I oddly DO have self control now you have sparked a fire of where did I get that? :) Gimme a few days and I may start a thread on it as I need to process it. <-- lol T talk :) Then grasshopper you will be able to snatch the pebble from my hand :P <-- two red stars for anyone who knows where I got that from lol :)
Posted by spoc on April 6, 2004, at 16:40:02
In reply to Some posters are being habitually overly sensitive, posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 0:11:01
> I don't know but I know a few posters who must complain about someone else's posts or posting habits at last weekly maybe bi weekly and have on more than one occasion made the posters..myself included feel uncomfortable in BABBLE ...and posting. At some point doesn't one have to look at one's self and say..I complain a lot and trigger a lot and share THAT issue without trying to change the original poster? I am half out the door
============
I'm replying to this as a general matter, as I don't always keep up with current specific ones. But maybe in these cases before deciding to post a complaint, people should remember what their own pain in dealing with the problems that brought them here feels like. And consider that they might be inflicting that same kind of self-doubting, hopeless pain on someone else. Which they may be horror-stricken to realize. Most people here are probably fragile in some way, or else they wouldn't need a community like this to help with acceptance. So even if someone states something with apparent conviction or strength, in reality they may easily become hurt and down on themselves. Maybe from behind a computer, a poster who sounds bothersome to someone seems to represent only a faceless "category" of poster, a stereotype. Rather than a unique human being who in reality does *not* embody every seemingly similar poster throughout time rolled into one, who deserves reprimand at last.Hey Fallen, maybe someone will have beat me to the punch, but...Kung Fu. But make it gold stars, ok? : )
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 18:06:05
In reply to Re: need to be sensitive to the overly sensitive, posted by spoc on April 6, 2004, at 16:40:02
LOL SPOC YOU WIN BUT NO...NOPE 2 RED STARS..I control the stars...the master said I can walk on rice paper :)
Posted by spoc on April 6, 2004, at 18:30:51
In reply to Re: need to be sensitive to the overly sensitive » spoc, posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 18:06:05
> LOL SPOC YOU WIN BUT NO...NOPE 2 RED STARS..I control the stars...the master said I can walk on rice paper :)
ALLLLLLRIGHTEE THEN! You may control the stars, but you're just a middle-manager because I control the galaxy. And don't beat yourself up, you'll graduate from that rice paper stage someday. Personally I can do the Crouching Tiger thing and walk on tree tops (but when I feel lazy I just catch a ride on smoke or air freshener tho).
Er, I mean.... <blah blah>....So in sum, please effect these Administrative changes immediately. Thank you. ;- )
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 19:44:16
In reply to Re: need to be sensitive to the overly sensitive, posted by spoc on April 6, 2004, at 18:30:51
LOL But Spoc I leave no footprints on the rice paper I saw what you did to those tree tops :p
I rather like middle management I can loft on the puter half a day :) see your emails lol
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 6, 2004, at 21:22:14
In reply to Re: need to be sensitive to the overly sensitive, posted by spoc on April 6, 2004, at 16:40:02
> Most people here are probably fragile in some way, or else they wouldn't need a community like this to help with acceptance. So even if someone states something with apparent conviction or strength, in reality they may easily become hurt and down on themselves.
I agree. The complaints are mostly here? Some people think it's best to avoid this board...
Bob
Posted by Dinah on April 6, 2004, at 22:13:55
In reply to Re: need to be sensitive to the overly sensitive, posted by Dr. Bob on April 6, 2004, at 21:22:14
as overly sensitive. In fact, whenever anyone accuses me of something along those lines I say "Thank you" very politely.
And so I thank the highly sensitive posters of exquisite sensibilities for making Babble a place that I very much enjoy.
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 23:13:22
In reply to I don't think there is such a thing..., posted by Dinah on April 6, 2004, at 22:13:55
I agree with you on the highly sensitive but I do hold there is such a person as overly sensitive..it's more a control issue so maybe it should have been worded controlling. In any case, it runs off a few very nice people and that isn't really good for Babble nor is it very sensitive to those who were *chased off* due to the complaining or rendered uncomfortable posting. Just my feelings on it.
> as overly sensitive. In fact, whenever anyone accuses me of something along those lines I say "Thank you" very politely.
>
> And so I thank the highly sensitive posters of exquisite sensibilities for making Babble a place that I very much enjoy.
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 23:17:28
In reply to Re: need to be sensitive to the overly sensitive, posted by spoc on April 6, 2004, at 16:40:02
BTW, I am glad you agree...I just hate to see people hurt and run off by people complaining. When one complains often I feel it is *insensitive*
> ============
> I'm replying to this as a general matter, as I don't always keep up with current specific ones. But maybe in these cases before deciding to post a complaint, people should remember what their own pain in dealing with the problems that brought them here feels like. And consider that they might be inflicting that same kind of self-doubting, hopeless pain on someone else. Which they may be horror-stricken to realize. Most people here are probably fragile in some way, or else they wouldn't need a community like this to help with acceptance. So even if someone states something with apparent conviction or strength, in reality they may easily become hurt and down on themselves. Maybe from behind a computer, a poster who sounds bothersome to someone seems to represent only a faceless "category" of poster, a stereotype. Rather than a unique human being who in reality does *not* embody every seemingly similar poster throughout time rolled into one, who deserves reprimand at last.
>
> Hey Fallen, maybe someone will have beat me to the punch, but...Kung Fu. But make it gold stars, ok? : )
>
>
Posted by tabitha on April 7, 2004, at 0:51:31
In reply to Re: I don't think there is such a thing..., posted by Fallen4myT on April 6, 2004, at 23:13:22
I don't know if complaining about a post is necessarily a control issue. It might be healthy growth for some people to speak up more when something bothers them. They might not be wanting to control anyone so much as just wanting to voice their reaction and state their preference.
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 7, 2004, at 10:15:05
In reply to Re: I don't think there is such a thing... » Fallen4myT, posted by tabitha on April 7, 2004, at 0:51:31
Tabitha agreed that would be true if it were a once in a while thing but when it is chronic then something else is going on and they need to look inward. Some people complain about other posters on a weekly basis. If someone compains about someone else let's say more than every four monthws, then I would say they have the issue, and not all the people who are being complained about. We are all sensitive people with emotionally issues and the need to look inward more often than not. In my opinion and I see that of a few others as well it might be best limit complaining about other people and take more time seeking why it's so bothersome to the complainer.
> I don't know if complaining about a post is necessarily a control issue. It might be healthy growth for some people to speak up more when something bothers them. They might not be wanting to control anyone so much as just wanting to voice their reaction and state their preference.
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2004, at 12:03:04
In reply to Re: I don't think there is such a thing... » tabitha, posted by Fallen4myT on April 7, 2004, at 10:15:05
> it runs off a few very nice people and that isn't really good for Babble nor is it very sensitive to those who were *chased off* due to the complaining or rendered uncomfortable posting.
> When one complains often I feel it is *insensitive*
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused.
I think there needs to be some way to complain, but there can also be some tension between administration and support:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020627/msgs/6529.html
> We are all sensitive people with emotionally issues and the need to look inward more often than not... it might be best limit complaining about other people and take more time seeking why it's so bothersome to the complainer.
I agree, posting something about your own issues and their possible role in your reaction might be an interesting exercise -- and might help others respond to you supportively...
Bob
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 7, 2004, at 12:13:57
In reply to Re: please be civil » Fallen4myT, posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2004, at 12:03:04
I had said <<> When one complains often I feel it is *insensitive*>> but we were at that moment discussing the term overly sensitive, everyone's reactions to the situation (both the compaliner and complained about) and thus insensitive isn't really a negative term in the context it was used but sorry none the less :)
Posted by EmmyS on April 7, 2004, at 15:00:06
In reply to Re: please be civil » Fallen4myT, posted by Dr. Bob on April 7, 2004, at 12:03:04
> I agree, posting something about your own issues and their possible role in your reaction might be an interesting exercise -- and might help others respond to you supportively...
>
> BobDr. Bob
I best I can tell, my "chronic" problem with posting comes down to two.
1) Related to requesting people not post suicidal intent on Babble. I did apologize at that time and I did explain my perspective. To repeat it - my mother suicided when I was the same age as Sandy's children. I was a slightly irrational, emotionally triggered blob.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040307/msgs/331552.html
There are possibly 100 reasons why Sandy is not posting. For Fallen to apparently blame any one person, even when doing it obliquely, was unfair and hurtful. Sandy has a dozen people here who love her, she knows that. We all want her back and wish her happiness and safety.
2) Terminology. Wow. I thought this was such an innocuous request. Apparently not so. The request comes from someone who works all day, and often into the night on an inpatient psych unit. This unit is specifically for trauma survivors. They are mostly longer term residents. They are primarily survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Despite the headlines on Catholic priests, my px's are usually abused by their own fathers. Victims are of both sexes. Some have lived "in the system" since childhood because of it. When I come to Babble I know some people here are open about being victims. Some are not, but I see the signs. There are many people here dx'd with PTSD, BPD, Disociative disorders, etc. because of the sexual abuse they have survived. I simply want to protect the more vulnerable people from upset.
I don't care about the other words you care about. Babblers can curse up a storm, I don't care. It's the sexual words, the provocative words, that bother me. When other words are available, why not request they be used to protect our fellow Babblers?
Had I said that all in the first place, I could have saved a lot of trouble. However, I thought it was a simple, adult, polite request which did not require any explanation.
Emmy
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 7, 2004, at 15:42:44
In reply to please be civil (trigger- suicide, sexual abuse), posted by EmmyS on April 7, 2004, at 15:00:06
I am not referring to anyone in particular and stated that from the start. You did not see me list a name *or* a thread *or* a topic. So I am not JUST referring to suicide and or sex issues or even words. My concern is (and I AM a rape and incest survivor they are just the tip of my ice burg..my DX is PTSD I have posted to that) that people who need help *as much as you and I* do, are *leaving or not posting* because SOME people and I did not say YOU..complain and awful lot. Hard on was O.Ked by Dr Bob as it is defined as "sometimes" I am posting and speaking in generalities. I have emails from people who have posted in here for a long time (and NOT who you think I am speaking of but) who aren't posting because of other people's issues with posts. They are silenced to make a few more comfortable..what about them???? Not me, I have no complaints against me..I am more feeling sorry for people many of you know and loved who no longer post..have you noticed a few people missing ? I do wish suicide posts and SI threads and others aways had a warning issued...language as long as civil cannot be policed so sex words and so on are going to be there. When the topic has the word Hard On in it if it triggers one..why open it... I have MAJOR complex PTSD I do not post my issues 1. because they identify me 2 they would trigger many of you like mad..YOU would be stunned....I see a post I do not like it I move on BECAUSE I want THAT person to get the help they seek and not seek my own comfort level.
Again, my concern is for the whole not just a few. We all get hurt and are uncomfortable but I just try to police myself and hope others would not complain so much...people ..not me...are being hurt by that.
You say the sexual provocotive words bother *you* and for that I am sorry ..but isn't that an issue you would maybe want to look into and post on and allow the others to express themselves in an adult civil manor as they see fit at the same time? I go into ANY psych site figuring there are a million triggers for me and let them roll off. I have to to allow others to be themselves and get the help they seek
Somehow, I think if people knew how much they hurt someone else who posted within civility rules by their critical posts they would think more before they send a complaint in or post one...AGAIN THIS IS JUST GENERAL
Posted by karen_kay on April 7, 2004, at 18:41:10
In reply to Re: please be civil (trigger- suicide, sexual abuse) » EmmyS, posted by Fallen4myT on April 7, 2004, at 15:42:44
i think the thing to remember is that we are all here for a reason. and at times we all get hurt while we are here. and it's unfortunate, very much so. but, we have to choose whether the pros outweigh the cons. so, some people are more sensitive than others. i know that i often post things that i wonder if others are offended by (and that's not my intention, i just know that at times it helps to smile when the board looks blue).
but, i do know that no one (and i mean no one) will run me off (except perhaps mr bob :) until i'm good and ready to leave. so, complain, curse, knock on my door if you must. but, everyone else has just as much right to be here as the last person. no one can run another person off this board (again, with the exception of dr. bob) unless that person lets someone get to them. i try not to allow other people to get to me that much. i realize that people sometimes complain. and sometimes people say things that hurt my feelings as well (huh? i have feelings?) but, they are entitled to their feelings as much as i am. i choose to either ignore the comment or respond. just remember that when responding, do so in a CIVIL manner. if not, you may get booted for a while, and that's not pleasant :(
i find the best thing to do is ignore it, unless it is something that i feel i must say. then i go at it.
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 7, 2004, at 20:21:19
In reply to should i or shouldn't i? :) » Fallen4myT, posted by karen_kay on April 7, 2004, at 18:41:10
Karen we totally agree, if you see my last post above. The point we do not necessaily agree on is some how some people can be run off..I agree MOST choose to leave or Dr Bob blocks/removes them..If I ever leave it will be because I want to or the place is no longer comfortable, safe, fun ..whatever word applies...or I am blocked which is honestly no big deal to me because I would then just leave. I am mainly speaking for the people who DO leave because they feel silenced. That bothers me and I see their point. If they see their name posted all over or their post is mucked up with negative comments..in some cases they have left and *they* were NOT uncivil even to Dr Bob..I know this as I get email from a few and NOT the ones someone else posted.
You make perfect sense for me and you and others , as far as removed or choosing to leave...but some people are honestly so hurt by some things said that they feel run out of here that to me is ..sad and not necessary.
I too like to see some sun on the boards and try to add much both in fun ways and through support of others..You will seldom see me post for help. You will not see me complain unless it is to help someone who cannot seem to speak up for themself> i think the thing to remember is that we are all here for a reason. and at times we all get hurt while we are here. and it's unfortunate, very much so. but, we have to choose whether the pros outweigh the cons. so, some people are more sensitive than others. i know that i often post things that i wonder if others are offended by (and that's not my intention, i just know that at times it helps to smile when the board looks blue).
>
> but, i do know that no one (and i mean no one) will run me off (except perhaps mr bob :) until i'm good and ready to leave. so, complain, curse, knock on my door if you must. but, everyone else has just as much right to be here as the last person. no one can run another person off this board (again, with the exception of dr. bob) unless that person lets someone get to them. i try not to allow other people to get to me that much. i realize that people sometimes complain. and sometimes people say things that hurt my feelings as well (huh? i have feelings?) but, they are entitled to their feelings as much as i am. i choose to either ignore the comment or respond. just remember that when responding, do so in a CIVIL manner. if not, you may get booted for a while, and that's not pleasant :(
>
> i find the best thing to do is ignore it, unless it is something that i feel i must say. then i go at it.
Posted by EmmyS on April 7, 2004, at 20:22:46
In reply to Re: please be civil (trigger- suicide, sexual abuse) » EmmyS, posted by Fallen4myT on April 7, 2004, at 15:42:44
Because I, and others, thought your posts were directed at me, I responded in reference to you. If I was wrong, I am very sorry for that.
Fallen, I don't know you and you don't know me. Let's just relax, and start over again.
Nice to meet you. :-)
Emmy
Posted by Fallen4myT on April 7, 2004, at 20:34:49
In reply to Re: please be civil » Fallen4myT, posted by EmmyS on April 7, 2004, at 20:22:46
Emmy LOL I am so glad to meet you :) and no I posted again and stick to *general chronic complaints* I do not nor have I ever posted your name.. I would never do that to anyone. I would reply to a thread with my view but no I do not do that. I am a peace lover..but ..am very much for the underdog and tend to stick up for them..ALL of them..in general. I do not even need to know them :) Yes the topic is beat to death lol and I hope we have less complaints and more support is all. I am usually in Psychology but hit Social and a few other areas now and then..see you there? :) I am off to read on Dinah's dog.
HUGS
Posted by shar on April 8, 2004, at 0:04:38
In reply to Re: need to be sensitive to the overly sensitive, posted by spoc on April 6, 2004, at 18:30:51
Just want to bust in here....I love Kung Fu, plus "The Legend Continues." I used to teach a class in How to Finish Your Dissertation or Thesis, and one of the quotes I used was from the .."continues" series, I think. It was, do not let your thoughts become your fears. I had a whole session about being 'in control' of how they thought about finishing up.
How appropriate that folks on this board would know that!
Shar
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