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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 34. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on June 13, 2008, at 14:06:59
In reply to Please be civil » adelaide curtis, posted by Deputy Dinah on June 13, 2008, at 11:09:59
> > the way you handle this is very mean.
>
> Please be sensitive to the feelings of others even if yours are hurt. Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
>
> Board guidelines do not allow the disclosure without permission the contents of private communications from another poster. If anyone has received babblemails or emails they perceive to be uncivil, please email Dr. Bob directly about them rather than posting anything on the board.
>
> If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
>
> Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
>
> Dr. Bob is always free to override, or upgrade, deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
>
> Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. BobTo further explain: There was some dispute whether or not, when I emailed the poster the link about the notification about Slinky's death (http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080528/msgs/832223.html) was in fact true.
I was deeply offended, and did not privately respond in a civil manner. I don't deny it.
And so has ended a fractious friendship. I do think that this is an appropriate action for me to take. I also feel I must honor Slinky's life and what she meant to me.Thanks for reading.
ClearSkies
Posted by Phillipa on June 13, 2008, at 17:50:58
In reply to Re: Please be civil *trigger suicide discussion*, posted by ClearSkies on June 13, 2008, at 14:06:59
Clear Skies not sure I understand? Trying to figure out where the thread is and what you did that was so awful. If it means anything I forgive you we all make mistakes if indeed you made one. Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on June 13, 2008, at 18:56:49
In reply to Re: Please be civil *trigger suicide discussion* » ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on June 13, 2008, at 17:50:58
> Clear Skies not sure I understand? Trying to figure out where the thread is and what you did that was so awful. If it means anything I forgive you we all make mistakes if indeed you made one. Phillipa
I certainly am not looking for any forgiveness.
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 15, 2008, at 18:28:44
In reply to Re: Please be civil *trigger suicide discussion*, posted by ClearSkies on June 13, 2008, at 14:06:59
> a fractious friendship.
Please be sensitive to the feelings of others.
But please don't take this personally, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person. And adelaide, I'm sorry if you felt hurt.
For more information about posting policies and tips on alternative ways to express oneself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceThanks,
Bob
Posted by muffled on June 15, 2008, at 22:36:42
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive » ClearSkies, posted by Dr. Bob on June 15, 2008, at 18:28:44
> > a fractious friendship.
>
> Please be sensitive to the feelings of others.
>
> But please don't take this personally, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person. And adelaide, I'm sorry if you felt hurt.
>
> For more information about posting policies and tips on alternative ways to express oneself, please see the FAQ:
>
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforce
>
> Thanks,
>
> BobSo.....???? It is sad to hear that a frienship has ended, and who is to say things can't change in the future. But when feelings are running high, people DO say stuff w/o really meaning to hurt, its just kinda that the intensity is up there at the time.
Now that being a KNOWN quantity..WHAT is the point in doing a PBS here? (not that they REALLY mean much, but still they can sting, esp when already emots are high).
I guess if there were complaints you should act on them, but if there were no complaints at all then WHY do this? WHAT does this PBS achieve except to further cause distress? "fractious- 1 : tending to be troublesome : unruly <a fractious crowd>". Now by this definition...it just doesn't seem that bad? I have fractious friendships, and we can be on again off again, but we come round. And I would not be offeneded to be told our friendship was fractious, cuz it IS!!! And that is OK.
Its not like she said, it was a BAD firenship, or a cruel, or nasty friendship...fractious....its not so bad.
Can we not allow for people to try and work things out themselves if the civility is borderline, and save the PBC's etc for more clear and obvious violations?
Now all that being said.....I admit, there may WELL be more than meets the eye here, I dunno. But just given what I see here...well, I am not too happy about it.
M
Posted by ClearSkies on June 16, 2008, at 9:46:15
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive, posted by muffled on June 15, 2008, at 22:36:42
> > > a fractious friendship.
> >
> > Please be sensitive to the feelings of others.
> >
> > But please don't take this personally, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person. And adelaide, I'm sorry if you felt hurt.
> >
> > For more information about posting policies and tips on alternative ways to express oneself, please see the FAQ:
> >
> > http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
> > http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforce
> >
> > Thanks,
> >
> > Bob
>
> So.....???? It is sad to hear that a frienship has ended, and who is to say things can't change in the future. But when feelings are running high, people DO say stuff w/o really meaning to hurt, its just kinda that the intensity is up there at the time.
> Now that being a KNOWN quantity..WHAT is the point in doing a PBS here? (not that they REALLY mean much, but still they can sting, esp when already emots are high).
> I guess if there were complaints you should act on them, but if there were no complaints at all then WHY do this? WHAT does this PBS achieve except to further cause distress? "fractious- 1 : tending to be troublesome : unruly <a fractious crowd>". Now by this definition...it just doesn't seem that bad? I have fractious friendships, and we can be on again off again, but we come round. And I would not be offeneded to be told our friendship was fractious, cuz it IS!!! And that is OK.
> Its not like she said, it was a BAD firenship, or a cruel, or nasty friendship...fractious....its not so bad.
> Can we not allow for people to try and work things out themselves if the civility is borderline, and save the PBC's etc for more clear and obvious violations?
> Now all that being said.....I admit, there may WELL be more than meets the eye here, I dunno. But just given what I see here...well, I am not too happy about it.
> M
>
Yes, Muffled - this did cause me distress. I chose the description of the friendship as carefully as I could (I even looked the darn word up on the dictionary and said, yup! that's what it was). I thought that I was only being accurate, as the adjective does not imply blame, and neither was I when I was describing it.This PBS does not sit well with me. But perhaps it's telling me to just shut my yap and go away. That in trying to offer an explanation I'm looking more like a fool than I already feel.
CS
Posted by Gabbee on June 16, 2008, at 15:59:46
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive » muffled, posted by ClearSkies on June 16, 2008, at 9:46:15
I think I get more angry over a PBS than I do over anything else, because it's so personal, and because for most of us our sensitivity to others, and things said is what causes so much of our distress.
It would be laughable if it wasn't so well.. not laughable :{
It seems the rest of the world is saying "you're *so* sensitive" and yet here because of one word in this case; fractious, you are told to *be* sensitive.
It's like saying "tempestuous relationship" not inherently negative, if it was it still wouldn't negate your 400 or however many other posts that show that you are indeed sensitive.Being told that by Dr. Bob just adds to the irk factor for me. Dr. Bob who just admitted he'd made a mistake and blocked the poster involved anyway.
Posted by Zeba on June 16, 2008, at 22:06:56
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive » muffled, posted by ClearSkies on June 16, 2008, at 9:46:15
I am really sorry this happened to you. Often I don't understand why someone is cautioned or blocked for something that seems fairly benign, and then someone else comes along and implies insulting things but just implies. So nothing happens. Not that it should. Plus Dr. Bob comes and goes and is around not all that much, and so all of a sudden to get a PBS is definitely something I would feel very hurt about especially if like you did, I tried very hard to make sure I did not say something hurtful of insulting. You are okay in my book and not at all foolish.
Posted by Tabitha on June 17, 2008, at 12:31:15
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive, posted by Gabbee on June 16, 2008, at 15:59:46
> It would be laughable if it wasn't so well.. not laughable :{
> It seems the rest of the world is saying "you're *so* sensitive" and yet here because of one word in this case; fractious, you are told to *be* sensitive.It is ironic to be told to 'be sensitive', when your own feelings have likely just been bruised due to your own sensitivity.
And FWIW I didn't think "fractious friendship" sounded like it was meant to be insulting.
Posted by muffled on June 17, 2008, at 23:01:12
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive » Gabbee, posted by Tabitha on June 17, 2008, at 12:31:15
So....what do you have to say for yourself....
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 13:06:12
In reply to BOB????, posted by muffled on June 17, 2008, at 23:01:12
I am an open wound. Not really sure why I keep checking to see if he's replied, but the silence hurts as much as the PBS did. Like picking at a scab.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2008, at 15:21:22
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive » Gabbee, posted by Tabitha on June 17, 2008, at 12:31:15
>
>
> And FWIW I didn't think "fractious friendship" sounded like it was meant to be insulting.I agree. It struck me as a very careful word choice intended to reflect the truth without judgment.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2008, at 15:27:47
In reply to Re: BOB???? » muffled, posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 13:06:12
Posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 16:44:03
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive, posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2008, at 15:21:22
> >
> >
> > And FWIW I didn't think "fractious friendship" sounded like it was meant to be insulting.
>
> I agree. It struck me as a very careful word choice intended to reflect the truth without judgment.
How was it received by the person it was intended for? When I look up the word fractious in several on line dictionaries, the word seems to imply something negative. If someone told me our friendship was fractious I would feel hurt if I thought we had a good friendship. Sometimes even the truth is better left unsaid here because of the rules, whether it is blatant or subtle, it still has the same effect on another person.That is why when I get blocked, it was because it was not subtle, too much work to try to stay under the radar of the rules of of this site, I just say what I mean, suffer the coincidences. I have been on the receiving end of subtle insults, it hurts still the same as someone being direct.
Posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 16:45:28
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive » gardenergirl, posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 16:44:03
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 16:57:32
In reply to post above not meant for GG or anyone paticular (nm), posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 16:45:28
Posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:08:21
In reply to snort (nm), posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 16:57:32
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 17:27:59
In reply to exactly (nm), posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:08:21
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 17:28:25
In reply to at least now we're talking (nm), posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 17:27:59
Posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:30:48
In reply to even if only in one sentence posts (nm), posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 17:28:25
Posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:32:53
In reply to YUP (nm), posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:30:48
Posted by adelaide curtis on June 18, 2008, at 17:46:50
In reply to LOL (nm), posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:32:53
the relationship in question is mine. it was very hurtful for her to speak on board about an off board situation. I did and was pbc. but she keeps going on and on and on. yes yes i am not worth her time however I should still be respected as a human being!
seeing what she posted on "grief" about our relationship was jaw dropping!
I guess I did not follow your instructions to "f*ck off" or "jump off" thing cs.
i will be blocked for the truth. You are mean !
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 17:58:31
In reply to this has to stop!, posted by adelaide curtis on June 18, 2008, at 17:46:50
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 18:05:02
In reply to this has to stop!, posted by adelaide curtis on June 18, 2008, at 17:46:50
Guess not. But now everyone can see what the definition of the word I was PBS'd for using really means, in living colour. Yowza. Here it is, folks, for all to see.
Posted by muffled on June 18, 2008, at 18:23:42
In reply to this has to stop!, posted by adelaide curtis on June 18, 2008, at 17:46:50
I like BOTH you guys!!!
I consider neither to be perfect.
I myself am SO far from perfect :-(
But we all have our moments, and I just hope we can try and cut each other a little slack. Cuz life is hard, and we get them dumb emotions(UGH, I HATE emotions) and away we go....
BUT we also have the wonderous ability to forgive, and do our best to forget, and once again eventually carefully give a person another chance. Its hard I know. But it can be done.
NEITHER party is some sort of horrible ogre. They are both caring people, I have seen it. This is a pothole in the road, the road goes on.
Forgiviness is a gift...to all.
We all hurt.
Thats why we here.
Lets try and just be with each other a reduce the hurt as best as we can.
My thots.
M
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