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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 10 to 34 of 34. Go back in thread:
Posted by muffled on June 17, 2008, at 23:01:12
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive » Gabbee, posted by Tabitha on June 17, 2008, at 12:31:15
So....what do you have to say for yourself....
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 13:06:12
In reply to BOB????, posted by muffled on June 17, 2008, at 23:01:12
I am an open wound. Not really sure why I keep checking to see if he's replied, but the silence hurts as much as the PBS did. Like picking at a scab.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2008, at 15:21:22
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive » Gabbee, posted by Tabitha on June 17, 2008, at 12:31:15
>
>
> And FWIW I didn't think "fractious friendship" sounded like it was meant to be insulting.I agree. It struck me as a very careful word choice intended to reflect the truth without judgment.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2008, at 15:27:47
In reply to Re: BOB???? » muffled, posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 13:06:12
Posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 16:44:03
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive, posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2008, at 15:21:22
> >
> >
> > And FWIW I didn't think "fractious friendship" sounded like it was meant to be insulting.
>
> I agree. It struck me as a very careful word choice intended to reflect the truth without judgment.
How was it received by the person it was intended for? When I look up the word fractious in several on line dictionaries, the word seems to imply something negative. If someone told me our friendship was fractious I would feel hurt if I thought we had a good friendship. Sometimes even the truth is better left unsaid here because of the rules, whether it is blatant or subtle, it still has the same effect on another person.That is why when I get blocked, it was because it was not subtle, too much work to try to stay under the radar of the rules of of this site, I just say what I mean, suffer the coincidences. I have been on the receiving end of subtle insults, it hurts still the same as someone being direct.
Posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 16:45:28
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive » gardenergirl, posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 16:44:03
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 16:57:32
In reply to post above not meant for GG or anyone paticular (nm), posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 16:45:28
Posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:08:21
In reply to snort (nm), posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 16:57:32
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 17:27:59
In reply to exactly (nm), posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:08:21
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 17:28:25
In reply to at least now we're talking (nm), posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 17:27:59
Posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:30:48
In reply to even if only in one sentence posts (nm), posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 17:28:25
Posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:32:53
In reply to YUP (nm), posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:30:48
Posted by adelaide curtis on June 18, 2008, at 17:46:50
In reply to LOL (nm), posted by Happyflower on June 18, 2008, at 17:32:53
the relationship in question is mine. it was very hurtful for her to speak on board about an off board situation. I did and was pbc. but she keeps going on and on and on. yes yes i am not worth her time however I should still be respected as a human being!
seeing what she posted on "grief" about our relationship was jaw dropping!
I guess I did not follow your instructions to "f*ck off" or "jump off" thing cs.
i will be blocked for the truth. You are mean !
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 17:58:31
In reply to this has to stop!, posted by adelaide curtis on June 18, 2008, at 17:46:50
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 18:05:02
In reply to this has to stop!, posted by adelaide curtis on June 18, 2008, at 17:46:50
Guess not. But now everyone can see what the definition of the word I was PBS'd for using really means, in living colour. Yowza. Here it is, folks, for all to see.
Posted by muffled on June 18, 2008, at 18:23:42
In reply to this has to stop!, posted by adelaide curtis on June 18, 2008, at 17:46:50
I like BOTH you guys!!!
I consider neither to be perfect.
I myself am SO far from perfect :-(
But we all have our moments, and I just hope we can try and cut each other a little slack. Cuz life is hard, and we get them dumb emotions(UGH, I HATE emotions) and away we go....
BUT we also have the wonderous ability to forgive, and do our best to forget, and once again eventually carefully give a person another chance. Its hard I know. But it can be done.
NEITHER party is some sort of horrible ogre. They are both caring people, I have seen it. This is a pothole in the road, the road goes on.
Forgiviness is a gift...to all.
We all hurt.
Thats why we here.
Lets try and just be with each other a reduce the hurt as best as we can.
My thots.
M
Posted by muffled on June 18, 2008, at 18:25:11
In reply to this has to stop!, posted by adelaide curtis on June 18, 2008, at 17:46:50
Posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 18:35:45
In reply to Well.....FWIW, posted by muffled on June 18, 2008, at 18:23:42
OK, so what I've been trying to do here is let go of something. Desperately trying to let go.
Posted by muffled on June 18, 2008, at 19:57:35
In reply to Re: Well.....FWIW, posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 18:35:45
STOP.
FULL STOP.
Posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 9:30:52
In reply to this has to stop!, posted by adelaide curtis on June 18, 2008, at 17:46:50
> You are mean !
Adelaide, you've recently been warned not to post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down. I'm going to ask you again to follow site guidelines. I recognize that you are feeling some frustration with Administration. However, please try not to respond in that frustration on the board to other posters.
Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 9:33:07
In reply to Is there a deputy in the house? anywhere?, posted by ClearSkies on June 18, 2008, at 18:05:02
> Guess not. But now everyone can see what the definition of the word I was PBS'd for using really means, in living colour. Yowza. Here it is, folks, for all to see.
Clearskies, you've recently been warned to be sensitive to the feelings of others and not to post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down. I'm going to ask you again to follow site guidelines. I recognize that you are feeling some frustration with Administration. However, please try not to respond in that frustration on the board to other posters.
Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by Deputy Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 9:39:56
In reply to Please be civil » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on June 19, 2008, at 9:33:07
I forgot to use my deputy login.
I also apologize for not acting sooner on this thread, and perhaps in general. It is not always easy to know what is expected of one in a deputy role, and sometimes perhaps it is too easy to wait for Dr. Bob, when I'm not entirely sure what Dr. Bob's wishes may be, without recognizing that not acting at all is also an action.
I really am sorry for that.
Dinah, not acting for Dr. Bob in this post, but apologizing as a deputy
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 23, 2008, at 1:35:19
In reply to Re: Please be sensitive » muffled, posted by ClearSkies on June 16, 2008, at 9:46:15
> > fractious- 1 : tending to be troublesome : unruly <a fractious crowd>
>
> this did cause me distress. I chose the description of the friendship as carefully as I could (I even looked the darn word up on the dictionary and said, yup! that's what it was). I thought that I was only being accurate, as the adjective does not imply blame, and neither was I when I was describing it.
>
> This PBS does not sit well with me. But perhaps it's telling me to just shut my yap and go away. That in trying to offer an explanation I'm looking more like a fool than I already feel.I apologize for not replying sooner. I didn't mean to cause you distress or to imply that you should shut anything, let alone go away. Neither did I mean to imply that you implied blame. But I do think that if a friendship is referred to as troublesome, the friend may feel they're troublesome, too.
In this case, I wonder if hearing about Slinky contributed to the trouble. Being fractious in the sense of "2 : quarrelsome, irritable" can be a way of dealing with loss.
> Is there a deputy in the house?
Muffled, thanks for showing how someone doesn't need to be a deputy to try to reach out, support, calm, and defuse a situation.
Bob
Posted by SLS on June 27, 2008, at 10:16:56
In reply to NO MORE POSTS HERE OR I NEVER COME BACK, posted by muffled on June 18, 2008, at 19:57:35
> STOP.
> FULL STOP.You have strength. I've seen it.
Do you suppose that there is another way that you might choose to respond to upsetting remarks without hurting yourself? The key word is CHOOSE. Wouldn't leaving PB be a sort of self-injury?
Perhaps you could take a "time-out" and not react so quickly to posts that you find upsetting. You can "sleep on it" for some number of minutes and deliberate your healthiest alternative before choosing your action.
As you said:
> STOP.
> FULL STOP.The person who has stopped here is you. You have stopped the support and growth experiences that are available here. Nobody can suggest to you how to feel. Feelings just are. Suggesting behaviors is a different story. Here, you do have choices.
FULL STOP? That can't be good. Perhaps FULL GO is equally deleterious. You have plenty of time between posts to think about what is best for you. Maybe you can continue to feel with your heart, but let your brain act as a filter and choice-maker. Mentally processing your behaviors and the behavior of others as you do now ALLOWS for hurt. You have the choice to establish your own boundaries or continue to allow others to set them for you. These boundaries reside in your mind. It takes work and practice to build new ones that do not leave you so vulnerable to the words of others. As things exist now, you are allowing others to determine your behavior. Wrestle back control. Let only yourself determine your behavior. You can help prevent the words of others from hurting you by being sure of who you are and what it is you want out of life.
If you have a problem with the behavior of another, my suggestion is that you contact administration privately. This alternative has been made available to you.
DON'T STOP or you will get stuck! Once you get stuck, it is harder to start moving again.
I haven't walked a single step in your shoes. I don't suppose I ever can. However, maybe I can convince you to keep your shoes on so that your feet don't burn and bleed while you continue to walk over the hot coals that you insist on doing.
I probably don't know what I'm talking about, but I hope I've come close.
- Scott
Posted by rskontos on June 29, 2008, at 18:45:31
In reply to Re: NO MORE POSTS HERE OR I NEVER COME BACK » muffled, posted by SLS on June 27, 2008, at 10:16:56
we lost a friend and I was having a hard time posting, I deleted three different posts on three different threads because I was too upset and now this fights. I am sorry for this too.
it hurts to lose Slinky and it hurts to lose Clear Skies. and I don't want Adeleine (sorry i misspelled) to hurt either especially now while we mourn the loss of a Babbler.
rsk
This is the end of the thread.
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