Shown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by terra miller on June 17, 2002, at 22:38:47
Hi. In less than two weeks... my mother is visiting (rolling eyes), i have a meeting with a new pdoc --my insurance changed and old pdoc no longer covered, so i've got to break in/interview another one to see how he's going to relate to a client with DID- usually they're compassionately knowledgeable or disbelieving or look at you like you're some circus case.... and i have a court hearing to see if my temporary protective order can be made permanent. and, i've got some trauma that i don't really believe anyway related to american flags, so i can't wait until this season is over!
As you can imagine, I am disoriented most of the time. I am so together outwardly for my kids. Writing here is one of the things that keeps me sane, because I can relate as a compassionate and knowledgeable adult. (at least i try to... <smile>) But most of the time I cannot find myself and I'm living in a cloud and protecting myself so much that i cannot trust even my therapist.
so that's my life. in three weeks it's going to look so different. but for now, i can't even see. fyi.
~terra~
Posted by judy1 on June 17, 2002, at 23:55:44
In reply to me and my next two weeks., posted by terra miller on June 17, 2002, at 22:38:47
I'm so sorry Terra. Personally the anticipation of stress is often worse than actually going through it, and I imagine that is why you're going into a 'protective' daze/dissoc. I probably asked this before, but it seems having your mother visiting is causing you stress- is there any way you can delay it? I imagine some things you don't have control over like your court appearance- but that is a positive move and hopefully you will still have the support of your therapist. As far as the psychiatrist- this is for medication right? (no therapy?) Can you have your therapist speak to him/her first so that you know whether you're walking into a sympathetic or doubting atmosphere. Even better, would your insurance supply several names so your therapist can screen them first (if you don't feel up to it). I just don't think it's your job to educate a shrink- especially with all you are going through. BTW, yes you are amazingly clear and supportive on this board, so perhaps knowing how capable you are will help in the coming 2 weeks. I wish you all the best- judy
Posted by terra miller on June 18, 2002, at 9:50:36
In reply to Re: me and my next two weeks. » terra miller, posted by judy1 on June 17, 2002, at 23:55:44
> I'm so sorry Terra. Personally the anticipation of stress is often worse than actually going through it
I'm not a big worrier, actually. What I tend to do is start to remember past abuse situations in order to start protecting myself from it happening again.... it's all kind of removed like watching a movie... and then I end up doing what I can to make this experience different (ie: learning from experience) This all happens fairly remotely, so I end up feeling really cloudy while my life goes into autopilot/protective mode.
>Can you have your therapist speak to him/her first so that you know whether you're walking into a sympathetic or doubting atmosphere. Even better, would your insurance supply several names so your therapist can screen them first (if you don't feel up to it). I just don't think it's your job to educate a shrink- especially with all you are going through.I had forgotten to mention the name to my therapist. Thank you for reminding me. I will do that.
I don't feel that I need to educate him, but I need to know up front what his bent is so that I don't waste my time. I have only one pdoc from which to choose that's on the insurance that is still accepting new clients. (I find that a bit incredible considering the metropolitan area in which I am located!)
>BTW, yes you are amazingly clear and supportive on this board, so perhaps knowing how capable you are will help in the coming 2 weeks.
My therapist says that I have a tendency to "rise to the occasion" when it's necessary. :-) Too bad I can't "make" that happen at will.... it kind of stinks to just "hope" it happens, even if I tell myself that it probably will since it happens that way in the past.
Thanks for your support.
Posted by judy1 on June 22, 2002, at 1:56:05
In reply to Re: me and my next two weeks. » judy1, posted by terra miller on June 18, 2002, at 9:50:36
This is the end of the thread.
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