Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 378

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me and my next two weeks.

Posted by terra miller on June 17, 2002, at 22:38:47

Hi. In less than two weeks... my mother is visiting (rolling eyes), i have a meeting with a new pdoc --my insurance changed and old pdoc no longer covered, so i've got to break in/interview another one to see how he's going to relate to a client with DID- usually they're compassionately knowledgeable or disbelieving or look at you like you're some circus case.... and i have a court hearing to see if my temporary protective order can be made permanent. and, i've got some trauma that i don't really believe anyway related to american flags, so i can't wait until this season is over!

As you can imagine, I am disoriented most of the time. I am so together outwardly for my kids. Writing here is one of the things that keeps me sane, because I can relate as a compassionate and knowledgeable adult. (at least i try to... <smile>) But most of the time I cannot find myself and I'm living in a cloud and protecting myself so much that i cannot trust even my therapist.

so that's my life. in three weeks it's going to look so different. but for now, i can't even see. fyi.

~terra~

 

Re: me and my next two weeks. » terra miller

Posted by judy1 on June 17, 2002, at 23:55:44

In reply to me and my next two weeks., posted by terra miller on June 17, 2002, at 22:38:47

I'm so sorry Terra. Personally the anticipation of stress is often worse than actually going through it, and I imagine that is why you're going into a 'protective' daze/dissoc. I probably asked this before, but it seems having your mother visiting is causing you stress- is there any way you can delay it? I imagine some things you don't have control over like your court appearance- but that is a positive move and hopefully you will still have the support of your therapist. As far as the psychiatrist- this is for medication right? (no therapy?) Can you have your therapist speak to him/her first so that you know whether you're walking into a sympathetic or doubting atmosphere. Even better, would your insurance supply several names so your therapist can screen them first (if you don't feel up to it). I just don't think it's your job to educate a shrink- especially with all you are going through. BTW, yes you are amazingly clear and supportive on this board, so perhaps knowing how capable you are will help in the coming 2 weeks. I wish you all the best- judy

 

Re: me and my next two weeks. » judy1

Posted by terra miller on June 18, 2002, at 9:50:36

In reply to Re: me and my next two weeks. » terra miller, posted by judy1 on June 17, 2002, at 23:55:44

> I'm so sorry Terra. Personally the anticipation of stress is often worse than actually going through it

I'm not a big worrier, actually. What I tend to do is start to remember past abuse situations in order to start protecting myself from it happening again.... it's all kind of removed like watching a movie... and then I end up doing what I can to make this experience different (ie: learning from experience) This all happens fairly remotely, so I end up feeling really cloudy while my life goes into autopilot/protective mode.


>Can you have your therapist speak to him/her first so that you know whether you're walking into a sympathetic or doubting atmosphere. Even better, would your insurance supply several names so your therapist can screen them first (if you don't feel up to it). I just don't think it's your job to educate a shrink- especially with all you are going through.

I had forgotten to mention the name to my therapist. Thank you for reminding me. I will do that.

I don't feel that I need to educate him, but I need to know up front what his bent is so that I don't waste my time. I have only one pdoc from which to choose that's on the insurance that is still accepting new clients. (I find that a bit incredible considering the metropolitan area in which I am located!)

>BTW, yes you are amazingly clear and supportive on this board, so perhaps knowing how capable you are will help in the coming 2 weeks.

My therapist says that I have a tendency to "rise to the occasion" when it's necessary. :-) Too bad I can't "make" that happen at will.... it kind of stinks to just "hope" it happens, even if I tell myself that it probably will since it happens that way in the past.


Thanks for your support.

 

Terra, how are you feeling? (nm)

Posted by judy1 on June 22, 2002, at 1:56:05

In reply to Re: me and my next two weeks. » judy1, posted by terra miller on June 18, 2002, at 9:50:36


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