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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by likelife on February 26, 2003, at 0:15:44
I've been in therapy for something like 5 years, with 6-7 different therapists, because I've moved so much, changed insurance, etc.
Now that I've been with the same therapist for 2+ years, I sometimes wonder whether I belong in therapy anymore. Actually, my therapist makes me wonder whether I should be. She's told me that if I'm only continuing to come because I feel safe, that I should quit, because I'm wasting both her time and my time. And I think she's right. I'm afraid I will continue to manufacture problems, because I've found someone who will listen to me, really listen to me, and I don't want to give it up.
Then, on the other hand, it seems like there continue to be plenty of 'issues' for me to work on that might not be so imminent and well, life-threatening, but still seem important. I have tried to picture termination, and striking out on my own as it were, but I get panicky when I think about it, or I just stop thinking about it all together.
There are many transference/relationship issues that have been coming up over the past 4-5 months in therapy. And for a long while I was feeling extremely desperate because I felt like I couldn't get what I needed from therapy (which was largely just comfort). I've distanced myself somewhat from those needs, and have learned that I need to have them fulfilled elsewhere. At least the adult part of me has done that.
I don't want to leave therapy, but get the feeling that maybe I should. Does anyone share these feelings?
Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2003, at 5:45:59
In reply to trapped in therapy, posted by likelife on February 26, 2003, at 0:15:44
On occasion.
I know what I do without therapy, which is to move away from my feelings and function on autopilot. When my therapist is away and I get upset, I take a nap and live through life in a robotic fog until he returns. But it's not a bad feeling. Therapy gives me a chance to dwell on how I'm feeling and sometimes I wonder if that's a bad thing. Perhaps life was meant to be lived on a more superficial, and safer, level.
Have you made a checklist of the pros and cons and really considered them? Gone over your confusion with your therapist? Ironically, that's just the sort of thing they're good for.
What would life without therapy look like? Are you bored or dissatisfied with your sessions?
Maybe you've gotten all you can from this therapist and if you find you need a therapist you should try elsewhere.
These are all questions I have asked myself, especially when I'm feeling good.
When in crisis of course, I just cling to the next session like a dying man to a rope. And realize that my therapist is one of my supports for when I'm feeling pretty unstable.
Full circle. It is a hard question to decide. The books make it seem so easy. You get better and are better able to cope, you don't need the therapy sessions anymore, and there is a mutual decision to end therapy. Darn books. They set unreasonable standards.
Posted by waterlily on February 26, 2003, at 8:54:23
In reply to trapped in therapy, posted by likelife on February 26, 2003, at 0:15:44
> I'm afraid I will continue to manufacture problems, because I've found someone who will listen to me, really listen to me, and I don't want to give it up.
I've been going to therapy every other week for the past two years and I feel the same way - like I have to be on the lookout for problems so I'll have something to talk about. I think that maybe if I wasn't in therapy at all I'd be more content.
> Then, on the other hand, it seems like there continue to be plenty of 'issues' for me to work on that might not be so imminent and well, life-threatening, but still seem important.I feel the same way in that I still have plenty of things that bug me. Thing is, it's always the same thing. I feel like I'm not making progress. When I wanted to take a month off therapy because I had maxed out my therapy visits on my insurance, my therapist was very clear that she didn't think that was a good idea and cut her fees considerably so I'd keep the biweekly sessions. Perhaps I have a lot more work to go than I think I do.
>I have tried to picture termination, and striking out on my own as it were, but I get panicky when I think about it.
I'm not paniky about it, but am disturbed that with as much time as I have spent with my therapist I don't envision parting ways being a problem.
> I don't want to leave therapy, but get the feeling that maybe I should. Does anyone share these feelings?
Maybe you should do some sort of 'maintenance therapy' where you space your visits a month or two apart. I know that when I quit it won't be cold turkey.
Posted by judy1 on February 26, 2003, at 16:22:52
In reply to trapped in therapy, posted by likelife on February 26, 2003, at 0:15:44
actually I envy your progress, but do understand the attachment you've formed with your therapist. I like the suggestion of the last poster to space some sessions out and perhaps ask her help in terminating by just going less and less. I think it's like any phase in life- it's always easier to cling to the safe and predictable, but so much more rewarding to move on and grow. I wish you well- judy
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