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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by stebby on August 24, 2003, at 20:17:40
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 23, 2003, at 21:39:05
Yes, that's the thing. Even in the book "In Session" the author never really describes how one resolves transference. Is it just that continually talking about it somehow takes the power out of it and it eventually goes away, or do you just give up hoping against hope and finding what you really want/need someplace else? I mean, one can only take so much of unrequited love until they give up in anger/frustration/shame. Right? I bet that's how it is "resolved." What do you think?
Posted by stebby on August 24, 2003, at 20:19:59
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 23, 2003, at 21:39:05
Posted by fallsfall on August 24, 2003, at 21:14:17
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by stebby on August 24, 2003, at 20:17:40
I hope there is more to it than just talking it to death. I can't believe that frustrating us to death would be a good solution, either.
My new therapist did work on my transference. He talked to me, but I don't remember what he said - I know he was talking about the general topic of people being mad at other people (which is relevant to my transference). After that session I felt much better. That was the first time the transference pain was better after a session. The next session he asked me about how I felt about the transference, but I was in a fog and didn't understand his question. Then he was more blunt and asked if I felt better after the previous session. So he already knew that I felt better. Magic.
I want to know what is going on, but at the same time I kind of like the magic.
He brought on the transference this past session again. I believe (but I don't know for sure) that he did this on purpose. I think that he chose a topic that would make me think he was mad at me (and it worked). So, I guess I think he has the magic in both directions.
I could be all wrong, but that is how I see it today.
Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2003, at 21:22:08
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 24, 2003, at 21:14:17
I don't care what my therapist says, it's magic.
I go in feeling bad, I leave feeling better.
Magic.
Posted by justyourlaugh on August 24, 2003, at 22:28:36
In reply to Re: Magic. That's what it is all right..... » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on August 24, 2003, at 21:22:08
i go in feeling..freaked
leave feeling okay...
j
Posted by Dinah on August 24, 2003, at 22:34:55
In reply to Re: Magic. That's what it is all right....., posted by justyourlaugh on August 24, 2003, at 22:28:36
> i go in feeling..freaked
> leave feeling okay...
> j
See? Magic.
Posted by allisonf on August 25, 2003, at 2:15:26
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by stebby on August 24, 2003, at 20:01:45
Same here, my 1st infatuation like this was with a teacher in 6th grade. It was sometimes hard to distinguish them from ordinary crushes b/c they understandably created some of the same energy. The hypomania part for me is that these crushes recently cause my sleep schedule to be completely disrupted--I can't settle down from all the racing thoughts I have about what to say to them (I might pace while I go over this out loud/pressured speech), what I think will happen with them (which involves some level of gradiousity), etc. Fantasies I have about them end up with me having *so* much energy--sexual energy yes, but also feeling agitated or needing to write or exercise. I'd write 20 pages/day in my journal easy over something like that perfume incident. Also, I have felt the need to run a couple miles in the middle of the night, or do 100 situps at 3am, etc.
I'm not sure of the answer to the chicken/egg question about the hypomania/transference. I know that I do experience symptoms of hypomania in other contexts, which is why I don't really believe my diagnosis is too far off. But I do know that times when I am depressed or just normal, the infatuation with my therapist isn't nearly as intrusive. When I am in a hypomanic phase, I think they work in tandem--I'm primed to interpret what she does a certain way, then she does it, I'm full of energy reliving the conversation, we have another phonecall where she says something else...it just kind of feeds on itself, know what I mean? Have you had this kind of experience?
I do think it's common to fantasize about all kinds of things while you're having sex with your spouse--maybe even other people. But your therapist? I have the same doubts as you. Despite my earlier post, I haven't really gone that far.
You know, I just cked out In Session again tonight, and you're right, not a lot of "how tos" on getting past this thing. How did you resolve it with all the other crushes you had in your life? Mine were best resolved by walking away from those people. But then I was not as invested in those relationships nearly as much as I am with my therapist.
Posted by stebby on August 25, 2003, at 19:44:42
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 24, 2003, at 21:14:17
Magic! Just like that...ok, I guess I know what you mean. I have felt that magic after a session on occassion, but it doesn't last long as I return to reality. Usually after therapy I spend two or three days obsessing over everything we discussed and can't concentrate on anything else. Sometimes, that drives me crazy. Does that ever happen to you?
Posted by stebby on August 25, 2003, at 19:55:56
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by allisonf on August 25, 2003, at 2:15:26
OK, so you haven't fantasized about your therapist while having sex w/ your husband...now I feel even wackier than everyone else...
Getting over these other transference situations has involved moving on to someone else or moving on in life in general. Mostly, I have just been forced to get over it because I moved to a new locatio or entered another school...life just changes.
Your descriptions of hypomania are interesting. I have definitley lost lots of sleep over obsessing about my last therapy session, but I have no desire to get up and do 100 sit-ups. At one point my pdoc suggested that I go on Lithium, and I declined saying that I am definitley not bipolar. I certainly obsess a lot, but don't have these energy bursts you talk about.
Gotta run tonight...
Posted by fallsfall on August 25, 2003, at 21:42:54
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » fallsfall, posted by stebby on August 25, 2003, at 19:44:42
With my first therapist, I would see her on Tuesday at 11. I would spend the next 6 hours trying to process what we had said. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't talk to anyone (I couldn't form sentances). Tuesday evening I could start to talk to friends. I didn't feel like I could do anything significant (grocery shop, clean, pay bills etc.) until Thursday evening. That was when my brain would start to function.
I see a different therapist now, and I don't have that same problem. I can talk to people within an hour or two of my session (I still like to get some ice cream by myself first).
I think that what was happening with me and my first therapist was that seeing her was kicking up such transference agony that I couldn't think. It took a long time to settle down from that. My new therapist (even when he does kick up the transference) doesn't affect me as much. My life is definately easier/better than it was with my first therapist.
I don't know how therapy impacts other people, so I don't know if I'm typical or not. What you are describing sounds more like what I had before. I'm really hoping that I don't end up there again.
You might want to describe in detail for your therapist what happens during those two or three days and see what he says.
I'd be interested to know.
Posted by allisonf on August 25, 2003, at 22:21:46
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by stebby on August 25, 2003, at 19:55:56
Ok, I just do not accept that you are any wackier than me! Please don't think that I haven't fantasized about my therapist when I am sexually involved...just not as much with my husband as when I am not with him. And there is a fair amount of that kind of fantasizing going on. Whew. I cannot believe I just said that.
I think you are right to decline the lithium & bipolar diagnosis. My therapist is quick to dismiss the intensity of my feelings as hypomanic. But hearing what you are going thru makes me realize that there is something much deeper going on in my own case. I am confronting her about it tomorrow, I swear!
Posted by allisonf on August 25, 2003, at 22:58:22
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by stebby on August 25, 2003, at 19:55:56
Posted by Bunnyz32 on August 26, 2003, at 10:00:13
In reply to Why bother with therapy?, posted by stebby on August 15, 2003, at 11:00:07
I certainly don't bother, and I am better for it. I simply take my meds(prozac and buspar) and go on with life.
I accept the fact, that life can be a pain in the ass, at times, and our job is to make life a bit more bearable for others and ourself.
Posted by stebby on August 26, 2003, at 19:54:17
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by allisonf on August 25, 2003, at 22:21:46
What do you mean, "hearing what you are going thru makes me realize that there is something much deeper
going on in my own case. I am confronting her about it tomorrow, I swear!" You can't just say something like that and not explain it! You made me laugh out loud when you said "whew, I cannot believe I just said that" I felt the same way after writing about the fantasizing during sex thing, especially after I realized that THE WHOLE WORLD can read what I'm writing. Thank God no one knows who I am. I can't imagine one of my students getting ahold of this stuff. I'd never live it down! I'd have to leave town.I have just returned home after a week away at my in-laws. Returning to town has really brought on the transference stuff again. I went jogging and saw my old therapist drive by...can't stop thinking about it, and when I'm not thinking about her, I'm thinking about my new therapist...helpp!!!!!!!!! How was your appointment today?
I think I am going to print out this entire post and bring it to my therapy session next week. I tend to filter everything down when I talk to my therapist...this might actually be more productive. What do you think?
Posted by stebby on August 26, 2003, at 20:02:37
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 25, 2003, at 21:42:54
What you describe is a lot like what happens to me after therapy. Somedays seesm to be better than others ie., it doesn't take as long to get over. Other times I can't function for a few days. My work forces me to function, but its difficult. Do you think you might have just grown more accustomed to therapy and thus don't have that klind of reaction, or do you think your therpapist does something different? I also wonder whther this is a typical reaction to therapy for most people. I remeber one time when I went to a friends house to pick my son up after a session and I could barely speak to my friend. I had to tell her I had to leave because I was too disctarcted to carry on any form of communication. Sometimes, I have to right back to teaching a class. That kind of forces me to snap out of it at least temporarily. Gosh, I don't want tos start that again when I return to therapy and teaching next week!
Posted by stebby on August 26, 2003, at 20:03:49
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Bunnyz32 on August 26, 2003, at 10:00:13
Did you ever try therapy? If so, what happened?
Posted by Bunnyz32 on August 26, 2003, at 20:17:56
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Bunnyz32, posted by stebby on August 26, 2003, at 20:03:49
Yes, I did try therapy. A few times. Nothing happened that's the whole crux of the matter.
I find that concentrating on what I can do for others, in need or in trouble, helps me 100 times over.
I try SOME of the 12 step philosphy and read religious literature of all kinds.
Of course I am on medication which makes ALL the difference in the world, BUT the person to prescribe it to me was my general practioner, AKA family doctor. I like this much better.
Also, EACH individual is different, what works for me, may not work for you. Some folks swear by therapy. I just can't get "into it". Other folks say meds ruined their lives, meds have improved my life.
Posted by stebby on August 26, 2003, at 20:35:47
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Bunnyz32 on August 26, 2003, at 20:17:56
I have often thought that spending my time helping other people may be the best medicine. My life's work (teaching) involves this, but I'd like to get involved with people who are in desparate need. Its good to hear your opinion.
Posted by fallsfall on August 26, 2003, at 21:32:29
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » fallsfall, posted by stebby on August 26, 2003, at 20:02:37
The decreased reaction after a therapy session is definately related to changing therapists. It was like night and day. Even when I have a really rough session with my new therapist, it doesn't affect me as long as it did with my old therapist.
I really don't know how other people feel after their therapy. It would be interesting to know. Anyone want to tell us how a therapy session affects you?
When I was healthy enough to work, I didn't have the same problem after each session. So I could go to work (30 minute drive in between) and be OK. But my job allowed me to pretty much hide in front of my computer if I didn't want to talk to people. I also don't want to do something immediately because I want to think about what we talked about.
Good luck next week!
Posted by Adia on August 26, 2003, at 22:36:38
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 26, 2003, at 21:32:29
Hi, I've been reading for some time now and posted a message in the medication board..
I've been in therapy for 3 years now, my therapist is wonderful and i truly feel she has 'rescued' me in some way...i feel i wouldn't be here if it weren't for her...we talk a lot about my feelings for her, I do tell her how much i sometimes wish she could protect me or hold me as a mother would. (I have a history of sexual abuse and stuff) She's been wonderful about it all.
I have trouble opening up, though, and talking directly about things...putting things into words (I usually write) and crying in front of her and stuf like that...
I see her once a week.(but i e-mail her in b/sessions if i am finding it hard to cope or i call her)
After each session, I usually feel I want to be all by myself and I can't handle much...I don't want to be with my b/f or talk to him, I just want to go home and go to sleep..and think about what happened or maybe write about it if i feel the need or if i couldn't quite tell her what I wanted...
If during the session I am not able to share with her what is truly weighing on my heart, I feel awful..I get desperate, I find it really hard to face the days, knowing I'll have to wait one more week...Sometimes I even call her crying and she has to reassure me that we will see each other in a week's time...
I find it a bit hard in between sessions, the first days after seeing her I sometimes feel really scared.....but if i have been able to connect to her i feel relieved somehow and i feel i will be able to hang on till next time..
i guess right now i'm not doing very well, cause my goal is to get through the days till i can see her...just feeling overwhelmed..
sorry for sharing all of this.
I wanted to say it's been really helpful to read the discussions on the board...
Adia.
Posted by Bunnyz32 on August 27, 2003, at 7:24:26
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Bunnyz32, posted by stebby on August 26, 2003, at 20:35:47
> I have often thought that spending my time helping other people may be the best medicine. My life's work (teaching) involves this, but I'd like to get involved with people who are in desparate need. Its good to hear your opinion.
===========================================
Wow, you sound VERY accomplished! What do you teach????
Posted by allisonf on August 27, 2003, at 9:13:48
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by stebby on August 26, 2003, at 19:54:17
I'm curious too--what do you teach? I was laughing too when you wrote about the whole world reading what you are writing about your sex life. I feel that way exactly! I try to tell myself that I really am a very open person so it doesn't matter that I am posting some of my most intimate thoughts. It's true, you know. I really am a very open person... :-)
I didn't mean to be cryptic when I wrote the "something deeper" thing. It's just that a lot of times when I try to address transference issues with my therapist, she dismisses some of it as a product of my hypomania. Listening to your story and those of others here, I feel like it's not all about hypomania b/c many of you are unipolar or not diag with a mood disorder, right? So yesterday, I told her about what I've been posting...and I felt like she heard me. When I quizzed her about how a psychodynamic person would handle this, she answered, but then asked about my "real" question: if I thought psychoanalysis would be better for me. I think she was good at making me see that all of the theoretical approaches are really moving towards the same goal. And she asked to borrow my copy of "In Session", which made me feel really good, like she really wants to understand where I'm coming from. Oh, like I need more reasons to love her!
I think getting out of town is almost as good medicine as helping others less fortunate. Sorry that the jogging incident brought everything back! I think it is a marvelous idea to print out this post for your new therapist--please let me know how it goes. When is your next appt?
Good luck with the start of the school year!
Posted by fallsfall on August 27, 2003, at 9:14:04
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Adia on August 26, 2003, at 22:36:38
>>i guess right now i'm not doing very well, cause my goal is to get through the days till i can see her
I can certainly relate to that! Therapy has often seemed the only important focus of my week. She would encourage me to "get a life" so that therapy wouldn't be my life. But that was not something I could do. With my new therapist I don't feel that way as much. I don't know if that is because he sees me twice a week, or because our relationship is too new to have that kind of depth (?).
It sounds like you are trying to do what you can to make progress in your therapy. It is hard when you can't say what you need to say. I often would write things down and then read them, or have her read them if I couldn't speak the words.
I'm glad that you have some support from her between sessions.
I'm glad you posted, Adia. Let us know how it goes!
Posted by allisonf on August 27, 2003, at 9:27:50
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Adia on August 26, 2003, at 22:36:38
Welcome to the conversation Adia! fallsfall's post just made me think of this: have you thought about seeing your therp twice a week for awhile? I know that times when I've been feeling like I'm having a hard time making it to the next appt, I schedule double sessions that week. I know that might not be feasible time or $ wise, but it's just an idea. I think it's great that you can e-mail her between sessions! I would definitely be doing that if I had my therapist's e-mail address (I think its odd how all these therapists have different policies on out of session communication).
Also, something else you made me think of...I am always thinking, thinking, thinking of what I didn't say to my therapist, what I should have said, what I will say next week, how she will respond, etc. (racing thoughts, I think?) and it nearly drives me crazy. I know this isn't what you described happens to you, but I do understand that feeling of desperation that comes from not having said something you intended to say. My therapist said something to me once, that I always repeat to myself when this whole thing gets bad. She said, "everything you want to say in therapy will come out eventually." I know that's not anything all that profound, but somehow it gets me thru.
Glad you decided to start posting here.
Take care--A
Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2003, at 12:10:21
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Adia, posted by allisonf on August 27, 2003, at 9:27:50
I deal with obsessing about what I didn't say by writing a letter to him with all my carefully thought out ideas and bringing it to the next session. Once it's down on paper, I magically cease to obsess. Sometimes I don't even bother bringing what I wrote.
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