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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by johnnysad on September 6, 2003, at 17:09:34
Two years ago I was a highly functional tech wiz, now I have been unemployed for a long time. My last job payed very well, but due to stress, confusion, vertigo, and anxiety, I walked away from it. I've lost everything and I've been hospitalized several times for serious depression.
Originally placed on Paxil after a week's stay in the hospital, Trazadone and Klonopin were added. I am now on Effexor. Things get better for awhile while on new meds. I even applied for a job recently, but blew my chances during the negotiation stage. The Paxil didn't work. I was told I had refractory major depression and had experienced totall SSRI failure.
I have someone new in my life, and it's a good thing, otherwise I doubt I would be alive having to face the reality of living on the street.
I am so frightened. Sadness seems to just take over. I also have great difficulty sleeping and am trying to get into a sleep clinic to find out the problem. It's difficult with no money or insurance, so I am at the whim of the local university system. Counseling is almost nonexistent, though I can see a psychiatrist for meds.
I experience bouts of rage that frighten myself and others, usually in response to feeling belittled or abused. I scream and curse. A few years ago after having a few drinks, I even threw things and ended up without a place to stay any more. I've made several suicide attempts over the course of my lifetime. The first when I was 15. Things get better, then go back to being awful.
I'm smart and creative and managed to get through college with high grades and find a career that paid well and acted as a creative outlet, but I'm estranged from my family and all my old friends. And though I am still skilled, I'm having difficulty finding work, and I'm worried that when I do, my emotional state may cause me to lose it again.
My new family is helpful and understanding, but can only take so much and I am worried that we too shall part company. My lover and companion refuses to sleep in the same bed with me. She says I thrash about, scream, and curse. I've even pulled her hair and attempted to punch her while in that state.
Someone please help. My life has always been hard, I've always had to deal with the battle against depression, but things are so much worse now. I no longer feel like I'm in control of my own mind at times and it really sucks. I'm a talented, smart, and loving person most of the time. 225mg of Effexor for today and I'm crying like a baby.
Can anyone suggest anything?
Thanks
Posted by fallsfall on September 6, 2003, at 18:42:06
In reply to Please help - life is a nightmare, posted by johnnysad on September 6, 2003, at 17:09:34
Sounds like things really are difficult for you. I'm sorry.
I guess the suggestion that I would have for you would be to find a creative way to get some therapy.
Sometimes there are groups that work on a sliding scale - so their more affluent patients pay more, and their less affluent patients pay less (often a lot less). Your pdoc could probably point you to a group like that in your area.
The second possibility is that as new therapists are trained, they need to start out with patients. I am assuming that they would be less expensive.
My third idea is to find a Depression Support Group (call the local hospitals, look in newspapers, check your pdoc's office bulletin board, ask your pdoc). I am in a group that meets once a week. It is so helpful to talk to other people who know what it is like to not be able to get out of bed, or who have experience with a med that is new for me. We give each other sympathy, support, a kick in the pants, coping skills that we have learned. You might want to look for a Support group even if you get into therapy.
Please be sure that you are really clear with your pdoc about everything that is going on. He can help you more if he has more information.
If therapy seems impossible, then perhaps if you get a job you will have health insurance that will help. You could line someone up for therapy before you started your job so that they could support you at the beginning of the job. (I am a software engineer, this is my second time being out of work on Disability. I know how hard it was to start at a new company after the first time. But I did, and did really well for more than 2 years.)
I wish you luck, and hope you keep us up to date on how it is going
Posted by mattdds on September 7, 2003, at 0:02:12
In reply to Please help - life is a nightmare, posted by johnnysad on September 6, 2003, at 17:09:34
Hi,
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Please don't give into the delusion of hopelessness that always comes with the disease. I really believe that *all* can be helped, and that the prognosis for depression with adequate treatment is quite good.
CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) is a well studied treatment modality. It has success rates comparable to medications in major studies. It also has lower relapse rates after treatment.
I personally have had tremendous success with it, and some others here have had similar success.
If money is a problem at this time, you could purchase 2 books that are the two most highly recommended self-help books by mental health professionals. In my opinion, this is the most "bang for your buck". The books give an excellent synopsis of CBT, and provide exercises that most therapist would prescribe during CBT. You can do these helpful exercises on your own as a form of "self-help".
"Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"
"The Feeling Good Handbook"Both are written by David Burns, MD.
These two books have been key in my recovery. I highly recommend them both. I profit nothing from the recommendation, other than the satisfaction of recommending something that helped me tremendously.
An interesting fact about these books. They were actually studied as a prescribed treatment, with a large sample of patients. Half of the depressed patients were given "bibliotherapy" with these books, and the other group was given nothing. The results were quite impressive, with around 70% of the people in the bibliotherapy group responding positively(comparable to antidepressant medications!). This may sound gimmicky, but the science really is there to back up this form of treatment, clinically. This is especially true when no other alternatives are available for psychotherapy (e.g. as in your case).
Best of luck!
Matt
P.s. DO THE EXERCISES IN THE BOOKS
P.s.s DO THE EXERCISES IN THE BOOKS
Posted by justyourlaugh on September 7, 2003, at 10:33:15
In reply to Re: Please help - life is a nightmare » johnnysad, posted by mattdds on September 7, 2003, at 0:02:12
johnnysad...
i think you are in the right place..
many of us can not escape the overwhelming sadness that hangs above.
i am sorry you are feeling so sad..
never give into helplessness...i take over $300 in meds a month and still cry endlessly and needlessly...
it takes years to find the right medication that will give us improvements..but the rest is up to us..
take care of yourself and you new"family"
that all we can do sometimes..
peace mrsad
j
Posted by johnnysad on September 15, 2003, at 14:02:41
In reply to Re: Please help - life is a nightmare » johnnysad, posted by mattdds on September 7, 2003, at 0:02:12
Matt,
Thank you very much. The Paxil withdrawal seems to have run its course and the Effexor is now working. I bought the handbook, and it is fantastic! The exercises are very simple, but the answers are hard work. It's amazing to see how distorted my thinking has been.
The one thing I was most fearful of (besides completely losing my mind) was losing my girlfriend. That happened last week. She said she needed stability, and didn't want to live with me any more. I took it very hard, and took my feelings out on her. Even though she said she loved me and this didn't mean the end of our relationship, I acted instead of reacting, and told her I didn't want to see her any more. Of course, I have recanted. I'm working through the first section of the book and have over 2 pages on all the distorted thoughts related to what I did, and frankly, I'm a bit disturbed by them myself. We have talked a little, and she has even forgiven me, but she and the kids are no longer here. She loves me and misses me, but is avoiding me, and I finally have decided to concentrate all my efforts on getting well. I'm getting stronger every day, and I have a great deal of hope.
Ironically, I'm not depressed about all of this (I was at first), though I really miss her and the kids.
I've already apologized, told her how I feel about her, and let her know that I do want a relationship with her.
Besides leaving her alone until she's ready to deal with me, accepting the fact that we may not have a futue together now, and really working on myself--is there anything else I can do?
Thanks,
Sean> Hi,
>
> I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Please don't give into the delusion of hopelessness that always comes with the disease. I really believe that *all* can be helped, and that the prognosis for depression with adequate treatment is quite good.
>
> CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) is a well studied treatment modality. It has success rates comparable to medications in major studies. It also has lower relapse rates after treatment.
>
> I personally have had tremendous success with it, and some others here have had similar success.
>
> If money is a problem at this time, you could purchase 2 books that are the two most highly recommended self-help books by mental health professionals. In my opinion, this is the most "bang for your buck". The books give an excellent synopsis of CBT, and provide exercises that most therapist would prescribe during CBT. You can do these helpful exercises on your own as a form of "self-help".
>
> "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"
> "The Feeling Good Handbook"
>
> Both are written by David Burns, MD.
>
> These two books have been key in my recovery. I highly recommend them both. I profit nothing from the recommendation, other than the satisfaction of recommending something that helped me tremendously.
>
> An interesting fact about these books. They were actually studied as a prescribed treatment, with a large sample of patients. Half of the depressed patients were given "bibliotherapy" with these books, and the other group was given nothing. The results were quite impressive, with around 70% of the people in the bibliotherapy group responding positively(comparable to antidepressant medications!). This may sound gimmicky, but the science really is there to back up this form of treatment, clinically. This is especially true when no other alternatives are available for psychotherapy (e.g. as in your case).
>
> Best of luck!
>
> Matt
>
> P.s. DO THE EXERCISES IN THE BOOKS
> P.s.s DO THE EXERCISES IN THE BOOKSORIGINAL POST******************
Posted by johnnysad on September 6, 2003, at 17:09:34Two years ago I was a highly functional tech wiz, now I have been unemployed for a long time. My last job payed very well, but due to stress, confusion, vertigo, and anxiety, I walked away from it. I've lost everything and I've been hospitalized several times for serious depression.
Originally placed on Paxil after a week's stay in the hospital, Trazadone and Klonopin were added. I am now on Effexor. Things get better for awhile while on new meds. I even applied for a job recently, but blew my chances during the negotiation stage. The Paxil didn't work. I was told I had refractory major depression and had experienced totall SSRI failure.
I have someone new in my life, and it's a good thing, otherwise I doubt I would be alive having to face the reality of living on the street.
I am so frightened. Sadness seems to just take over. I also have great difficulty sleeping and am trying to get into a sleep clinic to find out the problem. It's difficult with no money or insurance, so I am at the whim of the local university system. Counseling is almost nonexistent, though I can see a psychiatrist for meds.
I experience bouts of rage that frighten myself and others, usually in response to feeling belittled or abused. I scream and curse. A few years ago after having a few drinks, I even threw things and ended up without a place to stay any more. I've made several suicide attempts over the course of my lifetime. The first when I was 15. Things get better, then go back to being awful.
I'm smart and creative and managed to get through college with high grades and find a career that paid well and acted as a creative outlet, but I'm estranged from my family and all my old friends. And though I am still skilled, I'm having difficulty finding work, and I'm worried that when I do, my emotional state may cause me to lose it again.
My new family is helpful and understanding, but can only take so much and I am worried that we too shall part company. My lover and companion refuses to sleep in the same bed with me. She says I thrash about, scream, and curse. I've even pulled her hair and attempted to punch her while in that state.
Someone please help. My life has always been hard, I've always had to deal with the battle against depression, but things are so much worse now. I no longer feel like I'm in control of my own mind at times and it really sucks. I'm a talented, smart, and loving person most of the time. 225mg of Effexor for today and I'm crying like a baby.
Can anyone suggest anything?
Thanks
Posted by johnnysad on September 15, 2003, at 14:08:34
In reply to Re: Please help - life is a nightmare, posted by johnnysad on September 15, 2003, at 14:02:41
One more thing--after just a few days with the book--I've changed considerably. According to the author, 4 weeks of work has phenomenal results on the depression scales.
I guess my first question is how long has it taken others to notice a really significant recovery, and is there a good depression scale online that I can take to test my mood? Since I'm not feeling depressed, even though I know I have a lot of work to do, I'd like to check my progress a bit.
Thanks again,
Sean
This is the end of the thread.
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