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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DaisyM on October 14, 2003, at 15:24:40
I have a really hard time leaning on other people...I don't trust that they can emotionally handle my *needs*...My therapist says somewhere I learned that my needs were "too big". So I hold back. He has been encouraging me to call when I need to (this is so, so hard for me) and even felt we should go to twice a week because things have gotten so hard and we are going to some really painful places. (I agree!)
Yesterday, we spent a lot of time talking about this dependency...how did it feel (very scary!) and why didn't I "want to need" him. But he never said and I never ask, "how do you know you have become too dependent?" And, is this developing dependency a good thing or not?
Advice? Previous experience? How do you ask that question without it looking like an attraction (not the case).
Posted by Dinah on October 14, 2003, at 17:36:26
In reply to When is dependent tooooo dependent?!, posted by DaisyM on October 14, 2003, at 15:24:40
I denied it for the longest time, then I fought it, then I talked about it with him. And when I finally accepted it and accepted that he was ok with it, it got less. Go figure. :)
Posted by Poet on October 14, 2003, at 20:08:20
In reply to When is dependent tooooo dependent?!, posted by DaisyM on October 14, 2003, at 15:24:40
I need to be independent, too. I've seen my therapist for 14 months and in that time I only called her once between sessions. I was having a complete emotional meltdown. It was the day before my weekly appointment and afterwards I felt bad that I couldn't keep myself together for 24 hours.
She told me she had no problem with me calling her and that is what she is there for. If I need support I should call her, don't hold out until I see her.
I think dependency is something that therapists are "there for" too. Though I wonder how much dependence turns you into a therapy junkie? Then again there are worse addictions.
Poet
Posted by ridesredhorses on October 14, 2003, at 21:57:30
In reply to When is dependent tooooo dependent?!, posted by DaisyM on October 14, 2003, at 15:24:40
You seem to have a very caring therapist. I know that I do, and he has often reminded me that I do not have to wait for an appointment to talk to him. A couple of times, I have called, when I felt that I needed his stability and insight to maintain my...me. He has always thanked me for trusting him, and for not making myself suffer alone when it wasn't necessary. Your guy sounds like the same kind of together therapist. I am glad for you.
Posted by Tabitha on October 14, 2003, at 23:46:24
In reply to When is dependent tooooo dependent?!, posted by DaisyM on October 14, 2003, at 15:24:40
It's a hard question. I don't think even therapists agree how much dependency is OK. From what you've said, I doubt if you're at the point of being too dependent. 2 sessions a week isn't unusual, especially if you have a lot of stressors in your life.
Posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 0:43:43
In reply to Re: When is dependent tooooo dependent?!, posted by Tabitha on October 14, 2003, at 23:46:24
Ok, I feel a bit better now. I think I'll try to bring it up t see if we have the same idea about what too dependent looks like. Of course, YOU KNOW he is going to then ask me why I might be feeling I'm becoming too dependent and why do I think that might be a bad thing (fear, fear, rejection, fear...:( ugg and yuck. Need cream of wheat (not ice cream for me).
-D
Posted by fallsfall on October 15, 2003, at 5:58:13
In reply to Re: When is dependent tooooo dependent?!, posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 0:43:43
So, obviously you aren't too dependent. If you were, you would be craving ice cream.
Posted by DaisyM on October 15, 2003, at 10:58:32
In reply to Re: When is dependent tooooo dependent?! » DaisyM, posted by fallsfall on October 15, 2003, at 5:58:13
Nice to start the day with a laugh. I just organzied a 2 day staff retreat for my staff. The preretreat assignment was about stress relief (human service workers). One of the questions was chocolate? (yes/no) or Ice cream? (yes/no)
80% said yes to ice cream. I was the lone cream of wheat gal. You win.
This is the end of the thread.
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