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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on January 19, 2004, at 1:01:52
This may seem like something that belongs on Psycho-Social-Babble, but bear with me.
The other evening I was watching a show called "Date Patrol" where they take someone who hasn't dated in a while and gives him or her a total makeover. They were talking about body language and flirting and at one point, they mentioned something called mirroring. They told the woman who was trying to meet guys that she should watch what the guy she is talking to does and then do the same thing as him within 5 - 50 seconds. They said this is flirty.
Anyway, to my point. The other day in my therapy session - prior to watching this show - I noticed that my therapist puts his hand on his chin when I put my hand on my chin, crosses his legs when I cross mine, leans forward when I do, and so on. He does it all the time, I think. Also, when talking about my transference feelings for him, he told me it was okay for me to flirt. Do you think therapists try to encourage transference or does it just usually happen so naturally that they don't have to? Just wondering what you all think.
Posted by Bell_75 on January 19, 2004, at 3:00:55
In reply to Encouraging transference?, posted by All Done on January 19, 2004, at 1:01:52
> Anyway, to my point. The other day in my therapy session - prior to watching this show - I noticed that my therapist puts his hand on his chin when I put my hand on my chin, crosses his legs when I cross mine, leans forward when I do, and so on. He does it all the time, I think. Also, when talking about my transference feelings for him, he told me it was okay for me to flirt.
Hi
I could closely relate to what you said in your post and I've noticed theres lots of body language going on in my therapy sessions too.
I notice we both sit with our legs cross and then one of us changes to the other leg its by reaction that the other person does too.
Then when I'm thinking hard about something I stroke my chin to help then think maybe my therapist thinks I might be making fun of him because he has a goatee yet I dont think I have seen him do that yet haha
I'm a woman...we dont grow goatees! however it helps me to think, sometimes i feel like reaching over and stroking his goatee to compensate for me not being able to have one hahah.
Anywho, to get to a point, I notice that I feel sometimes that my gesturing and the way I act might come across as flirting so i quickly pull myself up on it yet I find he teases me because he knows I'll react with a shy giggle or something of the sorts.
Its a strange relationship the one between therapist and client/patient as you totally confide and trust this person moreso than you would your own partner yet both people need to try to keep it within professional limits.
I havent discussed transference with my T and I think it might make us both abit nervous. I already know things about him that he doesnt know I do and sometimes I worry I'll blurt them out accidently heh.
I know from my experiences that its less pressure having a same sex therapist/patient scenario. I went from a female T to a male T and I find its an added issue for an already paranoid person to be more anxious about. Its not a big issue but I cant deny it doesnt cross my mind.
This is just my own opinion tho.
I also think that due to the fact that therapists are also living, breathing humans with instincts they may act in a flirting manner too.
If its within safe boundaries then go with it but if its making you feel uncomfortable say something or if not that then just not show encouragement at his behaviour.Uhh, I hope I've helped or at least made you feel abit at ease knowing your not the only person that has wondered this too.
Take care :)
Posted by Karen_kay on January 19, 2004, at 11:03:27
In reply to Encouraging transference?, posted by All Done on January 19, 2004, at 1:01:52
Well, my first appointment I told my therapist I would most likely develope a crush on him, as I do this with most authority figures in my life. So, he wouldn't really need to encourage anything! But, I'd say he most definetly has flirted with me, or I can pretend, right?
Though, if a therapist flirts with a client, isn't it hard to say then whether the feelings are truly feelings of transference or whether they are just naturally a crush on someone who listens and actively (or passively I suppose) flirts back. To encourage a client to flirt is one thing but to flirt with a client is another thing entirely. Not saying it is wrong necessarily (but you know I dislike Beefcake :)), but I would think that a therapist should let those feelings run their natural course.
Now the "flirty" things you were talking about IMO, were just showing interest. I think they were just showing the other person that you were listening to them and were openly interested in hearing what they had to say.
Why encourage transference issues if a client doesn't have any to begin with? This is interesting though. I may ask my therapist if he was trained to do this type of thing.
BTW, I don't think he wears a college jacket. I resent that remark! :( Orange and Purple?? Yucky!
Posted by gardenergirl on January 19, 2004, at 11:48:26
In reply to Re: Encouraging transference?, posted by Karen_kay on January 19, 2004, at 11:03:27
I thought I would answer this one as a psychology trainee versus a client because if my T does this, I can't say I really notice. Other than once I started bringing a beverage to sessions (coffee or coke) he started having a diet coke, too.
But anyway, I find myself mirroring my clients all the time. My view of it is that it is my unconcious talking to my client's unconcious and vice versa. I view it as a sign that we are joined in the session and in tune with each other.
There is a psychologist named Kohut who developed a version of self-psychology where he views mirroring as a critical parental function when kids are growing up. By this he means both physical and emotional mirroring. So, whether mirroring in therapy is a sign of transference or flirting, I don't view it as bad. I think it shows the client that the T is present and hearing you. It may even provide a corrective emotional experience.
At any rate, I usually don't even know I am doing it unless I catch myself shifting when the client does or when I look at the videotape.
Regards,
gg
Posted by DaisyM on January 19, 2004, at 12:33:35
In reply to Encouraging transference?, posted by All Done on January 19, 2004, at 1:01:52
I think transference isn't encouraged as much as attachment is encouraged. Mirroring is one way to enhance a connectioning. There is also side-by-side experiences, perhaps things you might have done with a parent but didn't get to and i think it is called twining - where yuu begin to imitate your Therapist as a way of defining your self. All of these things enhance your ability to be stronger and "find" your true self.
I've noticed very distinct differences in my son's Therapist, who does it very overtly, as you have to do most things with kids, and mine, who is more subtle.
I've been reading about differentiation of self. It is a hard concept to grasp completely. It is sort of looking at who you might be outside of your current relationships. It is interesting to think about...who completes you, who takes away from you....is there any real "you" left?
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