![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 27, 2004, at 21:31:02
Today I have been in therapy for exactly a year! I've been thinking over what has happened so far, and where I might be going during next the next year. Although I go twice a week, like so many other people here, I am going to a psychoanalyst, and so am lying on the couch all the time now and free-associating. Sometimes I look with envy at the discussions about what to talk about -or not talk about- in sessions. I don't have a choice, as I *have* to say whatever comes to mind, as best I can. Of course, you never do it totally, every moment, but you do try your best. It's just amazing how quickly the most impossibly embarrassing things come up- just the strangest off-the-wall things! But over time, you get (sort of) used to it happening, and when you get such consistently empathic and tuned-in responses as I do from my analyst, you do start to be a lot more comfortable with all these parts of yourself.
I can say that I've improved quite a bit as far as having less depression and anxiety, although it still comes and goes. I think I have a much greater capacity to hold ambivalent, or even conflicting, feelings about things in mind at the same time, instead of switching rapidly from one to another. I am finding that it is such an extraordinary relationship- one like no other- that it gets richer, more complex and more intimate and meaningful week by week, all the while ranging through child-like love, intense dependence, hate, rage, shame, mortified embarrassment, sexual longings, exhaustion- and then back through them all, over and over. I am hoping to recover lost memories of abuse which I know occurred from age 5-10. They come up in dreams and visual images, but it's almost impossible to put them into words, so far. I really feel that I'm becoming a *me* that I didn't know before, although the *what* is not too clear yet!
My analyst said at the beginning, "I hope that you will have as intense an emotional experience here as possible." He's made it possible for me to have that. I am the only person that I know of here going to an analyst, but I don't think he's very different from several therapists whom people have described here. Analysts are not at all Freudian any longer. Mine is anything but a "blank slate"; he talks quite a lot about all sorts of things- even special interests of his own, laughs with me, sometimes expresses and uses his own free-associations to help me understand mine, and, most powerfully, is an attentive, very tuned-in listener. He puts a lot of emphasis on the relationship between analyst and patient, on the reality of abuse, for many, on dissociation as a way people deal with the abuse, and on the helpfulness of regression (that's where the couch comes in). If he has a particular hero, I think it is Sandor Ferenczi, whose biography describes him as "the psychoanalyst of tenderness and passion".
Well, sorry this is so long -I just wanted to mark my first anniversary to fellow babblers!
Pfinstegg
Posted by DaisyM on January 27, 2004, at 21:39:55
In reply to Deep in therapy..with only one way out, posted by Pfinstegg on January 27, 2004, at 21:31:02
Congratulations on a significant anniversary! I hope to be as together as you seem at that point, which I must say is coming up faster than I would have imagined.
Your experience sounds remarkable and sooo intense. I'm glad you like the person you are finding. You sound excited about the discovery. I'm jealous...I'm terrified right now of my self-discovers. I wish I had done this in my 20s, then perhaps I would have made different choices...maybe not, who knows?
I think your Therapist sounds terrific. I'm glad you like him so much and he makes you feel safe. I've said it before: you are beyond brave lying on a couch! Not for me, but I can see the appeal. Can I ask how long he has been in practice? I'm beginning to think experience counts.
Congrats again. Do something special for yourself.
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 27, 2004, at 22:03:08
In reply to Re: Deep in therapy..with only one way out » Pfinstegg, posted by DaisyM on January 27, 2004, at 21:39:55
Oh, thanks for your message, Daisy!. I am quite terrified quite a lot of the time, to be honest, and not very together at all. He is just a great analyst, and I'm very lucky to have found him. He's 56, and has been doing this for 30 years- that much experience helps an awful lot.
The couch is really OK- you are with your therapist in a way you aren't when you're sitting up, and it allows you to regress to more child-like states without even noticing that it's happening. I wouldn't go anywhere near it for two months, and when I first lay down on it I was shaking like a leaf,- but now I really appreciate its advantages. I don't think I would be doing this work in quite the same powerful way if I were *up*. However, that's just me; other people have had whole, good analyses sitting up.
Pfinstegg
PS I wish I had done this in my twenties, too! However, I'm not sure therapy or analysis was as effective then as it is now. There was apparently a huge change in the early and mid-nineties, with the therapeutic relationship becoming the most important part of it.
Posted by Dinah on January 27, 2004, at 22:09:49
In reply to Deep in therapy..with only one way out, posted by Pfinstegg on January 27, 2004, at 21:31:02
Happy anniversary!!! And with my second favorite therapist. (Tho Daisy's is moving in for a close third).
Mine has been doing this for 20 years. Nine of those years with me. He's made great progress under my caring guidance. :D
I do my therapy sitting up, but with my eyes closed. I suspect that helps regression as well. Or at least you'd think so if you heard me in therapy.
Posted by Dinah on January 27, 2004, at 22:17:02
In reply to Deep in therapy..with only one way out, posted by Pfinstegg on January 27, 2004, at 21:31:02
My therapy self feels like it's stripped of all the normal pretenses. Like it's my unconscious speaking directly without all the normal filters.
Is that what it feels like to you?
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 27, 2004, at 23:08:08
In reply to Re: Deep in therapy..with only one way out » Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on January 27, 2004, at 22:09:49
Well, here we are- the three people with the most appealing (and best) therapists! It feels good to be sharing these thoughts together. I bet closing your eyes has much the same effect of allowing those regressions which our therapists love us to have, and you must be doing that, Dinah, if you feel your unconscious is able to speak so directly. What you said made me realize that that's what's starting to happen to me, also, and that it's a big part of what makes it such an amazing, powerful experience. Even with all the terror and pain, I think it's an absolutely wonderful, amazing -even beautiful experience- it just means the world to me to be doing it
Pfinstegg, cheering on Dinah, Daisy and herself.
Posted by DaisyM on January 27, 2004, at 23:24:19
In reply to Re: Deep in therapy..with only one way out » Dinah, posted by Pfinstegg on January 27, 2004, at 23:08:08
I'm glad my Therapist seems to be making the grade, I wonder if his ears are burning?
On Monday, as things were immensely intense, my Therapist sort-of stopped and said, "I must point out that you are currently slid almost all the way down the couch, with pillows on your lap and on both sides and your chin is on the pillow. Can I assume you are feeling defensive or invaded?" LOL. I didn't even realize I had arranged things this way. I realize now that I pick up the pillows as things get hard for me. I also noticed that HE slides sideways in his chair when things get hard.
I really do think experience makes a difference, maybe just cause I'm older? Like today, I had a horrible experience this morning. I had to make a CPS report on a child being abused. Talk about a trigger!! My Therapist happen to call confirming an appointment and I ended up telling him about it. He told me, "I only have a few minutes but how can we figure out how to help you get calm and put it away until we meet?" It was really great that he was honest about his time constraints but I still felt heard and sympathized with. Guess I'll keep him...:)
Interesting that we've all picked men.
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 28, 2004, at 7:25:38
In reply to Re: Deep in therapy..with only one way out, posted by DaisyM on January 27, 2004, at 23:24:19
Although I haven't written anything, I have been admiring how empathic your therapist has been over the last few months. I think it's a wonderful skill to be able to make someone feel understood and supported over the telephone when they can only spare a few minutes. I'd agree that he's definitely a keeper! Hard as it is, the fact that so much difficult stuff is coming up means that you really trust him- and he obviously really knows how to do his job. Is he older, also?
It is interesting about them all being men. I tried going to a woman analyst, but didn't feel much connection at all. I am telling this T. things I don't think I'd ever dare to tell a woman.
Pfinstegg
Posted by DaisyM on January 28, 2004, at 10:01:00
In reply to Re: Deep in therapy..with only one way out » DaisyM, posted by Pfinstegg on January 28, 2004, at 7:25:38
He told me he has had his own practice since 1980 so my guess is he is late 40s/early 50s. He practices what he calls eclectic psychoanalysis -- mostly psychology of self but he likes to quote Freud.
I interviewed a couple of women, but also was uncomfortable. It is interesting because I never thought I'd tell anyone about the abuse, let alone a guy. Who knew?
I guess no matter who you are working with, it really is up to you to decide if it is a match for you and if you are making progress. Sometimes comfortable and nice don't move us forward.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 28, 2004, at 10:49:55
In reply to Older Therapists » Pfinstegg, posted by DaisyM on January 28, 2004, at 10:01:00
I as well had a stint with a female therapist and really had absolutely no chemistry with her. For some reason, I knew I wanted a male therapist, I have no idea why. well, I'm sure my father issues had something to do with it. I also work with so many women in my job (and a lot of times this causes such petty problems) that I wanted a welcome respite from all the estrogen with an oasis of testosterone once a week.
While I have many female friends, I always prefer to work with men, mainly because they are not catty or ridiculous about things. They have a disagreement with someone one minute, and the next minute it is forgotten. Women tend to carry grudges. So I suppose I felt I would "work" better with a male therapist.
Mine is in his mid-40s (I guess) and has been in practice over 20 years. I intentionally wanted someone with lots of experience. It definitely helps!
Happy anniversary Pfinnstegg!
Posted by gardenergirl on January 28, 2004, at 15:23:10
In reply to Deep in therapy..with only one way out, posted by Pfinstegg on January 27, 2004, at 21:31:02
I'm so glad you have such a good relationship and are benefitting from it. My T is analytical in nature, (he interpretes the most mudane things!) but I only see him once a week and do not lie on the couch and free associate. He never seems to mind my babbling, though, and encourages a type of free association.
Good for you and happy anniversary!
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on January 28, 2004, at 15:28:17
In reply to Male therapists, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 28, 2004, at 10:49:55
Okay, read other posts, too. I think my T fits the mold. He's probably in his early 50's, very kind, very skilled. Although the guy makes me cry more than I am willing to, mostly by being kind. I know that helps. I guess that's partly why I nicknamed him Bear for my B-word name. I feel as safe with him as I used to with my old teddy bear.
I really do think that experience makes a difference in many cases, although what that means for my training, I don't know. But I'm glad we all have such great, experienced, skilled and empathic T's. We deserve it!
gg
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 28, 2004, at 16:36:15
In reply to Re: Male therapists, posted by gardenergirl on January 28, 2004, at 15:28:17
Let's include gardenergirl's and Miss Honey's therapists in our little group of experienced, terrific, middle-aged male therapists! And we welcome all other candidates- all you have to do is vouch for him- we'll believe you.
And thanks for wishing me a happy anniversary, everyone- I really appreciated that..the support is so great here.
Pfinstegg
Posted by Dinah on January 28, 2004, at 16:41:56
In reply to Re: Male therapists » gardenergirl, posted by Pfinstegg on January 28, 2004, at 16:36:15
Hey wait! Go easy on the middle aged. :) My therapist is only four years older than I am, so if he's middle aged, I'm... still quite young. He's middish forties.
Posted by Raindancer on January 28, 2004, at 19:05:49
In reply to Re: Male therapists » gardenergirl, posted by Pfinstegg on January 28, 2004, at 16:36:15
My T is in his early 50s and has been practising for 30 years. He is very, very, special. Please add him to your list.
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 28, 2004, at 22:59:29
In reply to Re: Male therapists » Pfinstegg, posted by Raindancer on January 28, 2004, at 19:05:49
Wonderful to hear that you've got a very special one, too- we're counting him in! (that makes six, I think).
Pfinstegg
Posted by Pfinstegg on January 28, 2004, at 23:15:45
In reply to Re: Male therapists » Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on January 28, 2004, at 16:41:56
Well, Dinah, he IS a bit on the youthful side, compared to our very seasoned and grey-haired 50-something shrinks, but we'll allow him in because we do know he's terrific!
Pfinstegg
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 29, 2004, at 8:25:26
In reply to Re: Male therapists » Pfinstegg, posted by Raindancer on January 28, 2004, at 19:05:49
What is his name? Must start with a "B!"
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.