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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by vwoolf on July 21, 2004, at 10:05:02
After two or three days of respite, during which time I thought I had managed to come to terms with my transference issues and had opted to try and forget about the problem, all my desperate longings for my Pdoc have returned in full strength. Once again I feel completely swamped by yearning.
I know that for many this feeling is mixed with romantic and sexual longings, but I don’t think this is so in my case. At least, I don’t think it is. I have imagined him naked, but not in a sexual way – it’s more like a sense of him being completely open. The feeling is rather of wanting to be contained emotionally by him – a very small place from when I was a little girl. It is a feeling of devastating loneliness, which he seems to be able to dissipate when I am near him. I don’t dream of knowing him outside therapy at all, or wanting to be in any way involved in his life – I just want to know that my space with him is safe. I feel vulnerable and hurt knowing I can’t see him. So why do I feel so guilty about this?
What transference feelings do you have towards your therapist? Is it like this at all?
Posted by Susan47 on July 21, 2004, at 11:11:36
In reply to Transference hurt back again, posted by vwoolf on July 21, 2004, at 10:05:02
> After two or three days of respite, during which time I thought I had managed to come to terms with my transference issues and had opted to try and forget about the problem, all my desperate longings for my Pdoc have returned in full strength. Once again I feel completely swamped by yearning.
>
> I know that for many this feeling is mixed with romantic and sexual longings, but I don’t think this is so in my case. At least, I don’t think it is. I have imagined him naked, but not in a sexual way – it’s more like a sense of him being completely open. The feeling is rather of wanting to be contained emotionally by him – a very small place from when I was a little girl. It is a feeling of devastating loneliness, which he seems to be able to dissipate when I am near him. I don’t dream of knowing him outside therapy at all, or wanting to be in any way involved in his life – I just want to know that my space with him is safe. I feel vulnerable and hurt knowing I can’t see him. So why do I feel so guilty about this?
>
> What transference feelings do you have towards your therapist? Is it like this at all?
>I dont' know why you feel guilty. I felt guilty too. I felt responsible for my own sadness, and anger towards him for being unavailable in the way I really wanted him, which of course is impossible, as he can never really be my parent. Or my lover. I felt like I couldn't live without him sometimes. I knew that wasn't real. In my case though, sexual feelings were strongly mixed into this, as I find him the most sexy and gorgeous man I've ever known (truly). And of course he's emotionally intelligent (which my parents aren't) and so I felt he understood me and that added to my feelings of "love".
Posted by Susan47 on July 21, 2004, at 11:20:59
In reply to Re: Transference hurt back again, posted by Susan47 on July 21, 2004, at 11:11:36
By the way I think I know what you mean about a safe place.
I walked into my T's office a few months ago; he was between clients, and I basically gave him shit for not accepting me the way I was, I said there HAS to be a safe place for me SOMEWHERE!!
This all stemmed from me feeling like he didn't accept all my emotions (of transference). Maybe youshould talk to your guy about his acceptance of you, and your need for him to be a safe outlet. I know it did help in my relating to my T.
Posted by vwoolf on July 21, 2004, at 12:21:38
In reply to Re: safe place, posted by Susan47 on July 21, 2004, at 11:20:59
Thanks for all your messages, Susan - sounds like you're in a very similar place to me. Where I am in therapy with my therapist feels sort of safe, but I don't want to be there. It feels like it is going nowhere. I want to be with my Pdoc, where I feel as if I am going insane. Or maybe I need to get out of therapy altogether, because even though I wasn't happy before, at least I wasn't crazy like now.
Posted by Susan47 on July 21, 2004, at 16:38:27
In reply to Re: safe place - Susan47, posted by vwoolf on July 21, 2004, at 12:21:38
Yes, it really does sound like we're in similar places. I'm only seeing one therapist though; I'm a little unclear on what you're going through. I have a pdoc who prescribes my medication but I only see him every six months or so. My T is my therapist, and I have this excruciating transference which drives me nuts.. and I don't really know how well he deals with it either. I feel sometimes that patients falling in love with him under transference, feeds his ego. Because I interpreted, at the beginning, his encouragement of the transference. i.e., he would be all dressed to the nines and walking with his stomach pulled in, stuff like that. I always felt it was because he wants to be noticed.
Posted by steelmagnolia25 on July 21, 2004, at 20:51:32
In reply to Re: safe place - Susan47, posted by vwoolf on July 21, 2004, at 12:21:38
> Or maybe I need to get out of therapy altogether, because even though I wasn't happy before, at least I wasn't crazy like now.
I don't know exactly where you're coming from, but I can share some of my experience with this. My feelings toward my T are a cocktail of sexual yearning, emotional attachment, and a continuing awe that we have so much in common. Unlike some others however, I do not idealize him. I don't think he is the sexiest man alive, and I certainly don't think he is perfect, etc. I pick up on hints of his personal flaws and I yearn to know more. I want to know all of his interests and vulnerabilities, and I want to care for him the way he's taken care of me.
As for quitting therapy because the feelings are so strong, I can attest to the fact that quitting is likely to be more painful. My T and I decided to try this about a month ago and I lasted about 10 days. By the time I got another appointment with him, my depression had turned into anger at him for agreeing to terminate when we did, so we had all those issues to discuss. Actually, looking back it was very interesting because it was the first time I confronted him directly and challenged his ability to counsel me. I can only say that we now agree that terminating then was *not* a wise choice; it was quite disruptive. I am comfortable now with our arrangement, which is that I'm gradually transitioning to a different T. Perhaps you would be open to trying that?
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