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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Speaker on January 28, 2005, at 10:03:20
My Question : My T canceled today due to a familly problem. When the secretary called she said the T told her to let me know if I wanted to talk this weekend to call the pager. OK...he is the one who canceled, when do they take responsibility for their actions and make a call to us? I think if he is the one who canceled he should be the one to check in...am I way off base? It seems to me he could have called to cancel the appt. himself if he really wnated to check in with me. He said if I needed to check in call but he is the one with the problem why would I call and add more...and if he is consumed with a problem enough to cancel how would I know he wouldn't be involved when I call. If they really care should they take responsiblity? If they put it all on us it really is just rent a listener! We have worked together over a year and he knows how I feel and work...it just seems it isn't important.
Posted by sunny10 on January 28, 2005, at 11:46:00
In reply to My T canceled today...who's responsib. to connect?, posted by Speaker on January 28, 2005, at 10:03:20
all of your points are valid.
T is just a human, too, and apparently this is a very tough time for T. Please do not take it personally that T is not there for you today- and how good of you to realize that T is probably going to be caught up in their own problems this weekend, so if you DO call, your needs won't be met.
This is why T's generally have a back-up T that you can touch base with if you feel you need them.
To take care of you, why don't you try calling back the secretary and ask for the name and number of T's back-up? Even if you find that you don't NEED back-up T, doesn't it feel better (and safer)when you can advocate for your rights as a patient?
Best of luck, remember Babble is here if you need soeone to talk to over the weekend : )
-sunny10
Posted by Shortelise on January 29, 2005, at 21:15:00
In reply to My T canceled today...who's responsib. to connect?, posted by Speaker on January 28, 2005, at 10:03:20
He did his part - had his secretary give you the info you need. If he didn't want you to call, he would have had his secretary tell you that he'd be away for the weekend.
We all have things happen that cause us to cancel therapy, even our therapists.
Say my husband called you on Friday and said I couldn't make a lunch date, where we were going to discuss your frustration with your sister, that day because of a family emergency - ok, he might tell you that, say, my daughter broke her arm and I had to be with her. Would you not call me over the weekend, even though my husband gave you my pager number and said to call if you wanted?
I think you would call. I know that our lunch date would be different than a therapy appointment, but these guys are just guys, they are just people, and sometimes things come up that they can't control.We can all be so sensitive in therapy, and I know you are at the moment. Be good to yourself, Speaker, be kind to you, and call him if you need to. He is working very hard with you and would not want you to suffer because you are afraid to call.
Speaker, what would be the consequence if you were to call him when - by some indisputable rule - it was his responsibility to call you?
ShortE
Posted by gardenergirl on January 29, 2005, at 21:40:08
In reply to Re: My T canceled today...who's responsib. to connect?, posted by Shortelise on January 29, 2005, at 21:15:00
I can only tell you how I handle this. If I am the one to cancel, I leave a message asking them to call me to reschedule. But if they don't I definitely call them, since it was my doing that the session was cancelled.
If a client cancels and doesn't call to reschedule, I usually call once to reschedule. I will tell them to call me by a certain date, because I can't leave the slot open, especially if there is a waiting list. If I do not hear from them, I consider the case closed, but they are always welcome to come back. They might have to go on the waiting list if we are really busy, though.
But the bottom line for me is, if I had to change the schedule, I think it's ultimately up to me for contact again. Now if I call and leave a message to reschedule, and they do not return my call, again, I consider the case closed.
Every once in awhile, I "break" this pattern. It usually is if I am feeling anxious about my schedule and I want to firm it up for the next week. Then I might call someone who I suspect wants to reschedule, but hasn't called for some reason. But my supevisor discourages this. He views it as "mothering" my clients. I tell him it's for my own peace of mind, though.
Gosh, I don't know if any of this helped. And really, it's still up to you whether you want to call or wait for your T to call. I suppose if it were me and I wanted to be sure to get an appt. I would call, and then discuss it at my next session.
gg
Posted by Shortelise on January 31, 2005, at 11:25:38
In reply to My T canceled today...who's responsib. to connect?, posted by Speaker on January 28, 2005, at 10:03:20
Posted by Speaker on January 31, 2005, at 17:48:40
In reply to Re: My T canceled today...who's responsib. to connect?, posted by Shortelise on January 29, 2005, at 21:15:00
I know it is a touchy thing with T's and calling but when they change things I think they should be the one's to call. I already had an appt. set for today so he didn't have to call and reschedule anything. I just don't thing he should be the one to leave me hanging and then expect me to pull myself up the rope to call him.
I am doing better but we didn't talk about it today since his situation is still sensitive I dont' want to be a jerk. When things settle down for him I will bring it up. I just wanted others opinions because sometimes I'm to close to see clearly.
Thanks All!!!
Posted by Speaker on January 31, 2005, at 17:52:45
In reply to Re: My T canceled today...who's responsib. to connect?, posted by Shortelise on January 29, 2005, at 21:15:00
I agree with you that if you had to cancel I would call. The difference is I would be calling to see how your daughter and you are after the broken arm. With T's we can't call to show them concern as it's none of our business. That in itself is difficult for me since I care even if he doesn't want me to or doesn't care that I care :).
Posted by Dinah on February 1, 2005, at 7:35:11
In reply to The difference - » Shortelise, posted by Speaker on January 31, 2005, at 17:52:45
My therapist has an ongoing area of concern in his life. Once, in context to something I said, he told me how much he hates having to answer solicitous questions over and over again.
I took that as a hint, and while I never commented excessively, and never did so in a way that didn't give him leeway in how much to respond, I realized that I didn't have to mention it to be polite. That maybe spending time with his clients was a relief to him in some way.
Since then, I've only ever made a sympathetic comment if it comes up (and it only comes up in context to something I've said). And he quickly turns the topic.
I guess what I'm saying is that there are different ways of being caring. And that perhaps you could reframe the rules in such a way that complying with them can be seen as expressing caring for him.
I suppose there would be some who say that my desire to care for him should be analyzed, but I figure simple person to person human kindness doesn't need to be analyzed unduly.
This is the end of the thread.
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