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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mair on February 19, 2005, at 8:10:45
....something happened abruptly to your T so you couldn't continue with therapy? My T is getting ready to go on vacation and I foolishly told her that at least one time in the past, I got really worried about something happening to her while she was away. So she asked me what I would do if she was killed for instance in a plane crash. I told her that would just be the end of therapy, that I'd be sad about her and sad to have not been able to finish what I look at as a definable therapy process, but that there was no way I could start from the beginning with someone else.
We didn't talk about this alot because I don't think either one of us was comfortable continuing this discussion very far, but she did tell me that I'd need find a T to help me process my loss and that she was sure that if I found someone good, this would seemlessly morph into the same type of therapy I do with her. She said it wouldn't take anywhere near as long to reach the point with a new T that I am with her.
I didn't respond. Part of me was saying to myself "yeah right, fat chance" and part of me wanted to ask her for a recommendation of a good T in case that happened. That seemed too tacky and anyway, I think I was starting to feel superstitious about even having this conversation. We moved on quickly to other things.
mair
Posted by gardenergirl on February 19, 2005, at 9:35:51
In reply to What would you do if.... (possible trigger), posted by mair on February 19, 2005, at 8:10:45
Hi mair,
I just wanted to reasssure you, in case your T did not, that your fear is not at all uncommon. T's can become very very important people in our lives. And if you think of a small child, what is their biggest fear? That they will lose the center of their lives...their parents. I'm not saying your T is the center of your life, but it's common for this childhood fear to come up in therapy. The idea of abandonment, whatever the cause, is so darned frightening. I think it's great that you talked about it.gg
Posted by Shortelise on February 19, 2005, at 13:03:29
In reply to Re: What would you do if.... (possible trigger) » mair, posted by gardenergirl on February 19, 2005, at 9:35:51
I would grieve and grieve and grieve. I would find another T to help me. I would survive.
But it makes me want to cry to think about it.
ShortE
Posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2005, at 13:20:48
In reply to What would you do if.... (possible trigger), posted by mair on February 19, 2005, at 8:10:45
My therapist goes sailing on the ocean on vacation. I check the weather reports every day (even though I don't know exactly where he will be).
My old therapist got caught in a hurricane one year, and got back on Monday instead of Saturday (of course, I had gone into the hospital on the Friday before, and expected her to call when she got back on Saturday...).
So, yes. I worry about those things.
I learned a lot when I switched therapists 1 1/2 years ago. I learned that it *is* hard when all of a sudden your therapist doesn't know all your history, and you have to explain every little thing. I learned that just because I had trusted my first therapist, that my second would have to earn my trust all over again. But I also learned that having someone new, with a new perspective can be very helpful. And that some of the holes that I twisted my ankle on with my first therapist could be filled up so they weren't dangerous anymore by my second therapist. My interviewing process also taught me that there was more than one therapist out there who I could feel comfortable with - more than just one person who could help me.
So, does that mean I'm going to leave my current therapist?? Not on your life! But I have *faith* that if something did happen so that I couldn't see him anymore, that *I* would survive.
I think it is great that the two of you talked about it.
Posted by Dinah on February 19, 2005, at 19:43:15
In reply to What would I do...?, posted by Shortelise on February 19, 2005, at 13:03:29
I'm not sure I'd choose to survive.
I'm barely choosing to survive Daddy's loss. And Harry's loss. And of course the biggest loss of them all. My therapist says if I can survive that one, I can survive anything. But I'm tired of surviving.
I don't think I want to think on it.
Posted by mair on February 19, 2005, at 21:44:00
In reply to Re: What would you do if.... (possible trigger) » mair, posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2005, at 13:20:48
It's not that I don't think I would survive. To the contrary. Because i can survive, I don't think I'd bother to look for a new T. I saw my ex-T for a couple of years and never really got anywhere with him - at least in terms of developing a relationship. Part of the problem is that I was so depressed that we had to spend too much of our time talking about meds (he was my pdoc also) or just trying to keep me alive.
I've been working with my current T for about 6 years and for most of that time, you couldn't get me to acknowledge that I had any sort of attachment to her. I just feel that developing the therapeutic relationship I have with her has been such hard work. In her view trusting people enough to allow them to know me is my big issue. So even though I've been working with her a long time, I'm still way behind the curve of most people here in how attached I allow myself to feel to her, and in how easily I talk to her etc. It's just so overwelming thinking about starting that process all over again with another T.
Mair
Posted by Speaker on February 19, 2005, at 21:45:57
In reply to Re: What would you do if.... (possible trigger) » mair, posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2005, at 13:20:48
I would go get my records!! I have had one T leave and I'm with my second one. I do think I would find another T but I'm with the rest of you I'm tired of surviving. I start therapy with the statement "I don't want to just survive I want to Thrive"...can you help me with that. I'm not there yet but I do have hope!
Posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2005, at 23:51:51
In reply to Re: What would you do if.... (possible trigger) » fallsfall, posted by mair on February 19, 2005, at 21:44:00
It does sound like you have more trouble attaching than I do, and that would make starting over harder.
But I did find starting over to be less hard than I imagined it would be. One would hope that you have learned things from your current therapist that would help you if (God forbid) you couldn't see her anymore. I'm just trying to send a message of hope - that as important as an individual therapist is, that there are others in the world who can also help (though, admittedly not in the same way as your current therapist).
Posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 6:57:50
In reply to Re: What would you do if.... (possible trigger) » fallsfall, posted by mair on February 19, 2005, at 21:44:00
Wow, mair.
I guess I didn't realize or maybe forgot how long you have been with this T. And yes, the idea of starting with someone new after all the work you have done with this one would be daunting to say the least.Take care,
gg
Posted by daisym on February 20, 2005, at 17:09:25
In reply to Re: What would you do if.... (possible trigger) » mair, posted by gardenergirl on February 19, 2005, at 9:35:51
Posted by daisym on February 20, 2005, at 17:12:04
In reply to What would you do if.... (possible trigger), posted by mair on February 19, 2005, at 8:10:45
We've talked about this as part of my obsessing that he will disappear on me.
I wanted to know if someone would call me, or if I'd have to read about it in the papers. I wanted to know if I would be able to go to the funeral. I worried about his other clients too.
But I think I'd stop for a long while, if not forever. I already feel like I contaminate those I get close to. This might confirm that belief.
Not a good day for me to be thinking about this.
I guess you see that you aren't alone with this worry.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 17:36:57
In reply to Curious, you didn't answer the question... (nm) » gardenergirl, posted by daisym on February 20, 2005, at 17:09:25
Yikes, your're right. I didn't even allow myself a moment to think about it. Avoidance at it's best?
I suppose I would look to a friend of mine who also sees my T for support. I'm sure we could try to cope together until we each decided whether to go on with someone else. And I suppose I would cry for days. That's what I do. I'm a cryer.
I guess being around lots of psychologists all the time, I feel kind of wrapped in a big security blanket at times.
gg
Posted by B2chica on February 20, 2005, at 18:32:24
In reply to Re: What would you do if.... (possible trigger) » mair, posted by daisym on February 20, 2005, at 17:12:04
>...I already feel like I contaminate those I get close to. This might confirm that belief.hi daisy.
glad i'm not the only one that feels this way.
b2c.
Posted by mair on February 20, 2005, at 21:30:25
In reply to Re: What would you do if.... (possible trigger) » mair, posted by daisym on February 20, 2005, at 17:12:04
" I wanted to know if someone would call me, or if I'd have to read about it in the papers. I wanted to know if I would be able to go to the funeral. I worried about his other clients too."
God, daisy, my T and I didn't even get into all these questions although I've certainly thought about them before. I know I could go to the funeral, but would I feel awkward? I live in a fairly rural area; I'm sure I'd see people whom I would know. And I have wondered how I'd find out. Would someone call me before I read it in the newspaper? Probably not. Any deaths tend to be big news around here. And who would call me? Maybe my pdoc just to check up on me afterwards, or maybe my ex-pdoc if he's around. No one else knows I see her, but for one friend and my husband of course.I don't give a passing thought to her other clients; I do worry about her kids.
This hasn't been a good day for me to think about this either. I haven't left my house all day and haven't accomplished much other than a couple of loads of laundry. I've spent alot of time wishing i could call my T, wishing the timing of her leaving was a little better, and wondering if I should finally admit to myself how under-medicated I probably am right now and call my pdoc.
It must be the way the stars are aligned.
Mair
Posted by daisym on February 20, 2005, at 22:56:24
In reply to Re: What would you do if.... (possible trigger), posted by mair on February 20, 2005, at 21:30:25
i stayed in my sweats all day too. I did a "little" work, made cookies, spagh sauce and wished for my therapist all day. But I didn't call either. I realized that my new prescription for ativan is wrong -- it is 2 ml instead of 1/2...no wondered it worked so well the first time I took it. But now I don't think I should until it is straightened out. If you feel under medicated you should call your pdoc.
Haven't I told you my therapist hates my questions?! :)
Posted by Dinah on February 21, 2005, at 18:54:58
In reply to Re: What would you do if.... (possible trigger), posted by mair on February 20, 2005, at 21:30:25
:( Sorry you're feeling bad, Mair.
My therapist and I never discussed his funeral. Except that he did say he wanted a small private funeral, which may have been a hint, and a cremation.
We have discussed how I would find out. I told him I'd hate to show up for my appointment and have him just not be there. He hadn't thought about it but supposed someone in the family would call and let me know. I told him that the preferred method, from what I read, was to have a chosen colleague or two have access to the information they would need to call his current and recent clients. And offer a referral session or something along those lines.
This is the end of the thread.
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