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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:04:22
I have said I'll take my 8 year-old son to Chess tournament this weekend. In the city. Okay. A city I haven't been to in a long time because I've just been hiding. So, I have to drive there through there find my way around and that's no problem I can do that. I know I can do that. But I have a job interview tomorrow morning. A job I want. It's just a casual position, it's not a lot of money (oh god I long for the days when I made a decent salary) but it's a start. I'm scared. I'm nervous. I should be studying. Tonight I have an "Employment Skills" class, my daughters in a talent show at her school which I have to miss. I'm trying to find the cord for the video camera, I stashed it somewhere and have no idea where. I'm panicked, I feel tight in my chest and I want to cry. I have phoned my ex-T's machine saying how scared I am to leave town, to leave the safety of his phone. I want to run down to his office and sit there. I want to hear his voice, talking to someone else, being natural and warm and caring. I want to cry and scream and jump out of my skin. I don't know how I can last two days without mj and depression hitting me. I don't know how to handle this. I'm really being silly a part of my mind knows I can do this, I've done it before, I have a lot on my plate but I can do it. I should be studying, I think I may be tested on my medical terminology. I have to miss a class on Saturday, an important one before an exam. I'm scared. If anybody can give me some steps to follow, some advice to take, I'd really love it, I'd welcome your help with open arms. Please.
Posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 14:17:38
In reply to Need Help, Please Support Me, Someone, posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:04:22
Will prioritizing help? Write down the most important thing you want to do for the next couple of days, and allot some time for each of it. If it would help and possible, why don't you try to drive to the city beforehand on friday late night and figure out the way? That way you can be confident of driving again on saturday and that will be taken care of? (assuming it is nearby).
If the class that you are going to miss on saturday is important for the exam, can you try to ask someone else to give you the notes after the class? Maybe you can even purchase a recorder for 30 - 40 $ and get it recorded this once?
Calm down, and write it down somewhere - it is easy to do it. You have lot of capacity. And nothing that you have described is a life and death issue.. So even if you mess up on all this - in the worst case, nothing is going to happen.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 24, 2005, at 14:31:39
In reply to Re: Need Help, Please Support Me, Someone » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 14:17:38
Yes. Making a list of the things you have to do will help you focus and could even help calm you down because you are concentrating on something (writing and prioritizing). As for the video recorder cord, can you see if one of the other parents will be recording it? Then, you won't have to stress yourself out trying to find the cord. You can have a copy of the tape made afterwards. And, driving into the city is a big step. But, as you said, you know you can do it. I don't know, maybe just think about what your former T would say to you, and keep playing that over in your head (visualize he is making the trip with you and reassuring you all the way). You're a good parent Susan. But, don't forget about you. Your test is important to you and so is the job interview. So, don't let everybody else's needs take precedence over yours.
Good luck.
Tamara
Posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:37:00
In reply to Re: Need Help, Please Support Me, Someone » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 14:17:38
I want to cry, and cry and cry and cry. My head is spinning and I feel nauseaus. I'm thinking this is a life pattern. I'm thinking realizing I've let myself down over and over and over. What I did is nowhere near what I wanted, what I knew I could do. It's all mixed in with my anxiety, I don't know why it all feels so complicated and mixed up. It's such a little challenge, but no it's not it's big, I made it big because I can't do what I set myself up to do. Can I???
Posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:39:15
In reply to Re: Need Help, Please Support Me, Someone » pinkeye, posted by TamaraJ on February 24, 2005, at 14:31:39
I'm trying. I'm trying so hard, thank you.
Posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 14:45:44
In reply to Re: Need Help, Please Support Me, Someone » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:37:00
I think you are on your way to wellness.. You have a strange way of going about it.. you keep creating real life scenarios for things you want to work out in the long run. Maybe you should realize that and first stop this habit of creating microcosm scenarios (your own words from another thread).
By the way, it is not too late to start doing things the right way. You said you are 47 years old, you still got another good atleast 40 years of life left..Forget about what you could have done better in the past - you did as best as you knew with the resources at hand at that time. Now you have better resources, and you should do the best with what you got now.
But today is probably not the time to understand and correct the big picture. Forget about that for a while and get this thing worked out first. After you finish this task, you can revisit what you need to work on in the long run.
Also remember that it is not possible to correct the big picture, without focussing on the small small tasks at hand and getting them done right. Just like a pond gets filled with water drop by drop, you need to focus on all the small tasks that come up in your life and do them well - as an exercise and practice for you to do well with the real big things in life. That is how a child learns - a little by little doing small things, and that is how adults learn too.
Posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:55:02
In reply to Re: Need Help, Please Support Me, Someone » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 14:45:44
Methinks you've absorbed your therapy very well, my dear. I'm feeling better right now. I'm going to keep feeling good. What you said in the beginning feels bad to me, so I'm not going to revisit that right now. I just hate being alone so much. I really hate it. And it's forced loneliness, nobody can be here to do these things with me, and most people's company I don't want anyway. I've always been so bloody exclusive with people, so protective of myself.
Posted by pinkeye on February 24, 2005, at 15:05:46
In reply to Re: Need Help, Please Support Me, Someone, posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:55:02
Regarding the loneliness, I have been there too. So you are not alone. And it is possible to come out of it.
Good luck.
Posted by annierose on February 24, 2005, at 18:40:42
In reply to Need Help, Please Support Me, Someone, posted by Susan47 on February 24, 2005, at 14:04:22
Sorry you are having a rough evening. I wish you felt comfortable enough to call your new T. Let her help you. Try to focus on one small task at a time. You'll feel so proud taking your son to the tournament.
This is the end of the thread.
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