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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on February 26, 2005, at 15:41:24
I haven't talked about therapy in here in awhile. I've been seeing my T twice a week and finding that it's one off, one on most of the time. I.e., every other session is a good one and ever other is basically disappointing. I'm not sure what that's about, but anyway, last session was one of the goodies.
I came in just feeling kind of depressed in an undramatic way. Like just really sick of never feeling good. Feeling like my new meds aren't working, none of them work, and it's hopeless. She said something about calling my new pdoc and I said, "why bother." I explained how useless I thought pdocs were especially since all the meds were worthless too.
She asked me if I was angry. That kind of shocked me because I didn't think I was sounding angry. But then I realized I was. I asked her why she said that. She said because it sounds like I think no one can help me at all. That made me start to cry because it felt true. Several times that session I started to cry, but I always tried to fight it off. I'm sick of crying in therapy. (That's another issue I guess we need to talk about.)
Anyway, we talked about a bunch of other really useful, and painful, stuff. And at the end, I admitted to her that a few sessions ago when we were talking about what I should do with my life, and she expressed a sort of optimism that we could figure it out, I ended up getting angry at her about it. Not during the session, but later on, when I was mulling it over. I thought to myself, "Who the h*ll does she think she is? If I haven't been able to figure this out in 10-some-odd years (and not for lack of trying), how does she think she has the power to help me figure it out? It's hopeless. Doesn't she realize that?"
I told her this and she thought it was really helpful and interesting. She said, "So basically you come here and spend your hard-earned money trying to work on a situation that you think is utterly hopeless and you believe that your therapist is a fool if she thinks she can help you with any of it?" I was like, "Yeah, that's it in a nutshell." I laughed uncomfortably. She said that was important for us to know about and try to understand.
As painful as the session was (p.s. I lost the battle not to cry), I thought it was really helpful and I loved the way she reflected my anger without taking any of it personally. It made me feel really safe. And, it made me think about ways my old therapist was really bad at such stuff, and how glad I am to have gotten this new one.
Posted by 10derHeart on February 26, 2005, at 15:53:39
In reply to Really good session, posted by crushedout on February 26, 2005, at 15:41:24
Hi Crushed
So glad you posted that. And it's really neat that even though everything didn't go quite so right, things hurt and you cried when you were trying not to, you describe that as a *good* session. And I'll bet it's mainly from the overall feeling of safety. And she sounds like maybe she's quite calm and centered when responding to you? Maybe also different from your last experience. It seems like an encouraging and honest interaction you had. She seems like a *keeper* - yes?
Does twice a week feel just right to you? Just wondering as there was another thread on that recently, and I am considering bringing it up to my T., to add sessions. $$ is a problem, though, plus I'm so undecided what I really need.
Anyway, happy for you, and I'll selfishly say it helped me to think about your comments, to get me "out of my own head." Having issues with depression, backsliding in process of detaching from old T., and generally sitting around feeling stuck and useless for a few days...just a small rough spot, I'm sure, but talking to you guys here helps more than anything lately. Take care.
Posted by Tabitha on February 26, 2005, at 15:56:20
In reply to Really good session, posted by crushedout on February 26, 2005, at 15:41:24
Good work, crushed. It's great when you can bring beliefs like that out into the daylight and look at them, and feel the feelings associated with them.
Doesn't it make you want to smack that critical voice with a bat?? Stop! Telling! Me! It's! Hopeless! Well.. that's what my sessions are like lately anyway. :-)
Best wishes for continued good sessions with the new T.
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2005, at 0:31:39
In reply to Really good session, posted by crushedout on February 26, 2005, at 15:41:24
That's great, Crushed. And it always somehow feels better when I have to work hard for the good sessions.
I'm glad you found a therapist who is better at keeping her stuff out of the therapy room.
Posted by fallsfall on February 27, 2005, at 9:21:57
In reply to Really good session, posted by crushedout on February 26, 2005, at 15:41:24
It does sound like you are doing productive work in therapy. I'm really glad.
Best wishes
Posted by crushedout on February 27, 2005, at 9:31:36
In reply to Re: Really good session » crushedout, posted by 10derHeart on February 26, 2005, at 15:53:39
Hi 10der,Thanks! Yeah, I think she's a keeper, but ask me after tomorrow's session and I'll probably be agonizing and saying she's not right for me. I literally go back and forth and back and forth constantly. It's a vicious and horrible way to live and I don't know why I was made this way. Sigh.
As for twice a week, I absolutely think it's ideal. I kind of think the more the better. If I could I'd go every day. But you have to balance it against the costs, both in time and money. And there may be a point where your added gain is not that significant -- I'm not sure.
But twice a week is great. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to do it, though. I'm panicking because my insurance will run out in two months and then I may be paying out-of-pocket. I'm still not sure whether my T will slide her fee for me. So I may end up going back to once a week, which makes me sad, but it's better than nothing. I'm trying not to panic because no matter what happens, I'll survive. [wincing because I don't quite believe what I'm saying]
> Hi Crushed
>
> So glad you posted that. And it's really neat that even though everything didn't go quite so right, things hurt and you cried when you were trying not to, you describe that as a *good* session. And I'll bet it's mainly from the overall feeling of safety. And she sounds like maybe she's quite calm and centered when responding to you? Maybe also different from your last experience. It seems like an encouraging and honest interaction you had. She seems like a *keeper* - yes?
>
> Does twice a week feel just right to you? Just wondering as there was another thread on that recently, and I am considering bringing it up to my T., to add sessions. $$ is a problem, though, plus I'm so undecided what I really need.
>
> Anyway, happy for you, and I'll selfishly say it helped me to think about your comments, to get me "out of my own head." Having issues with depression, backsliding in process of detaching from old T., and generally sitting around feeling stuck and useless for a few days...just a small rough spot, I'm sure, but talking to you guys here helps more than anything lately. Take care.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:58:46
In reply to Re: Really good session » 10derHeart, posted by crushedout on February 27, 2005, at 9:31:36
I'm so glad it's going well for the most part. You deserve it!
gg
Posted by crushedout on February 27, 2005, at 10:26:41
In reply to Re: Really good session » crushedout, posted by Tabitha on February 26, 2005, at 15:56:20
Thanks, tabitha. The problem is it feels like I have no other self right now to combat the "critical voice." I just really believe it *is* hopeless. For some reason I'm not miserably depressed *all* the time and I'm semi-functional. So I bet somewhere in me there's some hope. But that hopeful me is keeping a very low profile.
> Good work, crushed. It's great when you can bring beliefs like that out into the daylight and look at them, and feel the feelings associated with them.
>
> Doesn't it make you want to smack that critical voice with a bat?? Stop! Telling! Me! It's! Hopeless! Well.. that's what my sessions are like lately anyway. :-)
>
> Best wishes for continued good sessions with the new T.
This is the end of the thread.
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