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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 10 to 34 of 49. Go back in thread:
Posted by shrinking violet on June 17, 2005, at 17:03:58
In reply to This is not working for me, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 16:45:22
I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much. Again, I can relate to what you've said here, especially today. Babblemail me, anytime. I wish I had some words of healing for you.
Take care of yourself, and keep posting if it helps at all,
sv> I am finding it very hard to let go of my ex T after reading all the T stories here.
> And I know I am not going to hear from my ex T again. And it is incredibly hard for me to digest that and participate here and I don't think working through it is working anymore or it is ever goign to make things easier for me. I don't think I am going to ever be healed from all this.
> And I don't know what the right answer is now. I have given up.
Posted by Tamar on June 17, 2005, at 17:08:06
In reply to This is not working for me, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 16:45:22
I'm so sorry you're hurting pinkeye. I know it's awful to go through these feelings for an ex-T.
I wish I could think of something helpful to say. I'm not at my most articulate at the moment. But I'm thinking of you.
(((((pinkeye)))))
Tamar
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:00:07
In reply to Re: This is not working for me » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 17, 2005, at 17:08:06
Thanks. I am more and more leaning towards CBT approach - just let it go and forget instead of trying to understand and analyze and grow etc. That is not working for me. And I don't think I can reasonably do it without any input from my ex T. Maybe if I still had contact with him, I could have tried to grwo. But not after this abrupt termination and lack of any contact. Too much damage has been done and it is not worth trying to grow now. Best would be to try to forget and move on and focus on other things.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:26:48
In reply to Re: This is not working for me » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:00:07
I regret ever going to therapy with my ex T. I regret I ever went to him and even bothered explaining anything to him. I should have never even talked with him and just shut him out 3 years back this day. IT is all a waste of time and energy and nonsense and heights of stupidity on my part.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:36:39
In reply to I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:26:48
His way of termination has destoryed all the respect and regards I ever had for him. I used to think of him very highly till this date.. But no more. He doesn't understand emotions at all. He is perhaps logical but when it comes to emotions, he doesn't understand anything.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:40:18
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:36:39
And I feel sorry for myself that I ever thought he would be able to understand and help me.
I am sorry I ever tried to open up and trust and heal. It is totally not worth it and it is not possible.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:49:35
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:40:18
And why should I feel bad? It is him who should feel bad. If I were a therapist, I wouldn't terminate my client especially long term ones like that. I would never ever have done that to anyone of my clients. He should have had little more common sense than to abruptly send one mail one day and temrinate and vanish.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:01:20
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 18:49:35
He really needs to learn a lot if he ever wants to become a therapist again and treat long term patients like me. OTherwise, he is going to cause more harm than help in the end. He needs to understand about emotions, transference, how significant it is and everything.. and how important it is to talk about emotions and childhood and let the client heal instead of just asking to cope up with the world now. Maybe they didn't teach him all this in college, but he has more exposure, he should know more. He messed up my termination, but I am thinking I should send him an email of what he did wrong so that he doesn't do it to the future clients. Otherwise he is just going to cause havoc in other patients.. ATleast I was the first long time woman patient he had (perhaps the only one), if it happened to other people in India, they wouldn't have had even as much info as I have about all this.. it would have been a disaster. They wouldn't have been able to recover at all. Atleast I have so much other info and support and understanding about transference.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:06:36
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:01:20
And I honestly don't think many clients puts as much effort as me in understanding things and trying to heal.. And even with so much of effort on my part, if he didn't handle the termination right, what to say of other less motivated clients? They would have just commited suicide if terminated so abruptly.. They would have just totally given up on life.. Even with so much of undersatnding about transference, I find it so hard to accept it.. what to say of less informed patients?
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:21:49
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:06:36
And I really think I tried my best.. I don't think many people put as much effort as me.. He messed it up.. he should have given me atleast 3 months warning, and asked me to slowly terminate, and he should have given me little bit of after tmermination support. I would have done much much better if I had had that considerate approach instead of this hardcore abrupt termination and pick up yourself I don't care what you do attitude. That is what really got to me. I didn't mind that he terminated.. but just that he terminated so abruptly.. that totally sucked. And he didn't reply when I told him I felt bad.. what kind of person would do that? If he felt I was a nuisance, he could have had little more courtesy to tell me before hand.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:43:42
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 19:21:49
oh.. why should I blame him for my own problems and transference.. I am so emotionally immature nobody could ever help me anyway. why just blame him alone.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:46:23
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:43:42
I should really not live.. I make everyone's life around me miserable.. my parents, my husbands, my own, and now I am blaming my ex T also.. I really don't know how to live.. I wish I can die soon. I really dn't know how to be simple and happy.. I am so very complicated..and messed up. And I don't think there is any point in continuing to live this way.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:51:08
In reply to Re: I regret I ever went to therapy with my ex T, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:46:23
babblers - don't get concerned over me.. I won't do anything stupid..
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:53:33
In reply to forgot to add trigger for above post, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:51:08
I want to leave babble.. I don't know if I can.. but I desperately want to leave. I keep coming back here.. almost like push and pull.. I am a miserable person.. and I don't feel like I belong here.
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 20:54:26
In reply to forgot to add trigger for above post, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:51:08
> babblers - don't get concerned over me.. I won't do anything stupid..
Well I am concerned about you pinkeye. I just wished I knew what to say to make you feel better. I care about you and I hope you will be all right. (((((pinkeye)))) I feel really sad about this.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:59:19
In reply to Re: forgot to add trigger for above post, posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 20:54:26
don't worry about me. it is not worht it.. I have given up on myself. I don't think it is ever possible for me to be happy or even decently not miserable. I have always been like this, and am always going to be like this. there is really no use anymore and no hope for me. I will just have to live like this.. I have really tried.. believe me I have.. no effect. not even a little bit.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 21:00:53
In reply to Re: forgot to add trigger for above post » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 20:59:19
I am just not born with it.. it is something I never had, and it is something which I will always lack. I don't think I can ever be a happy person. not with anyone or anything. and no amount of therapy or trying will change that.
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 21:05:25
In reply to Re: forgot to add trigger for above post » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 21:00:53
Pinkeye, please don't give up on yourself. I feel like you are my friend and I feel your pain so much and want so much for it to go away or transfer it to me, so I can take it away. Yes, you do matter, to me. Maybe I am not enough for you , but I have grown to really care about you. Please don't let me down, I need you! I am just in tears over this.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 21:07:49
In reply to Re: forgot to add trigger for above post, posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 21:05:25
oh no.. don't please feel bad. I should never have posted that here.
I am sorry. I am really not goign to do anything stupid so don't worry.
I will perhaps become allright by monday
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 21:13:27
In reply to Re: forgot to add trigger for above post » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 21:07:49
> oh no.. don't please feel bad. I should never have posted that here.
> I am sorry. I am really not goign to do anything stupid so don't worry.
> I will perhaps become allright by mondayCan you call your current T for support? When is your next appointment? Please lean on us and your T when you need us, that is what we are here for. WE CARE ABOUT YOU!!! Even when you won't let us, we care!
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 21:15:11
In reply to Re: forgot to add trigger for above post, posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 21:13:27
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 21:25:32
In reply to I CARE PINKEYE, I CARE PINKEYE, I DO!!!!!!! (nm), posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 21:15:11
thank you happyflower. I feel better.
Posted by shrinking violet on June 17, 2005, at 21:33:24
In reply to thanks so much!! » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 21:25:32
{{{{{{pinkeye}}}}}
You are not stupid. And I understand the "push and pull" all too well. I know how much you're hurting right now, how agonizing and achingly deep it is, especially when you can't get the answers from the one person you need them from. That in itself is so hard.
Please stay safe, and reach out if you need to, in whatever way will help. My offer for babblemail still stands.
Take care sweets, you're very valued here,
sv
Posted by sleepygirl on June 17, 2005, at 21:33:46
In reply to Babble is triggering old feelings again and again, posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 15:46:29
Pinkeye!
Hey, you're right, it's incredibly painful, it was too abrupt. It doesn't mean you can't try again though. It's a messy business getting attached, it's difficult, it's painful, but it can be worth it. I'm SO sorry it went so badly for you. I know it's hard. Please don't blame yourself. We do the best we can. Keep writing, get it out. It will get better slowly.
Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself.
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2005, at 21:37:12
In reply to Re: Babble is triggering old feelings again and again, posted by sleepygirl on June 17, 2005, at 21:33:46
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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