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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 13:05:55
I feel like telling my ex T that he made a horrible mistake in my termination, he didn't do it right, he ended up hurting me so very much.. I want to get some validation from him why he did it. If I deserved to be terminated that way without warning or gradualness.. If I did anything that bad to deserve to be thrown out like that one day without any consideration.
HE had told my parents before that I was the best patient he had ever had.. that he was more satisifed with me than he was with anyone. I wonder if that changed? Why would anyone not even be a little caring and emotionally understanding? Especially a T? How can he allow himself to be so cruel? I don't understand. I never will.
Posted by daisym on June 17, 2005, at 13:41:51
In reply to Telling my ex T he made a horrible mistake, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 13:05:55
I think you should write everything you are feeling and wished you had said or had the opportunity to say. It is the only way you are going to get closure. I'm not sure you will hear back, or you might get a response that isn't satisfying, but since this is eating you up, at least you will know you've done everything you can to understand it. And then maybe, just maybe, it will be one of those things that aches when you touch it, but you can begin to let it go.
I wish you weren't in so much pain.
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 13:49:38
In reply to Re: Telling my ex T he made a horrible mistake, posted by daisym on June 17, 2005, at 13:41:51
Thanks Daisy
What bothers me so much is the termination and the lack of any contact and abruptly stopping it.That seems a most senseless thing to do to anyone especially to a long lasting patient..
I don't think I am goign to recover from this. And I have told my ex T it was incredibly hard for me to move on, yet he didn't reply. And I don't find it possible to let it go and move on. I end hurting again and again whenever I think about it. And I know I will not ever hear from my ex T again. So I think I have to just continue like this. Maybe time will dull things a little bit.
Posted by antigua on June 17, 2005, at 14:05:19
In reply to Re: Telling my ex T he made a horrible mistake » daisym, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 13:49:38
It has taken me about two years to get over an abrupt termination with a T, even with the help of my trusted T. I find that sometimes I obsess over it, but when I do, I tell myself to look around and see what is really bothering me. If those feelings are being stirred up then something else is going on that is triggering the loss and abandonment feelings.
just my 2 cents.
take care,
antigua
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 14:19:53
In reply to Re: Telling my ex T he made a horrible mistake » pinkeye, posted by antigua on June 17, 2005, at 14:05:19
Thanks Antigua.
It helps to know other people struggled for as long a time as me in getting past things. I thoguht I was the only weird one.
THe hardest part is acknowledging that he didn't really care or bother, and he doesn't bother what happens to me. He just stuck to some protocol he was taught and he missed seeing the reality. Or maybe he is just not capable of understanding emotions at all. I think he is a very unemotional person that is why he doesn't see things at all.
Posted by Susan47 on June 18, 2005, at 0:53:02
In reply to Re: Telling my ex T he made a horrible mistake » antigua, posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 14:19:53
It's horrible when you feel like someone put you in an emotional place and then abandoned you there.
I know how it feels, and I hope for you that somehow you find a way to work this out. It makes me so angry to remember the way my ex-therapist allowed me to continue to feel like a failure for so long. It makes me angry to think that patients suffer so much in a relationship that really is no relationship at all, because it can be so cruelly cut off. I'm so sorry for you, for your frustration... it's the frustration of the impotent.
Posted by shrinking violet on June 18, 2005, at 18:45:56
In reply to Re: Telling my ex T he made a horrible mistake » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on June 18, 2005, at 0:53:02
Situations like these anger me, because it's so cruel, and I wonder if T's really understand that. If they do, and they do it anyway, they should have to be accountable; If they don't, they should learn.
I'm not an advocate of stirring things up like this unless it's warranted, and I think in your case it is. Does your ex-T have a boss or someone you could go to, and tell him your situation, and at least find out if anyone can clue your ex-T in on how damaging this type of behavior is? It irks me that he can do this to you (and who knows how many before you, and how many after you) and sleep at night and never have to deal with any consequences to his actions, leaving a line of hurt and damaged and confused people in his wake, while he goes on his merry way. It's possible he thought what he did would be the best course of action, but he (and T's like him) should learn that abrupt terminations are NOT the best way to go for most clients.
Sorry, but I'm sad and upset for you.
I hope you find peace soon in some way.
sv
Posted by pinkeye on June 20, 2005, at 13:18:46
In reply to re: telling my ex-t, posted by shrinking violet on June 18, 2005, at 18:45:56
thanks SV.
But I know he is not at fault.. for many reasons.
I wish he had done it little gradually but maybe he also couldn't help it.. he had retired, I had already started going to a new T here, it was getting too much for me so I had indicated that I wanted to minimize contact with him etc. So maybe he took all that into account and thought this is the best thing... I only wish he had been more gradual .. but maybe it would have been hard no matter what.. there is no question of me trying to criticize him... I have indicated to him that this kind of abrupt stopping of contact was extremely hard to take.. but he didn't respond. so atleast he knows how bad I feel. beyond that it is upto the doctors decision.
Posted by shrinking violet on June 20, 2005, at 13:46:05
In reply to re: telling my ex-t » shrinking violet, posted by pinkeye on June 20, 2005, at 13:18:46
{{{pinkeye}}}
I'm sorry....I know I didn't know the details of the situation. I shouldn't have spoken out of turn. I was just hurting for you.
Please take care, and let us know how you are doing.
sv
This is the end of the thread.
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