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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on June 27, 2005, at 15:51:30
I don't know why. She never shares anything of herself, she's such a blank slate. I can't explain why it feels unsatisfying. I can't focus this post. I just wanted to post.It may be that it's not supposed to feel satisfying. Maybe I need to feel like I'm reaching and not grabbing anything. It just takes time. I dunno but it sucks.
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2005, at 17:40:00
In reply to Therapy was disappointing again today, posted by crushedout on June 27, 2005, at 15:51:30
I had that feeling recently, and it turned out to be because he was closing himself off to keep a secret from me.
I'm not saying that your therapist is keeping a secret, but maybe that she's closing herself up. There's a real talent to being a blank slate, or at least keeping the boundaries up, while also being open and receptive and welcoming. Has your therapist ever been able to do that?
Posted by crushedout on June 27, 2005, at 17:59:32
In reply to Re: Therapy was disappointing again today » crushedout, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2005, at 17:40:00
> I had that feeling recently, and it turned out to be because he was closing himself off to keep a secret from me.
>
> I'm not saying that your therapist is keeping a secret, but maybe that she's closing herself up. There's a real talent to being a blank slate, or at least keeping the boundaries up, while also being open and receptive and welcoming. Has your therapist ever been able to do that?Hmm, I think she's open and receptive and welcoming, yes. But she refuses to judge anything. I ask her if I'm crazy and she says she doesn't know and she doesn't see it as her job to decide that. Which makes sense. I dyed my hair yesterday and it looks really amazing and she won't say that she likes it. I also understand why she won't do that. And given what happened with the last T, I really think it's for the best. But sometimes it leaves me feeling really empty.
How did you find out your T was keeping a secret? What kind of secret? Did he tell you what it was?
See, my T would never let me know that there was something going on with her. I went from one extreme to the next: the last T told me way too much, and this one tells me nothing, so it feels like I'm pouring all my feelings into an abyss, a nonhuman. She doesn't even care about me. She's just a blackboard. What's that?
Argh.
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2005, at 18:06:25
In reply to Re: Therapy was disappointing again today » Dinah, posted by crushedout on June 27, 2005, at 17:59:32
You were used to some pretty loose boundaries. That probably makes appropriate boundaries more difficult.
It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. It's just a different style.
My therapist makes the occasional compliment. But he's not that rigid about the blank slate stuff. It annoys me no end when he won't give his opinion about something psychological.
He was applying for a job about two hours away. He was negotiating to arrange to have one day off towards the beginning of the week so he could see clients, and then he'd also have been able to see me on Saturday, so my time with him would be the same. He didn't get the job, and then told me.
Posted by crushedout on June 27, 2005, at 18:10:43
In reply to Re: Therapy was disappointing again today » crushedout, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2005, at 18:06:25
Hmm, that's interesting. Why did he tell you? How did it come up?
Since it didn't happen, it seems a little odd that he told you, but I assume there was a context.
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2005, at 18:16:40
In reply to Re: Therapy was disappointing again today » Dinah, posted by crushedout on June 27, 2005, at 18:10:43
He told me because I was saying how much more I cared for him, while he was only fond of me. The context was explaining to me that he thought enough of me and our commitment that he included it in his contract negotiations. That he was committed to me and to our work together, and that by extension his feelings for me exceeded mere fondness.
Posted by crushedout on June 27, 2005, at 18:18:48
In reply to Re: Therapy was disappointing again today » crushedout, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2005, at 18:16:40
Did that feel good?
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2005, at 18:23:13
In reply to Re: Therapy was disappointing again today » Dinah, posted by crushedout on June 27, 2005, at 18:18:48
Yeah, it did.
But...
Is it possible it also took all the tension out of therapy? All the tension that provided the energy needed?
Nawwww... We'll generate more. We're too different to get along swimmingly for long.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 27, 2005, at 18:56:36
In reply to Re: Therapy was disappointing again today » crushedout, posted by Dinah on June 27, 2005, at 18:23:13
Hi crushed. I'm sorry to hear that today was disappointing for you. Your T sounds psychodynamic. Is she?
Can you (or do you) talk to her about your wish to hear more about her and to have her compliment you and stuff? It sounds to me that working with your relationship with her, and your desires, needs, maybe fantasies (not necessarily sexual) etc. would provide a lot of grist for the mill.
gg
Posted by Jazzed on June 27, 2005, at 19:15:29
In reply to Therapy was disappointing again today, posted by crushedout on June 27, 2005, at 15:51:30
>
> I don't know why. She never shares anything of herself, she's such a blank slate. I can't explain why it feels unsatisfying. I can't focus this post. I just wanted to post.
>
I wouldn't like that feeling either. I want to come away from therapy like I've gotten somewhere and there's been some back and forth.
(((hugs)))
Jazzy
Posted by fallsfall on June 28, 2005, at 9:30:55
In reply to Therapy was disappointing again today, posted by crushedout on June 27, 2005, at 15:51:30
I know the reaching out and not finding anything to grab onto feeling. I find that if I persist that we do accomplish good things, but that in between time is quite frustrating. I agree with Gardenergirl that if you can talk about how you are experiencing therapy that it could be a good thing. It must be pretty disconcerting to have your current therapy be so different from your previous therapy. Makes it hard to know if it is going "right". I had the same confusion when I switched from CBT to Psychodynamic. Time has proven that it was a good move for me.
Posted by crushedout on June 28, 2005, at 13:09:36
In reply to Re: Therapy was disappointing again today, posted by gardenergirl on June 27, 2005, at 18:56:36
> Hi crushed. I'm sorry to hear that today was disappointing for you. Your T sounds psychodynamic. Is she?I'm not sure. I don't really understand what psychodynamic is. She's analytically trained I think (has the couch and everything, although I've never dared to use it). What makes her sound psychodynamic to you?
> Can you (or do you) talk to her about your wish to hear more about her and to have her compliment you and stuff? It sounds to me that working with your relationship with her, and your desires, needs, maybe fantasies (not necessarily sexual) etc. would provide a lot of grist for the mill.
I've mentioned it a few times, especially in comparing her to my old T, but I guess I probably need to talk about it some more. I'm really feeling very anguished about the whole thing -- not sure that I have found the right T for me, and not wanting to go through starting a relationship with a new one again. I think this is my NINTH long-term therapist since I was 14 (I'm now 34) -- can you imagine how sick of this I am? Especially with how my therapy and life have been for the past few years, starting over right now would be hard. Then again, staying when I'm not happy is not good, either. I guess I really need to talk to her about this.Sorry, I'm babbling. Oops. That's the name of the site. So I guess it's ok. :)
I think you're right, gg, that this is all grist for the mill, and I should see where it all takes me. Thanks so much for posting.
Posted by crushedout on June 28, 2005, at 13:10:39
In reply to Re: Therapy was disappointing again today » crushedout, posted by fallsfall on June 28, 2005, at 9:30:55
> I know the reaching out and not finding anything to grab onto feeling. I find that if I persist that we do accomplish good things, but that in between time is quite frustrating. I agree with Gardenergirl that if you can talk about how you are experiencing therapy that it could be a good thing. It must be pretty disconcerting to have your current therapy be so different from your previous therapy. Makes it hard to know if it is going "right".
Wow, yeah, it is disconcerting. I like the way you put it. Thanks, falls. I hope mine works out as yours did.
Posted by crushedout on June 28, 2005, at 23:32:45
In reply to Re: Therapy was disappointing again today, posted by crushedout on June 28, 2005, at 13:10:39
This is the end of the thread.
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