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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 14:19:14
My new theory in my seemingly endless list of theories on why my ex T stopped communicating is that possibly he had some countertransference towards me. And maybe that is why he stopped abruptly.
It is very highly a far fetched idea, but nothing else really makes sense. If he had to knowingly put me through so much of difficulty and hurt and not even offer an explanation or apology - it means one of two things - that he is really not able to help it, or that he is a complete jerk.
And I don't really think he belongs to the later category. He was not a jerk - not in the 2 and half years that I knew him.. he was not very prompt in replying to emails, but was never a jerk.
So that gives me the reason that maybe he really couldn't help it. And possible reasons why he couldn't help it even after realizing what it is doing to me is that somehow he thinks it is really not possible for him to help me. Possibly he thinks I am interfering in his family, or he is having some countertransference towards me. I don't think he refrains from writing because it is unethical to keep writing - he always uses common sense more than rules, and if he understands how much of a difficult time this is giving me, then he would have definitely stepped in. OR maybe he thinks I need to go through this pain for some reason - maybe to heal fully - But even then, he would have said something like "I can't write, but keep working on it".
That leaves me with the theory that he has some countertransference - either very positive or very negative.. maybe he is identifying me as someone from his past himself, and is reacting to that..
Posted by happyflower on June 29, 2005, at 14:40:05
In reply to Maybe my Ex t had countertransference, posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 14:19:14
I also think he had some countertransference going on. I am not sure what, but it would explain his abrupt termination of you. Anyways , it is his fault for the way you are feeling. He abandoned you pure and simple. I think I would feel the same way if my T did that to me. Today in therappy we talked about my end . It isn't time yet, but we talked about it. He said it will be my desision when I feel I can function on my own.
Posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 15:01:27
In reply to Re: Maybe my Ex t had countertransference, posted by happyflower on June 29, 2005, at 14:40:05
That would really be a good comedy, if he had thought of me like his mother just as I thought of him like my father.
But seriously, I did feel somehow he thought of me like his mother.. He made some comments which seemed out of my character and I thought maybe it is because both of us are little supposed to be highly successful and sort of accomplishes in career..
Posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 15:57:50
In reply to Maybe as his mom like me of him as my dad :-) » happyflower, posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 15:01:27
Just a stupid thought.. maybe all along he really liked me.. maybe that is why he kept helping me even after he retired from practice for 3 months.. he said he had stopped all the other patients and that he was not being a psychiatrist to anyone other than me..
My Goodness, what if it is true? I was feeling so very unlikeable myself and so unattractive that I didn't really go through that path of thinking before. I have wondered briefly, but always quickly dismissed it as not possible..
Posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 21:54:47
In reply to Maybe he really liked me, but I didn't recognize? » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 15:57:50
Posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 21:56:53
In reply to Am I kidding myself?? (nm) » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 21:54:47
I am somehow 100 % confident today that he liked me.. I really believe today somehow that he really liked me a LOT..
Why am I feeling it so strongly today?
I must be kidding myself though.. I haven't heard back for many months, and I don't think I ever will..
Posted by alexandra_k on June 29, 2005, at 22:13:08
In reply to What is the matter with me? I am very confident.. » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 21:56:53
> I am somehow 100 % confident today that he liked me.. I really believe today somehow that he really liked me a LOT..
Hmm.
> maybe all along he really liked me.. maybe that is why he kept helping me even after he retired from practice for 3 months..
I think that is a really good indication that he really did want to help you. Yup.
> I must be kidding myself though.. I haven't heard back for many months, and I don't think I ever will..You might not hear back from him :-(
Because... It is typically thought to be unprofessional to continue a relationship with someone after termination. Especially when they have ceased practicing.I had a similar thing...
My p-doc went back to Canada for his retirement. We kept in contact a little bit... But then he didn't respond anymore. I think he had to stop with that. Not because he necessarily *wanted* to stop - but that professionally, he should. Because if he isn't practicing anymore then he isn't getting supervision anymore and that could become rather dangerous for the both of you.
I'm not sure what you mean when you say that you worry about whether he 'liked' you. Do you mean as a person in general, or do you mean in a sexual way??
Posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 12:43:48
In reply to Re: What is the matter with me? I am very confident.. » pinkeye, posted by alexandra_k on June 29, 2005, at 22:13:08
>>>>I'm not sure what you mean when you say that you worry about whether he 'liked' you. Do you mean as a person in general, or do you mean in a sexual way??
I guess both.. but I know I will be happy if he atleast liked me as a person - there is a tiny wish he liked me as a woman also though.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2005, at 18:00:18
In reply to Re: What is the matter with me? I am very confident.. » alexandra_k, posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 12:43:48
> I guess both.. but I know I will be happy if he atleast liked me as a person - there is a tiny wish he liked me as a woman also though.
Ok.
I think he must have liked you as a person to have kept on seeing you like that.
Really.
:-)
Posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 18:05:39
In reply to Re: What is the matter with me? I am very confident.. » pinkeye, posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2005, at 18:00:18
Thanks !! That does ease my mind a little bit.. Now, what about the second part ?? :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2005, at 18:10:10
In reply to Re: What is the matter with me? I am very confident.. » alexandra_k, posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 18:05:39
Um...
Enjoy your fantasies???
;-)
Posted by pinkeye on June 30, 2005, at 20:57:30
In reply to Re: What is the matter with me? I am very confident.. » pinkeye, posted by alexandra_k on June 30, 2005, at 18:10:10
LOL :-)
Maybe that is what I need to do - just to think he was as attracted to me as I was, and just enjoy the fantasy. Anyway, I learnt what I needed to learn through the pain.. What harm could be done in enjoying things a little bit now?? But now I really don't fantasize about him.. I haven't for a long time. I don't feel like.
This is the end of the thread.
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