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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jammerlich on July 12, 2005, at 17:44:13
I'm not sure if it makes any sense, but I think I have various levels of touch issues. On the most severe end, when I'm touched in certain places, there are flashbacks and ugly pictures. But I have issues with touch in general. I'm not fond of touching other people, but if someone has a need that can be met by my appropriate touch, then I can do it. I ache to be touched gently - I mean in a completely non-sexual way - but to receive it is emotionally overwhelming to the point that I fear it. How miserable is that? To be terrified of the thing you really want? I know it's not at all rational, but I believe I will contaminate people who touch me to meet my own needs (especially if they know about my past), and that people whom I touch to meet their needs will stay clean.
Ok, so on to my point..... Given all this, I have trouble with massages - well, spa treatments in general, really. I've only made it through one massage and I think it's because that particular one hurt. I'm sure part of it has to do with the touching, but I think the relaxation plays a role too. Like it's not safe to *let go* that much so I have to put a stop to it. But again, I want to so badly. Anyway, I'm going to be spending a long weekend at a fancy Four Seasons hotel with a spa that is supposed to be to die for and I want to try to use it. Have any of you who have issues with touch found some treatments you can tolerate or ways to get through them and enjoy them?
Posted by Jen Star on July 12, 2005, at 19:05:24
In reply to Touch Issues - Massage, etc - - - - MT??, posted by jammerlich on July 12, 2005, at 17:44:13
hi jammerlich,
I don't have the touch issues that you do, but I was nervous/ambivalent about my first massage.Before the massage, I wondered whether it would feel "dirty," sexual, creepy, uncomfortable, lewd, massage-parlor-ish, etc. When I got there, I found that the people were very professional and relaxing, and that there was no air of intimacy or sex at all. It was purely about the therapeutic uses of touch.
I was able to relax about 95%. It WOULD have been 100%, except I was still thinking that eventaully the massage would end and I'd have to get dressed and find my shoes and drive back home and get back to errands & stuff. The mundane stuff never completely leaves my mind, I guess!
My advice would be: Remember that these people are professionals. At such a fancy spa, they will have impeccable credentials and will be very good. They're not going to hurt you, and they're not going to try to be intimate with you, either mentally or physically. They're just going to use their training to ease your muscles. Try to think of it as a sports training event, as something good for you. And if you don't relax at all and are really hating it, let yourself speak up and say, "You know, thanks but I think I've had enough. I'm a bit more sore than I expected and I'm going to cut it short. Thanks, though!"
You reserve the right to quit the massage at ANY time for ANY reason. Maybe keeping that in the back of your mind will help -- YOU'RE in control of this touch, and it will go on only as long as you want it to.
Anyway, I hope you have a great time. I hope you do enjoy the spa, if you decide to go!
JenStar
Posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2005, at 8:57:32
In reply to Re: Touch Issues - Massage, etc - - - - MT?? » jammerlich, posted by Jen Star on July 12, 2005, at 19:05:24
Hi,
I get regular massages with the same person, so I've been fortunate to develop a strong sense of trust with her. There's one place where I am much more sensitive, and for whatever reason, I get a lot of anxiety when she is working there. I have been comfortable telling her about it, and she is much more careful there.With a new person, I would imagine the MT would want feedback about how you are feeling and responding. I remember early on my MT would ask if the pressure was too light or too much, and she adjusted based on what I said.
You could also tell the person that you are anxious about this and ask them to go slow. I'm sure they will understand. I'm sure they have dealt with this issue before. And to reiterate what Jen said, you can always stop the session if it doesn't feel safe.
Pedicures or manicures, and maybe facials? (never had one) involve less touch. You might also try those.
Enjoy!
gg
Posted by jammerlich on July 16, 2005, at 15:19:25
In reply to Touch Issues - Massage, etc - - - - MT??, posted by jammerlich on July 12, 2005, at 17:44:13
I've made it to the resort - which is beautiful, by the way - and have taken a look at the spa offerings. On Monday, I have scheduled a Shirodhara treatment and a Stone Therapy Facial.
The Shirodhara is where they drip a steady stream of oil onto your forehead and it includes scalp, hand and foot massage. Sounds pretty safe to me. I'm fairly certain I can handle that as it's mostly *neutral* territory. I asked a lot of questions about the facial and was told that there is almost always a stone between you and the therapist, so there is very little skin-to-skin contact. I'm still a little worried though b/c it does involve some parts of the body that are triggery for me.
Keep your fingers crossed!
Posted by Shortelise on July 16, 2005, at 16:22:11
In reply to Touch Issues - Massage, etc - - - - MT??, posted by jammerlich on July 12, 2005, at 17:44:13
My immediate thought on reading you is that to receive a gentle, respectful touch might bring strong feelings of grief because it reminds you of ... Why is this hard to explain?
I mean, when we get what we need, it can by contrast make what we got that we really didn't need or want more poignant.
I would try to stay in the moment.
There are people who do "body work", and some of them specialize in those who have traumas like yours to deal with. You can feel the body stuff there, and go with where it takes you, within limits that the safety of the presence of someone who is trained to help.
I think the body memories we keep are sometimes ignored by T's. I truly believe that we also have to find those things in the body and therapize them too, on the physical level on which they exist.
I was having a massage about 15 years ago and the therapist was massaging my feet and I suddenely, without warning, began to cry. I sobbed and sobbed. When I finally stopped, we talked and he told me that it was SO common. I don't know what the memory was, I was too repressed at the time. But it sure made me cry, whatever it was. It never happened again. I loved that massage therapist, and trusted him implicitly.
Sorry this is so long. Your post just really made me think.
ShortE
Posted by Damos on July 20, 2005, at 18:04:51
In reply to Re: Touch Issues - Massage, etc - - - - MT?? » jammerlich, posted by Shortelise on July 16, 2005, at 16:22:11
Shortelise, the release you experienced is not all that unusual and quite common in energetic healing, manual therapy and stress diffusion work.
Quite often hard stuff is stored as a blockage in the energetic pathways (meridians) and pressure on the right point/points causes the release of the memory and feeling related to whatever it was and restores the proper energy flow. Some of these releases are bigger and more dramatic than others. All the bodily organs are represented in points on the feet and hands and reflexology is the manual therapy specific to the feet and it can be pure magic when you get a skilled practicioner.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 20, 2005, at 18:58:24
In reply to Re: Touch Issues - Massage, etc - - - - MT?? » Shortelise, posted by Damos on July 20, 2005, at 18:04:51
I had an emotional reaction once, which I think was a body memory releasing. My MT was quite compassionate and later worked with me to ensure I always felt safe.
gg
Posted by daisym on July 22, 2005, at 0:03:52
In reply to Re: Touch Issues - Massage, etc - - - - MT?? » jammerlich, posted by Shortelise on July 16, 2005, at 16:22:11
****I think the body memories we keep are sometimes ignored by T's. I truly believe that we also have to find those things in the body and therapize them too, on the physical level on which they exist.*****
I found that my body "speaks" about the memories I'm experiencing in subtle and not so subtle ways. I get squirming, especially when I feel sensations in very private areas, I bounce my feet when I'm anxious and/or I'll curl up tight in a ball on the couch to contain myself. My therapist sometimes refers to my bouncing as "mental pacing" but he typically will comment or ask about what are you feeling "in your body." I've found these sensations tough to describe because they are so old and yet so present in the here and now. It gets confusing. I try hard to relax and let go of the feelings because I sometimes end up with painfully sore muscles after sessions due to how tightly I'm holding on or squeezing tight.
It is odd and scary. I did read a book about somatic memories and holding therapy but don't remember the name (Releasing the Tiger? Something like that.) It was only so-so helpful. I wish I were braver to explore more about this. I suspect, for me, it would be helpful.
I've never had a massage, and when a nurse tried to rub my leg when I was in labor I almost kicked her in the head I jumped so high. I have this fantasy of relaxing completely and letting someone rub my neck and shoulders and brush my hair. Never gonna happen but it sounds nice, as long as it is someone else...
This is the end of the thread.
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