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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 20:34:50
hi all,
I've recently been reading some very interesting books by Malcolm Gladwell:"Blink"
"The Tipping Point"
(I tried to quote them to link...someone may need to help me in my attempts!)The books are easy fun reads and are fascinating. In Blink, MG discusses what is happening in your mind and brain in the first 2 seconds you see or hear something, and the times when first impressions are onto something and the times when they can get fooled by extraneous data and preconceived notions.
It made me think about MY first impressions of hearing and seeing things, and how often I am right or wrong about people.
I think the first things I notice about someone new are, in this order: Physical features (size, shape, color, clothing), then Body language (stance, gestures, carriage, facial expressions).
I THINK I can tell a lot about someone from their first gestures and body language. I teach classes in addition to doing other things. When new students come into the class, I notice how they move (with confidence? With caution? with aggression?) I notice where they sit, whether they greet me, and if they do, what they say and how they say it. I notice if they take handouts without being asked or with a prompt. And I notice all this sort of "in the background" because I'm very busy preparing and greeting people and setting up. some of it only sinks in later. But I have noticed strong correlations between a person's initial body language and how attentive they are in class, and how frequently they attend the class. I've also noticed a correlation in confidence and how well they do in class, and a correlation in interest level and where they sit.
Have you noticed anything about first impressions that seem to "work" to help you learn things? Have you read those books by Gladwell?
JenStar
Posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 20:43:46
In reply to the psychology of first impressions - anyone?, posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 20:34:50
I have thought about first impressions too.. But for me almost always they are wrong later. Here is what I thought about people who later came to mean a whole lot to me.
My T - I thought he was looked very stupid when I first saw him. I even asked him why I should bother telling him anything about me and his response was - "Well what other choice do you have".. But I was impressed with him right after the end of first session.
Another guy - I thought he was extremely arrogant and was a jerk - but later came to realise he was one of the best guys I ever met..
It has happened with lot of people. My first impressions are almost always wrong..
> hi all,
> I've recently been reading some very interesting books by Malcolm Gladwell:
>
> "Blink"
> "The Tipping Point"
>
> (I tried to quote them to link...someone may need to help me in my attempts!)
>
> The books are easy fun reads and are fascinating. In Blink, MG discusses what is happening in your mind and brain in the first 2 seconds you see or hear something, and the times when first impressions are onto something and the times when they can get fooled by extraneous data and preconceived notions.
>
> It made me think about MY first impressions of hearing and seeing things, and how often I am right or wrong about people.
>
> I think the first things I notice about someone new are, in this order: Physical features (size, shape, color, clothing), then Body language (stance, gestures, carriage, facial expressions).
>
> I THINK I can tell a lot about someone from their first gestures and body language. I teach classes in addition to doing other things. When new students come into the class, I notice how they move (with confidence? With caution? with aggression?) I notice where they sit, whether they greet me, and if they do, what they say and how they say it. I notice if they take handouts without being asked or with a prompt. And I notice all this sort of "in the background" because I'm very busy preparing and greeting people and setting up. some of it only sinks in later. But I have noticed strong correlations between a person's initial body language and how attentive they are in class, and how frequently they attend the class. I've also noticed a correlation in confidence and how well they do in class, and a correlation in interest level and where they sit.
>
> Have you noticed anything about first impressions that seem to "work" to help you learn things? Have you read those books by Gladwell?
>
> JenStar
Posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 21:38:42
In reply to My first impressions are always wrong !!! » Jen Star, posted by pinkeye on July 22, 2005, at 20:43:46
hi pinkeye,
but at least you take time time to review the impressions and adjust them. I think some people never do that, and just stick with the first one!I'm wrong about people sometimes, too. For example, when I first met my best friend in high school, I thought she seemed boring. Later, when I started talking to her, I found that she was great and we had a lot in common. Luckily I was able to get past the 1st impression, or I would have missed out on a great friend!
I think I sometimes give people more of a positive "first look" if they remind me physically of someone I like, and v.v. It's hard to get over those kinds of associations.
There is this one woman that works in the perfume dept. of a large store near me where I like to shop and browse. Now this woman looks JUST like an older version of a friend with whom I've had extreme difficulties. (Do you remember when I was posting last year, I think, about an overly-clingy and aggressively friendly friend?)
Anyway, the perfume woman reminds me so much of that friend of mine whom I don't like very much. Her face, her hair, and her mannerisms are SO similar! I know she's not related b/c that friend had no relatives in this city. BUT - my impressions of the perfume woman are tainted b/c of the strong reminder to that ex-friend. She even sounds like her when she talks! It makes my spine wriggle in irritation.
I KNOW this is petty and unfair to the perfume woman, yet I can't seem to help it. And I'm a perfume junkie, so I often stop off at the perfume area on my way browsing the store, so I see her every time I go in there. And get irritated every time, b/c it makes me think of that annoying bad friend of mine. And then I think about how I'm acting shallow, and how unfair it is in general...and my thoughts go around and around. Fun!
hmmmm...
JenStar
Posted by Poet on July 23, 2005, at 0:58:52
In reply to the psychology of first impressions - anyone?, posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 20:34:50
Hi Jenstar,
Your link works just fine. Yesterday, my T told me that I should read *Blink.* I am definitely going to read it now.
I put myself on the waiting list at the library, so it might be awhile before I get access to it. I'll let you know.
Thanks for recommending it. I trust both you and my T that it's a good book.
Poet
Posted by messadivoce on July 23, 2005, at 1:28:32
In reply to the psychology of first impressions - anyone?, posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 20:34:50
Haven't read the books. But I do think that my first impressions are pretty accurate. I can't tell you "how" I know, I just do. I knew right away when I was 12 years old that I had met my best friend for life. I knew when I was 17 that I had met my future husband. I knew that the guy my friend was dating was a slimeball (and he proved himself as such later).
I listen to tone of voice, watch eye contact, ways of wording stuff. Other than that I just have a gut feeling.
As for my T, I disliked him immediately the first time. I thought he was arrogant and over confident. Which turned out not to be the case, but looking back on my therapy, I think that those were his weaknesses, at least the overconfidence. So I was barking up the right tree, even if transference took over completely even at the first session.
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 14:58:16
In reply to Re: My first impressions are always wrong !!! » pinkeye, posted by Jen Star on July 22, 2005, at 21:38:42
I remember vaguely you writing about a friend.. I don't remember too much details about it though, but I remember you writing about it. What happened with her?
I also have experienced the same thing - if a person I meet looks like some one in the past, I automatically develop a liking/disliking towards the person depending on my past experience.. But I try to overcome it though.
For me, the more I dislike someone in the beginning, the better I like them later.. For soem reason, intense disliking in the first day almost always signals a strong liking in the later part.. I wonder about it though.
This is the end of the thread.
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