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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 21:51:28
I am going to end all this stupidities that I have been doing - crying, thinking of my ex T, obsessing about him, worrying constantly why he didn't like me.. and worrying about my dad, my mom, my husband.. To hell with all of them. I am going to be happy. And I am going to make my own life pleasant and happy and nice to myself.
What crap I have been doing all these years - not accepting myself, rejecting myself, feeling unnecessarily guilty, punishing myself, withholding myself from living well, hurting myself. And all of this for what? I was really a good person, I still am. As much as possible to me with my constraints.. I might be little bit not good, but who is perfect? I am acceptable the way I am. What more can I ask of myself?? What I am is more than enough.. And I am not going to any body tell me anything hereafter.. If they have better things to do in life, let them do it in their life.. Don't come and preach me or demand anything of me or ask me to do anything. And if someone wants to talk to me or be with me, let them do that.. If someone wants to not talk with me, well so be it. I am not going to bother a bit about it. I have done every form of stupidity for long enough.. And this is the end of it.
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 21:54:31
In reply to End of all this stupidities !!!, posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 21:51:28
I am DONE with all my crying and depression and hurting and pain.
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:00:24
In reply to I am going to be Happy. As happy as anyone can be! » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 21:54:31
I don't give a damn about anyone - my ex T or my husband or my Father. If they are good and nice, I will have them in my life. If they are not good, well - let them have their own life, and I don't want any part of it. But I will be the one to decide who is in my life or who is not. If my husband lays a hand on me one more time - well let him have his own life to himself - I don't want any part of it. If my father tries to make me scared, I am not going to take it. And I am not going to worry a bit about my ex T - let him do whatever he sees best in his life.. And I don't care a bit. I am going to be happy and cheerful and joyous and nice and pleasant. And I am going to have plenty of friends and nice people to be with. And I don't have time for all anything less.
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:02:36
In reply to And I don't give a DAMN about anyone.., posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:00:24
And I don't have time for any more of complications and depression.. I am going to beat it big time. And I am going to beat my arthritis also..
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:06:26
In reply to Re: And I don't give a DAMN about anyone.., posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:02:36
I am going to change everything about myself.. All this sadness, depression, hurting, pain, worrying, obsessing is all going to go away. I am going to focus my energy on being happy and nothing else. All my mental complications are going away as of now. I don't want any more therapy. I have two more sessions left with my T - and I will finish that off, and then say Goodbye to therapy forever. I will deal with things myself.
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:08:39
In reply to And I am going to turn everything around, posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:06:26
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:09:31
In reply to Don't anyone say I am going to regress.. I won't. (nm) » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:08:39
Posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:21:40
In reply to Not this time and Never Again. I won't regress. (nm) » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:09:31
I don't need one bit of approval from anyone. Not my ex T, not my father, and not my husband. I don't need it. I am going to approve of myself. And I have given myself 100 out of 100. No more of this being Zero business. And I don't need any damn sh*t from anyone else.
Posted by crazy teresa on July 24, 2005, at 22:39:15
In reply to And I don't need APPROVAL. Not from any men.., posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:21:40
I am thrilled to hear this from you! I feel like jumping up and down for you!
Please keep in mind we can't overcome some things alone or by sheer will and that if you need therapy, it's ok. If we could, none of us would be in therapy or taking meds.
Focus on only accepting the GOOD from others.
REJECT THE BAD!
carzy t
Posted by JenStar on July 24, 2005, at 22:59:00
In reply to And I don't need APPROVAL. Not from any men.., posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:21:40
Pinkeye,
I'm glad you're being so positive! :) Yah! Good for you!JenStar
Posted by muffled on July 24, 2005, at 23:28:06
In reply to And I am going to turn everything around, posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:06:26
> I am going to change everything about myself.. All this sadness, depression, hurting, pain, worrying, obsessing is all going to go away. I am going to focus my energy on being happy and nothing else. All my mental complications are going away as of now. I don't want any more therapy. I have two more sessions left with my T - and I will finish that off, and then say Goodbye to therapy forever. I will deal with things myself.
Pinkeye-I'm glad you are being so positive. Do you have people who will help you? I keep hearing you say I,I,I, But everyone needs a little help now and again. Even just small stuff. I am the queen of trying to go it on my own, don't work so good I can tell you. I am struggling with that myself. So you go girl, but get some helpers too.
Take care.
Posted by B2chica on July 25, 2005, at 10:26:57
In reply to And I am going to turn everything around, posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 22:06:26
i feel proud of you to hear such words of courage and strength. such profoundness. i'm concerned that it's passing. please, with all your might. remember the empowered feeling i'm sure you felt with each post. DON"T let go!
hang on to this conviction and love yourself with all your might. Make a life for YOU, live a life for YOU, love in a life for YOU- all will come together.
((((((pinkeye))))))))
b2c.
Posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 13:13:40
In reply to Re: And I am going to turn everything around, posted by B2chica on July 25, 2005, at 10:26:57
I know it is hard, but maybe I can do it this time without regressing much..
And of course babblers are always there to help me out.. :-)
Maybe I will regress, but I will pick up quickly again..
And really, the only thing that I have to do is to stop taking b*llshit from other people and stop giving myself b*llshit..That is all I need to do. Rest will take care of itself.
Posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 13:20:50
In reply to Thanks guys.., posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 13:13:40
They are all really good people in heart.. They made mistakes, but their intention was always pretty good..
And my exT was really quite well intentioned.. He never ever would have suspected he was hurting me this much. If I had little bit more self respect and trust in myself, I would have worked it out much better with him - or left him early instead of allowing myself to get hurt this much..
And the same thing with my father also - If I could have told him how much it was hurting me, and if I didn't put him up in a pedestal, maybe he would have stopped doing all those nonsense.
And my husband is also a good guy. If I stay firm with him, maybe he will become better..
Posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 14:18:38
In reply to And, my dad, my hubby, my ex T - they are good.., posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 13:20:50
I think I am finally ready to close the grave - so to speak. I am letting go of my ex T and my obsession about him.
I think the reason I clung on to him so very desperately is because of lack of self-approval. I kept looking up to him to provide me some approval and liking so that I could go on and validate myself and try to be good. I think perhaps, I don't need it anymore from him. Besides, it is not his job to supply approval for any other human. It is God's job. And as long as I maintain myself decently well, God will give me the approval that I need, if I cannot give it to myself by myself.
I don't think I need to torture myself about him anymore and I don't have to perhaps ruminate and obsess about him. I like him a lot, I think I always liked him irrespective of all his faults. I still think he is a very very decent person basically - irrespective of whether he is a good T or not - atleast when I knew him. Now I don't know how he is - if he got polluted by his new surroundings, I hope not. But it is not something I need to wonder about. What he does about his life is his own business.
I hope I can hang on to this and not let myself slide again. I am going to connect with God more.. that will help me go on.
Posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 15:33:03
In reply to Letting go of my ex T, posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 14:18:38
Actually now I am realizing my ex T didn't make any mistake with me. Not knowingly atleast. He really didn't know how to help me through emails, and I couldn't call him and talk to him because of time difference. And he couldn't really understand a woman's way of thinking and getting attached etc. He was highly logical, and couldn't help himself from not being able to understand emotions.. And he also accepted long back he was not good in therapy. And he had said himself that the only reason why I took his advice was because I liked him. And he asked me to consult with a US psychiatrist long back. What more could he also do? It is really not a good thing to blame him. And just writing to him provided me so much of relief and support when I didn't have anyone else..
So maybe I can close the grave with nice feelings instead of hurt feelings..
> I think I am finally ready to close the grave - so to speak. I am letting go of my ex T and my obsession about him.
>
> I think the reason I clung on to him so very desperately is because of lack of self-approval. I kept looking up to him to provide me some approval and liking so that I could go on and validate myself and try to be good. I think perhaps, I don't need it anymore from him. Besides, it is not his job to supply approval for any other human. It is God's job. And as long as I maintain myself decently well, God will give me the approval that I need, if I cannot give it to myself by myself.
>
> I don't think I need to torture myself about him anymore and I don't have to perhaps ruminate and obsess about him. I like him a lot, I think I always liked him irrespective of all his faults. I still think he is a very very decent person basically - irrespective of whether he is a good T or not - atleast when I knew him. Now I don't know how he is - if he got polluted by his new surroundings, I hope not. But it is not something I need to wonder about. What he does about his life is his own business.
>
> I hope I can hang on to this and not let myself slide again. I am going to connect with God more.. that will help me go on.
Posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 19:13:06
In reply to Re: Letting go of my ex T » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 15:33:03
For some reason, I have always felt a little protective of my ex T .. Today, I feel so very protective of him. And I feel how stupid I am being.. I am the one who needs protection, but I feel like teaching him many things and protecting him.. I almost feel like guiding him and I am thinking it is some sort of huge projection that I have ... Maybe what I want to feel towards myself, I am projecting to him..
I always felt he wouldn't have had a good childhood himself.. His mother must have been so very busy, I wonder if he ever got to spend time with her.. I wonder perhaps that is the reason why he is so very logical and little emotionally cold. And I think just like me, he took on his mother's ideals for himself.. and I feel like teaching him lot of stuff about life..
I think I am still not over projecting to him..
This is the end of the thread.
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