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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 3:32:13
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » rainbowbrite, posted by gardenergirl on August 29, 2005, at 2:17:35
>But some stuff you just can't make sense of.
this part is so hard for me. i need to make sense of stuff, I need answers. I know Ill never ever get them but I still seem to have hope that I will find them.
> And I know grieving feels like a big dark hole...one you might not ever come out of. But we're here as a tether for you. We can pull you out. Just keep posting as you are able.
>
> (((rain)))
>
> ggThanks, Im trying to stop my circle of what ifs, I think I need to go to a grief counsellor or a therapist.
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 3:40:00
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » rainbowbrite, posted by alexandra_k on August 29, 2005, at 3:21:55
>
> Yeah. Sounds like you have been pushing it away for a while.I keep tricking myself into thinking I am good at it
> I don't think anybody does that well ;-)
> It might be useful / helpful to you.
> Writing could be helpful too.i think so, I think i need to
> Aw. Your not alone. Here I am. I live inside your computer, see :-)
> <joke>
> Sometimes I feel like that...
> But sometimes its hard to be alone, yeah.
>
:-) thanks for making me laugh. I think I can see you
> Yeah. If you really let it out...
> After a while your body will get tired and it will stop.
> And you will feel calmer.I do a little
> Yeah. But then if circumstances had allowed me to I could have intervened and changed the outcome.
> Or Damos could.
> Or somebody else could.
> Or they might never have done that for some other reason.
i know, I know....> I like to imagine circumstances a lot different for me...
> Imagine having parents who were good for me.
> Sometimes I get caught up in that.
>
> But if things were different...
> I dunno...
> They wouldn't be what they are today.
> For better or worse
> I dunno
>
> Hard to see the sense sometimes.
> Hard to see.
>yeah, things are hard to understand sometimes, so many whys, ifs and whats
Posted by madeline on August 29, 2005, at 5:27:38
In reply to dealing with crap, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24
I'm sorry that you are hurting. I do understand all the crap.
Glad you are sharing with us. It will help.
(((rainbow)))
Posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 9:43:17
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » Damos, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 1:57:44
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 14:46:09
In reply to Re: dealing with crap ((((hugs)))))) I'm so sorry (nm) » rainbowbrite, posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 9:43:17
Posted by fallsfall on August 29, 2005, at 15:19:59
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » gardenergirl, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 3:32:13
Do you have a therapist you can call? Or even go see someone new.
I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. Maybe try a yoga tape - it can help get the tension out of your body, as well as calm your mind.
(((Rain)))
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 15:44:35
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » rainbowbrite, posted by fallsfall on August 29, 2005, at 15:19:59
> Do you have a therapist you can call? Or even go see someone new.
No, but I think I do need to talk this out...so I am planning on making a phone call, its just, therapy scares me I think as well as dealing with this. I think thats why I have been hesitating and failing at any attempt ive made.
> I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. Maybe try a yoga tape - it can help get the tension out of your body, as well as calm your mind.
>
> (((Rain)))yoga is helpful. I will try
thanks
Posted by daisym on August 29, 2005, at 15:51:47
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » fallsfall, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 15:44:35
Sometimes fighting off the bad feelings is the wrong thing to do. Let yourself cry and be angry and then cry some more. And then pick yourself up and try to get on with life.
Suicide almost always isn't about anyone but the person and their private pain. In those moment, the hell they are in is worse than the hell they imagine leaving you in. It is a personal battle of one-on-one, me-to-me or I-to-I. I know you loved this person, but I agree with Damos, this wasn't about you and they wouldn't have wanted you to continue to suffer.
I hope you find someone to talk to about all this soon. It is one of the darkest kinds of guilt and loss. In the mean time, be gentle with yourself.
hugs
Daisy
Posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 17:08:29
In reply to dealing with crap, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24
Dear Sweet Rain,
Hope you managed to get a little sleep and that today is just a little brighter.
(((((((((((Rainbowbrite))))))))))
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 17:33:32
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » rainbowbrite, posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 17:08:29
aww Damos,
thank you! you are so sweet. I slept ok, it took awhile but...i did. I do feel a little brighter.
Working on thinking rationally or maybe not rationally but trying to not make sense of stuff. if that makes sense.
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 17:41:57
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » rainbowbrite, posted by daisym on August 29, 2005, at 15:51:47
> Sometimes fighting off the bad feelings is the wrong thing to do. Let yourself cry and be angry and then cry some more. And then pick yourself up and try to get on with life.
i had a good cry last night and I think it helped, my eyes hurt today but that will pass. yeah I will move on, I need to. Best thing is to keep myself busy but not too busy.
>
> Suicide almost always isn't about anyone but the person and their private pain. In those moment, the hell they are in is worse than the hell they imagine leaving you in. It is a personal battle of one-on-one, me-to-me or I-to-I. I know you loved this person, but I agree with Damos, this wasn't about you and they wouldn't have wanted you to continue to suffer.YEah I know, its weird how I get into this blaming game. It was messing me up yesterday. when it gets you its so hard to see any other way. I realized I was distorting what happened a little and putting more responsibilty on me then I should have. I am still doing it a little but not like I was.
> I hope you find someone to talk to about all this soon. It is one of the darkest kinds of guilt and loss. In the mean time, be gentle with yourself.
>
> hugs
> DaisyThanks Daisy, I am going to work on getting to someone. I shouldnt let myself get so upset by things or be so reactive
Posted by Damos on August 29, 2005, at 18:21:55
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » Damos, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 17:33:32
Yeh it does. You're good people rain so you take care of you okay.
Posted by Angela2 on August 29, 2005, at 18:52:47
In reply to dealing with crap, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24
Rain,
I'm so sorry. Although I've never lost anyone to suicide I know what it's like to relive painful moments and emotions. I hope you feel better soon. *many many hugs*
Posted by fallsfall on August 29, 2005, at 19:39:02
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » fallsfall, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 15:44:35
It is very hard to make that appointment and meet with someone for the first time. But they really do want to help you, and they don't judge you. You have been through a lot, it is reasonable for you to get some help with this. Try to just push through to get into an appointment?
Anything we can do to help?
Falls.
Posted by Poet on August 29, 2005, at 21:58:04
In reply to dealing with crap, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24
((((Rainbowbrite))))))
I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad.
As you may know I have trouble talking in therapy, so I understand your reluctance to see anyone. Sharing secrets is hard and trust for me is slow to build, but it's there. You deserve to feel better, remember that, okay?
I hope doing yoga helped ease some of the pain.
You have therapy experts here on babble, we'll help you get through that first visit. Let us know how you are doing.
Poet
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 30, 2005, at 0:55:39
In reply to Re: dealing with crap, posted by Angela2 on August 29, 2005, at 18:52:47
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 30, 2005, at 1:32:29
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » rainbowbrite, posted by fallsfall on August 29, 2005, at 19:39:02
> It is very hard to make that appointment and meet with someone for the first time. But they really do want to help you, and they don't judge you. You have been through a lot, it is reasonable for you to get some help with this. Try to just push through to get into an appointment?
>
> Anything we can do to help?
>
> Falls.
thanks Falls,
I dont know, I may have overwhellmed myself. I dont know what I am supposed to do. My options are to go to speak to a greif counsellor or go find a therapist which I could then see for other issues. Not sure Im ready for that. I meant to make a phone call today about this but I just avoided it instead. I realize that the longer I put ot off the worse it will be.What I would like to know is...what will it be like? To get over stuff what do I have to say and how long do I have to go speak to someone for and how detailed do you need to be?
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 30, 2005, at 1:58:27
In reply to Re: dealing with crap » rainbowbrite, posted by Poet on August 29, 2005, at 21:58:04
> ((((Rainbowbrite))))))
>
> I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad.
>
> As you may know I have trouble talking in therapy, so I understand your reluctance to see anyone. Sharing secrets is hard and trust for me is slow to build, but it's there. You deserve to feel better, remember that, okay?
>
> I hope doing yoga helped ease some of the pain.
>
> You have therapy experts here on babble, we'll help you get through that first visit. Let us know how you are doing.
>
> Poetthanks
I went for a long walk today, it was helpful.
I just dont like thinking about it, I guess the reason I hesitate with therapy. Tomorrow I am going to make some phone calls.
I may not be up to this, I dont know...I confuse myself.
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 31, 2005, at 12:39:03
In reply to dealing with crap, posted by rainbowbrite on August 29, 2005, at 0:09:24
but I really didn't like the guy. He sounded...um.. I dont know, not for me I guess...too emotional maybe.
Posted by Fallsfall on August 31, 2005, at 12:56:59
In reply to Made a call, posted by rainbowbrite on August 31, 2005, at 12:39:03
Good for you!!!!!
If he doesn't feel right on the phone he won't feel right in person. Can you make another call?
I did a post once on finding a therapist - but the link is on my other computer. I'll post it next time I am on that computer.
The second call will be easier than the first one was.
(((Rain)))
Posted by Annierose on August 31, 2005, at 15:10:05
In reply to Made a call, posted by rainbowbrite on August 31, 2005, at 12:39:03
Hi Rainbowbright -
I agree with Falls. The first step is always the hardest. There are good therapists out there. You're gut will tell you which one feels just right. I'm glad you're trying this out once again.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 31, 2005, at 15:57:09
In reply to Made a call, posted by rainbowbrite on August 31, 2005, at 12:39:03
Yeah...
You might want to make another call.
Or you could go and see him once and see how it goes.It can take a bit of time to find someone who suits you.
Good on you for doing that :-)
Posted by Damos on August 31, 2005, at 17:04:12
In reply to Made a call, posted by rainbowbrite on August 31, 2005, at 12:39:03
I'm proud of you Rain, really proud. That first call is a really big step, if he wasn't right that's okay, you'll find someone who is.
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 31, 2005, at 18:23:00
In reply to Re: Made a call » rainbowbrite, posted by Damos on August 31, 2005, at 17:04:12
this is making me physically sick
Posted by rainbowbrite on August 31, 2005, at 18:28:11
In reply to ugh :-(, posted by rainbowbrite on August 31, 2005, at 18:23:00
its really helpful. I hope I manage to do this, it is making me sad thinking about it. Im worrying that its going to make me depressed. But Im still working on it. I have more names.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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