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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on September 10, 2005, at 23:16:15
I'm putting trigger on anything even remotely controversial so I don't screw anybody up, little f*ckup that I tend to be.(oops, not supposed to diss myself). Anyhow, this board is interesting(its the only board I been on), its like real. Its like real life and interacting with people but you can stop and think, so for me that removes my 'freeze-up' problem. See, I can't interact with people very well cuz I always end up saying something stupid or hurtful or somehow screwing up and I don't meanto and then I just want to run and hide and stay away from people cuz I hurt them. I'm even doing it here. I can't even get it right when I got time to think. I don't want to hurt anybody. There's WAY too much hurt in this world already. :(
Mebbe thats why I can't look at T. I'm just so f*cking ashamed as to who I am. I'm not supposed to be.I don't think I am, but there's no other explanation. I don't want to cause any pain.
Posted by Racer on September 11, 2005, at 13:48:31
In reply to Is it just me?**trigger**, posted by muffled on September 10, 2005, at 23:16:15
> I'm putting trigger on anything even remotely controversial so I don't screw anybody up, little f*ckup that I tend to be.(oops, not supposed to diss myself).
Yeah, you're not supposed to diss yourself. There's a reason for that, too, that involves all those things like self-esteem, yaddida, yaddida... It's OK to express yourself, and it's really too bad when other people are triggered by it. For what it's worth, there's a razor fine line between being honest in expressing yourself and taking responsibility for someone else's reactions -- and I think this is a good place to learn about it, since most of us here are pretty understanding about that sort of thing...
I'm sorry if you've posted things that have triggered others. That they were triggered really is more about them than about you, but it's a very kind thing you do when you indicate that your post might trigger the most vulnerable of us here. That's not being a screw up, that's being very caring about others.
On the other hand, if you need to express something that others might find triggering, guess what? You still need to express it, and you can.
Unless, of course, you have a need to yell "FIRE!!" in a crowder theater...
>Anyhow, this board is interesting(its the only board I been on), its like real. Its like real life and interacting with people but you can stop and think, so for me that removes my 'freeze-up' problem. See, I can't interact with people very well cuz I always end up saying something stupid or hurtful or somehow screwing up and I don't meanto and then I just want to run and hide and stay away from people cuz I hurt them. I'm even doing it here. I can't even get it right when I got time to think.
I find it easier to interact here, too, for similar reasons. And I tend to think that I'm doing something wrong when other people have weird reactions to me in real life. Guess what? If I am expressing myself honestly and authentically, and someone else doesn't get it, that doesn't mean it's me -- you know? (Example: I had a biopsy done the other day, and said to the doctor, "So, uh, if I don't cry do I get a lollipop?" She took me seriously, and mentioned that they don't have lollipops in her office! Hello? I'm a middle aged woman, I don't expect lollipops in a doctor's office, and was making a JOKE! But her reaction doesn't mean that there was anything wrong with me. Same principle applies in non-joking situations, too.)
Have you ever seen someone else say something that comes across funny, and other people react as though something's wrong with that person? What is your reaction when you see that happen? Do you find yourself wanting to reach out to the person speaking? Offer comfort? (That's my usual reaction, so I'm offering it up as another example.) If you do, can you try to offer yourself the same kindness?
>I don't want to hurt anybody. There's WAY too much hurt in this world already. :(
> Mebbe thats why I can't look at T. I'm just so f*cking ashamed as to who I am. I'm not supposed to be.I don't think I am, but there's no other explanation. I don't want to cause any pain.Sounds to me as though you've been taught to see yourself as the cause of all the problems around you. Is it possible that you're not, in fact, the root cause of all the pain and misery within a fifty mile radius? Could it be that you actually deserve a little kindness and comfort?
Of course, that's probably not true, and you're probably as bad as I am and should apologize for all your horrible mistakes -- mosquitos? I'm really sorry about them, they seemed like a good idea, even if I can't remember why -- but it's still possible that you aren't nearly as bad as you giving yourself credit for. And I'll bet you even have a good quality or two. (I do! My fingernails are a lovely shape, and I rarely kick animals...)
I hope this helps a bit. I hate to see how much pain you're in right now, and wish I could offer real comfort. This is the best I got today, but it's yours for the taking.
Posted by crazy teresa on September 11, 2005, at 23:51:14
In reply to Is it just me?**trigger**, posted by muffled on September 10, 2005, at 23:16:15
It sounds to me that you have a tough time with boundries by the way you describe the way you interact with others. You are not responsible for other people's feelings. Do you feel like you need to please everybody all the time with whatever you say or do?
crazy t
Posted by muffled on September 12, 2005, at 0:01:14
In reply to Hey muffled!, posted by crazy teresa on September 11, 2005, at 23:51:14
> It sounds to me that you have a tough time with boundries by the way you describe the way you interact with others. You are not responsible for other people's feelings. Do you feel like you need to please everybody all the time with whatever you say or do?
>
> crazy tI just don't like hurting anyone. I hate to cause pain. Noone likes pain. I don't want to be a source of more pain. I'm trying to be good. I used to be bad and thats what I'm used to, but Iwant to be good. I guess I'm not responsible for other peoples feelings sometimes, but I feel like I am if I've done or said something stupid that has caused them pain. Then I shouldn't have done it. It was stupid. AmI making any sense here? i'm not entirely sure what boundaries entails . It seems to have many meanings only some of which I've learned so far. My poor old T. How can you T. someone when they don't interact?!Thanks for reply. It was cool to see my name like that!
Posted by Racer on September 12, 2005, at 1:21:39
In reply to Re: Hey muffled! » crazy teresa, posted by muffled on September 12, 2005, at 0:01:14
> >
>
> I just don't like hurting anyone. I hate to cause pain. Noone likes pain. I don't want to be a source of more pain. I'm trying to be good. I used to be bad and thats what I'm used to, but Iwant to be good. I guess I'm not responsible for other peoples feelings sometimes, but I feel like I am if I've done or said something stupid that has caused them pain. Then I shouldn't have done it.I guess there are situations in which one actually is responsible for someone else's pain -- many things my aunt has said to me come to mind -- but I doubt that the things you're thinking of are included.
If you say, "Boy, Girlfriend, you really are fat and it's really unattractive. You shouldn't leave the house looking that ugly!" That's somethng that puts you into a place where you've caused pain and are responsible for it.
If, on the other hand, you say something more like, "That was a really hurtful sort of a thing to say. Why do you say things like that to someone?" That isn't in the same sort of arena. Ditto the "I'm feeling kinda abandoned by you."
Does that make sense? Gratuitiously saying something insulting, especially if prefaced by the words, "I'm telling you this for your own good," is one thing. But if you're talking about those things that come out without malice aforethought, or if you say something that really is well-meant, that's different.
And I don't know what you mean by saying you used to be "bad" and want to be "good" now. Can you elaborate?
For what it's worth, at 19 I was young, pretty, and thought I was Special. I was probably Not Nice to a lot of people. That sort of thing is usually something one grows out of...
I hope that helps.
Posted by muffled on September 12, 2005, at 11:42:53
In reply to It's *not* you -- **trigger** » muffled, posted by Racer on September 11, 2005, at 13:48:31
> > Yeah, you're not supposed to diss yourself. There's a reason for that, too, that involves all those things like self-esteem, yaddida, yaddida... It's OK to express yourself, and it's really too bad when other people are triggered by it. For what it's worth, there's a razor fine line between being honest in expressing yourself and taking responsibility for someone else's reactions -- and I think this is a good place to learn about it, since most of us here are pretty understanding about that sort of thing...
Thank-you. Mebbe i'm not so stupid.
>
> I'm sorry if you've posted things that have triggered others. That they were triggered really is more about them than about you, but it's a very kind thing you do when you indicate that your post might trigger the most vulnerable of us here. That's not being a screw up, that's being very caring about others.OK
>
> On the other hand, if you need to express something that others might find triggering, guess what? You still need to express it, and you can.I guess. I guess this is the ONLY place I can say such things yet cuz I haven't gotten that far with T. cuz I can't talk well face to face. Its too intense.
>
>
> I find it easier to interact here, too, for similar reasons. And I tend to think that I'm doing something wrong when other people have weird reactions to me in real life. Guess what? If I am expressing myself honestly and authentically, and someone else doesn't get it, that doesn't mean it's me -- you know? (Example: I had a biopsy done the other day, and said to the doctor, "So, uh, if I don't cry do I get a lollipop?" She took me seriously, and mentioned that they don't have lollipops in her office! Hello? I'm a middle aged woman, I don't expect lollipops in a doctor's office, and was making a JOKE! But her reaction doesn't mean that there was anything wrong with me. Same principle applies in non-joking situations, too.)I love jokes and laughter. That is how I survive. Good for you!
>
> Have you ever seen someone else say something that comes across funny, and other people react as though something's wrong with that person? What is your reaction when you see that happen? Do you find yourself wanting to reach out to the person speaking? Offer comfort? (That's my usual reaction, so I'm offering it up as another example.) If you do, can you try to offer yourself the same kindness?Yeah, the nurture thing. I'm not good at nurturing myself. Ooooh, but I can sure loath myself, I'm good at that!
>
> Sounds to me as though you've been taught to see yourself as the cause of all the problems around you. Is it possible that you're not, in fact, the root cause of all the pain and misery within a fifty mile radius? Could it be that you actually deserve a little kindness and comfort?No, only for a, maybe....a two mile radius, I'm ever so much better now!!!!
>
> Of course, that's probably not true, and you're probably as bad as I am and should apologize for all your horrible mistakes -- mosquitos? I'm really sorry about them, they seemed like a good idea, even if I can't remember why -- but it's still possible that you aren't nearly as bad as you giving yourself credit for. And I'll bet you even have a good quality or two. (I do! My fingernails are a lovely shape, and I rarely kick animals...)I don't kick animals either. I love my kids.
>
> I hope this helps a bit. I hate to see how much pain you're in right now, and wish I could offer real comfort. This is the best I got today, but it's yours for the taking.Thank- you so much. i'll go back and read this over lots of times. mebbe if I can make the printer work I can print it.
Posted by terrics on September 14, 2005, at 11:17:43
In reply to Is it just me?**trigger**, posted by muffled on September 10, 2005, at 23:16:15
I don't know if you triggered someone, because I have not been back very long. I love the easy communication on this board and that is why I came back. Every one seems to be forgiving too. Anyway, I like your posts and enjoy interacting with you. terrics
Posted by muffled on September 14, 2005, at 13:52:56
In reply to Re: Is it just me?**trigger** » muffled, posted by terrics on September 14, 2005, at 11:17:43
This is the end of the thread.
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