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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by allisonross on October 28, 2005, at 13:57:09
Hi, all! Newbie here. Think I am finally getting the hang of it (as untechnical as they come)....Thankyou!...I was drowning in babbleville, and I think it was Orchid....who threw me a lifejacket (thankyou, sweetie!) I am a dancer, singer, writer, and computers spit out nuts and bolts when I touch them (LOL)!! Lights flash off and on like a pachinko machine (unfortunately, there are no jackpots, LOL)
(What I have gleaned from life:)
Feelings are facts. They are NOT right or wrong. They just ARE. We cannot help how we feel, only how we respond (behave) because of our feelings.
We need to honor our feelings, validate them, and stay away (easier said than done) from toxic people (I lived in toxicity, except for 3 years in the army) for my whole life.
We are all precious human beings on the planet, and we do what we have to ..to stay out of pain.
Someone's opinion of us, is not OUR destiny!
Knowing the difference between OUR stuff and THEIR stuff, is of utmost importance (and will save you a ton of grief!)
I think the most important words are: I love you, I am sorry, how can I help you? (I also like: you can have anything you want, LOL)
These are just a few things I've learned. I'd sure love to hear from everyone here.
Feeling a little lonely (divorced after 31 years of abuse)....fortunately, my resilience has stood me in good stead, and except for that minor eye-twitch, I am doing remarkably well! LOL
For anyone touch-deprived (everyone is), (and who would love a hug from their t); please read my posting:
FINALLY! Rethinking the Prohibition on Touch in Psychotherapy (allisonross)
I've been counseling abused women for the past 10 years, because of my lifetime of abuse, and extensive research.
The statistics are staggering. One of the most important books? The Verbally Abusive Relationship, by Patricia Evans (consider it 2nd, only in importance to the Bible).
For my whole (LOL) sordid story: www.psychiatricjournal.com. Entitled: The Transcendent Child on Overcoming Verbal and Spiritual Abuse
My website: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com
Faith-based poems of anguish, healing, hope and comfort. They came pouring from my wounded soul, after being voted out of a 31-year church membership
(Because I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse..yadda, yadda, blah- blah)
Something beautiful came from the ashes of that debacle.
My t showed up at the precise moment I needed him. I mean, what are the chances that a therapist who is an expert in spiritual abuse, a term I had never even heard of, shows up and lives 5 minutes away from your house?!
He taught me the most valuable words I'd ever heard: RESTORATIVE JUSTICE. This is what you did. This is how it made me feel. So empowering to someone abused for a lifetime.
Love and hugs to all of you, and I am honored to be part of this group.
For some reason (the computer stuff again, LOL) i cannot respond from home, so over the weekend, perhaps someone might e-mail me? wacalice@aol.com
HappyFlower. Still waiting to hear from you, sweetie
P.S. I've written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice in the world).
(Amazingly,) I have a publisher interested.
So, enough about ME, what do YOU think about ME?!
Without my sense of humor, I would be drooling in a corner somewhere.
Posted by LadyBug on October 28, 2005, at 18:27:38
In reply to What I would like you all to know, posted by allisonross on October 28, 2005, at 13:57:09
What do I think of you?
Your here aren't you?
That says what a great person you are and how much strength you have. Coming out of a 31 year marriage is remarkable! I am into mine 21 and I'm more than ready to leave and just haven't found the courage to do it. But I've been pushed a little closer than ever the past 2 months.
I can't wait to read your article. I am a person that is spiritual but I've never heard the phrase spritual abuse, interesting though! I have a feeling I'm going to find out when I read your story. You give me hope when I feel somewhat hopeless. I just got home from seeing my therapist. She is just awesome I just wish I could feel the same about myself as I do her. She tells me I'm awesome, I think I'm rather ordinary.
I still have a lot of room to grow but don't we all. We never stop growing and learning and the hard things we go through are what make us who we are.....
Keep posting here and welcome to this group. I feel new, I read a lot but tend to stay to myself when it comes to posting. I need to be better at it.
Welcome and Hugs for how far you've come!!
LadyBug
Posted by allisonross on October 29, 2005, at 8:16:57
In reply to Re: What I would like you all to know » allisonross, posted by LadyBug on October 28, 2005, at 18:27:38
> Hi, Ladybug: Love ladybugs!
What do I think of you?
> Your here aren't you?
> That says what a great person you are and how much strength you have.Thankyou. I attribute it to my faith, and wicked wit and sense of humor, without them, I would be drooling in a corner somewhere!
Coming out of a 31 year marriage is remarkable!
It was a horrific struggle. A ton of self-talk.
I am into mine 21 and I'm more than ready to leave and just haven't found the courage to do it.
It's so hard. A book that might be very valuable to you: Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay by Mira Kirschenbaum. It really helps untangle your feelings.
But I've been pushed a little closer than ever the past 2 months.
What has pushed you?
> I can't wait to read your article.I look forward to your thoughts on it.
I am a person that is spiritual but I've never heard the phrase spritual abuse, interesting though! I have a feeling I'm going to find out when I read your story. You give me hope when I feel somewhat hopeless.
I am honored and humbled to hear that. Thankyou. I consider that one of my missions in life, as an overcomer and wounded-healer, I believe we are all supposed to make a difference in the world.
I believe that to NOT help others with the knowledge and experience I have, would be a travesty.
I just got home from seeing my therapist. She is just awesome I just wish I could feel the same about myself as I do her.
I wish you could too. It takes time.
She tells me I'm awesome, I think I'm rather ordinary.
I think we (especially the abused) are ALL EXTRA-ordinary.
> I still have a lot of room to grow but don't we all. We never stop growing and learning and the hard things we go through are what make us who we are.....
> Keep posting here and welcome to this group. I feel new, I read a lot but tend to stay to myself when it comes to posting.I hope you will stay in touch with me, and feel free to privately e-mail me, also.
I need to be better at it.
> Welcome and Hugs for how far you've come!!Thankyou for the welcome, and I look forward to getting to know you (and the others). Thankyou for the hugs, too!
> LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on October 29, 2005, at 11:41:09
In reply to Re: What I would like you all to know » LadyBug, posted by allisonross on October 29, 2005, at 8:16:57
What has pushed me closer to leaving my marriage. It isn't just one thing, but maybe the push is. He cheated on me about a month ago, with an employee he worked with, he got fired over it!!! And he was drinking. I won't go into details, but they didn't "do it" the intent was there still the same. Now I have no insurance and don't know how I am going to get my meds........along with him having other problems I've had enough of. I can't trust him at all and I'm tired of living in a marriage where the trust is completly gone and has been for years.
Thank goodness I have my therapist to help me sort through what I want to do. My family would like to see me leave as they see him as abusive to me and my girls by the choices he makes in his life. It is not physical just emotional. He is so self destructive and it comes down and hurts us so much. He's been fired from 3 jobs, but this last one was and is hard for me to handle. He was invloved with a girl 20 years younger than him. I've told him for months to leave her alone but he obviously didn't care about my feelings. He blames it on her, oh give me a break. As my therapist says it has to be at least 50-50, it takes 2 to tango.
I'm waiting for a full time job to open up in about a month, if I get it, the decision will be mine if I can leave and take care of my 2 girls.
I'm way off the subject here, sorry.
I hope to read your article this weekend when I have some time. I'll write more soon.
You are very friendly! That's awesome.
LadyBug
Posted by allisonross on October 29, 2005, at 13:35:01
In reply to Re: What I would like you all to know » allisonross, posted by LadyBug on October 29, 2005, at 11:41:09
> Dear LadyBug:
I am so sorry.
What has pushed me closer to leaving my marriage. It isn't just one thing, but maybe the push is. He cheated on me about a month ago, with an employee he worked with, he got fired over it!!! And he was drinking. I won't go into details, but they didn't "do it" the intent was there still the same. Now I have no insurance and don't know how I am going to get my meds.......
This is unconsciounable!
.along with him having other problems I've had enough of. I can't trust him at all and I'm tired of living in a marriage where the trust is completly gone and has been for years.
> Thank goodness I have my therapist to help me sort through what I want to do. My family would like to see me leave as they see him as abusive to me and my girls by the choices he makes in his life. It is not physical just emotional.I know all about emotional (verbal) abuse; lived it for 31 years with the ex, and before that with the crazy mother.
He is so self destructive and it comes down and hurts us so much. He's been fired from 3 jobs, but this last one was and is hard for me to handle. He was invloved with a girl 20 years younger than him. I've told him for months to leave her alone but he obviously didn't care about my feelings.
This is none of my business, but if you are still having sex with him, you should use protection.
He blames it on her,
Typical of narcissist abusers; always blame the other person. Can't own their own stuff.
oh give me a break. As my therapist says it has to be at least 50-50, it takes 2 to tango.
There is only 1 thing wrong with that analogy (you can tell your t I told you so, LOL)...when there is abuse involved it is only ONE person doing the dance; the other person is innocent. Just like when a child is being molested, it is a criminal act by only ONE person.
> I'm waiting for a full time job to open up in about a month, if I get it, the decision will be mine if I can leave and take care of my 2 girls.I hope you can get that job. You don't (and your girls) don't deserve that treatment.
> I'm way off the subject here, sorry.
> I hope to read your article this weekend when I have some time. I'll write more soon.i will look forward to it!
> You are very friendly! That's awesome.
You are very friendly too, cute little ladybug person!
> LadyBugHugs and Love, Ally
P.S. As an aside, I just spent 2 hours on the phone with a man who is suicidal. His girlfriend broke up with him. SHe is abusive. What a story he had to tell. It's amazing how people find me. I consider it a responsibility and honor to help hurting people; there are so many!
This is the end of the thread.
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