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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
Lately reading this board has been making me anxious. I told my therapist that today and he was surprised, usually it is really helpful to me. When I last started a thread I felt hugely supported and cared for. So it isn't that.
But what is it? Has anyone else felt like this?
I log on and get sort of shaky and worried about what I'm going to read. I'm trying to be helpful with my replies but half the time I can't even finish reading the thread.
Please, don't anyone take this as criticism. It is something going on with me but I don't feel safe here at the moment and I hate feeling like this!
Any ideas?
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 12, 2005, at 20:41:07
In reply to Need Some Insight, posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
Does conflict make you particularly anxious? We've certainly had some of that lately.
Many of us who have experienced a lot of conflict in our lives are somewhat "sensitized" to it. For example, if your parents fought a lot when you were a kid. There are actually lots of studies to back this up. It can be a very dramatic effect. I know that when people around me are fighting (even if it has nothing to do w/ me) it makes me anxious and I want to fix it any way that I can. I also have had that reaction to babble postings in the past.
Hmmm...maybe these are my issues rather than yours. ;) Just in case it helps...
Best,
EE
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2005, at 21:00:31
In reply to Need Some Insight, posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
Has there been a large number of posts that you find upsetting? Babble tends to make me anxious when a lot of people seem to be terminated at once, since abandonment is my big issue.
I'd probably be made anxious by my posts lately. :)
Posted by orchid on December 12, 2005, at 21:13:55
In reply to Need Some Insight, posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
It is possibly a multiple number of factors that are going on in the boards these days. The conflict about jokes about our Ts, some terminations etc. Conflicts and the arguments around it are hard for people who are sensitive to it to take. As EE said, when people around me are arguing I get upset too, even if they have nothing to do with me. I used to get anxious all the time in my childhood when my parents were fighting, and I suppose you are also experiencing it now.
And maybe also you feel uncomfortable reading different styles of relating to their Ts and some of the freedom that some people here enjoy with their T or when they are certain that their Ts are attracted to them. Maybe it is making you wonder if your T is attracted to you and if you suspect it, maybe it is triggering things about your abuse. Or maybe it is making you think, why my T doesn't seem to be attracted to me (if you think he isn't attracted to you) and it might be bringing out issues of rejection etc.
In any case, the discussions on this board can have the effect to be extremely disconcerting on any given day. So please try to be cautious about reading the threads. And even if you start reading something, if it triggers, stop reading further. And take care of yourself.
Posted by muffled on December 12, 2005, at 21:14:45
In reply to Need Some Insight, posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
> Lately reading this board has been making me anxious. I told my therapist that today and he was surprised, usually it is really helpful to me. When I last started a thread I felt hugely supported and cared for. So it isn't that.
>
> But what is it? Has anyone else felt like this?
>
> I log on and get sort of shaky and worried about what I'm going to read. I'm trying to be helpful with my replies but half the time I can't even finish reading the thread.
>
> Please, don't anyone take this as criticism. It is something going on with me but I don't feel safe here at the moment and I hate feeling like this!
>
> Any ideas?
*** I don't feel criticised. This is an intense time of year. Maybe stick more with social awhile? I dunno how it goes around here, but sure seems fairly intense at times.
But I reckon thats what its for?
Sorry you feel stressed Daisy.
My best to you.
You seem real nice.
Muffled
Posted by 10derHeart on December 12, 2005, at 22:16:44
In reply to Need Some Insight, posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
>> Lately reading this board has been making me anxious<<
Interesting. You're not the only one. I wasn't thinking of it as anxiety, but I suppose....it might be a form of worry and/or fear, which are the same. Yet I can't see what I'm worried or fearful about?
In fact, I keep almost posting a "taking a break" post, not because of any IRL thing, or feeling down (my usual reasons) but more to account for the fact I just can hardly reply to posts. And I know many times people worry, and ask, or think stuff that's not the case, so I keep thinking I ought to at least say I'm *leaving* for a bit, as my mind and heart seem to be partly frozen, and to have *left* to some extent already Hmmm...
Although, my number of replies is probably just as it always is. But inside, I feel unusually impotent, frustrated and even triggered. I say *even* because (no way to gauge or prove this, I know) I'd take a guess I'm one of the least easily triggered posters here. One topic always does it, but it rarely comes up. But lately, the thread on privacy and T's sent me reeling back in time to my ex-T. and our working through him joking with me about "stalking" him. (NEVER DID THAT, BTW!!) Had strong feelings yet couldn't post. Just got upset and "ran away" mentally.
And the discussions about sexual feelings, joking with T's....I just had so much to say....yet couldn't do it. I've been trying to put my finger on why....still trying.
This is not helpful, Daisy. This is just me thinking out loud why on earth now lately I've felt so odd and somewhat paralyzed as I'm reading here. Normally, it feels like "home" but lately more like I'm eavesdropping on something often rather....unfamiliar?? Beats me.
I have no answers, but I do like the others' ideas. With you, I guess one of the first things I thought of was the sexual aspect being on the board so very much. I know that can be a scary, difficult and confusing topic to get through together with your T., even with the skill and gentleness of yours. Wonder if you (we) may think sometimes on a surface level, we've been down that road, understand what it's all about, yet deeper down - not so much is "settled."
Maybe your subconscious is revisiting some old fears about the "sexual feelings and Ts" topic, or creating some new ones and the anxiety is a sign? Kind of like what orchid wrote, actually. Or not.
Well, reasons may wind up being different, but you're not alone in the uneasiness. Big help, huh? Dang it.
Posted by Shortelise on December 12, 2005, at 22:19:16
In reply to Need Some Insight, posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
I can relate.
Sometimes I just don't want to hear it. Those times I go away from Babble.
Sometimes I just have enough on my own plate that I don't have the emotional energy to relate to anyone.
ShortE
Posted by Tamar on December 13, 2005, at 9:31:03
In reply to Need Some Insight, posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
Hi Daisy,
I know that you and I were coming from different places on the whole therapist/jokes issue, but whatever our differences of perspective I think you’re wonderful and special, and I look up to you. If I’ve contributed to your anxiety here, then I wholeheartedly apologise. I would certainly never want to do or say anything to make you feel unsafe.
Tamar
Posted by daisym on December 13, 2005, at 10:24:54
In reply to Re: Need Some Insight » daisym, posted by Tamar on December 13, 2005, at 9:31:03
I've read all of your replies and I don't think it was the sexual aspects of the discussions going on. Those ideas aren't new to me and my whole life I've felt on the fringe of being able to joke in that way. But I know the reasons why and it doesn't bother me.
I think the idea of conflict and not being able to make peace and keep everyone happy is probably more of a direct hit. I don't like it when my friends are "fighting." And some of the posts about what people have experienced (abuse, neglect, rape,) are so sad. Happyflower had a thread I couldn't respond to along the lines of how can someone do this to a child? I've asked this question myself, agonized over it. And yet when the response is "they are evil" I feel a huge need to defend, to say it is never that simple. I think I'm triggered in a way I haven't been before, some scary identification with the abuser...and a whole lot of anger comes up. I never do well with that either. (Again -- my stuff, I AM NOT saying don't post it.)
But as I reflect on the parts I keep bringing into therapy, I think what I'm finding anxiety producing is the idea that we, the clients, place such a premium on our therapy and our therapist and they don't. There are many forms this idea has taken lately - intruding on their personal life, dangerous love, wanting to be missed, separations, terminations...and again, this isn't new here. I'm writing about these things too. I think because of the struggle I've been having with the depth of my feelings, I'm just really sensitive to it. I don't want my worst fears confirmed.
This probably doesn't make much sense so ignore me for now. I'll keep working on it and I don't plan to disappear. I'm kind of like a bad penny -- I keep popping up!
Posted by daisym on December 13, 2005, at 10:35:04
In reply to Re: Need Some Insight » daisym, posted by Tamar on December 13, 2005, at 9:31:03
The feeling is mutual - I hope you know that!
No need to apologize - I don't want to avoid the anxiety, I'd like to figure it out. I strongly suspect (see above post) it is old stuff about being too much, over stepping the boundaries, waiting to be abandoned and doing it all wrong. I need to get an A in therapy yet after 2 1/2 years I still feel like I don't know the rules.
And this with my gentle therapist. Can you imagine me with someone harsher??!
I feel like a woosey.
Posted by one woman cine on December 13, 2005, at 12:50:31
In reply to More Thinking outloud, posted by daisym on December 13, 2005, at 10:24:54
No, not a bad penny, more like a brave one. I don't really know you, but everything I have read from you has shown an enormous amount of courage in grappling with the demons of conflict and discomfort. Keep writing.
I think in therapy both parties are committed to the relationship, if it's to work. Maybe you can try re-framing this by saying, well, the therapy is working, so my therapist is committed to this. I think it is hard to quantify the "how much's". I appreciate you struggle with this, I have also struggled with this issue as well.
I think in families where you fghting for morsels of stale bread, it's hard to deal with this. I used to fight to be the "best" patient - but for me, that was a re-hash of my family stuff.
I am sorry if the post I began has produced this anxiety for you, but I did so to "normalize" it, not to minimize it. I found a balance for myself, after I worked the intense pain which literally brought me to the edge - I found someone who genuinely enjoys working with me (who I do have a relationship with) but that relationship has limits and boundaries (& that are defined by time and place). It doesn't diminish the working relationship, but does help define it better for me.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 13, 2005, at 17:21:15
In reply to Need Some Insight, posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
Hi Daisy,
I've been thinking about this too, and I don't really have any insight about it that's gelled in my head.One thing I did notice is that some threads and responses seemed to get more heated than one might have predicted from the beginning. Perhaps for those of us who are sensitive to conflict or who might be a bit more hypervigilant in watching for physical or body language cues, we're feeling anxious and "off" since we don't get those cues here?
Just a thought.
I also tend to be one to try to soothe feelings of others when I perceive that there might be a misunderstanding or something similar going on. And that's not always possible. And not always the right thing to do. So in my case, I get more cautious about posting and try not to feel rejected. (That's sort of a prevalent feeling for me IRL at the moment, so I'm a bit primed to feel that way.) :(
I think it's a great topic. You come up with a lot of great thought-provokers. :)
gg
Posted by annierose on December 13, 2005, at 18:17:46
In reply to More Thinking outloud, posted by daisym on December 13, 2005, at 10:24:54
I like your thinking ... it helps me put words to my feelings as well. That's for jotting down your thoughts and sharing them.
It seems like a tough time on babble. I usually see these types of battles on Admin, and I avoid that site just to avoid the conflict.
Why can't we all just get along?
>>>I think what I'm finding anxiety producing is the idea that we, the clients, place such a premium on our therapy and our therapist and they don't.<<<<
Sigh. I'm right there too. I try to imagine how difficult their job would be if they got emotionally invested in all their clients; they'd be no good for us. But maybe we could be the "special ones" they REALLY care about? A fantasy that seems ripe to share with my T, it would be no surprise.
Posted by fairywings on December 14, 2005, at 21:06:35
In reply to Need Some Insight, posted by daisym on December 12, 2005, at 20:14:16
hi daisy,
i don't know if you experience this, but i get incredibly overwhelmed bec. i tend to post and then put notify of follow ups to every one i post on. then my email box gets so full i can't manage. then i have terrible guilt and anxiety.
fw
Posted by daisym on December 14, 2005, at 23:26:52
In reply to Re: Need Some Insight » daisym, posted by fairywings on December 14, 2005, at 21:06:35
I keep that button turned off! I watch for follow ups and I can't always post to each individual person. I know sometimes we do and sometimes we don't. Try not to feel guilty - no one needs that!
This is the end of the thread.
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