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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on February 28, 2006, at 20:56:09
I posted that I'm thinking about starting a therapy group for women with csa issues. The therapist called me back a little while ago and we talked for a few minutes about the group. She wants me to come and meet her so we made an appointment for 10am tomorrow. She was very nice, answered a lot of questions and said she thinks being in a group could help me. Now I'm terrified. So I hung up the phone and called my therapist in a panic.
He called back and said he hadn't realized I'd called about the group but he thought it was a good thing to at least check it out. He told me that the best thing to do was make a list of questions and take them with me, in case I got nervous and froze up. (who, me?) So, what kind of questions do I ask? I've already asked if there are any other people in the group seeing my therapist (no) and what the length of the commitment is. (none) She said they sort of do a round the circle check in and then someone will express the need to talk. And things usually move ahead from there. It is 1x a week for 90 minutes.
So, what else do I need to ask? And what do I watch out for? And how do I not feel sent away by my own therapist?
Hold my hand you guys. I'm scared.
Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 21:00:41
In reply to Need some emergency advice, posted by daisym on February 28, 2006, at 20:56:09
You might want to ask about the proportion of support to confrontation in the group. How much intervention the group leader does. What her philosophy is on conflict between members.
If it's completely a support group it might not be a problem. If people are encouraged to confront each other on their issues, you might want to make sure she's got a grand design.
Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 21:02:27
In reply to Need some emergency advice, posted by daisym on February 28, 2006, at 20:56:09
Don't feel sent away though. I have done supplementary therapy lots of times. It generally just makes me feel closer to him.
Posted by annierose on February 28, 2006, at 21:03:28
In reply to Need some emergency advice, posted by daisym on February 28, 2006, at 20:56:09
Good for you that you made the phone call. I like the fact that there is no set number to attend, and very smart to ask about anyone seeing the same therapist.
I'm holding your hand. You can do this. Just say to yourself, it's just ONE time for now. I'm just there to ask questions and find out more information. This is not a commitment AND I still get to see my T as often as I am currently going. He is NOT going ANYWHERE. He is NOT sending me away, just trying to help me with additional supports.
Questions I might ask, what happens if I know someone in the group? Has this situation occured before? Does the group keep all the information within the group? What happens if that has been violated? Has that happened before? Do members in the group keep strict personal boundaries? (I guess I wouldn't want anyone trying to give me a hug if I was crying).
I'm proud of you. You are awesome!
Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 21:06:08
In reply to Re: Need some emergency advice » daisym, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 21:00:41
You probably didn't need to hear that right now. I'll just shut up and step away from my computer now.
Posted by Racer on February 28, 2006, at 21:30:53
In reply to Need some emergency advice, posted by daisym on February 28, 2006, at 20:56:09
First of all, you're not being sent away from your T. You know that, but maybe you can think about this as being like him sending you ANOTHER caregiver? For when you're not with him? Kinda like Mom would give you a teddy bear to hold onto while you nap, since she can't be there?
And I've done group therapy as well as individual, and it's great. If it's nearly as good for you as it has been for me, you'll never regret it. Right now, I do individual (50 minutes a week, sometimes 100), group (90 minutes every two weeks), and often a peer-support group, too. All of them offer something different, and all are valuable.
Now, admittedly, the group therapy I'm in right now is led by my T, so it's a bit different from your situation, but not necessarily better. My T, since she sees all of us individually, too, knows us all, knows our issues, and is rather like a mother hen. But she also manages to keep a balance in the group, too. (I do feel left out a lot, though, since everyone else is bulimic, and there really are a few differences despite the similarities. Don't know how to deal with that, and don't know how that could apply to CSA.)
The peer support group is incredibly valuable, because we'll sit there, and someone will screw up her courage and reveal a dark and shameful secret -- only to find half the group saying, "OMG! I do that, too, and thought I was the only one ever!." It's great to find out that we're not nearly as messed up as we think.
Questions:
1. How much experience does the T have in leading these groups? How much experience and expertise does she have with CSA issues in general?
2. How stable is the make up of the group? Is it generally the same people, or do people just drop in and out as the need arises for them? Is consistency encouraged?
3. What is her policy for outside-the-group interactions? Are you allowed to take telephone numbers, get together outside group, etc?
4. How many of the group members are actually in therapy with her? Is it a problem that you'll be in therapy with someone else?
5. Does she have a set agenda for the group? Or do people choose the topic during check in? Or is it a free for all? (I probably wouldn't ask it quite like that, of course...)
Those are all I can think of. Good luck, and let us know what happens.
Posted by Gee on February 28, 2006, at 22:11:09
In reply to Re: Need some emergency advice » daisym, posted by Racer on February 28, 2006, at 21:30:53
I just wanted to say how increadibly brave you are and I'll be thinking of you tomorrow! Sorry I don't have any questions for you to ask. I've never really been in that situation
Posted by B2chica on March 1, 2006, at 8:49:02
In reply to Need some emergency advice, posted by daisym on February 28, 2006, at 20:56:09
Posted by pegasus on March 1, 2006, at 8:49:16
In reply to Need some emergency advice, posted by daisym on February 28, 2006, at 20:56:09
In my limited experience with groups, one problem that I saw was that the same people tended to want to talk all the time. Those of us who were more shy ended up doing a lot of listening. Which is ok, I suppose, but I would have felt more comfortable if the therapists in charge had been a little more involved in making sure everyone had a chance to talk. There were things I wanted to talk about, too, but I had trouble asserting my needs in a group setting. I suppose that was part of the point of being in a group - to work on that. But instead, I just got frustrated and eventually quit, feeling like a failure because I "wasn't the right kind of person to be in a group." You might want to check out her philosophy about managing different personalities and needs within the group.
good luck!
peg
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 1, 2006, at 9:08:52
In reply to Re: Need some emergency advice, posted by pegasus on March 1, 2006, at 8:49:16
> In my limited experience with groups, one problem that I saw was that the same people tended to want to talk all the time. Those of us who were more shy ended up doing a lot of listening. Which is ok, I suppose, but I would have felt more comfortable if the therapists in charge had been a little more involved in making sure everyone had a chance to talk. There were things I wanted to talk about, too, but I had trouble asserting my needs in a group setting. I suppose that was part of the point of being in a group - to work on that. But instead, I just got frustrated and eventually quit, feeling like a failure because I "wasn't the right kind of person to be in a group." You might want to check out her philosophy about managing different personalities and needs within the group.
>
> good luck!
>
> pegThis happened to me, too. I think the therapist has to be gifted about helping with this -- not just leave you out there on your own.
Another problem I had with group was that even when I felt desperate to discuss something with the group, I would keep it short when I knew there were others waiting their turns. Towards the end of the group experience, we were spending all of our time around one individual with big issues. I understood she needed extra support, I just didn't think it should be at the exclusion of the other group members and said so. When nothing ultimately changed, I just stopped going.
Having said that, parts of the experience were very positive. I met a woman who ended up being a close friend in that group.
I'll be interested to hear about your experiences if you decide to go, Daisy.
Posted by antigua on March 1, 2006, at 9:35:54
In reply to Re: Need some emergency advice, posted by TherapyGirl on March 1, 2006, at 9:08:52
I just saw this and I'm so proud of you for making the call. Like others said, for now it's just a one time thing. See how you like it, if you feel comfortable.
You Go! and let us know how it goes.
antigua
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