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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on March 10, 2006, at 22:11:41
So, I was surfing around on craigslist last week, and I found an ad for a grad student who was doing research on people who *used to* SI. Surprisingly I fit her definition (funny, I struggle with it so much that I consider it an active coping mechanism, but on reflection, maybe it is largely a *used to* thing for me). Anyway, I emailed her, and now I'm going to get interviewed tomorrow. Yikes! I'm a little freaked out, but also looking forward to it in an adrenaline way. She's trying to figure out what helps people kick the SI habit (!) and how they feel about it afterwards. And kudos to her for going directly to the source, instead of talking to the therapists!
wish me luck
i'll let you know how it goes.peg
Posted by muffled on March 10, 2006, at 22:15:35
In reply to Interview with SI researcher tomorrow ***trigger*, posted by pegasus on March 10, 2006, at 22:11:41
Posted by Racer on March 10, 2006, at 23:33:18
In reply to Interview with SI researcher tomorrow ***trigger*, posted by pegasus on March 10, 2006, at 22:11:41
I've done a couple of studies: eating disorders and depression, the depression I'm still waiting to have blood drawn for, since it's a genetics thing.
It actually feels good, and I have finished the interviews kinda feeling as though, while it's never worth having the disorders, it's at least a kind of compensation that I can be part of solving some problems, even if only as a subject.
Of course, I try not to think of my life as being a warning for others...
Good luck, and good for you, and do report tomorrow.
Posted by pegasus on March 11, 2006, at 10:31:28
In reply to Interview with SI researcher tomorrow ***trigger*, posted by pegasus on March 10, 2006, at 22:11:41
Last night I was over at my neighbor's house chatting. She's finishing up a MA program in counseling psychology, so we talk about therapy etc. a lot. Just in the course of the conversation I though, "Oh, I should tell her about this interview tomorrow", forgetting momentarily how difficult it is for me to talk about SI outside of babble. So, before I had time to think I had said, "Oh, I should tell you about this thing I'm doing tomorrow!" Then I started to say something and suddenly remembered what a big deal SI is, and got all embarrassed and basically made a fool of myself. Fortunately, my husband was there, and started nodding enthusiastically for me to go on (he knows about the SI). So I stumbled and stammered out a confession that I SI, and explained about the interview. Man, I was sweating! (She was very sweet about it.)
So, now I'm wondering what makes me think I can just go talk to this grad student about it, like it's nothing? I'm a nervous wreck already, and the interview isn't for 4 hours yet.
peg
Posted by madeline on March 11, 2006, at 11:15:22
In reply to told a friend! Now second thoughts . . ., posted by pegasus on March 11, 2006, at 10:31:28
try to think of it this way.
At least your confession to the student may help other people to overcome SI.
All of the stuff around right now that helps us all is there because people were brave enough to talk about what they went through to try and help others.
You are too.
You are doing a good thing here. You are trying to help.
I applaud you for it.
Posted by Racer on March 11, 2006, at 12:45:58
In reply to told a friend! Now second thoughts . . ., posted by pegasus on March 11, 2006, at 10:31:28
I can see how that must have been very hard for you. You know what, though? The interviewer won't be nearly as hard, you know why? She's not a friend of yours, she's not someone you will continue to see socially, you won't see her regularly and wonder if she's remembering and wondering about you.
Besides, this woman isn't interviewing your because you SI -- she's interviewing you because you USED TO SI. She's interested in how you overcame something so difficult. There are a lot of people out there who never manage to get over it. You're actually ahead, because you started out with a very complex coping mechanism that you managed to change, and it's hard to change coping mechanisms.
I hope the interview goes well from your view, and that you feel stronger for having told someone about it. Good luck today, and do let us know how you feel after.
Posted by pegasus on March 11, 2006, at 22:48:02
In reply to Interview with SI researcher tomorrow ***trigger*, posted by pegasus on March 10, 2006, at 22:11:41
OK, I did it! Racer, you were right that it was easier, because I didn't know the interviewer. I just forgot about that for a while, I guess. My mind went into super irrational mode this morning.
The weirdest part was that she recorded the interview. Most of the questions were about my feelings about not SI-ing now, and how I thought about the future, and what helped or didn't help in my process of stopping SI. I got to talk about all of the things my therapists have tried that didn't help at all, which was surprisingly satisfying. She didn't seem surprised that I said I didn't see myself as having stopped. Just, it's been a while. It was not as scary as having to talk about actually doing it.
One interesting thing was that I couldn't identify any internal reason to feel good about having stopped. All of my reasons seem to be external: don't want to be a bad example to my daughter, don't want to make my husband upset, don't want to disappoint my therapist, don't want to freak out my friends. Internally, I miss it. There were a lot of good feelings that went with it.
But, when I *think* about it, I know it's better for me to not feel all of that aggression toward myself. Why do I *feel* lukewarm about that? Hmmm . . . I think I could stand to do some more therapy around this issue. I'm not very comfortable with some of the true statements that came out of my mouth today.
I hope you guys are right that this is a good thing to do. I hope she finds something useful in her research.
Thanks for the support!
peg
Posted by Racer on March 12, 2006, at 12:29:23
In reply to How it went *trigger*, posted by pegasus on March 11, 2006, at 22:48:02
Taller, more beautiful, whatever it is? Don't you feel -- just more?
That's how I felt, hard as my interview about depression and trauma was, after getting through it. I felt taller, more capable, stronger.
Congratulations. And I agree about the therapy. Although, you know? I can't think of a single reason, internal or external, that it's better being at a "normal" weight, other than not being quite so hungry all the time. And even that, well, the hunger felt good, in its own way. I think maybe some of those feelings stick around, we just work around them. Maybe.
Or maybe you just like knowing, somewhere inside, that if things get really rough, and your newer coping mechanisms stop working, you still have an alternative?
I'm glad you did it. And I'm glad you came through it so well.
Posted by pegasus on March 13, 2006, at 9:15:27
In reply to Don't you feel taller now? » pegasus, posted by Racer on March 12, 2006, at 12:29:23
Thanks, Racer. Your encouragement means a lot.
I didn't feel any taller, somehow, until you told me how you felt. Then I started growing a little. :) I'm glad I went.
I think both of your explanations seem right too: Thanks for your words about those feelings not going away, but working around them anyway. That's exactly it. And *also* I'm reserving the possibility of not working around them at some point in the future, if that seems like a better idea.
peg
Posted by B2chica on March 13, 2006, at 9:40:39
In reply to Re: Don't you feel taller now? » Racer, posted by pegasus on March 13, 2006, at 9:15:27
i'm glad you went too. this is a big step.
and i think there needs to be more psychologists out there willing to explore this area.
Two steps forward for all those that "used" to SI.
b2c.
This is the end of the thread.
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