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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on May 10, 2006, at 20:44:32
I am reading a really good book by John Welwood called Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships. I wish I could tell my T to read it to fully explain me because it fits me to a T . It talks about how not feeling love as a child, and how it effects your adult relationships. We need love so much but because of our past, we don't trust it, so we push people away because we don't see the love and so we don't get hurt by it. I haven't finished the book yet, but it has me really thinking.
I know I am doing much better, but I want to do do better than better, I want to feel great. I think there are some lingering effects from my past that is still effecting me and my relationships. I am getting to the point where I am really becoming a social bee, which normally I had myself shut off. Well now some of these friends are becoming closer to me and I am afraid. Normally I will get mad about something small to put distance between us, so I don't get hurt. I don't want to do this anymore. I need close friends, even one, in real life. I used to before I became married and had kids, but now I don't have any close friends.
Well anyways I want to dive deeper into my heart and feelings and really open up to my T . I feel like I can really trust him, and I feel he can really help me. It has taken me over 1 1/2 years to feel comfortable talking about this and other stuff. I know my T thinks I am doing well, I guess I have come a long way, but I don't want to stop. I want to do more, I want to become a better and happier, healtier person. Is is wrong to want more? I want to make changes in my life, and I think working with my T could really help. I know therapy is expensive, but I got a really good T and I want to get all out of therapy I can. I want to make a difference in the world, buy first I need to get myself straightend out. If you made it to the end of this, thank you so much for listening. :-)
Posted by happyflower on May 10, 2006, at 21:08:36
In reply to I think I am ready to dive into the deepest part, posted by happyflower on May 10, 2006, at 20:44:32
All the most intractable problems in human relationships can be traced back to what I call the mood of unlove —a deep insecurity that most people harbor within themselves about being loved or lovable just for who they are. This doubt about our connection to love makes it hard to trust in ourselves, other people, life, or love itself.
The mood of unlove often shows up in the form of instant emotional reactivity to any perception of being slighted or treated badly. It's as though a huge reservoir of distrust and resentment is ready and waiting to be released—which the tiniest incident can trigger. For some couples, these emotional eruptions happen early on, blowing a budding relationship apart in their first few encounters. For others, the mood of unlove might not wreak its havoc until well into a seemingly happy marriage, when one or both partners suddenly wake up one day and realize they don't feel truly loved.
Fortunately, just as the sun is never permanently obscured by clouds, so our native capacity for love, for genuine warmth and openness, cannot be destroyed. To say that our heart is wounded means that we are lost in clouds that temporarily block our access to the sun that is always shining. Healing the love-wound, then, involves something like opening up spaces in the clouds and inviting the sun to do what it naturally wants to do: shine upon us.
Posted by zazenduck on May 11, 2006, at 8:11:50
In reply to I think I am ready to dive into the deepest part, posted by happyflower on May 10, 2006, at 20:44:32
That was a very moving post. You sound like you are at a turning point in your life. I hope your T can help you to keep growing. Maybe take him these 2 posts if you think it would be easier to tell him what you need. I felt a kind of excitement about life in your post that was really great.
Posted by LadyBug on May 11, 2006, at 11:28:27
In reply to an excerpt, posted by happyflower on May 10, 2006, at 21:08:36
I don't think I am unloved as I am the one that doesn't love anymore. And he wonders why and what he can do about it? Oh my, I've heard it takes 2 years to get over an affair. I'm thinking *never* sounds more like it to me. My husband and I were just talking about this stuff last night. I wish I could hug someone that I actually love.
This is probabaly different that what you are even talking about, but it's what I was thinking as I read your post. I hate to say it, but I think this is a big reason I'm still in therapy with my therapist. I need somewhere to go to feel like someone cares about me. Rent a friend? But I am growing at the same time. I kow if I ever should leave therapy I will lose that and I'm not willing to give that up just yet.
LadyBug
This is the end of the thread.
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