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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Karolina on June 15, 2006, at 22:43:45
Ok…I know I’ve been posting all about my intense feelings towards my T and I finally saw him today. the conversation was extremely dull for the most part. I had written down this thing about how I felt towards him and had been planning to give it to him during the appointment but just didn’t have the nerve to do it. it would have felt so awkward esp. because he always sits so close to me, like this past time, if had I stood up my chest would practically be in his face! I decided to give him what I wrote at the very end before I walked out the door, saying it was a hard issue for me to talk about so I’d decided to write about it. he was really nice about it and was like ‘ok great well I’ll read about it and then we can talk about it next time’…
anyway in the thing I wrote out, it talked about how I still felt attracted to him and thought he was hot! And that I had fantasized about him but wished I could stop wanting him like that, and all this other stuff. I can’t believe I wrote all that! it felt good to write it all out because it truly described how I felt (and I had added that everything felt more intense lately probably because I recently broke up with my BF) but still! I wanted to slap myself as soon as I drove away. I feel like the biggest hoe ever. I have no idea what he will say to me. how are T’s supposed to handle this type of thing, without hurting their clients’ feelings? I feel like I’ve put him in a really bad position. I don’t know why I did this, because I know all he will say is that nothing can happen and then I will feel even worse – even though today he complimented my appearance again! I don’t know what is going on. should I cancel my next appointment? I don’t think I can face him after this.
-Karolina-
Posted by Tamar on June 16, 2006, at 3:52:45
In reply to what was i thinking?!, posted by Karolina on June 15, 2006, at 22:43:45
I think what you did was very brave. And you are definitely not a hoe.
I can’t predict what he will say to you. But I hope he’s a good therapist and that he will accept your feelings without rejecting you. He might very well tell you that he won’t risk hurting you by getting intimate with you in that way. After all, according to all the research, sexual relationships with therapists almost inevitably end up hurting the client. But that on its own probably won’t help you.
I hope he will say something like: You feelings are very powerful and important. And they are also natural and good. It’s very good that you can experience feelings of love and desire, because these are feelings that can bring a great deal of joy to human experience.
Feeling love and desire for your therapist is often partly symbolic and can point to things that are missing in your life. Perhaps you crave acceptance and love from others. And exploring your feelings for your therapist at a symbolic level can help you to identify what you need from other people. Ideally this process of exploration will help you to find ways of getting your needs met by people in your life who are not your therapist: people who can return your love and desire in an appropriate relationship.
But I really think the key thing is that your feelings are very good. It can be painful to love and want your therapist, but it is good that you are able to feel love. Some people can’t feel love or desire because they are so ill or so damaged. Felling love and desire for your therapist is a very positive thing, and I hope he will feel honoured that you’ve been able to feel those things for him, and that you were able to tell him about your feelings.
Let us know how things go!
Tamar
Posted by happyflower on June 16, 2006, at 14:08:02
In reply to what was i thinking?!, posted by Karolina on June 15, 2006, at 22:43:45
(((((Karolina))))))) You sure where brave one! LOL I think it is good you shared this with him. I hope he knows how to handle this well without hurting you. It will be an interesting session next time. Let us know how it all goes. Try to relax, okay? ;-)
Posted by fairywings on June 16, 2006, at 18:13:59
In reply to what was i thinking?!, posted by Karolina on June 15, 2006, at 22:43:45
Hi Karolina,
I think it was great you could write your feelings out, really brave of you to give him the note, and good that he accepted it so kindly and said he'd read it.
Hopefully he'll respond in a way that makes you feel comfortable with what you've expressed, and also makes you feel safe. It does feel a bit awkward when you stretch yourself like that, doesn't it? But it can feel better when you go back and talk about it - not always, but a lot of times. That's where it's good they're a T, and tend to be more understanding than others. My guess is he'll know how to deal with it, and won't feel you've put him in a bad spot.
BTW, I'd feel really uncomfortable if my T sat that close to me - is it in your "personal space"?
fw
Posted by Karolina on June 18, 2006, at 2:48:38
In reply to Re: what was i thinking?! » Karolina, posted by fairywings on June 16, 2006, at 18:13:59
Thanks Tamar, happyflower and fairywings.
He’s never even mentioned the word transference before. So I feel kind of bad, like I’ve backed him into a corner. I’m not sure he’ll know how to deal, although we’ve kind of talked about all this before. Except this time I just went much more into detail about what I feel for him. I feel guilty because it’s like I’ve set him up or something, I told him it felt like rejection knowing he didn’t like me like that. He says he finds me attractive and I’ve just admitted to finding him the same way. So if 2 people find each other attractive…can they become attracted to each other? I really have no idea what I’m talking about right now. I feel so out of it and overwhelmed by these feelings.
I want to feel loved by him but I want to feel lusted after too. I’m so mad at myself for letting all these feelings get in the way. Even though I told him that maybe we could look at this whole feeling as a way to explore my feelings towards other relationships, I’ll be honest that a big part of me doesn’t want his help, that instead I want *him*…what is wrong with me?!?! He’s my freaking THERAPIST!!
Last time when we had kind of talked about all this, he said it wasn't wrong for me to feel this way. But I think it kind of is...he's married and sOoO much older than me! I'm SO confused. And wouldn't his wife get pissed if she knew he had given me such a long hug like that? I prob. would be.
And yea…it does feel like he sits too close sometimes, kind of too up in my face. It kind of makes me paranoid. But I don't think he thinks about it being too close, I really have no idea. Oh well.
This is the end of the thread.
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