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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by annierose on September 22, 2006, at 15:33:33
I've been thinking about my reunion with my current T. Although our circumstances are completely different in that I'm the one that quit therapy (Pegasus' T moved away), I still had unresolved feelings about why I quit and her reaction to it.
Thanks to Peg, I finally feel I have that resolution. I spoke about it in therapy today for just about the entire session. I told her I felt discarded, that I didn't matter to her. Although she phoned me a week later to see if I would come back, my fantasy involved her trying harder (even though logically I knew it wasn't her place). She asked me to recall my feelings that day, what she said afterwards, etc. etc.
And then I had a lightbulb moment. She said, "I understand why you felt that way. My actions felt like rejection, instead, I was showing you acceptance. That although I disagreed with your choice to quit therapy, I honored your decision." That fit.
Then I told her that I needed to know more. What did it feel like, what were her feelings? She said she felt disappointed. I replied, "That sounds so clinical. A client you have seen for 5 years quits mid-session and all you can muster up is disappointment? That's not much of a feeling."
And then she gave me her heart felt reply. And that's what I've been waiting for since. She said a lot and it's hard to put her thoughts into words, but the gist of it was " ... it takes many years to become a therapist. There's the clinical training in school that doesn't teach you to deal with so many interactions. In looking back, I should have written you a note sooner [in response to my letters to her]. In my training, that would have been frown upon. As a person, a therapist, I have grown and matured and learned. I see how you internalized my actions, and it makes perfect sense from your upbringing. You were incredibility patient [she wrote me a note 15 years after I quit]."
Thank you Peg for helping me to force this conversation. And I'm thankful to my T for giving me her heartfelt thoughts today. It was for the best that I quit back then. I needed to spread my wings. And I'm so thankful that I am working with her once again. Like Peg said, after you form an attachment with a therapist, every other one you encounter can seem like a foster parent. They are doing their job, but it's just not "the one".
Posted by Daisym on September 22, 2006, at 23:06:04
In reply to Because of pegasus' thread ..., posted by annierose on September 22, 2006, at 15:33:33
What a lovely story. I have tears running down my face. It speaks to depth of the connection between the two of you.
And I think it reminds us that therapists learn and grow too and feel sad when things end, for whatever reason. I sometimes thing they do hide behind their training, but an experienced therapist knows when to modify things to fit a particular client's needs. I guess that is why we should try not to judge another person's therapy or therapist too harshly.
You are indeed lucky to be working with someone who allows you to be so connected and who feels safe enough with you to tell the truth. I hope you tuck this into that secret smile pouch in your heart. It feels like a lovely warm breeze to me -- gentle and sweet. :)
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by Dinah on September 23, 2006, at 9:51:29
In reply to Because of pegasus' thread ..., posted by annierose on September 22, 2006, at 15:33:33
What a lovely testament to the strength of the therapeutic bond at this point in your relationship.
I'm glad she was able to express that to you. I imagine it was like a balm on what hurt still remained.
Posted by pegasus on September 24, 2006, at 16:44:08
In reply to Because of pegasus' thread ..., posted by annierose on September 22, 2006, at 15:33:33
That is so totally cool! I'm glad you got some clarity about what you needed, and had the courage to ask for it.
That's what I love so much about babble. I've learned so much about what goes on in therapy, and sometimes it's given me insight and/or courage that I just never would have gotten without babble.
Thanks for letting us know.
p
This is the end of the thread.
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