![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by peddidle on December 12, 2006, at 21:36:15
I think there is already a post about this, but I didn't want to hijack anyone else's thread.
I haven't posted in a long time, but I want to hear what people think about this. Today was my last appt until the week of Jan. 15 (or maybe even the week after), because of winter break. Our session felt kind of weird today, but I guess it always feels kind of weird when I know I'm not going to see her for a while.
Towards the end, I was telling her that I didn't feel extremely stressed-out about all the work/studying I have to do, but that I was sure I was going to have a "freak-out" later tonight or tomorrow. She followed me out as I was leaving, because she had to use the restroom, and as I was walking out, she said to call her tomorrow if I was really freaking. She kind of said it in passing, so I wonder if she really meant it. I mean, I know she cares, but it just feels weird. I've never called her or anything when I've been freaked-out before, but when it happens I usually know that I'm going to be seeing her again in a week anyway. No such luck this time. Is it bad that I almost WANT to freak-out so that I have an excuse to email her? Scratch that...I know it's BAD, but is it WRONG?
Maybe I just don't want her to think I'm weird(er). I already occasionally (often) time my walks to the library or wherever for when I know I might cross paths with her. I'm not sure if she realizes that I do this on purpose yet, but I figure, I'm allowed to be on campus and walk wherever/whenever I want. lol Also, I was telling her how I was trying to find pens over the weekend that I thought would be comfortable for taking my exams, and she mentioned that she likes this one kind of pen, but she didn't have any with her because she uses them "at her other office." I didn't know she had another office. I thought she just worked at the counseling center at my school. I know it shouldn't matter, but it just kind of struck me strangely, and I wish I had asked her about it, but I guess I lost my chance.
Anyway, I guess I'm just really not looking forward to having to go four weeks without seeing her. Anyone have any tips for dealing with this? I try to tell myself that I've gone a lot longer without seeing her (I took a semester off, so it was the entire summer plus one semester), but that doesn't really work because then I tell myself that I wasn't as close with her then as I am now. Maybe I could email her halfway through, or so, just to let her know how break is going. I just feel bad, because I know that it's her break too!
Even right now I know I should be studying, but I just can't get myself started. It's not procrastination, it's something else....maybe it's my passive-aggressiveness, although I don't know why it would be.
Anyway, thank you sooo much to whoever reads this whole thing. I'm really sorry for writing such a long post... I guess I shouldn't be surprised if nobody responds.
Posted by annierose on December 12, 2006, at 22:13:03
In reply to I don't know...(sorry, really long!), posted by peddidle on December 12, 2006, at 21:36:15
I read your post and it's not weird at all. It is perfectly "normal" (and I hate that word) to miss seeing your therapist. She holds a big place in your emotional world right now, and you look forward to her being there at your special time each week. There will be a void. There's no question about that.
As to how to help with that void --- well that's the bigger question. Everyone deals with that so differently. I spend time here for starters. My babble friends always seem to understand and help me with long breaks. I also practice yoga and go more often when I'm not seeing my therapist. Is there something special that you can do for yourself? Massage? Pedicure? Something that you can do during your regular appointment time?
I think I understand your need to want to run into her. You want to see her more often. Do you see her? Does she acknowledge you? It would freak me out - I would probably go the opposite longer way just to avoid running into my therapist - but I suffer from social anxiety so I guess that fits me.
But yes, I think your T meant it when she said to call her if you "freak out". Some therapist are better at phone conversations than others. I tend to hold my angst until I do get to see her in person. When we had our longest break, I did call her during a distressing situation. She left me a message that helped so I didn't call back even though she left her cell phone number. Just hearing her message was enough comfort for me. Just knowing that she knew what was happening.
Good luck and stick around babble over break. It's okay to jump in and out of babbleland. No one keeps track. Just don't forget to collect your $200 for passing GO.
Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 22:39:51
In reply to Re: I don't know...(sorry, really long!) » peddidle, posted by annierose on December 12, 2006, at 22:13:03
It's okay,
A lot of times I wonder if this whole "mental illness" thing I've got going is just a lame excuse to have quality time with a nice person.There's no way of mentally preparing yourself for a long break. You're feeling clingy, which makes sense because you've got a bond, a connection with your therapist.
Think of it as a nice warm secure bond, rather than a desperate clingy bond.
It's okay to feel this way. You're only human afterall
nice to meet you :)
see you around, I hope :)
-Ll
Posted by peddidle on December 12, 2006, at 23:43:06
In reply to Re: I don't know...(sorry, really long!) » peddidle, posted by annierose on December 12, 2006, at 22:13:03
> I read your post and it's not weird at all. It is perfectly "normal" (and I hate that word) to miss seeing your therapist. She holds a big place in your emotional world right now, and you look forward to her being there at your special time each week. There will be a void. There's no question about that.
>
> As to how to help with that void --- well that's the bigger question. Everyone deals with that so differently. I spend time here for starters. My babble friends always seem to understand and help me with long breaks. I also practice yoga and go more often when I'm not seeing my therapist. Is there something special that you can do for yourself? Massage? Pedicure? Something that you can do during your regular appointment time?**That's a good idea...I do love pedicures! :) My guess is I'll either be sleeping (another way to make the time pass quickly), or at my internship during that exact time though...maybe it will have to be a little later than my usual time. If I'm home, I'll also have to be a little discreet about it, because my parents don't know that I see her. They'd probably be happy that I've been seeing a therapist, but for some reason I don't want to tell them. But that's a different issue entirely. lol
>
> I think I understand your need to want to run into her. You want to see her more often. Do you see her? Does she acknowledge you?**She does acknowledge me. Usually it's just a "what's up" or "how's it going" type of thing, or just a wave or a smile. Last week I got a little ways in front of her and she actually called out to me to ask how I was doing. However I was being weird and I thought I heard her calling me, but I wasn't 100% sure, and I didn't want to turn around unless I was sure, so she finally just yelled out my last name. haha She's funny like that. Of course then I also missed that much more time (probably just a minute or so in reality) talking to her.
> It would freak me out - I would probably go the opposite longer way just to avoid running into my therapist - but I suffer from social anxiety so I guess that fits me.
**I definitely understand that, I have social anxiety too. It's weird... I want to run into her, but I don't want her to know that I know that she sees me (did that make any sense?). Hence the situation I just mentioned.
>
> But yes, I think your T meant it when she said to call her if you "freak out". Some therapist are better at phone conversations than others. I tend to hold my angst until I do get to see her in person. When we had our longest break, I did call her during a distressing situation. She left me a message that helped so I didn't call back even though she left her cell phone number. Just hearing her message was enough comfort for me. Just knowing that she knew what was happening.**Yeah, I don't think I'd ever actually call, I have emailed her a few times in the past though. If I did email her, I wouldn't really expect a reply, even though she always writes back...it's just like you said, for some reason, I would feel better knowing that she knew what was going on.
>
> Good luck and stick around babble over break. It's okay to jump in and out of babbleland. No one keeps track.**Thank you soooo much for your advice and support!!!
> Just don't forget to collect your $200 for passing GO.
**And thanks for the reminder--**Cha-ching!** :)
Posted by peddidle on December 12, 2006, at 23:51:11
In reply to Re: I don't know...(sorry, really long!), posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 12, 2006, at 22:39:51
> It's okay,
> A lot of times I wonder if this whole "mental illness" thing I've got going is just a lame excuse to have quality time with a nice person.
>
> There's no way of mentally preparing yourself for a long break. You're feeling clingy, which makes sense because you've got a bond, a connection with your therapist.
>
> Think of it as a nice warm secure bond, rather than a desperate clingy bond.**That's a good way to think of it. It is definitely a nice warm bond. I always just start to feel less clingy right when it's time to go back to school, which then makes it more difficult to make another appointment once I get back.
>
> It's okay to feel this way. You're only human afterall
>
> nice to meet you :)
> see you around, I hope :)
> -Ll**Nice to meet you too, and thanks for the help!
Posted by sunnydays on December 13, 2006, at 7:41:58
In reply to I don't know...(sorry, really long!), posted by peddidle on December 12, 2006, at 21:36:15
Go ahead and email her. I took a risk and started emailing my T, and now I do it a lot. It helps.
Also, I can sooo identify with the feeling of missing your T over break. I have one, possibly two more appointments before my break, but I will miss him terribly. It's ok to call her tomorrow. She wouldn't have offered if she didn't mean it. Think about it - she didn't have to offer it at all, and you never would have noticed - the fact that she offered shows she meant it. And even if you're not freaking out, but really missing her, I think it would be ok to call her then too, although I don't know your T.
Keep posting here. Your situation sounds SOOO similar to mine. And do I ever wish I knew when my T went where so I could cross paths with him!
sunnydays
Posted by peddidle on December 13, 2006, at 21:35:23
In reply to Re: I don't know...(sorry, really long!) » peddidle, posted by sunnydays on December 13, 2006, at 7:41:58
> Go ahead and email her. I took a risk and started emailing my T, and now I do it a lot. It helps.
**I've emailed her before, once at the end of last summer because I wasn't going to be back until the spring and I wanted her advice. It's strange now that I think about it, I hadn't really been seeing her for that long, and I didn't have a really strong bond with her at that point, and I obviously hadn't seen her since May, but I still felt like I needed her advice.
This semester, I've only emailed her about appointments, or when she's specifically asked me too.
>
> Also, I can sooo identify with the feeling of missing your T over break. I have one, possibly two more appointments before my break, but I will miss him terribly.**I feel for you. How long will you have to go without an appointment over break?
>It's ok to call her tomorrow. She wouldn't have offered if she didn't mean it. Think about it - she didn't have to offer it at all, and you never would have noticed - the fact that she offered shows she meant it. And even if you're not freaking out, but really missing her, I think it would be ok to call her then too, although I don't know your T.
**You're right, she didn't have to offer at all. Maybe it was just the way she said it, not her tone of voice or anything, just the fact that I was literally on my way out the door... it kind of seemed like an after-thought. Plus, I don't want to be that annoying person who calls/emails for the tiniest thing, because, obviously she has her own life too. [sidenote: do you ever wonder if your T thinks about you, or any of his other clients, outside of the office? I had told my T about this one drink that I like because it's really pretty...it's pretty hard to miss it on the shelf in the liquor store...so she told me that she always sees it when she goes to the liquor store and thinks of me. haha But I wonder if she thinks of me other times too.] I think I'm also afraid to become (more) dependent on her.
I kind of want her to email me, but I know that's unrealistic for therapeutic reasons and stuff, right?> Keep posting here. Your situation sounds SOOO similar to mine. And do I ever wish I knew when my T went where so I could cross paths with him!
>
> sunnydays
Thanks for the help and encouragement!!
Posted by sunnydays on December 13, 2006, at 22:11:54
In reply to Re: I don't know...(sorry, really long!), posted by peddidle on December 13, 2006, at 21:35:23
> > Go ahead and email her. I took a risk and started emailing my T, and now I do it a lot. It helps.
>
> **I've emailed her before, once at the end of last summer because I wasn't going to be back until the spring and I wanted her advice. It's strange now that I think about it, I hadn't really been seeing her for that long, and I didn't have a really strong bond with her at that point, and I obviously hadn't seen her since May, but I still felt like I needed her advice.**** Good. That shows you had already built a connection with her and trusted her advice at least somewhat. Of course she's an important person to you now.
>
> This semester, I've only emailed her about appointments, or when she's specifically asked me too.****** Wow... If I could go back to those days... I email my T multiple times a week, which is probably not the norm, but he's great about it. My file is HUGE, though.
>
> >
> > Also, I can sooo identify with the feeling of missing your T over break. I have one, possibly two more appointments before my break, but I will miss him terribly.
>
> **I feel for you. How long will you have to go without an appointment over break?**** Almost a month. It'll be hard, but I'll get to see a friend over break and that will make it easier.
> **You're right, she didn't have to offer at all. Maybe it was just the way she said it, not her tone of voice or anything, just the fact that I was literally on my way out the door... it kind of seemed like an after-thought.
***** It may have been an afterthought, but sometimes it could be just because she really hadn't thought maybe you would need encouragement and then decided you did. We've had plenty of babblers on here who didn't call their T's for ages, only to find out later that the T assumed they knew it was perfectly okay to call.
Plus, I don't want to be that annoying person who calls/emails for the tiniest thing, because, obviously she has her own life too.
****** Ha. Yeah, I'm that annoying person. But my T doesn't check his work email at home ever, so I know I'm only bothering him at work. And he says it's not a bother and that it doesn't really take a lot of time out of his day to read an email. And that I don't intrude on his home life, that he's very good of taking care of himself and keeping work and home separate. I bet your T is too. I think most Ts have a system of self-care for themselves. Besides, you'd be emailing her once, right? That's not every little thing. You could even ask her in the email if it was ok, to give her the opportunity to tell you.
[sidenote: do you ever wonder if your T thinks about you, or any of his other clients, outside of the office? I had told my T about this one drink that I like because it's really pretty...it's pretty hard to miss it on the shelf in the liquor store...so she told me that she always sees it when she goes to the liquor store and thinks of me. haha But I wonder if she thinks of me other times too.]
****** Yeah, I wonder all the time. In some ways I hope he doesn't, because I don't want to intrude on his life, but at other times I hope he does, because then I know I've made a difference in his life somehow and that he'll remember me.
I think I'm also afraid to become (more) dependent on her.
***** Yeah, that's a big one for me. Dependency is hard, and it's something you have to struggle with, especially if your family, like mine, didn't teach you that dependency can be healthy. Or at least, my T says it can be.
> I kind of want her to email me, but I know that's unrealistic for therapeutic reasons and stuff, right?
****** Well, she probably won't email you if you don't email her first. I don't think many therapists would do that. But my T always responds to my emails, even though the large majority of the time it's just a sentence or a few words. It helps to know he's alive, for me.
>
> > Keep posting here. Your situation sounds SOOO similar to mine. And do I ever wish I knew when my T went where so I could cross paths with him!
> >
> > sunnydays
>
>
> Thanks for the help and encouragement!!***** You're welcome! Keep posting. I swear, you seem so similar to me!
sunnydays
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.