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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on December 6, 2007, at 23:24:45
I scared cuz my T is too nice.
I wanto push her away.
Nice is freakin me out.I think those emots are comming back.
Bubbling up.
I am trying to stop them.
But they bubbling and bubbling.
WHY DON"T THEY JUST GO AWAY???????
Its scarin me too.I think I screwing up.
But I HAVE to.
I don't but I DO. Have to, I mean.
I have CHOICE.
But I pick bad choice.
Cuz I scared cuz I don't want it to come back. Last time was bad I think, I don't remember too much but I remember kinda freaking out some.
Scared , scared , scared.
My gut hurts and I scared.
I DON"T WANTO KNOW. I DON"T.I want to phone T.
But I don't wanto dissapoint her.
And WHAT can she do?
I should take care myownself like I ALWAYS have.
She taught me LOTS. I should be able to do better.
F*ck*ng loser am I.I won't let noone near.
Cuz, cuz, well I don't know, but I won't, I can't.
And I alone with the secret badness.
And I get mad, and scared too.
My head get mixed up.
People all over.Kid wants T.
Somebody else tellin her to shut the f*ck up.
Somebody just screams alot.
Nasty just say HEY PARTAY!!!!I am alone, surrounded by those who mysteriously care for me.
I just want it to stop is all.
Why do I got to be this way?
Could be worse.
Ever so much worse.
But it sucks nonetheless.
I whiney little sh*t ain't I?I be fine.
Always am.
Its what I DO.
I be fine.
Survived this long, reckon I'll make it a little longer.
Just sucks like sh*t when we get all scared is all.
Bubbling, bubbling
:-(
Posted by JoniS on December 7, 2007, at 8:07:38
In reply to push/pull VENT *trigger*, posted by muffled on December 6, 2007, at 23:24:45
Muff YOU are NOT a F__ing loser. You are a really neat, intelligent, complicated (smile :-)) person. I wish I had psychological training so that I might understand why very good people cant know they are good and receive love and care from others.
If you are a "whiney little sh_t" then we all are on Babble, right? WRONG.
Maybe this will help. Do you want your real kids to be able to receive love from you and others unconditionally? Of course you do. It is quite obvious how much you love them. Allow yourself to receive loving care, and believe you are good, and your beautiful children will learn from your example.
My input, FWIW
Joni
Posted by rskontos on December 7, 2007, at 11:23:26
In reply to push/pull VENT *trigger*, posted by muffled on December 6, 2007, at 23:24:45
Muffy, let Kid write to t an email to say what she needs to say. Let her have a voice if she needs to. Right isn't that what our T's says we need to do. I get confused cause mine are talking all the time and wont let each other have a turn and I am still not boss. But T says I need control. So if you Muffy says ok I will let Kid talk to T in a email and then I muffy says yes you can send it to t. Maybe everyone will be ok that you are in charge and all isok. I am no expert here either. Just the blind leading the blind I think. But that is all I can give you in wisdom.
You are a good person and your T wants to help and if she needs to talk to T and Partay person then I think she would talk to them. Dont try to stop them work with them is what my T says. When we try to control them like teenagers they get mad so don't do that just work with them to come up with solution all like. ok...rsk
Posted by star008 on December 7, 2007, at 12:51:44
In reply to push/pull VENT *trigger*, posted by muffled on December 6, 2007, at 23:24:45
Muffled.
You are spending too much time in your head.. How not to do that, I don't know.. Go out and do something with the kids.. Get away from yourself for a while if you can.. I do the same thing so I am not being critical. It is so hard. i know. maybe write anote to T like rk said and then try to let it go for abit .. Hurts too much, I can tell. Muffs in confused
Are you taking care of yourself?? lol Yeah, like i know about that..But I mean are you eating and sleeping and not drinking or smoking too much??
You won't disappoint T,, she knows you.. It will be okay.,You are not a f...k up.. You are just muffled.. Don't know you well but I LIKE what I have come to know..
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 13:05:01
In reply to Re: push/pull VENT *trigger* » muffled, posted by JoniS on December 7, 2007, at 8:07:38
> Allow yourself to receive loving care, and believe you are good, and your beautiful children will learn from your example.
*ahhh Joni, you a smart one LOL! Pulling the 'kid card' on me!
Ya, you have an extreemly good point here.
I take care of myself.
Dunno why I push others away and won't let them near.
Variety of reasons I expect.
Always nice to see you.
Has your T left yet?
(((Joni)))
M
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 13:11:25
In reply to Re: push/pull VENT *trigger*, posted by rskontos on December 7, 2007, at 11:23:26
> Muffy, let Kid write to t an email to say what she needs to say. Let her have a voice if she needs to.
*you also have a good point. I can't 'hear' my people, its usu background 'noise' primarily. I get some emots randomly from them. I have to concentrate to understand whats going on, otherwise its just irritaing noise.
I am lazy, I haven't made the effort lately to see what is going on with them. I just shut them out as best I can. You may have hit the nail on the head about the kid though....I bet she IS angry, cuz she a good kid, but she does get jealous and stuff, and she is just a kid, and I realize she proly been feeling left out.....God its complicated...> You are a good person and your T wants to help
Dont try to stop them work with them is what my T says.*you've come up with some VERY good stuff here RK.
Sigh. Gonna have to give my peeps a listen I guess. I dunno why I avoid it so. I guess it just makes it too real that they there, even though I know they are. I still try and pretend they not.
Thx RK
M
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 13:18:48
In reply to Re: push/pull VENT *trigger*, posted by star008 on December 7, 2007, at 12:51:44
> You are spending too much time in your head
*ROFL!!! LOVE you plain speaking!!! :-)
Ya, I am to a point. I think what happens is those emots start comming from wherever it is, guess they get set off somehow, and then troubles with internals, which I ignore, so it gets worse, and its hard to function/think with my head all noisy. So I try and sort it out, but I ignore my peeps, and so YES! I spend too much time WASTED in my head cuz I not accomplishing anything too confusing. Goto talk to peeps. Ugh.>maybe write anote to T like rk said and then try to let it go for abit .. Hurts too much, I can tell. Muffs in confused
*ya, I will do as RK said.
I think when I let it go, its OK for a bit, but others peeps get REALLY upset for some reason...gotta talk to peeps...> Are you taking care of yourself?? lol Yeah, like i know about that..But I mean are you eating and sleeping and not drinking or smoking too much??
*.....sorta?....hmmmmmm...
> You won't disappoint T,, she knows you.. It will be okay.
*Sigh. I dunno. I flip flop btwn thinking she does, then sometimes I think she SO doesn't....I can be SO different at times :-( I think there are parts of me she no doubt likes, but other parts bet she DON'T like :-(
> You are not a f...k up.. You are just muffled.. Don't know you well but I LIKE what I have come to know..*awww, thx. I like you too!
M
Posted by JoniS on December 7, 2007, at 13:19:03
In reply to Re: push/pull VENT » JoniS, posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 13:05:01
Muff,
These days if I respond to your posts, it's like you already have me figured out. Thats no fun! Cant you just pretend that I give you deep, wise and profound ... priceless...etc feedback????
My T's official sebatical dates are Jan-Mar. I have probably 2 more appointments. But... he's so thoughtful. He said he wouldn't abandon me, that it would be "unethical" so I could see him when he's on sebatical, but not once a week. Isn't that cool? I will try not to call him at all though. I don't want to be a pain the a__.
It's nice that you remembered and you asked. I appreciate that.
Take care muff.
Posted by star008 on December 7, 2007, at 13:27:04
In reply to Re: push/pull VENT » star008, posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 13:18:48
hey!!
I try to give advice muffled.. doesn't always mean I can do it either..:).. NO, T does like the parts that aren't so nice.. i know she does cuz they all make up you.. She might not always like their attitudes but she realizes the value in even the ones that get nasty.
I know.. they won't shut up sometimes. makes it hard to do anything..
write the letter.. let the kid say everything she has to say and maybe she will give you some peace. They are all loud cuz they think they aren't being heard and understood..LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME.. hugs
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 13:30:59
In reply to Re: push/pull VENT » muffled, posted by JoniS on December 7, 2007, at 13:19:03
> These days if I respond to your posts, it's like you already have me figured out. Thats no fun! Cant you just pretend that I give you deep, wise and profound ... priceless...etc feedback????
**Your feedback IS very good, thats why I 'get' it!!! LOL!
> My T's official sebatical dates are Jan-Mar. I have probably 2 more appointments. But... he's so thoughtful. He said he wouldn't abandon me, that it would be "unethical" so I could see him when he's on sebatical, but not once a week. Isn't that cool? I will try not to call him at all though. I don't want to be a pain the a__.*Wow, thats great.
Hmmm. It IS a bit of a minefield eh....
Darn T relationships are SO confusing!
I doubt he would consider it being a pain.
I would be inclined to think of it more as maintaining a connection. Cuz that IS important.
I think it would be EXCELLENT use of a session if you discussed and were VERY clear on the boundaries of contact here....
It would save you ALOT of grief....
I think you SHOULD keep in contact, and I think both you and your T need to be VERY clear on what form this should take.
Eg. Could you send him and email 1x/wk, just to let him know how you are? And would it be best if he sent a very brief reply so you knew he got it?
Or can it be more than that? Or would that be pushing boundaries?
Where are you going to get T type support while he is gone? Cuz you can't ask it of him, wouldn't be fair.
So I dunno. I may be being stupisly cautious, but in my own personal experience, it pays off. TALK lots about this to him. Bout how you feel about it, bout how you don't want to be a pain in the *ss etc.
T relationship is a big deal not to be taken lightly.
I hope I not piss you off, but I think this is important IMHO.
Or mebbe I fulla sh*t LOL!
Take care Joni
M
Posted by sunnydays on December 7, 2007, at 17:24:29
In reply to push/pull VENT *trigger*, posted by muffled on December 6, 2007, at 23:24:45
Can we just sit together somewhere quiet and safe muffled? It sounds like you're having a lot of the same issues I am. What's right, what's wrong, what's bad, what's good, how can I try so hard and never feel like it's enough... I need a break. Do you? We can go and sit somewhere, if I can bring my stuffed rabbit with me and hug it. I think I just want to curl up and sleep until the emotions figure themselves out in my head - I don't want to be awake for the figuring out part. Do emotions work like that?
((((muffled))))
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 18:25:30
In reply to Re: push/pull VENT, posted by star008 on December 7, 2007, at 13:27:04
> hey!!
>
> I try to give advice muffled.. doesn't always mean I can do it either..:).. NO, T does like the parts that aren't so nice.. i know she does cuz they all make up you.. She might not always like their attitudes but she realizes the value in even the ones that get nasty.*hmmm. Maybe...I dunno. I s'pect she don't like em myself...They bout called her evry name in the book one time or another....She even said she don't like to b called names, nother time she said she wasn't happy bout a fax I sent...well coupla times I guess...
>
> I know.. they won't shut up sometimes. makes it hard to do anything..*oh does it EVER
> write the letter.. let the kid say everything she has to say and maybe she will give you some peace. They are all loud cuz they think they aren't being heard and understood..LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME.. hugs*manoman I been trying to get to it.
DID talk to peeps a bit. Its always so weird.
Thanks for reply.
M
Posted by Maria01 on December 7, 2007, at 22:56:48
In reply to push/pull VENT *trigger*, posted by muffled on December 6, 2007, at 23:24:45
I understand this push/pull phenomena all too well. Presently struggling with it myself in light of finding out about my T's daughter. I just want to scream and run. So much of what I have told my T no longer feels private, even though I know she abides by condidentiality rules.
I cannot believe that she cares about me at all. I feel like such a ne'er do well.
Youi will know when the time is right to let others near...
Posted by muffled on December 7, 2007, at 23:13:00
In reply to Re: push/pull VENT *trigger* » muffled, posted by Maria01 on December 7, 2007, at 22:56:48
This is the end of the thread.
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