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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 0:12:49
Sometimes I feel so pitiful to myself.. I hate needing my T.. I am 47 years old and yet I need someone to tell me what reality is. How is it that he knows and I don't? How is it that he can tell me what is right and I can't see it for myself?? why do I need him to deal with all these inner kids, (yes, peeps muffies!!).. I don't like needing anyone, I don't like to depend on anyone.. In the end it is only me anyway. Yet, I am all alone.. Kids grew and moved.. I have few friends and don't depnd on family, (they are more screwed up than me!)..I hate thinking that he wil retire someday and I will still be a lost ball in the weeds..damn
I want to be independent.. I want to be able to manage friendships on my own.. I want to be free of the depression that has nearly killed me over the years.. It has stolen everything from me.. It has taken friends away and moved me into isolation. My fault I know.. Who wants to be friends with someone who disappears and doesn't return calls?? then it gets to be so long that I get embarrassed.. No one understands that if I am having trouble being with myself then I don't want to be with anyone else. I never want to do anything cuz I hae no energy and am always tired. Even answering the phone and talking is too much sometimes..So, I chased everyone away and I am all alone.. feeling sorry for myself I guess.. still it feels so bad.. so lonely, but at the same time I don't want anyone around,, Make any sense??
See Muffled?? My nkids are a little more under control than yours are right now, (they didn't used to be), but I am still feeling lost and depressed). No easy way out, no short cuts.. Some people get through things quickly.. Not me..
I need to break out of the isolation but don't know how.. I need to be more self-sufficient but don't know how to do that either..
thanks for listening to me.. Need to vent the garbage heap now and then
Posted by JoniS on December 11, 2007, at 9:05:10
In reply to My neediness on T gets to me))rambling, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 0:12:49
Star
I can honestly tell you that I know A LOT about how you feel. I am 46 and have battled depression for most of my life. No close friends, really. I feel very dependent on T and right now I am feeling therapy is so d*** unfair. Whenever I get lonely, really lonely and sad - probably 2-3 times a week (much less often than before) it is only my T that I want to talk to. And I don't call him. He wouldn't mind if I did, as long as it wasn't "too often". To me it stinks that I want so much more of him than I have. I often wish I had never started down this road.
All that said, I intend to "hang in there" with therapy, believing this process is what will help me to grow.
Sorry to be so negative with this post. I think right now is one of those lonely times.
Joni
Posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 9:48:18
In reply to Re: My neediness on T gets to me))rambling, posted by JoniS on December 11, 2007, at 9:05:10
Well, I am just wondering outloud, if we all like our T's ( I am not sure about that cause right now I have a love/hate with therapy) what about group therapy. How many of us have tried it and what was it like? I am not sure I would talk but this is like group therapy just not face to face.
Can you make friends from group therapy? I have one friend that goes to group therapy and she is a therapist, phd and she says it has saved her. She didn't like one to one. Her biggest problem was knowing to much and directing the therapy she says in group therapy she can't.
What do you Star and you JoniS think? Ever thought about group therapy? I too don't have any friends. I can't relate to my other friends. I get tired of pretending everything is fine. I hate that word now. rk
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 12:32:04
In reply to Re: My neediness on T gets to me))rambling, posted by JoniS on December 11, 2007, at 9:05:10
Joni.
Not so negative to me. You are just speaking from how it feels and I feel like u do. I am too dependent too.. I don't call my T between seesions either. I could but it feels "not right" to me.. I have only called a few times over the years.. I have been seeing him for well over ten years!!! thanks for the support.. At lest I know I am not the only one
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 12:42:25
In reply to Re: My neediness on T gets to me))rambling, posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 9:48:18
rk
i dont know about group therapy either. It might be helpful to learn to talk to more people on a deeper level.. I don't relly want to give the time or money to it since I am in therapy already. It doen't appeal to me but maybe it would be a good thing.. I don't know.
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 12:42:38
In reply to Re: My neediness on T gets to me))rambling, posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 9:48:18
rk
i dont know about group therapy either. It might be helpful to learn to talk to more people on a deeper level.. I don't relly want to give the time or money to it since I am in therapy already. It doen't appeal to me but maybe it would be a good thing.. I don't know.
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:29:42
In reply to Re: My neediness on T gets to me))rambling, posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 9:48:18
I was answering some posts and reading some replies and thought that maybe this is a form of group therapy without the therapist. We support each other and find out that we aren;'t the only ones dealing with some of this stuff we think is nuts. Maybe real group therapy would be helpful. I don't tell friends how I feel either. Once ina while I might share somethng of waht is going on but for the most part I remain silent on my personal life. it is hard to have close friends that way. But if someone has not been depressed and hasn't lived in the depths of hell, they just don't understand..
Posted by muffled on December 11, 2007, at 23:26:25
In reply to My neediness on T gets to me))rambling, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 0:12:49
> Sometimes I feel so pitiful to myself.. I hate needing my T.. I am 47 years old and yet I need someone to tell me what reality is. How is it that he knows and I don't? How is it that he can tell me what is right and I can't see it for myself?? why do I need him to deal with all these inner kids, (yes, peeps muffies!!).. I don't like needing anyone, I don't like to depend on anyone.. In the end it is only me anyway. Yet, I am all alone.. Kids grew and moved.. I have few friends and don't depnd on family, (they are more screwed up than me!)..I hate thinking that he wil retire someday and I will still be a lost ball in the weeds..damn
*lost ball in the weeds...that appealed to me somehow. I envision myself becomming a shuffling bin scavenging street person....
I get SO frustrated myself as well. I kick my own *ss saying I should be able to do better than I am. I too am inmy 40's and feel I haven't accomplished sh*t all. I feel like I should be able to take care of myownself, I been doing it since I was little. Why can't I do it now? Why can I get my damn sh*t together? Why don't I know so much stuff? How did I miss learning SO MUCH stuff? WHY am I split fer chrissakes??? Wht do I deny???? Why don't I know who I am? Why am I sometimes OK and sometimes so NOT OK????
Arrrggghhh.
Yes indeedy, you not alone star.
> I want to be independent.. I want to be able to manage friendships on my own.. I want to be free of the depression that has nearly killed me over the years.. It has stolen everything from me.. It has taken friends away and moved me into isolation. My fault I know.. Who wants to be friends with someone who disappears and doesn't return calls?? then it gets to be so long that I get embarrassed.. No one understands that if I am having trouble being with myself then I don't want to be with anyone else. I never want to do anything cuz I hae no energy and am always tired. Even answering the phone and talking is too much sometimes..So, I chased everyone away and I am all alone.. feeling sorry for myself I guess.. still it feels so bad.. so lonely, but at the same time I don't want anyone around,, Make any sense??*My T and I have had a number of conversations around the fact that some like lotsa friends and some, like her, and me, would prefer fewer but closer friends. But I can't let anybody close. I too inconsistant. Too much of a nut. I let my T closer than anybody, and she not run away....
I dunno, I get scared and confused by people sometimes. People can be awfully deceptive.
> See Muffled?? My nkids are a little more under control than yours are right now, (they didn't used to be), but I am still feeling lost and depressed). No easy way out, no short cuts.. Some people get through things quickly.. Not me..*have you dealt with your kids much? Are they happy? Do you let them out to play sometimes? Are they getting their(gag me!) *needs* met? etc
> I need to break out of the isolation but don't know how.. I need to be more self-sufficient but don't know how to do that either..*I guess you need to find a safe friend. They out there I reckon. I have some friends, noboddy really knows alla me, but y'know, they proly wouldn't run I'm thinking....but still....I dunno. I not ready yet to *talk* to any of them. I am fortunate in that I have a dear sister who lives nearby as well. Mebbe you just goto try, and be straight up with some friends you might think will be OK with you? If they run, oh well, if they stick by you, great! Just be honest bout how sometimes you need to be alone and stuff.
LOL, easy peasy eh! NOT!> thanks for listening to me.. Need to vent the garbage heap now and then
*Glad you jumping in and letting her rip!
Hope you can feel better some.
M
Posted by rskontos on December 13, 2007, at 9:12:15
In reply to Re: My neediness on T gets to me))rambling » rskontos, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:29:42
Yeah I finally found one friend I opened up too about all this and she was great about it and she moved last week so back down to zero friends. I went to lunch with one I have through the horse connection and I got so anxious and upset just knowing I was going to go with her because what would I do if I started switching etc. It went ok nothing triggered me, I let her do most of the talking I just listened and said mmmm alot. But that really isn't much in the way of a friendship. So I probably wont call her again for a while.
But you are right, this is a form of group therapy we do understand each other, support each, encourage each other, and let each other vent. I have always thought that if I told say the friend I eat lunch with she would disappear because it sounds crazy.
rk
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