![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 6 to 30 of 30. Go back in thread:
Posted by Daisym on January 20, 2008, at 22:06:14
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
Hi Poet,
I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now. Is there something specific that makes it harder?
I think a walkman is a great idea. And at the library, usually there are private rooms for groups to meet in but I find if I take one over, noone usually bothers me. At the University library they have little rooms to listen to tapes, so those are private too.
Good luck with this. Everyone needs a place of serenity.
Posted by JoniS on January 21, 2008, at 7:49:32
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
Hi Poet
Sorry you are having a difficult time right now. I like to get that privacy, serenity from listing to my ipod (walkman -same)too. One thing you might want to do is include some upbeat music. My kids told me my music choices are all depressing. I didn't think so, but maybe, then again, it does tend to be the case. I added some upbeat music, still have the other, but some fun, light stuff - mostly from high school days can be helpful.
Best to you
Joni
Posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 11:14:51
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
(( Poet ))
Have you worked on/ been working on why you can't stand being around people?
I get that way when I feel the shame in me strongly. I feel scarecely fit for human company, and I get afraid they will see the grossness that is me. So I isoltae.
Its never a good thing to isolate.
Do you have a trusted workmate that is understanding that you could find a quiet spot to sit and eat, and mebbe talk a bit or not talk?
Or tell them DO NOT DISTURB, when you are in your quiet place, give them some line bout praying or meditating.....
What about earmuffs/plugs or something?
One thing I have found, is that if you honest to some safe degree that you have struggles, you'll get a variety of reactions, NOT all negative for SURE. Cuz most have struggles, just the way life is.
Its a shame there is not a quiet spot for people to destress a bit. We have a park not far from us, and on nice days I often see loners, just being quiet, eating and chilling.
So I don't think you are weird or anything Poet for wanting down time.
Just matter of finding it w/o freezing!!!!
Take care Poet.
M
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:17:01
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by Daisym on January 20, 2008, at 22:06:14
Hi Daisy,
What's making it hard for me is a co-worker who is like a dooms day profit, she keeps saying the company is going under. Her rumor spreading despite my attempts to ignore it gets to me. When you base your self-esteem on career and have been unemployed for lengthy periods of time the last thing you need to hear is someone saying we're all going to lose our jobs.
That is why I need a serenity place to escape from. T agrees she just doesn't want me to freeze in my car. In the warmer months my car is my safe haven. The library was closed yesterday and today I ran some errands, so tomorrow I will head with my walkman to the library and hopefully find some peace.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:20:26
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by JoniS on January 21, 2008, at 7:49:32
Hi Joni,
I will include some upbeat music- good idea. I'm thinking of getting some really good earplugs, too, something pdoc has suggested.
Serenity for all.
Poet
Posted by ClearSkies on January 22, 2008, at 13:23:56
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
My vote is also for the iPod - Library - car keeping yourself isolated from the sensory overwhelmedness that just BEING with the rest of the world can bring. I got all excited today when I found a whole bunch of free podcasts of guided meditations; really relaxing stuff. You might have to get creative in finding the peace you need in the middle of the day, but I'm with the others in thinking that this isolating; considering that your work during the day means that you're "on" and having to be fully engaged with others at all times, is really a refuge for you and a good thing.
CS
Posted by rskontos on January 22, 2008, at 13:25:40
In reply to Re: Isolating » JoniS, posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:20:26
Poet, if you are buying earphones, look into the ones that are sold by the airline catalogs. My husband travels a lot and he bought some through one of those magazines and they are specially designed to filter out airplane noise so you can listen to music etc or have silence. rsk
Posted by rskontos on January 22, 2008, at 13:28:31
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by rskontos on January 22, 2008, at 13:25:40
Poet, I, like you, am very anti-social. My T/p-doc is trying to get me to join new groups( like a reading book group because I read a lot but I shy away from it. So I know what you mean about finding a place to be alone, I would call it hiding because that is what i do. I sometimes have to take a xanax just to go to the grocery store.....rk
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:33:29
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 11:14:51
Hi Muffled,
Being sensory defensive I have a hard time tuning out other people. I get sensory overload and start stressing out. T suggested the walkman, Dr. Clueless has suggested really good earplugs (your good idea, too) I am going to find some earplugs.
I don't trust anyone I work with, one of my co-workers spreads rumors and she would run with anything I disclose. I just want a private office with a door that locks. I had it once, sigh, probably never again. Damn meltdowns.
As always thanks for your help.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:35:01
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 13:33:29
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 14:54:14
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by ClearSkies on January 22, 2008, at 13:23:56
Hi CS,
Maybe this isolating isn't as much being depressed and wanting to hide from the entire world as just needing to be someplace quiet. At work I am rarely left completely alone. Right now I'm babbling because the people who annoy me the most aren't around. A rare moment of peace.
Tomorrow I take solice at the library with my walkman and maybe some good earplugs. I never realized how noisy libraries are- can't people turn newspaper pages without cracking them? Argh.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 15:02:45
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by rskontos on January 22, 2008, at 13:28:31
Hi RK,
I can handle the grocery store, but am known to talk outloud to myself about how I can't stand it. I took clonazepam when I was taking classes last year. I loved my online class, if I could have taken all of them that way I would have. I still hide in the back of the room like I did when I was a kid even with clonazepam.
I will look for airline headphones as I really want to block outside noises. I used to think that I didn't like libraries because of the used books, now I'm thinking it's a combination of used books and the noise. I just want to scream SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Thanks for your idea on headphones and for your understanding.
Poet
Posted by rskontos on January 22, 2008, at 15:50:15
In reply to Re: Isolating » rskontos, posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 15:02:45
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2008, at 16:34:29
In reply to Re: Isolating » rskontos, posted by Poet on January 22, 2008, at 15:02:45
That was the major focus of our session today, other than my getting mad at him for wanting to work on how to make going to the office easier instead of understanding that I didn't want to make something so unpleasant easier. I wanted it to stop.
But after that we talked about earphones, and yes the noise cancelling sort, and fluorescent bulbs as one of the main culprits at workplaces with their constant hum and flickering, and the temperature and how just the temperature can cause overall agitation. My office is hot, perhaps because everyone controlling the thermostats is over sixty. Although I think we also figured out that there's a spot in my actual office (shared with one other person) where heat flowed from a lower floor directly through our carpet and into our room.
At any rate, the overall message was to look for those sources of discomfort you *can* minimize, then minimize them. (I'm not quite sure how he thinks I can tell my officemate to turn off the lights and use lamps instead.)
At any rate, you might wish to look for some of those almost subliminal sources of stimulation. Vibrations from office machinery, lights, sounds. And see if there's anything that can be done.
Not much to do about the coworker of gloom I suppose. Is there some way you can make her find talking to you about such things so uncomfortable that she seeks out someone else to catastrophize with? Answer her in such a way that she finds talking to you about it completely frustrating or unpleasant, but without actually being rude?
Posted by raisinb on January 22, 2008, at 16:40:08
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2008, at 16:34:29
I don't know if this will help, but I am an earplug conoisseur (I live next to train tracks), and the best ones I've found are these purple foam ones that come in a big plastic jar at Walgreen's (not sure of the brand). They'll give you complete and utter silence.
Posted by antigua3 on January 24, 2008, at 8:03:47
In reply to Isolating, posted by Poet on January 20, 2008, at 15:11:36
Hi Poet,
I have faith in you that you'll figure this out and find a way that works well for you.Noisy, crowded, lit places distress me greatly. My T always turns the light down automatically before we begin our session. Except at night--when I demand bright light--I get overloaded easily by sound and light. (This past weekend my husband & I went to someone's house for dinner, and they were so loud and self-absorbed with constant chatter about themselves, that when I got home I was just exhausted by the overload.)
And people who are in constant motion distress me also--it's like, "Can't you sit still for even a moment?" (My DH is this way and I have to get away from him when he's like this)
I truly value my personal time alone, and I've learned that it is essential for me to have that time to reflect, or to center myself, so that I can rejuvenate; otherwise, I'm no good.
We have a new library with REAL quiet rooms. I'm like you, our old one was just so noisy I just wanted to scream, "Didn't anyone teach you that a library is a QUIET place?"
So I go to my quiet room when I can, and I even usually take some extra time for myself when I go out to pick up my kids from something.
Just be careful, though, and make sure the isolating is not the really depressive kind. If it is, you know something's wrong and you'll have to dig just a little bit deeper. Yes, that's hard, but you have made such huge progress and it may be time for another dive into something deeper.
Lastly, I've worked at so many places that have folded, gone under or been sold, so I've been around the doom and gloom. It's hard to turn off, especially for people like us who base so much of our self esteem on our work, but take a deep breath and say something like, "Well, I just can't even think or talk about that right now. I need to focus on what I'm doing," and then turn your back and get back to work. Don't get worked up, because if it is to be, you have no control over it. And everytime you get stronger.
One last thing (sorry for being so long), but when I had to "drop" out of my career to take care of myself, I thought all of the time lost was for naught. But now that I'm getting back into work, I realize how much I truly learned in the process. You may not be back on top yet, but your time will come again, when you are ready. I truly believe this, because you are a talented woman.
Take care,
antigua
Posted by Poet on January 24, 2008, at 9:37:15
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2008, at 16:34:29
Hi Dinah,
I hate fluorescent lights, I would much rather just turn them all off and use a desk lamp, but I am not alone in my work area, either. I am near a printer, the copy machine and a postage machine all of which make noise. Argh.
There are only seven people in office/company and I unfortunately share an open space with Gossip-Gloom Girl. She goes to lunch everyday with the other support staff person, so at least she doesn't want to hang with me. I wouldn't let her if she did.
I wish us all peace and solace in the workplace.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 24, 2008, at 9:49:07
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by raisinb on January 22, 2008, at 16:40:08
Hi Rainsinb,
I am heading to Walgreens today and I hope they have the purple earplugs in stock. I so need silence. If they drown out trains they will definitely drown out people and various other noises.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 24, 2008, at 9:56:18
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by antigua3 on January 24, 2008, at 8:03:47
Hi Antigua,
Thank you for your truly kind words and for your belief in my talent.
It probably is time to dig deeper into my latest depression, I think that listening to gossip that we're all going to be out of work soon is a major contributor. I try hard to just shrug off what she says as she is prone to exaggerate, but I can't tune her completly out either. I wish I could wear earplugs all day, but I have to answer the phone and I do alot of dictation (would you believe I still hear her in the background even while doing dictation?)
My T never turns her overhead lights on, she uses a floor lamp and two table lamps which are kept high enough to see, but not bright enough to annoy.
It's comforting to know that I am not alone with my sensory issues. I wish my library had a real quiet room. One man (who doesn't look homeless) seems to always fall asleep and snore. I am getting my earplugs on the way there today.
Poet
Posted by 10derHeart on January 24, 2008, at 13:26:20
In reply to Re: Isolating » antigua3, posted by Poet on January 24, 2008, at 9:56:18
Hi Poet,
You are so not alone in the sensory stuff. It's been a part of my ADD for as long as I can remember. So funny - I used to do some transcription when I was a paralegal in the military and I could often hear other people's blathering on - especially about upsetting or frankly - stupid - things, and all that even when supposedly they were "being quiet" around me. Boy do I know what you mean. I wonder if people like your coworker really even realize how they are coming across when they talk like that so much.
Lights, noise, people's movements, smells - gosh, we ought to start a whole, ongoing thread just on this alone, 'cause I could go on and on. Maybe not on this board, though. I don't go here with my T. too much - seems like a thing I have to cope with on my own. He does also turn off his overhead lights for me, dims the others, and will open/close blinds as I wish, too. He's really very nice about it. He has a white noise machine now, too, which helps when sometimes there's stuff bleeding through from the adjacent offices.
The earplugs should help. For me, it's tough, because I get irritated and distracted by the idea/sensation of how most earplugs feel in my ears. But that *won't* happen to you, I'm sure. And I can overcome that if I try - it's just hard.
Stay warm, Poet.
Posted by confuzyq on January 24, 2008, at 18:30:42
In reply to Re: Isolating » antigua3, posted by Poet on January 24, 2008, at 9:56:18
Hi Poet, I am very bothered by certain types of noises too. Earlier on the thread I think someone mentioned earphone/earmuff thingamajigs, and I wanted to sing some praise for that type.
A big advantage to me is that you can put on and remove them very quickly, whereas it takes longer to correctly ball up and "screw in" foam or other types of pliable, insertable earplugs (have also seen a wax variety). I would often not get them in well enough when hurrying, i.e. needing to answer the phone. And after several insertions they seemed to lose their "body" and not reduce as much noise.
Of course, an advantage of the foam/insertable kind is that they are less noticeable (probably even in purple :). The earmuff type would look like you were wearing full-sized, studio (or just outdated?) stereo headphones. Isn't a biggie to me tho.
You can find this type at web sites or physical stores that carry hunting supplies, or do a 'net search using keywords like hunting and construction noise. Also used by airplane runway crews. They come in a range of noise reductions, and all or most don't block out all noise, so you can still hear what you presumably need to (ringing phones, people yelling "fire!" etc.).
I have a lighter reduction pair called "Junior" by "Peltor" (if you search that name, some of the sites that come up will probably carry a full range to browse), and also a heavier duty pair. Don't remember the brand of those and don't have them with me on a trip I'm currently on. The Peltors are very comfortable and the "muff" parts are less obtrusive. Neither were expensive.
I mainly use mine for sleep. Altho that may bother some people, mine don't even bother me when laying on my side so that the outer shell is between my head and the pillow! I may be an exception tho.
Maybe you could experiment with both muffs and plugs. Good luck, I sure can relate!
Posted by confuzyq on January 24, 2008, at 18:40:15
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by confuzyq on January 24, 2008, at 18:30:42
Ooops, slight correction:
> "...A big advantage to me is that you can put on and remove them very quickly, whereas it takes longer to correctly ball up and "screw in" foam or other types of pliable, insertable earplugs (have also seen a wax variety). I would often not get them in well enough when hurrying, i.e. needing to answer the phone..." >
Um, Freudian slip perhaps... Of course I'm not putting them *in* as I go to answer the phone, was referring to trying to get them back in well after repeatedly having to pull them out for such things. ;o)
Posted by Poet on January 25, 2008, at 13:03:52
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by 10derHeart on January 24, 2008, at 13:26:20
Hi 10derHeart,
I tried turning up the volume on the dictation/transcription recorder, but then it's too loud in my ears. I keep stopping the tape, running it back, because she's blathering away about something. I just want to yell shut up.
I wish I worked in an environment with other people with sensory issues then it would be peaceful and the copier/fax/postage machine would be in a separate room. We'd all use desklamps, too. No humming, singing, finger snapping allowed.
Poet
Posted by Poet on January 25, 2008, at 13:04:25
In reply to Re: Isolating, posted by Poet on January 25, 2008, at 13:03:52
Posted by Poet on January 25, 2008, at 13:16:12
In reply to Re: Isolating » Poet, posted by confuzyq on January 24, 2008, at 18:30:42
Hi Confuzyq
I like your Freudian slip, I wish I could put in ear plugs when the phone rings.
I got the purple ones and so far they aren't irritating (sensitive to touch, too) and do seem to block out ambiant noise. The true test will be the guy who falls asleep in the quiet room of the library and snores. I may need headphones and earplugs for him.
I'll check out the Peltor earmuffs. There are alot of hunting supply places around where I am so I shouldn't have trouble finding them. I like that they are less obtrusive looking. They might be good for public places where I really can't take the noise: shopping malls, fast food places, etc.
Poet
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.