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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower on April 6, 2008, at 11:43:16
I saw him today at the gym, been trying to avoid him and I have been too depressed to work out. Thought it was nice enough he would be running outside, but I guess not. I wouldn't make eye contact with him, I just pretended to be preoccupied with my book while doing my elliptical machine. I just want to hate him but I can't. But I guess I am still angry at him for what he did. He hurt me badly and as much as I try and as much EMDR and 6 mo. working on this in therapy , I still feel hurt and angry about him. But at the same time I want to talk to him about anything at all. I think I still love him and it hurts like hell to have lost him. I am a sick puppy I guess.
Posted by Phillipa on April 6, 2008, at 12:54:36
In reply to I want to hate my old T, posted by Happyflower on April 6, 2008, at 11:43:16
First wow you're any early bird. Is this therapist married haven't followed the story. Phillipa
Posted by Happyflower on April 6, 2008, at 19:44:03
In reply to Re: I want to hate my old T » Happyflower, posted by Phillipa on April 6, 2008, at 12:54:36
Hi Phillipa,
Yes he has been married for a long time. The story is a long one, it is what brought me to this site 3 years ago. It is all through the archives here.
How are you feeling? I just read about your surgury, hope you are feeling better, and not just beautiful. ;-)
Posted by Happyflower on April 6, 2008, at 19:45:10
In reply to Re: I want to hate my old T, posted by Happyflower on April 6, 2008, at 19:44:03
Posted by Happyflower on April 6, 2008, at 19:51:15
In reply to I want to hate my old T, posted by Happyflower on April 6, 2008, at 11:43:16
I just hate that I feel this way, and I know you are all sick of it here. It is like I am trying to learn to hate him, so he won't mean so much. I am not doing a very good job.
I want nothing more to talk to him, and probably could if I went up to him. This isn't about missing him as my therapist, I have a great T now, but I miss him. I keep trying to fill that void, and I did with the part of missing a T, my current T is more T than I could ever ask for. But my old T gave me much more, and that is what I miss. ( The non-T stuff he did) I feel like such a freak.
If I knew he didn't have feelings for me, I know I could give him up. But I know he does, and that is what is hard, because I still do too, even 9 mo. later. As much as I try to hate him, in a way to get over him, I still care about him a lot. It won't go away.
Posted by seldomseen on April 6, 2008, at 19:59:05
In reply to I want to hate my old T, posted by Happyflower on April 6, 2008, at 11:43:16
If I remember correctly, your therapy with him ended rather quickly right?
Sudden changes like that can be really hard to process I think.
I look at how you feel another in another way. I see it as only being six months. I know that whole process was very painful and very shocking and very traumatic for you. Give yourself some time. A relationship like that can be hard to extricate yourself from.
I'm sorry you saw him, and completely understand the feeling of just wanting to talk to him again.
What does your current T have to say about it?
I'm just curious, how did he react when he saw you?
Seldom
Posted by Happyflower on April 6, 2008, at 20:22:28
In reply to Re: I want to hate my old T » Happyflower, posted by seldomseen on April 6, 2008, at 19:59:05
Hi Seldom,
Yes, things did end quickly, I just quit after he hurt me. I did have one last session while I was seeing my new T. But then again I started seeing him right after I quit the other one. (rebound T, lol)
On that last session I told him a lot and I probably WHAT I said sounded angry, but not how I said it. But I remember after I told him who I was seeing, he asked if I knew he did EMDR (he knows him very well). I said not only did I know, I got totally reeemed out the day before by it with my new T. Then I said I NEVER thought I would have to do it because of YOU. Well that got to him. When I saw him at the gym, he looked torn up when he looked at me. It as one of those looks I have never seen before in 2 1 /2 years. Then he sort of stopped coming to the gym for several months, I thought he quit.Then he showed up one day, I saw him leaving the lockers while I was talking to someone, he didn't say anything, but he made sure I saw him. Well it pissed me off seeing him, especially after thinking he was finally gone and me trying to get over him even during the time my brother and grandbaby died. Then I saw him later that week and waved at him running, he waved and smiled back. Then he was gone for another couple of months.
I saw him 2 weeks ago at the gym, he always told me he would never "recongnize" me or talk to me, unless I did first.
Well he walked all the way across the workout floor( out of his way) and said Hi to me. I was trying to ignore him, but I saw when he first saw me, he was very happy to see me, grins from ear to ear. I havent' been coming to the gym because of depression, so I don't know if he was there or not. But I pretended to get my ipod working and was looking down. I didn't think he would walk all the way to me. It is kinda funny, he tripped over one of the machine cords on his way to say Hi. lol I looked up and said Hi back, not so happy to see him, more scared I think.Then today I saw him and ignored him completely, didn't look at him at all, pretended not to notice him. I guess I have mixed feelings. I have talked and talked about this way beyond my currents T threshold of this subject. I just can't help the way I feel, I try to ignore that feeling I have for him, and it doesn't help. It has been since middle of July since I terminated with him, you would think I would be okay with it now but he is still in my heart. sick I know.
Posted by seldomseen on April 6, 2008, at 20:22:48
In reply to Re: I want to hate my old T » Happyflower, posted by seldomseen on April 6, 2008, at 19:59:05
your ability not to demonize your old T, despite all the hurt, is progress.
It's so much easier to place people into categories of all good and all bad. It saves us a lot of work, but deprives us of any of the good that may have been present in the relationship.
I've been working a lot on this with an ex-boyfriend of mine. I am continually surprised (and confused) that I am still happy to see him when I do.
Just FYI I guess.
Seldom
Posted by Happyflower on April 7, 2008, at 19:54:47
In reply to Also, according to my T...., posted by seldomseen on April 6, 2008, at 20:22:48
Thanks for sharing that, it gives me something to think about. I want to so badly put him in a throw away box but he keeps getting into my recycle bin of my emotions,and it so frusterating.
Posted by Hermitian on April 7, 2008, at 21:30:58
In reply to I want to hate my old T, posted by Happyflower on April 6, 2008, at 11:43:16
You poor thing. You are a sick puppy and he's a slob. What a wretched piece of dung he is to lead you on like that. He took advantage of you to mollify his own twisted sensibilities. The biggest sin is that this clown will now be able to ruin other women's lives because there is not sufficient oversight in the profession to weed out stupid, retrograd slobs like him who should be doing no more than greeting shoppers at Wal-Mart.
P.S. Demand a refund. You deserve it. Demand every penny back from the sack of manure.
P.P.S. And report that reptile to his professional organization. And the cops too if it warrants it.
P.P.P.S. He's a clown-moron-predator-idiot. I know it's not easy. But get him off the street.
Posted by Deputy Racer on April 8, 2008, at 22:57:12
In reply to Re: I want to hate my old T, posted by Hermitian on April 7, 2008, at 21:30:58
> You poor thing. You are a sick puppy and he's a slob. What a wretched piece of dung he is to lead you on like that.
Please don't post anything which could lead others to feel accused or put down. You've been asked to abide by the civility guidelines in the past; therefore, I am going to block you from posting for two weeks.
If you have any questions regarding the posting policies on this site, please read the FAQ, located at http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil Follow ups to this action should be directed to the Administration board and should themselves be civil.
Dr Bob has ultimate authority over all administrative issues on this site, and may choose at any time to revise or reverse any action taken by a deputy.
Deputy Racer
Posted by sassyfrancesca on April 9, 2008, at 15:28:38
In reply to Re: Also, according to my T.... » seldomseen, posted by Happyflower on April 7, 2008, at 19:54:47
As you know (Happyflower); I have been in love with my t for 5 years....we both attended the same conference in Honolulu (ACA).......he said he wouldn't acknowledge me, unless i said hi to him.
Talk about confusing...when we got back, he said he saw me FOUR different times, and one time (he said) I looked right at him and put my head down (he said something that had made me angry the week before), and thought I was sending him a message.
I NEVER SAW him......at the dance (at which he said he was NOT attending), he was there and said he was LOOKING for me.....sheesh; talk about mixed message......he wouldn't say hello, but he WOULD look for me and said he would have "danced with me."
Instead he danced with another woman; the jealousy is killing me.
It's no use trying to feel any feeling; we feel what we feel.
You had no (hate the word,) closure with your t; it was abrupt; you might want to write him a letter, or even see him again.
Hugs, Sassy (crazy-twin)
This is the end of the thread.
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