![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on April 6, 2008, at 22:10:54
lately.... just so much talk of T's and love. Nothing wrong with it, that's what the board's for. But maybe I will try to take a break. I don't have those kinds of feelings for T, but I understand the wanting something we can't have. And I see the caring my T gives to me, and I know it is real, genuine caring, and that he genuinely loves me like he has said and wants the best for me. But somehow I understand the limits of that love too. There is a part of me that doesn't want to understand, that wants him to be my father and take away the hole inside of me, wants to be a part of his family. But he's too ethical and I'm very tight in my boundaries too, despite the wants I write about here.
I was just pondering where that understanding and acceptance of the limits of the relationship comes from for me. I'm really not sure. Perhaps it's just that I've been hurt so many times that the possibility of being hurt again if I expected too much is what keeps me from genuinely wanting in reality things I can't have. But I also wonder other people's thoughts about where that feeling comes from for them. Fantasies are wonderful, and some of them have sustained me through my darkest times, but I have been pondering tonight what allows me to realize that they are just fantasies and not something either of us could act on or would really want to if all the consequences and ramifications are thought about.
Just random thoughts. I'm a little spacey tonight so I'm not sure if this came out coherent. Not sure if I'm going to take a break from Babble or not. Just been feeling very disconnected lately, and it's happening here for me too.
I don't know.
Never mind me.
sunnydays
Posted by llurpsienoodle on April 6, 2008, at 23:37:30
In reply to hard for me to hear, posted by sunnydays on April 6, 2008, at 22:10:54
yeah, I get where you're coming from...
I've missed you. hope you're doing okay
I usually don't allow myself to have fantasies. Then I'd be setting myself up for disappointment.
-Ll
Posted by Dinah on April 7, 2008, at 9:17:02
In reply to hard for me to hear, posted by sunnydays on April 6, 2008, at 22:10:54
I'm feeling disconnected too, and that is spilling over to Babble. I think it happens sometimes.
It's hard with therapy. There are certain fantasies about relationships outside the therapy room that really are fantasies. And ones that would cause more harm in the long run than they'd be worth if they were acted upon.
But there are those fantasies about the relationship within the therapy room too. And those do have the possibility of being fulfilled without harm. Depending on the client, and what would be harmful I suppose. The fantasies about inside the therapy room are what have caused me the most pain over the years. Until I really began to understand what *is* and won't change, and also understood what is possible.
But fantasies of all sort are good fodder for therapy in the hands of a good therapist. Because I think we mostly recognize that the fantasies about our therapists repeat fantasies we've had throughout our lives. Some of them we might play out over and over with different people. And some just reflect longing and pain from what we never have had. A good therapist recognizes them for what they are, and helps us learn to deal with patterns or longings.
I think in my case that might just mean that I recognize that I do have certain patterns that cause me both pleasure and pain. And I've decided that overall they do me no real harm, and that I'd prefer not to change them. :)
Posted by raisinb on April 7, 2008, at 13:28:38
In reply to Re: hard for me to hear » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on April 7, 2008, at 9:17:02
I think subjecting our deepest, darkest fantasies to examination is one of the most helpful things we can do. But it's sooo hard, because those fantasies are often what sustains us emotionally in the first place. Analyzing them on our own, or telling our therapists what they are, are the first steps in admitting they won't come true. And that's tough.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.