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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rainangel85 on April 20, 2011, at 20:36:46
Hello. First since it's my 1st post, I want to introduce myself. I'm a 26-yr-old married mother of a 11-mo-old, and I have DID-NOS, or ego state disorder as I once heard it called. Seems it should have its own diagnosis since DID-NOS covers a lot. But I know I don't have DID with full-blown multiples, and I don't lose time (though I've always had a poor memory). BUT I do have parts, I think maybe lots of them. I can hear them if I listen. I also have a fog that makes the world less real. Ruled out skitzophrenia a long time ago. It is clear what it is now. There are little girl parts, and protectors, and at least one pre-verbal infant part, near as I can tell. Lots of different feelings, attitudes. Though I suspect sexual abuse for a number of good reasons, I have had no memories. I'm still at the beginning of all this. Only recently have I come to a consistent-enough belief that I actually am fractured.
I been seeing a faith-based therapist for about a year. She is not a pyschologist, but has worked successfully with many full-blown DID's over the years, including survivors of Satanic Ritual Abuse, so she has a lot of experience. (Please lets not debate whether SRA really exists. I know one first hand, and it DOES. Off-topic though)
I found this site when researching the term "ego state disorder" which didn't have a lot of hits. In general, I'm surprised at the lack of resources for issues on the DID conintuum that aren't full-blown. As if it is all or none. I was relieved to find others shareing experences with the same thing. But those posts were years ago. (Are you still around? Are you all healed and integrated by now? That would be great, but I know this stuff can take years)
<<< Here is My Question >>>
In therapy should I try to talk from my inner voices? It would be really awkward. I'm cool and collected, but my parts sound intense, and so are the facial expressions. I would just feel so silly to try to speak for them. There's been only a couple times where an inner part (angry) comes to the front and yells something out. But it gets quickly contained. I wouldn't know how to keep it up front if I wanted it. It just goes against the inner protocol. If I tried to say what might voices say, do you think they would come out more, even if it was really weird and awkward and disconnected?Also it is hard to trust the voices, because it seems like it is partly my conscious-me's interpretation of the feelings I feel, and I never am sure how much I am making up or assuming. Like my little one(s) used to say "Mama," which I called my mom growing up, but now that I have a baby, I call myself "Mommy" and then my little ones started saying "mommy" instead, though they seem to be talking about memories from growing up. If they were real age states, wouldn't they continue to say "Mama?." So how can I trust what I hear isn't just me making guesses?
Thanks in advance to anyone who responds!!
Bethany
Posted by Daisym on April 20, 2011, at 23:35:40
In reply to Anyone have DID-NOS with ego states? + Question, posted by rainangel85 on April 20, 2011, at 20:36:46
Alan Schore talks about frozen age states and postulates that these parts can "grow up" during therapy. So it wouldn't surprise me to hear about changes from your parts.
I think I know what you mean about "letting" a part talk directly. It is weird and disorienting and for me, pretty embarrassing. Plus I find it scary to get taken over like that. But...when I have gotten out of my own way, it can be very revealing to just let stuff come out unedited. I've shocked myself with memories from different parts and "their" feelings. Sometimes I joke with my therapist that we need to have family meetings.
I don't consider myself DID. I think I have different ages holding different memories due to the trauma inflicted at those ages. What worked for me at the beginning was to try a "two voice" writing - switching off between myself and a younger part. And then I read it - both parts, in therapy. Eventually my therapist would ask, "can that part talk directly to me?" Wow - it was really scary to just let it happen. And it is still pretty hard. But those parts need to be heard and held and soothed and listened to. I know now that all of me has to heal.
It it takes a long time. But I think if you let yourself, you'll find it helpful to talk from those parts.
Posted by Dinah on April 21, 2011, at 8:28:01
In reply to Anyone have DID-NOS with ego states? + Question, posted by rainangel85 on April 20, 2011, at 20:36:46
My therapist says that if he were to diagnose me, it would likely be DID-NOS, but it's a pretty broad catch-all diagnosis. My experience isn't really like what you describe.
I see only advantage to hearing all parts of you. Otherwise you'll have no idea how you feel about things. I tend to be, left to myself, very analytical and intellectual. Yet part of me is emotional and unreasonable. If I don't allow the emotional and unreasonable side of me speak, it tends to scream for attention.
It does make me feel a bit uneasy that your therapist has treated *many* full blown DID's over the years. It's my understanding that it's very very rare. Is she an acknowledged expert in the field? I have another (non mental health) doctor who has had a lot of experience with celiac disease. Despite the fact that the tests for the disease has been negative for me, and my personal experience shows that when I'm symptomatic, bread is the best thing for me to eat, she still pushes the diagnosis on me because some parts of it fit. Just not the actual gluten part. She's a good doctor and I'm keeping her, just as your therapist can be a good therapist, while still be likely to interpret things based on her previous experiences.
I'm not denying your personal experiences, or those of your friends. I'm just pointing out that there is often more than one way to view and frame experiences. I think it's perfectly reasonable to be cautious and keep a certain open mindedness to different ways of framing things. So that it's possible to question the response of your age states as being open to suggestion, while being open to the feelings they express as being totally valid and worth listening to. One of the advantages to DID-NOS is that your experiences don't have to fit into a template of diagnosis. It's possible to think of them as feeling states with goals and feelings separate from that of most of you without being rigid as to their "reality" as separate entities.
Posted by rainangel85 on April 21, 2011, at 9:19:49
In reply to Re: Anyone have DID-NOS with ego states? + Question » rainangel85, posted by Dinah on April 21, 2011, at 8:28:01
> It does make me feel a bit uneasy that your therapist has treated *many* full blown DID's over the years...
Dinah, I appreciate your caution here.I have been extremely skeptical, and watchful of her, trust me. Just this morning, in fact I went back to my old journal from years ago, way before seeing the T, in which I clearly had a conversation with younger age states of myself, before I had any clue that such a thing could happen. Now looking back, it makes perfect sense like never before, as I have gotten to know my parts, and I can see which are speaking when. So this all clearly pre-exists her. Plus I don't know who would make up regressing to an infant state, and its not something she ever explained could happen...
I found out people call and travel from distant states wanting to see her. She is a sort of unofficial expert. But I don't believe anything she says unless just because she says it. I don't always agree with her. Thankfully, she lets me draw my own conclusions. She sees me for free, so I take it! Her best quality is unconditional love and not being wierded out/offended by anything.
> It's possible to think of them as feeling states with goals and feelings separate from that of most of you without being rigid as to their "reality" as separate entities.I completely agree. To be honest, I wish they were more rigid, so I could trust them more. I can see how my assumptions seem to come out in what they say. This is why I am reluctant to "speak from them" as if they fully have a presence and mind of their own.
Posted by B2chica on April 21, 2011, at 12:35:09
In reply to Re: Anyone have DID-NOS with ego states? + Questio » Dinah, posted by rainangel85 on April 21, 2011, at 9:19:49
i have, DID-NOS ego states.
But mine just sort of started coming out during therapy. i mean they came out before, but when i first started therapy i had them in my head and would rarely they come out without quickly going back in. i think they were actually more controlled before i started therapy. once i did i had less control of when and where they came out. so we had to work some on containment. Mostly my parts were the ones talking about abuse, when i would get flashbacks and try to talk about them in therapy...there they would come. and there is NO WAY i could stop that from happening. its like i knew it was me, but it wasn't,like i was watching a movie unravel and my arms were tied. i could do nothing. and the words and facial expressions just came out.i in the beginning felt that i was making it all up. but the lack of control and the things that i/they said proved what was going on. i have memories of dissociation from when i was little.
The thing is my Therapist rarely 'defines things' to me. So i think i only heard her say DID-NOS once when she was talking about some other topic in relation to me. but mostly she used the phrase 'ego-states' and Co-Conscience. Because i never had fugue states. I would have fuzzy memory of when i switched, but i didnt exactly loose time, i just couldnt remember things i said or topics, but i knew where i was when i switched, and who came out.
Things do get tougher before they get better. but hang in there.
my best advice is Dont over analyze any of it. wait till your day of thearpy and if you want to describe what your 'states' are talking about do that, if they want to come out-let them, if you dont want them out, do what you need to to do that...just be natural with your therapist/counselor.
but i do hope that she is licensed in some way. because if you do have ego states, many times it can get severe and medication can help.Best wishes
b2c.
Posted by muffled on May 16, 2011, at 13:04:50
In reply to Anyone have DID-NOS with ego states? + Question, posted by rainangel85 on April 20, 2011, at 20:36:46
I haven't heard the term DID NOS, I thot it was DID or DDNOS.
I may well be wrong.
This is a broad dx for sure.
Its also very misunderstood and research into it is still really in its infancy. There is more and more good info coming out tho.
Mostly the info is about DID, but you can pick thru it cuz DDNOS is on the same spectrum.
If you are looking for info, try the dissociation board at TWHJ. TWHJ is not just for wounded healers anymore, it is for anyone. It is also not just for SA survisors, it is for anyone who suffers eg dissociation, for whatever reason.
I no longer post here at babble w/any regularity(doesn't feel safe-long story), but I am over at TWHJ on diss and DAT boards.
TGC, its a confusing way to be to have a DD, but its also not the worst thing ever either :)
Good luck.
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