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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by itsmeshorti on May 7, 2011, at 12:47:57
Hello All,
I am new to sthis site as a poster. I have come to this site many times and read the advice given, it has been very helpful.I have been seeing a therapist for 6 weeks now, for depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts. I am no longer feeling suicidal. The depression is lifting I feel I am making great progress in therapy. I feel like I have found the right fit. Like this lady can help!
On Monday I shared with my T that I had sexual feelings for her. We talked about it and I undersatnd this to be transference, I do not actually have a crush on her. She said she was ok with it. She said she was ok with me using her as a vehicle to recovery. LOL
So on Thursday I went for my regular apt. I am going out of town next week, so I told her I wanted to have a gentle session. I did not want to dig into the bad stuff. She said to me that people do not come to therapy to talk about the good stuff we have to dig into the bad stuff to get to the good stuff. It made me mad. I was very let down she has always come through for me before. I think she thought I wanted to come back just to see her. Nope I stopped the transference since I did not want it to interrupt therapy. (I didn't tell her that, didn't have a chance). I thought she may be trying to push me out of therapy. I'm so afraid she is going to tell me she can't help me anymore. --- Probably just my thinking, but it feels real.
My issue now is I am feeling abandoned, let down. I really want to talk to her to know she is not going to abandon me I feel like we made real progress and I want to keep moving forward. I do not want to sit with this for 2 weeks. She has told me before I can call anytime thoughts become overwhelming. She has made emergency appointments for me before. I would only be able to go in on monday before my trip. But I do not want her to think I am only calling to see her or that I have become too dependant.
I can already feel myself starting to push her away, if she can't continue with me. One of the issues I need to work on. Yes I have deep trust and abandonment issues. From my past which we are working on.
So my questions are should I make the appointment? I have never e-mailed her before with issues I do not think she is ok with it. Should I try to work through this on my own?
Posted by Dinah on May 7, 2011, at 13:46:04
In reply to feeling abandoned by therapist or is it just me?, posted by itsmeshorti on May 7, 2011, at 12:47:57
I think I'd suggest you call her. It's all too easy to build things up in your mind far larger than they were ever meant to be by the therapist. If it would help you enjoy your trip more, I think it might be good to at least call her and see what she says.
I am a bit disappointed that she didn't understand that you don't want to stir up any unrest before a trip. True, it's necessary to dig up bad stuff to get to the good stuff. But it's also true that life must be lived in the meantime, and there are times when stirring up bad stuff needs to be given a small rest in favor of soothing.
Posted by wittgensteinz on May 8, 2011, at 3:20:30
In reply to feeling abandoned by therapist or is it just me?, posted by itsmeshorti on May 7, 2011, at 12:47:57
Hi,
I can see why you feel so sensitive given your recent disclosure of your feelings about her - your rejection radar is probably on over-time.From what you wrote, however, I didn't get the feeling she is planning to abandon you. I agree with Dinah regarding her response to your wish to have a lighter session. Heavy, intense sessions can bring up a lot and I think you were wise to want to take it a bit easier just before a break. In my experience it's important to dig cautiously when going through the 'bad stuff' - especially if you have been feeling suicidal (glad to hear the depression has lifted).
I think a perfect session needs a bit of both - some intense moments but also some light moments - laughter and sharing good things. Maybe she felt like you were avoiding something? I mean, even if you did 'just come because you wanted to see her' that is already material for a good session about attachment and perhaps unfulfilled need in the past. Anyway, what's so wrong with that? I found it interesting that you said that you'd 'stopped the transference' - do you mean you're trying to ignore it? I can't imagine it's possible to will those feelings away - suppress them maybe - but you should realise such feelings are not wrong or bad - they just are. Presumably she'll know that too.
Anyway, phoning her and hopefully putting your mind at ease or scheduling one last session before the trip seem like good ideas.
Hope you end up enjoying your trip btw.
Witti
Posted by itsmeshorti on May 9, 2011, at 19:16:44
In reply to Re: feeling abandoned by therapist or is it just me? » itsmeshorti, posted by wittgensteinz on May 8, 2011, at 3:20:30
Thank you for the responses. Witt you are absolutley right my radar is on high right now.
Once I was able to calm myself down I realized my thinking was probably distorted. That I was just waiting for that rejection. Creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. I keep telling myself we just were not on the same page that day. I decided not to call her. Dinah you were right life needs to be lived between therapy. I need to let this go for the week. Besides if she was trying to "let me go" I did not want to take that with me for the week.
I think I even figured out why I was feeling that way. First of all not wanting to be rejected or abandoned. I have this need for everyone to like me. Second I felt very challenged in her questions like she was a parent.
I am feeling better in life but I am not ready to terminate therapy, I do not yet have the support I need outside of therapy to keep me grounded.
Yes I was trying to ignore the feelings I had for her. Trying to put them away I do not want it to interfere with the progress we have made. I was feeling ashamed and like maybe she was uncomfortable with it, maybe that is why she was talking about 'people don't just come to therapy to have good days'. But I also realized that trying to stop it was making me resent her. Kinda funny how the mind works. So I began to let the fantasies continue. :)
My biggest issue is I think too much I need to let go and let therapy happen, but I feel this need to control it and try to prepare for each session.
Posted by itsmeshorti on May 9, 2011, at 19:59:31
In reply to Re: feeling abandoned by therapist or is it just me?, posted by itsmeshorti on May 9, 2011, at 19:16:44
Sorry to post 2x in a row but I just had a thought occur to me. That I am losing focus on therapy itself. Therapy is there to help me not about me and her, how she feels about me. I have almost become obsessed about going to therapy rather than trudging on working on myself.
Then I argue with myself that the feelings I have for her need to be sorted. Sexual, abandonment, trust, rejection. I guess I am getting scared, now we're getting into the real stuff of why I'm in there in the first place and I feel like running as I always have in the past... thinking maybe when I get back to therapy I will show her these posts.... thinking....
thank you
Posted by Dinah on May 10, 2011, at 7:26:56
In reply to Re: feeling abandoned by therapist or is it just me?, posted by itsmeshorti on May 9, 2011, at 19:59:31
> thinking maybe when I get back to therapy I will show her these posts.... thinking....
I've always found that helpful.
You know, I think there may always be a fear we're doing therapy "wrong". Someone else just posted a fear they aren't directing the therapy enough. I don't see anything wrong with planning what to speak about in therapy, especially if you aren't rigid about adhering to the plan.
Posted by itsmeshorti on May 11, 2011, at 19:57:29
In reply to Re: feeling abandoned by therapist or is it just me? » itsmeshorti, posted by Dinah on May 10, 2011, at 7:26:56
Hi guys,
Thanks for listening to me babble on. This is becoming like an online journal, but I get responses, which are very much appreciated. I am looking forward to the day when I can get out of my head and be able to help other people.
So for the last few days I have been out of town, on business, it is very boring, so I have alot of time to think. I am sinking back into this feeling of lonliness, sadness, and I think it is coming from the above conflict. Is she abandoning me? Should I stop therapy? Probably not... but now I am thinking am I going for the right reasons? I will not be back in town on time to go to my normal therapy session. I am finding myself trying to manipulate my situation so I can get back on time to go to another session.
I do not want to wait another week to see her. Is this wrong? I mean the only thing I can think of is getting back to therapy since I feel better there. Not to work on any specific issue, but just to go. She is my cheerleader who keeps me strong through the week, she gives me the confidence I need to get through life. And since I am not getting the attention I need outside of therapy is it wrong to want to go just to have someone to talk to? I do not have ANY friends or family I can call to talk to, to put my mind at ease. Right now she is the only person I have. Although it is not a real relationship I feel alive again, when I am there. I kind of feel like I cannot move forward in life until I get back to therapy. I was thinking if she would have just given me the pat on the back I needed before I left would I be feeling this way? Ugh! But in some ways I am dreading going I'm afraid to tell her of this dependence. Afraid she may send me to another therapist, or tell me I'm coming to therapy for the wrong reasons. Ugh again!
Once again I am very greatful to the responses. It's kinda like therapy - getting it out, validation, and possible solutions, new way of thinking.
Thank You for taking the time to read this, and hopefully reply. Right now you guys are my cheerleaders.
Posted by itsmeshorti on May 13, 2011, at 18:11:57
In reply to Re: feeling abandoned by therapist or is it just me?, posted by itsmeshorti on May 11, 2011, at 19:57:29
Hey all,
I apologize for babbling on. It really helped me to get it out.
I went to therapy today, things went well. She brought it up. She apologized to me for not letting me have an easy session, and that she was very challenging in her questioning. She said she was very tired and will do her best not to let it happen again. She said she did not notice her behavior, until I brought it up and she was glad I did bring it up. (At the end of last weeks session I told her I was very pissed off and did not feel this was a very good session.) She said she was trying to problem solve not be a therapist. She said she learned something from it, and will try not to let it happen again. And that if it does I should bring it up.
I told her how it made me feel, and how I had babbled away on here. She wants me to bring this in next time. That this will help open up our therapudic relationship. My faith in her has been renewed. My only catch is she would not say she will not abandon me. She validated my feeling that way but I really needed to hear "I will not abandon you" But this will have to do.
So anyways I am sorry for rambling on, on this post. I don't mean to take advantage of this site. I just really needed to vent and get some advice and I want to thank the ones who posted back. Your advice was appreciated.
Posted by annierose on May 13, 2011, at 19:56:02
In reply to Therapist is not abandoning me..., posted by itsmeshorti on May 13, 2011, at 18:11:57
It feels so good when our therapist follow through and understand how their words/behavior affect us. I'm glad she let you know that it was her and not you.
This is the end of the thread.
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