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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sleepygirl2 on January 21, 2012, at 20:24:27
My Pdoc doesn't seem to think I express my anger...adaptively perhaps.
The thing is though, I have trouble coming up with things I'm angry about, because I go through things I'm angry about automatically in my head, and just figure I have to accept them, so there is no point complaining about them.
I might actually be quite critical of a whole lot of people if I let myself, but I kinda try not to be like that.So, everytime I tell my Pdoc I'm anxious, he asks me what I'm angry about. Ironically, this pisses me off!
I mean, maybe I should make a freaking list?
Along with that, I'm talking with my t about how anger has been unacceptable for me in interaction with my mother. If I'm angry at her, then I'm a bad person.
She's got this way of hurting me, acting helpless, and then inducing a lot of guilt in me for being angry at her.
It has meant that I have to keep my distance from her, because if I engage with her, I end up angry and feeling guilty about it. She does this thing where she pretends you don't exist, rejects you, attacks you if she's angry at you...
It can be quite hurtful.
For instance, she almost didn't go to my wedding, because I didn't do it her way.
But as far as being angry in general, I feel like I could go on and on about stuff that angers me, but to what end?
Posted by emmanuel98 on January 21, 2012, at 21:29:15
In reply to How many things anger you?, posted by sleepygirl2 on January 21, 2012, at 20:24:27
I certanly get it. I have a hard time expressing or even feeling anger. This has hurt my relationship with my husband who wishes I would argue with him or get angry back at him. On the few occasions when my p-doc got angry or was not sufficiently sensitive, I just fell apart.
My father was a rageaholic. I feared his anger as a child. I am learning to feel and express anger in productive and constructive ways. I know that my husband is happy about this and it has really improved our relationship.
Posted by Beckett on January 21, 2012, at 21:44:46
In reply to Re: How many things anger you?, posted by emmanuel98 on January 21, 2012, at 21:29:15
A lot.
Posted by Beckett on January 21, 2012, at 21:46:32
In reply to Re: How many things anger you? » emmanuel98, posted by Beckett on January 21, 2012, at 21:44:46
Posted by Beckett on January 21, 2012, at 23:58:02
In reply to How many things anger you?, posted by sleepygirl2 on January 21, 2012, at 20:24:27
>>So, everytime I tell my Pdoc I'm anxious, he asks me what I'm angry about. Ironically, this pisses me off!
Is the assumption that all anxiety = anger one that you believe as well?
I have been thinking a bit about anger myself. I found the thread title very triggering ;-) so went and thought some more and wanted to give you a fuller answer.
Would a more useful question be about the conditions around how you feel angry rather than the what's of anger? Lately I am trying out this idea of anger being as natural as joy, another emotion I have a difficult time with, though joy does not send me into a panic whereas intense anger can. Why is anger something to be watched, minded, etc.? Yes, I understand because it can be damaging and hurtful. I understand because where I am from it ended in humiliation
or physical pain. And I vowed never to be like that. That was how I became a doormat. I was/am afraid of anger--others' anger and my own very much so that it really can send me into a real panic.But what if I replaced vigilance reserved for anger with a less guarded stance? Like I knew my anger was a picadillo common to all? That would be such a relief. My anger blows over so much more quickly lately. Sometimes I still
panic. My new therapist talks with me (not at me, nor coaches me) when I am angry or distraught and then, afterwards, we can actually laugh. Because it is a relief. But the anger was very real, and it is not belittling or reductive
laughter.Idk, sg. Moms. What can one do? If mine were still here, I hope I would expect less of her. I always expected her to be different. I needed so much from her that she seemed not
able to give me. I also hope I would speak more directly to her. I was terribly indirect with her, always waiting for her to pick up that expected slack which she usually did not. We were a pair. Anger? Because I needed her.I wish I could address your concerns here more directly.
P.S. It takes energy to get angry. If one is tired (not sleeping well) one may not have the energy to get angry....
Posted by Phillipa on January 22, 2012, at 9:57:41
In reply to Re: How many things anger you? » sleepygirl2, posted by Beckett on January 21, 2012, at 23:58:02
I used to use anger and it was to my advantage as accomplished a lot. Now what you say makes sense as I'm back to burying anger and to be angry requires energy which I don't seem to have any longer. The energy is just gone. Phillipa
Posted by Raisinb on January 23, 2012, at 19:22:51
In reply to How many things anger you?, posted by sleepygirl2 on January 21, 2012, at 20:24:27
I hate feeling angry because of the powerlessness that comes along with it. Usually I control my life in such a way that things that make me angry are removed--unless I am I a mixed state, and then the lid on the coffee pot enrages me.
I am with you on talking about it. Talking about it without doing anything makes me despondent. Some people like to "vent," and then they feel better. I am not one of those people.
Posted by emmanuel98 on January 23, 2012, at 20:46:19
In reply to Re: How many things anger you?, posted by Raisinb on January 23, 2012, at 19:22:51
> I hate feeling angry because of the powerlessness that comes along with it.
I think that has been part of the problem for me. I used to have dreams about being angry with someone (usually my father, husband or daughter) and pounding and pounding them, but not being able to connect, while they ridiculed me and did hateful things. I was so afraid of anger. So afraid it would spiral out of control.
When I started therapy, my p-doc got angry or sometimes just short-tempered and annoyed at me and I would completely fall apart. He said over and over, so what if I'm angry? People get angry and as long as they're not cruel or disrespecful, it's okay. I'm human. I get angry sometimes. You can get angry at me too. He always told me that my husband would probable prefer it if I would get angry and yell at him. It took me a long time to learn how to do that, but I finally have and my relationship with my husband and daughter is so much better.
I asked my daughter once if she thought I had changed and she said it's obvious to me and to daddy that you've changed. How? I asked. She said you can say what you want now.
Posted by Phillipa on January 23, 2012, at 21:20:53
In reply to Re: How many things anger you?, posted by emmanuel98 on January 23, 2012, at 20:46:19
Opposite for me if I get just corrective I get yelled at. I'm in a tough situation. Phillipa
Posted by raisinb on January 24, 2012, at 11:50:03
In reply to Re: How many things anger you?, posted by emmanuel98 on January 23, 2012, at 20:46:19
When I started therapy, my p-doc got angry or sometimes just short-tempered and annoyed at me and I would completely fall apart. He said over and over, so what if I'm angry? People get angry and as long as they're not cruel or disrespecful, it's okay. I'm human. I get angry sometimes. You can get angry at me too. He always told me that my husband would probable prefer it if I would get angry and yell at him. It took me a long time to learn how to do that, but I finally have and my relationship with my husband and daughter is so much better.
I asked my daughter once if she thought I had changed and she said it's obvious to me and to daddy that you've changed. How? I asked. She said you can say what you want now.
--That is awesome.
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