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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Twinleaf on July 7, 2013, at 19:20:48
I promised Bob I would try to post a bit more here, so here goes. As far as therapy goes, I feel that I am sort of towards the end of it, like, I'd like to go for 25 more years, but just not so much.
So you can imagine my shock when I learned last month that he is sort of retiring and moving to the West Coast to be near his children! He's not supposed to leave me! This has caused all sorts of fury and upheavals on my part, but it has all calmed down a lot now, after much very intense interaction. He is planning to come back East from time to time, and I will see him then. He suggested Skype, but I really think I need a real therapist in front of me. Well, that's how things stand....not so great. I just hope I can get a lot out of the remaining year...
Posted by baseball55 on July 7, 2013, at 20:24:25
In reply to Trying to keep a promise...., posted by Twinleaf on July 7, 2013, at 19:20:48
I've been feeling like I am toward the end of therapy as well. I see two therapists. One, a p-doc whom I have seen for 8-1/2 years. I had major transference issues with him and would freak everytime he went away (and, to his credit, he never goes away longer than two weeks - if he was one of these therapists who take six week vacations, I don't know I I could have handled it. ) Now I see him once a month and am thinking about cutting back to once every other month for meds and just to check in. Still, the thought of his retiring upsets me. Knowing I have access to him is still important to me.
My second therapist is a social worker who specializes in DBT. She helped pull me out of three years of severe depression and suicidal ideation and attempts. But I've been much better for the last year and find we don't have that much to say. I cut back from once a week to every other week with her and am now wondering if I could cut back to once a month.
So, like you, I feel ready to cut back and start moving on, but I want to do it on my terms, not have either of them move away or retire. (My p-doc is 74 but says he has no plans to retire right now.)
Posted by Twinleaf on July 7, 2013, at 20:53:02
In reply to Trying to keep a promise...., posted by Twinleaf on July 7, 2013, at 19:20:48
It sounds as though you are doing well, and have already accomplished a lot of what you hoped to do. I think I have, too - at least on my best days I do - but it is really upsetting to have THEM leave! I wanted to leave on my terms, the way you are doing. He is 70, but plans to open a part-time office in Seattle, so I guess I could go out there to see him, too. I've seen him for 5 years, and although not as strong as it once was, the attachment is still pretty strong. I'm worried that I may lose some of the gains I've made...
Posted by Dinah on July 7, 2013, at 22:57:04
In reply to Trying to keep a promise...., posted by Twinleaf on July 7, 2013, at 19:20:48
I think it's great you are able to work through the fury and upheavals with him. I've always suspected that once my therapist tells me he's planning to desert me, I'll consider that he has already deserted me.
Do you have plans for the rest of the year? Will you be looking out for a new therapist?
Posted by Dinah on July 7, 2013, at 22:58:33
In reply to Re: Trying to keep a promise...., posted by baseball55 on July 7, 2013, at 20:24:25
I'm getting to that point myself. I'm starting to arrive late and not really have a lot to say.
We did start some very directed work recently, and that is nowhere near through. But I don't always feel like working on it. If I do it too often, I start to resent him.
Posted by Twinleaf on July 8, 2013, at 10:02:48
In reply to Re: Trying to keep a promise.... » Twinleaf, posted by Dinah on July 7, 2013, at 22:57:04
Getting a new therapist for support and check-ins is a possibility, but I think I would rather stick with this one, and find ways to stay in touch. I don't think I would like a new therapist nearly as much!
Posted by Dinah on July 8, 2013, at 11:33:31
In reply to Re: Trying to keep a promise.... » Dinah, posted by Twinleaf on July 8, 2013, at 10:02:48
As you know, I've been through a similar situation, and used both possibilities.
It's difficult both ways. But if you're committed to make it work, that's a big step in the right direction. Is your therapist good in non-face to face communications? Mine really wasn't, and that was a big part of the problem.
Posted by Dinah on July 8, 2013, at 11:49:16
In reply to Re: Trying to keep a promise.... » Dinah, posted by Twinleaf on July 8, 2013, at 10:02:48
I remember that even though I understood why he had moved, and even though I did have some compassion for that, it was usually drowned out by my rage at his abandonment.
I think... I think I am better shielded against his abandonment now. And I finally do have the sense that I *am* a "Jessica" to him. But I hope I don't have to put it to the test.
Yet, I know it's likely. Even if I am the one to leave, some feelings of abandonment will be there.
Poor guy. (My therapist, not yours.)
Posted by Twinleaf on July 8, 2013, at 12:48:56
In reply to Re: Trying to keep a promise.... » Twinleaf, posted by Dinah on July 8, 2013, at 11:49:16
I somehow get the impression that your therapist is still quite young, so you won't have retirement problems to worry about. When he moved before, that was because of Katrina, wasn't it? I never understood why he did that.
My therapist has revealed a little of a complex situation. The children he is moving to be near are his (second) wife's, not his, and he has let me know that he is ambivalent about leaving here, where he tends to be involved in a lot of Analytic Cener activities, and has been in practice for 35 years. His own children from his first marriage actually live in the east. I've almost gotten the feeling that he's being pushed into it by his wife, although of course I don't know this for sure. He did say that this was a difficult time for him.
I feel a lot of why he has been so helpful is because he's an awfully good fit for me. I doubt I would find that again.
Posted by Dinah on July 8, 2013, at 13:02:51
In reply to Re: Trying to keep a promise...., posted by Twinleaf on July 8, 2013, at 12:48:56
A lot of people felt that after Katrina, New Orleans would never really get back on its feet. A lot of home purchases were made in the first month or two after Katrina. I actually understood the impulse, although I advocated avoiding hasty decisions to my family and workplace, and more practical ways to "do something". I guess it was a symptom of the hopelessness that was in the air at the time.
Does his ambivalence lessen your feelings of abandonment?
Intellectually I know that the reason my therapist was so happy to get away, not that he said he was happy to be away, was that he was happy to be someplace "normal" where you weren't reminded every minute of the facts. He was even happier to go abroad for a while for work.
But all I heard was that he was willing (and happy) to leave me. That he said he couldn't be my therapist anymore.
When it comes to abandonment issues, my reactions are very much those of a child. Still even. It's fine for me to discuss this rationally, but I never feel rational about it.
Posted by baseball55 on July 8, 2013, at 20:01:56
In reply to Re: Trying to keep a promise.... » Twinleaf, posted by Dinah on July 8, 2013, at 13:02:51
My p-doc has no children. When he told me this, I was shocked -- he would have been such a great father -- but he said, it just never happened and he regrets never having had children, though he helped raise an autistic nephew. But on some level, some really selfish level, I was glad he didn't have children. I didn't worry about him moving away to be with his children. I could fantasize taking care of him without his children to disrupt my fantasies. God, transference was so hard. I don't know how I survived it. I don't know how he survived it.
Posted by Twinleaf on July 8, 2013, at 22:36:53
In reply to Re: Trying to keep a promise...., posted by baseball55 on July 8, 2013, at 20:01:56
I couldn't agree more. The feelings they arouse range from thrilled and joyful to unbearably painful, and often all within one hour. I too go less often now, and the lessening of intensity is welcome, although sometimes it does feel like a loss.
I actually appreciated his letting me knoe that his situation was ambivalent and complex. He seemed so real when he said that
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 9, 2013, at 1:17:31
In reply to Trying to keep a promise...., posted by Twinleaf on July 7, 2013, at 19:20:48
This is the end of the thread.
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