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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 18 to 42 of 95. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 13:06:15
In reply to Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch Pleaaaase Stop (nm) » Dinah, posted by HomelyCygnet on August 9, 2013, at 13:05:00
Please don't bring your quarrels with me to Psychology.
If you're trying to drive me away, you will succeed.
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 9, 2013, at 13:06:20
In reply to Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch Pleaaaase Stop (nm) » Dinah, posted by HomelyCygnet on August 9, 2013, at 13:05:00
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 9, 2013, at 13:09:15
In reply to Re: Ouch Ouch Ouch Pleaaaase Stop » HomelyCygnet, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 13:06:15
Dinah I have no quarrel with you! What a thing to say.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 16:34:44
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 11:57:46
> Does anyone have a way to contact Fallsfall or Daisy or Alldone or Karen Kay or Emily Elizabeth? Just as an example. There are so many more.ah. you envisaged a large group. the idea is to wait till you've got sufficient mass...
> Dr. Bob, I don't mean to be unwelcoming, but I was thinking of this more as a group of us who had been in therapy togetherouch.
this surprises me a great deal given your usual stance on exclusion.
this particular chat was of course your particular idea so i guess you are free to do whatever you want with it... yeah.
Posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 17:11:12
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 16:34:44
I don't understand the issue with wanting Dr. Bob only for part of the talk. How is that excluding him? I wouldn't invite my therapist either. Some of the things we talked about weren't really for the consumption of psychiatrists, IMO.
But if you all want him the entire time, that's fine with me. You guys arrange whatever you want, and I'll come if I can.
I don't need this kind of grief for trying to arrange something fun. It's already not fun.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 18:12:27
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 17:11:12
> I don't understand the issue with wanting Dr. Bob only for part of the talk. How is that excluding him? I wouldn't invite my therapist either. Some of the things we talked about weren't really for the consumption of psychiatrists, IMO.
>
> But if you all want him the entire time, that's fine with me. You guys arrange whatever you want, and I'll come if I can.
>
> I don't need this kind of grief for trying to arrange something fun. It's already not fun.
oh, good grief... no. do what you want with it. *really*. i'm not putting on a funny tone...'Some of the things we talked about weren't really for the consumption of psychiatrists'
LMFAO.
no grief. for reals.
it is funny how most people can agree on a goal like 'don't exclude people' but then have very different ideas about how to interpret that. e.g., invitation only small boards. invitation only (restricted) chat rooms. invitation only (not dr bob) chat... and then i suppose there are issues of advertising quite apart from exclusion. e.g., being findable via google or facebook or...
different people have very different views, i guess...
it is an interesting thought, though, i think...
how do you feel about failure to advertise rather than exclusion? i mean...
here is an example:
i asked for permission to 'audit' (sit in on without paying course fees) a university class. there are two ways that can be viewed:
- of course. she was interested enough to find out about the class and email the lecturer for permissions.
- of course not. imagine if everyone wanted to do that. there wouldn't be enough seats in the theatre.vs
publicly advertising a public lecture...
... in an 'out of the way' place (e.g., embedded within a particular school of studies website) vs a place with more traffic (e.g., university homepage) vs a place with even more (general) traffic (e.g., a local paper).
?
Posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 18:36:38
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 18:12:27
I give up, Alex. Dr. Bob should be there for the entire thing. Maybe we can reminisce with him about that therapist contest we had when Karen Kay was here. Or talk about our journeys with dependent and/or erotic feelings for our therapists. We can bring each other up on our lives. I'm sure he'd love to share his with us. Maybe he could share his own experiences in therapy.
I personally would feel a bit self conscious to talk about that with Dr. Bob. But that's just me. I'm sure I could find something else to talk about.
You have good reason to know that I'm not in favor of exclusion. Bob isn't a Babbler, you know. He doesn't reveal vulnerabilities to us. He doesn't share his deepest feelings with us. I didn't think it would be so exclusionary to ask for time without him as well as welcoming him when he was there.
But obviously I am wrong and was being horribly exclusionary. Mea culpa Dr. Bob. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.
Maybe you could arrange the reunion. Because it's obviously not working out for me to do it.
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 9, 2013, at 18:44:16
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 18:36:38
But he's already read about all of that! There is no privacy here. He has never shared. Just watched.
I won't be able to attend. Fear of being *snort*ed at. PTSD from Babble's "golden years" don't ya know?
you kids have fun
Posted by Twinleaf on August 9, 2013, at 18:57:27
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 18:36:38
I have never used chat, but, providing I can navigate it successfully, I would like to take part. I have very special memories of when we shared a lot about our therapy experiences, and would very much like to do something similar. Thank you for thinking of such a good idea, Dinah.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:05:07
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 18:36:38
i'm not trying to fight or anything... i... have never been to a reunion in my life. maybe that is it. i have some fond memories of chat, and i'd be open to chatting more if others were up to it, too. but i'm not so keen on reminiscing.
i guess different people have different views on the 'good old days'. i mostly remember... taking to writing as a refuge because for an awful lot of the time i didn't have a therapist. when i did get one... i posted a little... but i was blocked for most of that. so... i didn't get from the psychology board whatever a lot of others did, i guess.
i took to writing as a refuge, i remember. because on psychology... i tended to feel a lot of... anger and resentment. and deprivation. i... yeah.
> You have good reason to know that I'm not in favor of exclusion. Bob isn't a Babbler, you know. He doesn't reveal vulnerabilities to us. He doesn't share his deepest feelings with us. I didn't think it would be so exclusionary to ask for time without him as well as welcoming him when he was there.he also... isn't allowed to be - is he? i remember that has come up as an issue over time (one of the many)... what people would prefer with respect to his involvement. some people want more involvement... tell us what you really think Dr Bob... and then some other people (or sometimes those same people want less involvement... Jumping all over him when he does express himself.
I think life mostly consists in rocks and hard places...
:-(
> Maybe you could arrange the reunion. Because it's obviously not working out for me to do it.
your doing your thing doesn't prevent me doing mine. so... 'tis cool. i'd like to chat to you sometime more informally...
Posted by Homely Cygnet on August 9, 2013, at 19:12:37
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:05:07
I used to be so sad to get up in the morning and read posts from you before the deputies or Bob got up an erased them all. To me that was simply cruel. I never understood the transference thing you had (or have) going on with Bob but I hope you will be ok.
I don't understand you at all but always wish you the best.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:45:39
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion » alexandra_k, posted by Homely Cygnet on August 9, 2013, at 19:12:37
> I used to be so sad to get up in the morning and read posts from you before the deputies or Bob got up an erased them all.
ah.
i am sorry. i didn't mean to cause you to feel distressed. i suppose the idea was for me to cause bob or whoever i felt had hurt me to feel as distressed as i did. then they would see that they had the power to change it. then... well... they might change it.
of course that doesn't make any sense. but insofar as my action had sense or reason... that was it.
and there was collateral damage... and of course i didn't succeed in (my dubious goal) of inducing the relevant hurt in the relevant parties anyway. and... well... their severely hurting me was probably collateral damage for something else...
and you get cycles of people hurting people hurting people hurting hurting people and a whole bunch of hurt.
i'm sorry for my part in your hurt.
i think... i hope... i believe... that i've progressed from that place. and i'm not likely to return. not least because i am more resilent... i don't think i'll be as dependent on these boards as i have been at certain points in the past... and also because i think the lengthy blocks had a lot to do with how many posts there were on the boards... and... i don't imagine that babble will get that busy again.
my mother was over-involved and extremely emotionally reactive. around her... i needed to be transluscent and her emotions needed to animate me... then i'd be her punching bag for everything and anything she didn't like about herself. it was confusing... so confusing for me...
my dad... was transclucent. you could be light and kind and sensitive and gentle and warm and inviting and... you could reach right through him like a ghost. it was like there wasnt anything... wasn't anyone there. nothing in there. he'd died inside long ago. apparently his first wife cheated on him and left him. left him devistated. he kept pictures of her. she was beautiful. i only learned when i went back home when he was dying. i realised... he kept pictures... he died back then. or maybe he died even earlier than that who the f*ck knows.
i don't feel like many people get me. this is hard to explain... there are different levels of getting... or being understood. i... feel that bob gets me, and perhaps that i get him like i really don't feel for very many people in this would. i could count those people on one hand. on less than half of one hand... i'm not sure why. probably partly a right kind (and there are a few - my last t got me and he was fairly non-verbal) of blend between having stuff going on but not being intrusive about it... and an ability to see... i don't know. i don't know what it is.
yes i do. because he can contain me. i can't kill him. or hurt him sufficiently to deform him, break him, result in his retaliation. at least... that is my story. and i'm sticking to it. insofar as the retaliation thing goes... i blame that on the boards being unweildy.
and there it is.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 20:00:24
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:45:39
because i don't know how to contain myself sometimes. i don't know what to do. how to change it. how to accept it. how to... not explode. implode. something.
i guess it is my mother's problem. i got it too. except... i think i got it worse than her. intermittently... whereas she got it fairly constant.
and i guess i got my dad's problem sometimes, too. that is why i need total silence / time out. because i am helpless in the face of other people. their expressions their movements their mumbles.. their presence... tries to animate me from the core.
but i'm defiant. i... can't. can't let people do that. and because most people will kill you with their stupid you know. or animate you. then throw you away in disgust.
because they don't really want to animate you.
boundaries.
so. f*ck*ng. draining.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 9, 2013, at 23:58:31
In reply to Ouch » Dinah, posted by HomelyCygnet on August 9, 2013, at 12:56:07
> Please don't use the boards to exclude people.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused.
More information about posting policies and tips on alternative ways to express yourself, including a link to a nice post by Dinah on I-statements, are in the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 10, 2013, at 0:38:23
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:45:39
> Babblechat is iffy with lots of freezes and lack of refreshing, but perhaps we could experiment with browsers and see if any of them work. Or we could decide on a different host chat.
Babblechat is definitely iffy now, for some reason, but there are at least work-arounds.
> Dr. Bob, I don't mean to be unwelcoming, but I was thinking of this more as a group of us who had been in therapy together, and going through so much of the same thing at the same time. You certainly have been a topic in enough of my sessions, but it's not the same thing. I don't want to speak for others, but perhaps you could join us for part of the reunion instead of all of it? Some or perhaps all of the group would love to talk with you, of course, but we'd also like the type of conversations that might not be as easy with someone on the other side of the couch, so to speak, who hasn't shared our experiences.
>
> DinahI understand wanting some time to yourselves. That's fine with me.
--
> i suppose the idea was for me to cause bob or whoever i felt had hurt me to feel as distressed as i did. then they would see that they had the power to change it. then... well... they might change it.
> i think... i hope... i believe... that i've progressed from that place. and i'm not likely to return. not least because i am more resilent... i don't think i'll be as dependent on these boards as i have been at certain points in the past... and also because i think the lengthy blocks had a lot to do with how many posts there were on the boards... and... i don't imagine that babble will get that busy again.
> i don't feel like many people get me. this is hard to explain... there are different levels of getting... or being understood. i... feel that bob gets me, and perhaps that i get him like i really don't feel for very many people in this would. i could count those people on one hand. on less than half of one hand... i'm not sure why. probably partly a right kind (and there are a few - my last t got me and he was fairly non-verbal) of blend between having stuff going on but not being intrusive about it... and an ability to see... i don't know. i don't know what it is.
>
> yes i do. because he can contain me. i can't kill him. or hurt him sufficiently to deform him, break him, result in his retaliation. at least... that is my story. and i'm sticking to it. insofar as the retaliation thing goes... i blame that on the boards being unweildy.
>
> alexandra_kI think it had to do with both how many posts there were and how I was handling them. The model then was posters depending on the administration to use its power to define and enforce boundaries to make this a refuge. Certain refuges require very strong boundaries.
I don't think Babble is likely to return to that.
Speaking of blocks, I've been struck how posters who were blocked a year -- an eon in Internet terms -- have sometimes returned and resumed posting, sometimes actively. I might also get in trouble mentioning names, but Alex and Homely and Lou are all examples.
Bob
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 6:53:55
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dr. Bob on August 10, 2013, at 0:38:23
Sorry Bob but I've only been here since August 5 2013.
> Speaking of blocks, I've been struck how posters who were blocked a year -- an eon in Internet terms -- have sometimes returned and resumed posting, sometimes actively. I might also get in trouble mentioning names, but Alex and Homely and Lou are all examples.
>
> Bob
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 6:55:31
In reply to Re: please be civil » HomelyCygnet, posted by Dr. Bob on August 9, 2013, at 23:58:31
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 10, 2013, at 8:08:12
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 11:57:46
> Terrific!
>
> Does anyone have a way to contact Fallsfall or Daisy or Alldone or Karen Kay or Emily Elizabeth? Just as an example. There are so many more.
>
> Babblechat is iffy with lots of freezes and lack of refreshing, but perhaps we could experiment with browsers and see if any of them work. Or we could decide on a different host chat.
>
> PC? Twinleaf? Sleepygirl? Would you be interested?
>
> Dr. Bob, I don't mean to be unwelcoming, but I was thinking of this more as a group of us who had been in therapy together, and going through so much of the same thing at the same time. You certainly have been a topic in enough of my sessions, but it's not the same thing. I don't want to speak for others, but perhaps you could join us for part of the reunion instead of all of it? Some or perhaps all of the group would love to talk with you, of course, but we'd also like the type of conversations that might not be as easy with someone on the other side of the couch, so to speak, who hasn't shared our experiences.Sorry, I didn't read this thread until today.
Considering I have been lurking when I haven't been posting, I would like to attend a reunion. I have always enjoyed other Babblers' company for the depth of our friendships right off the bat. There is so much (of one aspect) that we understand about each other.PC
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 8:16:12
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 19:45:39
Thanks for explaining Alex. That was very touching.
Posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 8:20:34
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 17:11:12
John the Baptist
wait
wait no
don't tilt
the platterSPLUNK
Posted by Dinah on August 10, 2013, at 20:47:45
In reply to Do you feel like Salome? I feel like » Dinah, posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 8:20:34
I don't want your head. I just hoped to feel safe on Psychology.
I'm off this thread, Cygnet. I don't much feel like doing a reunion anymore. I have too much real life going on right now for this.
Posted by Dinah on August 10, 2013, at 20:50:50
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion » Dinah, posted by Twinleaf on August 9, 2013, at 18:57:27
I do think it would be lovely to meet up with people. But stuff is going on with my mother that has me at my limits. Hopefully someone else will pick up the idea. I'd be happy to attend.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 0:50:43
In reply to Re: Psychobabble Reunion » Dr. Bob, posted by HomelyCygnet on August 10, 2013, at 6:53:55
> I've only been here since August 5 2013.
Please don't post information that you know to be false.
More information about posting policies is in the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 0:53:04
In reply to Reunion, posted by Dinah on August 10, 2013, at 20:50:50
> stuff is going on with my mother that has me at my limits.
What's going on with your mother? Could you use some support?
Bob
Posted by Dinah on August 11, 2013, at 10:08:56
In reply to Re: stuff going on » Dinah, posted by Dr. Bob on August 11, 2013, at 0:53:04
Thank you for asking, Dr. Bob.
It's sandwich generation problems that I've been dreading for many years, and coming to a head this month. I could use support, prayers, positive energy, whatever is offered. I feel responsibility without really having any power. And I haven't nearly enough will to deal with the situation.
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