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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart37 on November 1, 2014, at 1:35:49
hey im still up rigbht now, in a room, on halloween night and browsing the net on random things, this is not a fun situation with everyone else party'ing and having fun with friends.....you know one of thoughts i had today is watching groups of people in class that where in friend c;licks's tell a paticuar person they where always gonna be their back, i sat their and melted in my seat with urgest desire that i had wanted a group of people to say that to me, that's my whole problem of life, my case i don't attach to people because knowing they will get tired or something negative, leave, get irritated, i just leave it at that, and not have any friends, i do have people that are friends, but .... sometiems thinking im playing a part rather than a true friendship, which is basically....false
i've had my sad moments, and still do....but at this point never talk about it because it creates a burden on people to feel obligated to do something, and it seems to push people away, people always would tell me to stop doing this, stop thihnking this, and did it with a irritated attidute like annoyance.... no no no....if i hear another saying of someone yakking at me and telling me to go save myself, hell no, it's better to eat the apple's outer red shell that's tasty and sweet than to eat deeper to the core that's got some no so pleasant taste
so......i feel silly for writing all these self-exploration posts, i don't even talk like this in real life....i write vary diffrent on drbob than i do in real life, here im vary indepth in putting my thoughts and support, in real life,
I smile alot, have a good appearance expect for some chunkey munkey qualities, but do not have the talk i do as a write here, and then people want to talk to me, and it's just.....i want to tranfer the way i talk here to real life....woof woof.....
anyways......
end...
r
Posted by alexandra_k on November 1, 2014, at 17:37:17
In reply to transfer blog to person, posted by rjlockhart37 on November 1, 2014, at 1:35:49
hey. you know, i think it is easy to look at a group of people and to think that they are all best friends and are all having a lot of fun together... but really... some of them are putting on happy faces but feeling lonely inside... some of them wish they had the guts to be by themself but feel that they have this image management thing so they need to stay with people so that is the story they get to tell to others... some of them are probably feeling bullied by some of the others... and a few of them are genuinely gregarious and loving all the people... sucking all the energy out of others... yeah...
i'm a bit of a cynic.
i just mean to say... that saying (in front of a bunch of people) 'hey, i've got your back' is one thing... actually having your back when the going gets tough is something very different. and... something i'm learning... sometimes people have my back sometimes but not othertimes. depends what i need help with. depends on what they have going on in their life besides...
but still... i'm sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely right now.
i think sometimes... it is about emotion regulation. we like to spend time around people who help us feel good. we don't like to spend time around people who help us feel not so good. if someone is depressed... on a downer... it can be hard to spend time around them, yeah. we might start out in a good mood but then when they don't seem responsive to catching our mood we start to catch theirs... then we get to the point of struggling to put on a happy face... and down into the pit we are likely to go. so it is hard... but most people find they need to limit the amount of time they spend with someone who is down / complaining...
give and take... that is what relationships are about, i think. you have their back a bit... and they have yours. judging reciprocity policing freeriders... being able to be authentic a bit sometimes... hardest thing in the world to juggle all that...
i think that is why i vent / talk so much on here... to help me limit the amount i need to do it IRL... it does help... helps for me to be able to externalise it a bit which i feel i get to do here... otherwise drives me nuts going round and round and round in my head... helps me feel a little less alone. even if nobody reads much of any of it. it sort of... doesn't matter. just the possibility that they could helps it feel external.
Posted by rjlockhart37 on November 2, 2014, at 19:22:20
In reply to Re: transfer blog to person, posted by alexandra_k on November 1, 2014, at 17:37:17
exactly, yea i think some people have alot of energy in the beginnning, and have a strong speech saying they will be with someone to the vary end, or that term "where together forever" and then breakup in 2 weeks.....not only in relatioships but in everyday things, work, career....that's really a common thing, saying in the moment.....that's really good insight alex:)
yea and the part you said, the energy drainer people, and make it more of chore than a friendship to be around, do something, and that's why usally leave.....because either draining energy from someone by being too needy, or complaining and causing a relationship to be unpleasant.....either conflict, or just getting a general dislike of somebody....caused by many things
i think the most, thing that irriates people in relationshop is when it goes around in circles, same thing happens, same drama, same up and down moods, like getting dizzy, like a person doenst listen and still complains, and i am a big canidate of that, my brother was the apple of my eye for a while and I really did a circle like relationship, i can't attach to people until i figure out to self manage
i enjoy venting here too.....lol
thnaks for your response
r
Posted by phidippus on November 4, 2014, at 21:21:22
In reply to transfer blog to person, posted by rjlockhart37 on November 1, 2014, at 1:35:49
Nobody talks how they write. Only on occasion.
Eric
Posted by Zyprexa on February 16, 2015, at 22:14:04
In reply to Re: transfer blog to person, posted by alexandra_k on November 1, 2014, at 17:37:17
I got internalized in college(the second time), when I found out that my friend died. And I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Not my MOM, had not freinds and wouldn't talk to teachers or other people. I was not in contact with anyone who knew him anymore. And years later when I did get in contact with some of them, they would not talk about it. My mom told me to stop looking down and put a smile on my face. I don't know how to do that when I'm sad. So they put me on celexa. Which I've been taking ever since (or atleast some AD). Great way to deal with a death ah?!? I don't think I ever realy dealt with it. And now its so ingrained into myself that there is no hope of ever getting over this.
Zyprexa
Posted by Zyprexa on February 16, 2015, at 22:19:38
In reply to Re: transfer blog to person, posted by Zyprexa on February 16, 2015, at 22:14:04
Its true though, I have never been able to go out and have fun ever since then. I'm drunk and depressed. Or I was fat and ugly.
Now I'm thiner and still depressed. Dont go out because it always ends badly.
This is the end of the thread.
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