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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by AdaGrace on November 25, 2004, at 6:24:12
In reply to confused about porn?, posted by Bent on November 24, 2004, at 17:34:47
If he thinks it's too much. Don't get into how you know about it, just ask him if he thinks that he is spending too much time with porn and explain that you are a tad afraid that it is affecting your sex life with him. See what he says. Chances are he is getting caught up with it, but with you talking about it with him honestly and rationally maybe you two can come to an agreement. Perhaps going to the site together? Fantasy sex is not all that bad, but if it gets in the way of real life sex, there may be a problem.
Something to think about
AdaGrace
Posted by sunny10 on November 25, 2004, at 11:12:05
In reply to Re: ask him » Bent, posted by AdaGrace on November 25, 2004, at 6:24:12
another thing to think about.... a lot of times when your computer gets infected, there are lots of windows that "open", but hidden from you...
It's possible that he wasn't even interacting with these windows!
It happened to my computer and I'm SURE I wan't looking at porn !
That being said, I think it depends on BOTH of your reactions to porn... and that you'd have to talk about it to know the other persons point of view.
I KNOW that I am insecure, and that to me it feels like cheating on me that my SO likes to look at pictures of other women naked... but that's just me...He thinks it's just part of being male and that to look at a pisture is better than him going out to strip clubs or actually cheating on me...
So, he probably looks, and I try to ignore...
Nobody "wins", but then again noone "loses", either...
Posted by alexandra_k on November 25, 2004, at 18:19:11
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by sunny10 on November 25, 2004, at 11:12:05
Yeah, sunny I thought of that too. Some of the viruses could be responsible for the many hours at those sites. It would be worth asking him in case that turns out to be it.
Posted by alexandra_k on November 27, 2004, at 2:56:44
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by alexandra_k on November 25, 2004, at 18:19:11
at least thats what someone told me when I went to use his computer and the popups kept on popping up...
Posted by sunny10 on November 27, 2004, at 12:21:58
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by alexandra_k on November 27, 2004, at 2:56:44
I wasn't making that up... it happened to MY computer... not someone I know; ME...
But you HAVE to ask to know.
Watch to see if his eyes shift to the left.... that usually means they're lying... The right usually means they're remembering something.
Posted by Bent on November 30, 2004, at 18:35:41
In reply to confused about porn?, posted by Bent on November 24, 2004, at 17:34:47
thanks for the feedback. i am pretty sure the sites that i looked at were ones he chose to go to, but i know how they can pop up. i guess ultimately i just need to ask him. i just wonder what constitutes too much? it's not like there is any definition i guess. it might take a while but i will talk to him about this. ugh. thanks!
Posted by gnepig on December 1, 2004, at 10:26:57
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by sunny10 on November 25, 2004, at 11:12:05
You are right. Males are visual creatures and we like to look. It isn't that we desire what we see, it is just stimulating sometimes.I wouldn't trade my wife for one of the women or make comparative analysis between them, it's recreational to me-- like drinking (which I don't do anymore) besides, haven't you realized any benefit from your SO AFTER they were "peeking" undetected?
Posted by sunny10 on December 1, 2004, at 12:27:32
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by gnepig on December 1, 2004, at 10:26:57
Sorry, but for some of us it will always feel like being cheated on...
We like to touch.... do we go around touching other guys just because "we are tactile creatures"?
It's a matter of respect.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 1, 2004, at 17:34:17
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by sunny10 on December 1, 2004, at 12:27:32
> Sorry, but for some of us it will always feel like being cheated on...
> We like to touch.... do we go around touching other guys just because "we are tactile creatures"?
> It's a matter of respect.
Oh, yes indeed I agree 100%. Now I am fairly liberal about sexual stuff in general but I do have to say that my personal response to pornography is distaste and disgust.
If you like to look then that is what your SO is there for.
But I am interested to know whether any guys out there don't get into porn, or whether it is indeed a typical male trait as some males attempt to lead me to believe...
Posted by gnepig on December 1, 2004, at 17:53:03
In reply to Re: ask him » sunny10, posted by alexandra_k on December 1, 2004, at 17:34:17
sunny10, I would never touch. alexandra, I may look once in a great while, but it has to be tastefully done and not too graphic. Thats a turn-off.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2004, at 0:52:56
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by gnepig on December 1, 2004, at 17:53:03
Hmm. Can I ask you to clarify 'tastefully done' and 'not too graphic' in a way thats not to graphic LOL!
If you are talking pictures of naked peoples then maybe (in my opinion) that is a bit different to pictures / movies of people engaged in various sex acts. Its the later I find actually offensive.
Posted by Gnepig on December 2, 2004, at 9:28:55
In reply to Re: ask him » gnepig, posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2004, at 0:52:56
I agree with you 100%. Pictures or films of sexual acts and expecially close-ups are discusting and inappropriate. I enjoy "Playboy" or "Penthouse" photography where the female is viewed as an art form, not degraded as XXX porn.
Posted by sunny10 on December 2, 2004, at 12:09:39
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by gnepig on December 1, 2004, at 17:53:03
> sunny10, I would never touch. alexandra, I may look once in a great while, but it has to be tastefully done and not too graphic. Thats a turn-off.>>
I was referring to the fact that men always use that "excuse" for bad behavior. You can't help yourselves because you're visually oriented?
I'm touch oriented, but I manage to repress my female urgings... why shouldn't men be expected to show the same restraint? I mean, you guys have plenty of chances to ogle women just walking down the street- and whoooeee for summer when they're hardly wearing anything at all these days. And let's not talk about at the beaches...
So why can't you all supress the urge to look at porn if you actually love and respect a particular female in your life?
Posted by Gnepig on December 2, 2004, at 17:27:59
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by sunny10 on December 2, 2004, at 12:09:39
I don't think I can properly answer your question. I guess we are a weaker sex at times and act like dogs.This isn't a daily or weekly thing for me. I don't want to seem like a sexual deviant because I appreciate a woman's body, but I plan on looking ( and so does my wife)and not touching until I'm blind or dead.I also live on the beach.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2004, at 0:51:53
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by Gnepig on December 2, 2004, at 17:27:59
For being so bold as to reply :-)
Having never looked at any particular magazines I wouldn't like to comment on their 'tastefulness' or otherwise... I have heard some people try to say they read playboy for the articles! But then having never read an article...
Any other guys out there wanna join in this conversation?
Posted by Gnepig on December 3, 2004, at 10:07:11
In reply to Thanks » Gnepig, posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2004, at 0:51:53
I was just going to ask for other male input on this subject. I don't read many articles, although they are informative and not always about sex,before my wife comes home. She doesn't approve of male magazines, so I respect that and only have a couple of old editions I keep for reference. Getting back to the original question, it is easier to find artistic female nudity on the web and have no evidence to be found later by my lovely wife. Again once or twice a month doesen't make me a bad husband, only when it gets in the way of our relationship.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2004, at 12:39:16
In reply to Re: other male input!, posted by Gnepig on December 3, 2004, at 10:07:11
Well, I'll jump in here now. My husband views pornography and I have no problem with it. Men and women are different. AS mentioned above, men are very visual. I also think that men in general like to be sexually stimulated more than women. So if my husband looks at movies or pictures when I'm not around, I have no problem with it. If I'm not there to take care of his needs, I see no problem with his "taking matters into his own hands" as it were.
And perhaps I may be the only woman here who likes pornography, but I do. Maybe that makes me more tolerant of his liking pornography?
I don't feel disrespected or anything by his liking pornography. I just think it's human nature and I accept it as such. No other deeper motivation than that.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2004, at 12:45:10
In reply to Re: ask him, posted by Gnepig on December 2, 2004, at 17:27:59
It certainly doesn't seem like deviancy to me to look but don't touch! It is natural! I am married but flirt mildly all the time. Doesn't even matter the sex of the person. I look all the time. I appreciate. FOr me this is natural. My husband does the same. We are humans and just because we're married doesn't mean we stop appreciating others.
Posted by vwoolf on December 3, 2004, at 13:13:08
In reply to human nature, posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2004, at 12:39:16
I also enjoy porn. In fact, I think that fantasy (which is often portrayed in porn websites, films and magazines) has a very large role to play in sexuality. But it can be just fantasy and have nothing to do with reality. I know that I would NEVER carry out most of my fantasies which are very humiliating and violent. And I may not always want to share my fantasies with my sexual partner - sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I find it difficult to imagine that my husband always fantasises about just me, while I know that my harem is much vaster than just him. It feels unfair to insist on monogamous thoughts.
Posted by sunny10 on December 3, 2004, at 13:58:26
In reply to Re: other male input!, posted by Gnepig on December 3, 2004, at 10:07:11
I would say that anytime anyone has to do things behind their partner's back there is a trust issue which should not exist in a respectful, adult relationship.
An the "old editions" kept for future reference? That's even playing favorites to someone who is not us!
Amazing...
But if she knows you do this, and she's okay with it, then go for it!
Posted by sunny10 on December 3, 2004, at 14:13:32
In reply to human nature, posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2004, at 12:39:16
The funny thing is, I am happy to indulge in that stuff WITH my SO... It's when people hide their proclivities, and lying about it to "protect" themselves that it is the same as cheating..
Again, my point is only that it is a trust issue. If there is no hiding going on, I have no issue with porn ! But, I suppose I've made it aboudantly clear (sorry) that I have a problem with people who lie- even by omission!!!
Posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2004, at 16:54:22
In reply to Re: human nature, posted by sunny10 on December 3, 2004, at 14:13:32
I should perhaps say that I don't judge others for this. I do see how people can use this stuff to enhance their relationship - it is just that it is not to my taste.
Infact it was brought to my attention just how many females out there do like it when I tutored a course on 'social and moral philosophy' and pornography came up as a topic.
I guess here my liberalism turns into conservativism really.
I do fantasise, but I don't buy pictures to oggle. I appreciate, but once again, I don't oggle. People are people not sex objects in my opinion. But then maybe this is because I act out more of my fantasies than the average person...
Interesting discussion peoples :-)
Posted by Gnepig on December 3, 2004, at 19:28:24
In reply to Re: human nature, posted by alexandra_k on December 3, 2004, at 16:54:22
Alex, I don't know who you are responding to, but I just want to clarify my perspective. Oogling was never mentioned as to a degree of enjoying nude photography. (not to be confused with pornography). The gist of the topic was viewing pornography. There might be a good discussion on where it does become pornography. Also, to the others, if your SO condemes the act of looking at nudity(even between each other) how can you protect your own enjoyment without being chastised?
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2004, at 22:30:42
In reply to Re: human nature, posted by vwoolf on December 3, 2004, at 13:13:08
I totally agree with you. I would also never act on any of my fantasies as they are somewhat violent and humiliating as well. Glad I am not the only one!
Posted by vwoolf on December 4, 2004, at 10:26:17
In reply to Re: human nature » vwoolf, posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 3, 2004, at 22:30:42
I'm glad we can share this. Have you ever spoken to your T about your fantasies? I did last week, and she gave me a very intellgent explanation for why I have these fantasies, but as usually happens when I am feeling threatened, I have managed to forget her argument. It was something about needing to compensate to myself for the humiliation I have been through. But that's not quite it.
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