![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by blondemomints on October 24, 2005, at 20:01:59
Hi everyone,
I have a situation I don't know how to deal with and need advice. I've worked for a company for nearly 8 years, LOVE my job and what I do, so I don't want to leave.
My problem is that I am the assistant to the main office manager and she has been unhappily married a number of years. She made me aware of her situation a couple of months ago. (Wish she hadn't but we have gotten close over the past few years of working together). Well, about 3 months ago she shared a "secret" that she was falling in love with a single man, who is off limits. I won't go into all the details but I have been made aware of it. I told her I didn't agree with what she was doing (talking to him numerous times during busy hours on the phone, leaving for "errands", etc). But I know she's a grown adult and is responsible for her own actions.
Here's my dilema....First of all I wish she hadn't shared her situation with me at all but that's too late. Now that I know what she's doing (and trying to keep it secret from me because she knows I disagree); but yet I know they are still carrying on...I'm not stupid, it's quite obvious.
My work area is right outside her door and I have to hear her giggling on the phone, then closing the door, etc. I feel angry because I'm doing all kinds of work while she's goofing off.
In the meantime, she still has everyone in the company thinking she's the "Queen" and so wonderful! It's nearly eating me alive, knowing what she's doing wrong and getting paid for work she's not doing, I'm doing it but not getting paid her salary!
Plus, since I've voiced my dislike of her actions I notice a change in her attitude towards me, she's very different and distant.
I know I'm not alone, that there are many people in my shoes.
Does anyone have any advice and how to deal with this? (I can't talk to anyone @ work because I can't trust anyone and I don't want to ruin her career....although I would probably be considered the liar and would take the fall...
due to politics).
I've tried to go in and do my job and keep my nose clean but I continue to hear conversations and actions that I do not agree with. How can I get past this? Like I said, I love her as a person, don't agree with what she's doing and don't want to lose my job.
Any advice would be most appreciated!
Posted by Susan47 on October 24, 2005, at 20:36:20
In reply to Need advice on work situation, posted by blondemomints on October 24, 2005, at 20:01:59
First bit of advice I'd give is not to go overboard doing her work. Do what you've been hired to do and absolutely no more, and when the sh*t hits the fan, she can be held responsible. That's her job, to take responsibility. In the meantime I'd give very subtle but good hints at what's coming.
Posted by Susan47 on October 24, 2005, at 20:37:46
In reply to Need advice on work situation, posted by blondemomints on October 24, 2005, at 20:01:59
I wouldn't worry about her being distant or cold. That's her self-defense mechanism, her alter ego is telling her that your dangerous because you're unsupportive and she has to distance herself from you. Remember that people justify what they do, whether it's right or wrong.
Posted by TexasChic on November 16, 2005, at 17:53:29
In reply to Need advice on work situation, posted by blondemomints on October 24, 2005, at 20:01:59
From what I see, you have two different issues here. Her and this guy, and her not doing her work.
As for her and the guy, there's really nothing you can do about it and it really isn't your place even if you could. Of course, that would be easier to accept if she wasn't slacking on the work.
I would try to think of the work thing as a separate issue and try to decide what you would do if her slacking was caused by something like staying out late, or hating her job or something. Can you do only your work, or will it make you look bad too if you don't take up the slack? I know it can be this way sometimes, even though its not fair. Can you talk to her about the work load without mentioning a word about the guy? Bringing up the guy will just cloud the issue (she's going to be defensive about it) and take the focus from where you really want it.
If this is something you think may end up getting you in trouble down the line, like if she said you were the one slacking, I would start documenting EVERYTHING. Every bit of work you do and the time it takes to do it. Keeping track of how you've spent every minute of your day increases your credibility and backs up your side of the story. It may seem dumb, but I've seen the impressed look in the boss's eyes as I hand him a record of how I've spent 'every minute' for the last several months. When he then looks at the other person expectingly, only to find they have no documentation, it scores major points.
These are just some things I've learned from working at difficult jobs. Take it for what its worth. Unfortunately I have alot of experience with it though.
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
-T
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.