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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by scotiapryncess on December 7, 2000, at 15:16:59
Starting four years ago my mom died, my sister died, my husband of 25 years left me and my two daughters, and finally, I lost my business. Yeah, this is a lot of stress. I am trying so hard to regain some control over my life, but the financial ramifications have been enormous. Recently, I have come to realize that I am feeling like none of this is really real. I was not even aware of it until a few months ago. It's as tho I am stuck in some wierd place that makes no sense to me. My thoughts are perfectly clear, and I am completely oriented. It's just his constant feeling that none of this really happened. That somehow I am going to wake up and things will be put back in order. How on earth do I move ahead and cope when I feel this way? I am so confused.
Posted by Cam W. on December 7, 2000, at 16:03:09
In reply to Reaction to stress?, posted by scotiapryncess on December 7, 2000, at 15:16:59
Scotiapryncess - This sounds like shock or some post-traumatic stress symptoms, but I'm not sure. You might want to see a doctor about this. - Cam
Posted by Noa on December 7, 2000, at 16:30:17
In reply to Reaction to stress?, posted by scotiapryncess on December 7, 2000, at 15:16:59
That is an incredible amount of stress. The derealization sounds like something that makes sense, given how much you have been through.
Have you sought any kind of help?
Posted by quilter on December 7, 2000, at 23:35:49
In reply to Re: Reaction to stress?, posted by Noa on December 7, 2000, at 16:30:17
I know just what you are talking about. It is most likely a stress reaction, because it was a very common thing here in the last few years. The Red River Valley Flood of 1997 changed the lives of thousands of people in just a short time. It all seemed so nightmarish even as we sandbagged, evacuated, and returned to homes filled with stinking debris to be hauled, load after heavy load to the curb. I was one of the fortunate few whose homes escaped serious damage, but my support systems were scattered to goodness knew where. Our recovery is continuing today as are our fears. They are beginning to predict an even bigger one this Spring.
I also know that you can feel better. See your Doctor about medication and find a good counselor to talk to. This amount of stress can become really toxic if neglected. Dealing with it now would be a wise thing to do.
Quilter
Posted by medlib on December 8, 2000, at 7:06:38
In reply to Reaction to stress?, posted by scotiapryncess on December 7, 2000, at 15:16:59
> Starting four years ago my mom died, my sister died, my husband of 25 years left me and my two daughters, and finally, I lost my business. Yeah, this is a lot of stress. I am trying so hard to regain some control over my life, but the financial ramifications have been enormous. Recently, I have come to realize that I am feeling like none of this is really real. I was not even aware of it until a few months ago. It's as tho I am stuck in some wierd place that makes no sense to me. My thoughts are perfectly clear, and I am completely oriented. It's just his constant feeling that none of this really happened. That somehow I am going to wake up and things will be put back in order. How on earth do I move ahead and cope when I feel this way? I am so confused.
SP--
I think that denial is a perfectly normal and sanity-saving response to your series of devastating losses; you would have been overwhelmed, oherwise. Denial is the first of five stages of psychological reactions to traumatic loss identified by E. Kubler-Ross in "Death and Dying." (The remaining four stages are Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.) But, it sounds like that just about the time you normally would have been ready to begin emotionally processing one loss, you got hit with another--and another--and another.
When I read your post, I got an image of your psyche (with a death grip on your steering wheel) replying impatiently to the emotions trying to get your attention, "Not now! Can't you see I'm trying to drive here?!"
These traumatic changes probably have forced you to become a cross between Superwoman and the Lone Ranger. You have *been* in sole control for a long time. Regardless of outcomes, you undoubtedly deserve at least an "A for Effort"--and a break from relentless responsibility. Perhaps what you need is not more control, but someone with whom you can safely relinquish some control--at least at times, for a little while.
You've indicated that you are realizing that denial, however indispensable it's been as a temporary haven, is not someplace you can live long term. If Life will give you a breather, I believe that a grief counsellor and/or Survivor's Group could help you prise your fingers off that steering wheel long enough to begin to attend to some of those postponed emotions.
Your "handle" suggests that you're Canadian, and I'm not familiar with your health care system. In the states, I'd ask for a referral from a local hospital medical social worker or from the Visiting Nurses Association's hospice program. Maybe other Canadian PBers can suggest some low cost options.
Good Luck! Please be kind to yourself, and please accept this virtual ((((hug)))).
Well wishes---medlib
Posted by R.Anne on December 10, 2000, at 22:43:59
In reply to Reaction to stress?, posted by scotiapryncess on December 7, 2000, at 15:16:59
> Starting four years ago my mom died, my sister died, my husband of 25 years left me and my two daughters, and finally, I lost my business. Yeah, this is a lot of stress. I am trying so hard to regain some control over my life, but the financial ramifications have been enormous. Recently, I have come to realize that I am feeling like none of this is really real. I was not even aware of it until a few months ago. It's as tho I am stuck in some wierd place that makes no sense to me. My thoughts are perfectly clear, and I am completely oriented. It's just his constant feeling that none of this really happened. That somehow I am going to wake up and things will be put back in order. How on earth do I move ahead and cope when I feel this way? I am so confused.
^^^^^^^^^^
Your reaction to this tremendous amount of grief is your mind's way of protecting you and it's sort of a blessing for now. Our mind's are great things, think about it. The realization of all that at once could do even more harm. Being able to share with the people here will help you get a lot of it out. Plus seeking a psychiatrist and/or a counselor will help you to relieve the pain when and if it sets in. You can take things slow and talk about what you want when you want. It does sound like a traumatic stress reaction to me. I've walked around in that state that we create to save ourselves many times and it saved my mind from going to Mars and fast. I've had PTSD most of my life. Then in 1986-7 I went through trauma after trauma-fire-major losses. I don't think my Post Traumatic Stress will ever go away but I've learned to live with it, understand it, accept it and deal with it each day as need be. You can do okay much of the time and have that, too. Stressors will and do set it off and it isn't always known what the triggers may be. I had a flashback of pain a few days ago and don't know if it was real pain or a memory of pain (from an injury). I may sound weird but I found it quite interesting as it only lasted a second. Anyways, I find myself rambling a bit now. Just wanted to let you know that PTSD is a normal reaction to an abnormal event(s) or a series of tragedys. There are medicines that help it greatly and make a person much more comforable if that is what you might want to do. Therapy and medicine together are quite helpful. Good luck to you.
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